Hello - Al-Anon Family Group

MariaM · Newbie

Hello

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Maria and welcome to MIP

If your life is out of control and you feel you have been affected by someone's alsoholism, then you are inn the right place.

Please come back and share a little about yourself so that we can offer you the support and understanding that can aid in your recovery.

Keep coming back

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs Maria and welcome,

I have a similar issue where I'm pretty much one of the youngest and i"m in my 40's. I encourage you to keep going because of the wisdom that is within those 4 walls is truly priceless. The nice thing is the crowd changes and there will be younger, older it just kind of depends. A good measure of if you will like the group or not is try at least 6 meetings.

You are not alone in feeling powerless over your life, we all have been there done that sometimes go back for a short visit. :) The nice thing is that the good days start to get longer and the bad days don't seem to be so overwhelming. The stories you will hear in your meetings and read here really do show that although we my have different circumstances one thing rings true, we have all been effected by the chaos that addiction brings and we bring a our own dynamics to the situation. We are dealing with it sober, which can induce a whole lot of crazy in our world. While I do not believe we are crazy, I can testify that I have had some crazy behavior.

Hugs again and welcome and as Betty suggested please keep coming back and share. :)

P :)

MariaM · Newbie

Thanks to both of you. You asked me to share a bit of myself and I don't really know what I am supposed to say but I'll give it a go.

I am 33 years old and I live in Utah with my 2 teenagers (started a bit young) and my husband. Our first anniversary is in a couple of weeks and if one of us doesn't make some changes (I am the more likely subject) we probably won't make it to the second.

Mostly, I am just tired.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome Maria, I an assure you this home is great here! I have been coming here for around ten years, its all I have besides literature. I sure am happy with it. Changed my life.

I hope you will come here often! love,debilyn

ELEKTRAWMN · Senior Member

Welcome! I'm new here too and the people on this board are absolutely wonderful! I'm having trouble making it to meetings due to my work schedule as well.

Keep coming back!

((hugs))

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Maria...welcome to the board!! Us old guys mostly hug alot and I've never seen one bite and newbie. I wasn't as old as I am today when I first got to Al-Anon and the oldies never bite me then either. Meetings are priority so do the best you can to get there and stay there cause that is where the change and healing begins and goes on.

You opened with "my life is out of control..." and ended that you havent decided that it was that "urgent" yet.

Sis if it was urgent enough to for you to come seek us out...it's urgent and we care and want to give you what was freely given to us hoping that you get the same peace of mind and serenity that we received in the fellowship.

It wasn't urgent for me when I first got into program and so I did several meetings on both sides of the fence...Al-Anon and AA and then left and believe me if there is a word for urgenter I found it cause all of my sanity left me and I was certifiably insane by the time I got back...beyond looney bin...more like suicide candidate for the 3rd time. It takes me a long time to learn. Al-Anon and the fellowship saved my life and then my mind and then my spirit and emotions. I'm free at last, free at last...thank God I'm free at last from fear, rage, anger, confusion, anxiety and all those other psychosomatic side illnesses. Stick around and you'll learn how that all came about. Get to another meeting ....((((hugs)))) smile

MariaM · Newbie

I'm so..... tired.... I don't really know how else to describe it.

My husband was drunk when I met him, he was drunk 6 months later when I moved in with him... he was drunk 2 years after that when he proposed, and drunk again 8 months later when I married him..,. my life is not okay but it doesn't seem fair to leave since I went in eyes wide open... I knew.... I knew he was an alcoholic, I knew I was not on the top of his priority list and I made a choice to marry him anyway... now I try to cope with that by finding some small way to be acceptant and deal with myself.... I have been attempting at prompting of a well respected friend to give alanon a try. So I go to this online meeting after posting on this thread.... during the entire meeting watching and not talking my husband asks me what I'm doing and I say "nothing". Afterwards though here is the conversation that ensued...

Him: What were you doing on the computer?

Me: Nothing

(repeat every 10 minutes over an hour or so)

after the meeting...

Him: What were you doing on the computer?

Me: Watching an alanon meeting.

Him: Why? So you can sit around and talk xxxx about me?

Me: Actually it has nothing to do with you and everything about me, and as a matter of fact I didn't say one word about you or anything else.

Him: I need to find some more friends, so I can sit around and talk xxxx about you.

and now.... he isn't talking to me..... I don't know what to do.... I know I have no control over his thoughts or behavior, I just want to be better and I feel like this is going to cause problems to but I want to be better...

Can somebody please tell me how to get better???

-- Edited by RLC on Sunday 24th of July 2011 12:55:13 AM

RLC · ~*Service Worker*~

Maria there is nothing wrong with wanting to get healthy. This disease effects us our health and well being and can make us as sick or sicker than the alcoholic in our lives. We need the help the program offers to recover from the effects the disease has had on us. You hit the nail on the head, "Actually it has nothing to do with you and everything about me".

Your important. Your health is important. Your serenity and peace of mind is also important. I was at the same online meeting as you. Like you I heard some things I needed to hear. And that's important.

Sometimes the alcoholic's in our lives don't want us to get better. But we don't need to let the disease control our lives. It's important that we take care of ourselves first. And that is of most importance.

HUGS,
RLC

MariaM · Newbie

Thanks RLC.... I think I am mostly just feeling sorry for myself today. It IS nice to know I am not alone.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Maria

You are not alone. As RLC pointed out you DESERVE to get better. Alanon on line and face to face meetings will help You can break the isolation, find you are not alone and discover that even if you KNEW he was an alcoholic when you married him (s I did), you did not have the constructive tools to live with the disease. In alanon I found the tools to deal with this disease so that we could both grow and have serenity, courage and peace You are worth it. focus ON YOURSELF AND THEN SHARE YOUR HAPPINESS WITH HUBBY

GailMichelle · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Marie & Welcome!

You've taken a few good steps so far: 1) admitted your life is out of control. 2) you're seeking help. So many of us get stuck on #1 for years, as I certainly did.

I was once feeling as though nothing could help me straighten my life out. But I tell ya, things are beginning to get better and better since I walked through the doors of an Al-Anon group.

I attend a rather large group, perhaps 25 or more. That's large for our area. Many of the members are a bit older than some; but we all can relate to one another. I hope you don't let the age factor prevent you from going back.

You can go back and listen, you don't have to share (talk). Check out the ones with smiles on their faces. They are the ones that have got it. Listen to them. Hear what they do or did to find serenity. I listen all the time and then practice what they do; it works.

Keep coming back! It can and will get better if you take action to look out for you. I'm sorry, but your husband can only help himself. It took me many years to figure that one out. Don't be a late bloomer like me!

tommyecat · ~*Service Worker*~

I wanted to welcome you Maria and introduce myself so that you feel like you know a few people in the room. You have already gotten a few rock solid responses. I would like to strongly encourage you to keep try other meetings. It is suggested that you try six or more meetings before making a decision as to whether or not alanon is right for you.

We aren't perfect. The welcome we give you may not show the warmth we have in our hearts for you. Stick around, get to know us awhile. We're just so glad you are here.

Keep Coming Back It Works,

Tommye

youfoundme · ~*Service Worker*~

Maria, the book that is helping me get better along with my face to face alanon meetings and this board is Getting Them Sober. At first I didn't like meetings, I didn't like the books, I hated Getting Them Sober. But once I gave in and surrendered to my higher power and started to work on me and find spirituality, I began to feel better. The A in my life is still active and he has now learned my boundaries that I have set. I have worked hard the last few months on me. I have been with Alanon for a year now, but only the last few months did I actually do anything. I didn't like meetings because everyone was older and I am in my 30's. I didn't want to sit at a meeting where people cried a lot, and I didn't want to be at a meeting where people bashed their A. I finally found some meetings I love and am learning to use the tools in all my affairs. Keep trying different meetings. They are not all the same. Take care of you! Keep coming, it really does work...
youfoundme

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.