Private Counseling vs Al-Anon - Al-Anon Family Group

GailMichelle · ~*Service Worker*~

Private Counseling vs Al-Anon

xeno59 · ~*Service Worker*~

I totally get what you are saying
I think couseling is great for specific things such as I have an eating disorder and was in couseling for 3 yrs and it helped me tremndously.
But alanon addresses all my issues actually as they can all be traced back to addiction. I to wish I had found alanon years ago and understood why I needed it. I never had a therapist say hey ya know alanon may also be a good place for you to be. I don't know if its because they are uneducated on it or afraid they will lose business.
Today I no longer need personal counseling, alanon fulfills all the issues I have left thankfully
Thanks for your post
Blessings

youfoundme · ~*Service Worker*~

((((GAILMICHELLE))))
I have to agree because I spent the last 10 years in and out of therapy, out patient programs for depression, and even a 5 day stay at the psych hospital. None of it really helped me at all. Until I started Alanon, and actually grasping the program and going to real live meetings, I felt like crap. Now I have more days of feeling good. I don't feel disconnected from the world anymore and I don't feel the need to control everything like before. I am learning to let go and let god, and to try to live peacefully with myself and with others.

I am so glad to have alanon because now I have a friend that knows just what I am going through. I can call her and her happy voice is there to help me get out of my own head and stop obsessing and replaying old tapes. I am so glad you are here, your posts help me so much! Keep coming! it works when we work it :)

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Gail,

Hugs, I'm struggling with the fact I have no sponsor and I am ready to keep going through the steps, however I need a place to be able to have someone guide me and help me. I don't know why there was no "plan" in your therapy sessions because everyone has to have a goal. As many years as I've gone to therapy and it's been on and off since I was 9 years of age. It only became productive therapy when I was able to verbalize what I wanted from the therapist. What were my goals, where did I want to go. That is the key, What do I want. That's the biggest reason now I'm ready to go back to individual counseling. I know what I want from the counselor and I'm better able to articulate what I need.

I still plan on going to alanon because the fact is it's way to easy to isolate and I would use counseling as a way to isolate that I've got it, and the reality is I'm getting things I haven't gotten and now seeing what I need to get. :)

Good luck with your continued healing I enjoy reading all of what you have to share. :)

ifa · Veteran Member

I knew there was something wrong with me since I was 20, but never heard of alanon until I was about 35. Before alanon, I tried counseling several times but I never got anything out of it. As you said, there was no structure. There was no guiding philosophy of any kind of method or strategy. It was just a chance to talk about myself and complain about problems. I learned to do that very well, but of what use? It was probably the opposite of what I needed to learn.

I realize that there are many different forms of counseling, and every counselor is different. My experience was all as waste of time, but I know that many people swear by it.

As soon as I started alanon it meant sense to me and I felt it would be useful. I already had found spiritual faith before then. Otherwise, alanon would have made no sense to me. So the timing of everything was right. And I found alanon fairly early in life. It didn't solve all my problems, but it gave me the guidelines and tools I needed and have used every day since then.

Counseling helped me focus on other people and how bad they treated me. It increased my ego and decreased my humility. It was the opposite of what I needed. It was non-spiritual, and I needed spirituality.

I realize that counseling gives people a sympathetic listener, and sometimes that's what you need. But I needed much more than that. Talking about problems can be good, but it also can be bad. It can magnify the problems, and it can make us look and feel like pathetic victims.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

"I think!!" That is what happens with me when I'm in that inarticulate...when in doubt don't moment..."I be quiet ... HP. I be quiet." ((((hugs)))) smile

ifa · Veteran Member

xeno59 wrote:
I totally get what you are saying
I think couseling is great for specific things such as I have an eating disorder and was in couseling for 3 yrs and it helped me tremndously.
But alanon addresses all my issues actually as they can all be traced back to addiction. I to wish I had found alanon years ago and understood why I needed it. I never had a therapist say hey ya know alanon may also be a good place for you to be. I don't know if its because they are uneducated on it or afraid they will lose business.
Today I no longer need personal counseling, alanon fulfills all the issues I have left thankfully
Thanks for your post
Blessings

I had several different therapists and none ever told me about alanon. They probably didn't know about it. Also, alanon and AA are spiritual so they are not for everyone. Since I was spiritual by the time I got to alanon, it was the right thing for me. I didn't have to wrestle with does the HP exist or not, I already knew it does.

clep · Senior Member

My very abusive childhood left a multitude of emotional scars. My dad was an alcoholic. I went to years of therapy with several different therapists. I would have one for a year or so, then find another one as I knew I was not getting better out of it. I figured I just didn't find the right therapist.

In therapy we talked about my feelings and what brought them about. That was the focus for years. My victimizing thinking was enabled through therapy to the point it crippled me.

Many years ago I quit therapy. I was tired of therapists taking my money or the governments when it was not working. I was led to a self help book one day. That led to me owning a small library of them. I was getting better and quickly.

There was still something not right though. After going to Al-anon I found out that the issues I had stemming from Alcoholism was never addressed before. There therapy did nothing for me, the self help books helped tremendously and Al-anon has aided me in a way that nothing else did.

I can spend all the time in the world focusing on my feelings and origins with a therapist, but without action all of that means nothing. There was no action taken in therapy nor was I guided to do so.

My A went to a therapist who told him he was fine and I was the problem. My A was high at the time of that meeting. :)

My son went to a therapist too. It did nothing. I found a way to aid our son myself.

I used to be a person that thought therapy was the end all be all. Now I think very differently from my experiences.

ifa · Veteran Member

clep wrote:
My very abusive childhood left a multitude of emotional scars. My dad was an alcoholic. I went to years of therapy with several different therapists. I would have one for a year or so, then find another one as I knew I was not getting better out of it. I figured I just didn't find the right therapist.
In therapy we talked about my feelings and what brought them about. That was the focus for years. My victimizing thinking was enabled through therapy to the point it crippled me.
Many years ago I quit therapy. I was tired of therapists taking my money or the governments when it was not working. I was led to a self help book one day. That led to me owning a small library of them. I was getting better and quickly.
There was still something not right though. After going to Al-anon I found out that the issues I had stemming from Alcoholism was never addressed before. There therapy did nothing for me, the self help books helped tremendously and Al-anon has aided me in a way that nothing else did.
I can spend all the time in the world focusing on my feelings and origins with a therapist, but without action all of that means nothing. There was no action taken in therapy nor was I guided to do so.
My A went to a therapist who told him he was fine and I was the problem. My A was high at the time of that meeting. :)
My son went to a therapist too. It did nothing. I found a way to aid our son myself.
I used to be a person that thought therapy was the end all be all. Now I think very differently from my experiences.

My experience was the same. Therapists taught me how to feel sorry for myself. Which of course I already knew how to do very well. They also taught me how to blame everyone else except myself. Therapy taught me to feel hopeless and helpless -- I had bad parents so I would always be miserable.

I can easily fall back into that way of thinking. Or I can ask my HP for help and get showered with miracles.

Crazy Frog · Veteran Member

Its a good question. I have been going for counseling for over a year and a half now. My counselor told me about Al-Anon. I dont know if there is the 'right" or bad answer about counseling. Its whatever works for you. Al-Anon addresses the issues primarily about alcoholism, all counselors are not aware or educated about alcoholism and addictions. Al-anon offers wonderful tools, love and compassion and friendship, a counselor will not do this. We pay for their services.

My 2 cents for whats its worth.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

confuse Gail you reminded of this, when I feel like that, ()ya can ya believe it "I" cannot talk sometimes?!)

I always want to call someone, but I have absolutely nothing to say, and cannot respond to them.

I did call someone yesterday. I thought I was stupid. But he ends up sending me nice email saying he appreciated my sweet phone call...I think it might be in our head. I don't know. lol

And YES on the be quiet! I honestly felt like a blank the last couple days! One thing I have learned in my old experienced age, just let myself be how I feel. Just be depressed, lonely, spacy, quiet,serene.accept it.

Al Anon helped me not to feel alone anymore. That others have experienced the same thing. Like the all typical of the A or A's telling us we are crazy. i have shared it upset me so bad, i stopped getting groceries at the store and ran to the phone booth, called my counselor and asked him if I was!

Well we now know for sure I am crazy but that is besides the point! haha

given ya lots of hugs.so take this time of non talk and eat some home made chocolate cookies! love,deb

DadtoCandE · Veteran Member

I think a sponsor is a requirement to working the steps. You really need someone who has been there before to help guide you through it. I find step 4 harder then I thought it would be, but it has begun to flow more and I think I am becoming more self aware, for example I was really grumpy a couple of days ago, in the past I might have just rode it through, but this time I was able to pin point that my mood was due to the transition from having a house full of guests, to a relatively calm house. I tend to thrive on activity and can get a little moody when things are going smoothly. Recognizing that in myself helped me to overcome the grouchiness without burying it. My sponsor was really helpful in keeping me focused on the fourth step so that I didn't give up when things didn't flow as I had thought they would originally.

White Rabbit · ~*Service Worker*~

I have gone to therapy at a few periods in my life, to get help getting through particular issues (getting divorced, eating disorder). While they did help with those issues, they didn't set me up with a new plan for dealing with ALL aspects of my life. They just targeted those issues.

I'm not knocking it, the counseling was effective and I'm glad I went. I just don't feel like it gave me a new set of tools that I could use on ANY issue. Also, with the exception of one counselor, the counselors may have had lots of experience reading about addiction and co-addiction in books, but had never experienced either firsthand. Not that I couldn't be analyzed based upon information contained in a textbook, but it's so much different and better for me when I'm talking to people that understand where I've been because they've been there too - not just because a person read about a particular set of characteristics that I might have, given my circumstances.

:) Summer

tommyecat · ~*Service Worker*~

GM,

I too have gone through a few years of conseling and I must say that at the time it was a good idea because I had no exposure to Alanon. However, it was this double winner of both programs who was my counselor that kept on my butt to get me into Alanon. Week after week he wore me out until I finally gave in to attending one meeting. You know how it is, "I was just too busy" to go.

It was the best thing someone could have done for me to keep encouraging, no I should say nagging me into the rooms of alanon. Working with a face to face sponsor through the steps on an ongoing basis has given me freedom and flight of soul from what I percieved to be the difficulties in my life. I have a new perspective and outlook and no longer need counseling. I just found that when I would go into his office, I just would not have anything to talk about. I had found a peace that surpassed all understanding. Nothing changed but me. My alcoholics were and are still drinking, financial issues are still pending, life is still in session. The steps, face to face meetings, service work, and my sponsor has demonstrated to me I only have one day to live at a time. Alanon has taught me to learn how to live by using the 86,400 seconds my HP so generously gives each and every day.

Best, Tommye

Jennifer · ~*Service Worker*~

As I read through this topic, I became more grateful for the therapists I have seen in my life. There have been 4, 1 for a specific reason of dealing with some childhood anger no addiction issues, 2 marriage and 1 personal about my marriage and reaction to my exah's addictions. The last 3 all referred me to AlAnon, all 4 used processes and tools similar to those I have found in AlAnon. I did my first version of a 4th and 5th step with the last therapist before truly working through the 3rd step. (I seem to like to grab the reins so that 3rd step may be a lifelong daily process) I was fortunate to find good fits with my therapists each time. Strangely my last therapist is largely responsible for my being involved in AlAnon. The first 5 meetings I attended were the only time and location available to me at that time and well ... principle over personalities was not practiced in that room. I ended up talking to my therapist about not understanding how this was supposed to be a safe place for me and not understanding why the things I was reading about were not used there. With his encouragement I found other options of meetings and am grateful for that. I don't think i would have been ready for AlAnon without my therapists and after some time I think I found much better results with my therapist with AlAnon support. It is amazing how each of us can take such different routes to get on similar paths. Little miracles

Jen

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Jennifer wrote:
As I read through this topic, I became more grateful for the therapists I have seen in my life. There have been 4, 1 for a specific reason of dealing with some childhood anger no addiction issues, 2 marriage and 1 personal about my marriage and reaction to my exah's addictions. The last 3 all referred me to AlAnon, all 4 used processes and tools similar to those I have found in AlAnon. I did my first version of a 4th and 5th step with the last therapist before truly working through the 3rd step. (I seem to like to grab the reins so that 3rd step may be a lifelong daily process) I was fortunate to find good fits with my therapists each time. Strangely my last therapist is largely responsible for my being involved in AlAnon. The first 5 meetings I attended were the only time and location available to me at that time and well ... principle over personalities was not practiced in that room. I ended up talking to my therapist about not understanding how this was supposed to be a safe place for me and not understanding why the things I was reading about were not used there. With his encouragement I found other options of meetings and am grateful for that. I don't think i would have been ready for AlAnon without my therapists and after some time I think I found much better results with my therapist with AlAnon support. It is amazing how each of us can take such different routes to get on similar paths. Little miracles

Jen

Ditto Jen, :)

hiflying1 · Member

Gail/Michelle,

Your post was very interesting to me. I personally experienced similar aspects. I so wish I had come to al anon five years ago when my counselor recommended it.

However, many people have told me I am here now and I AM ready to be here. So, I am ok with it.

I do share your experiences with the counselor. Yes, we talked about whatever I brought in. However, that frustrated me as well because I felt I needed more somehow AND I could not put it into words.

I am so thankful to be here at last albeit I am struggling with so many things.

Doozy · Senior Member

Great discussion topic and great posts! For me, I've been doing both counseling and Alanon. I think my first referral to Alanon came from a counselor 5 or so years ago, but it just didn't click until I REALLY needed it and I was READY. Now I'm continuing my personal growth with both tools and I feel thankful for both. Counseling has been very, very helpful for me in addition to my new lessons and revelations in Alanon.

:) Doozy

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

counceling and Al-Anon work great together , not all issues are discussed in meetings . it helps if councelor is familiar with alcoholism and how it affects the family .

flopadopilus · ~*Service Worker*~

Love this topic and I love Al-anon and my counselor at the same time. I had a counselor for 3 years that helped me deal with issues, but Al-anon summed up why I had most of the issues since childhood. I am also starting step 4 and without my sponsor's wisdom I would still be spiraling in my head about the why's of it all and shoulding everyone. I needed the tough love and support. Thanks for all the ESH very helpful.

clep · Senior Member

I was listening to an Al-anon speaker yesterday and I realized why the counsellor didn't work for me in particular. Each week that I went, we would talk about my my past and the reasons I felt what I did. I was living in the past all the time now that I look at it.

My A and I had a psychologist that specialized in addictions and relationships. He was the one that suggested Al-anon. This was just over two years ago. I went to my first meeting the next night. He also suggested AA to my A and when my A would not go, he let him know he could not help him any futher. I was so angry at the time, but looking back it was a very smart move on the part of the therapist.

I was initially only looking at counsellors from my past, not the psychologist my A and I saw together.

Otie · Senior Member

Hi everyone, I am glad to see that there seems to be a more enlightened view of therapy (and councelling). I have heard a lot of therapist and medication bashing in many circles. I have often felt very sorry about this because compentent therapists and properly prescribed medications have saved many lives and alleviated much needless suffering.

At one time, across the land, it was a widely held view that any type of psychological help was a sign of character weakness and people were subject to negative labeling. Senator Eagelton was drummed out of a presidential bid when it was discovered that he had sought treatment for depression in his past. (I'm telling my age, here).

I actually wish I had made this a thread--but I have already typed this and I don't know how! Can anyone help?

Very respectfully, Otie

-- Edited by Otie on Thursday 21st of July 2011 11:43:56 AM

NovSun · Senior Member

What about private counseling for the alcoholic vs AA? My A does not believe in a HP at this point (although he was raised Lutheran). So he has often said that AA makes him feel uncomfortable. Yesterday I did see him reading the AA book, though. And today, he made an appointment by himself for next Thursday with a private counselor. Is it too soon for me to be hopeful in this action?

ifa · Veteran Member

Otie wrote:
Hi everyone, I am glad to see that there seems to be a more enlightened view of therapy (and councelling). I have heard a lot of therapist and medication bashing in many circles. I have often felt very sorry about this because compentent therapists and properly prescribed medications have saved many lives and alleviated much needless suffering.
At one time, across the land, it was a widely held view that any type of psychological help was a sign of character weakness and people were subject to negative labeling. Senator Eagelton was drummed out of a presidential bid when it was discovered that he had sought treatment for depression in his past. (I'm telling my age, here).
I actually wish I had made this a thread--but I have already typed this and I don't know how! Can anyone help?
Very respectfully, Otie

-- Edited by Otie on Thursday 21st of July 2011 11:43:56 AM

Yes I don't doubt there have been lives saved by psychotherapy and medications. And it's true it used to be a sign of weakness to seek that kind of help. However, I think now we have gone too far in the other direction (well pendulums will always swing back and forth, won't they?) Anti-depressants are over-prescribed to an alarming extent. People don't want to feel any emotional pain and medical professionals are glad to enable them and make them numb. That is not how life is supposed to be, and emotional pain is there for a reason.

And talking therapy can also be enabling, and can encourage people to get stuck in "poor me" thinking. I kept trying counseling when I was young, but it never made sense. As soon as I tried Alanon, it immediately made sense to me.

Alanon does not encourage people to feel like victims or to blame their problems on others. it gives us tools that work.

I'm sure there are good therapists. But all the ones in my experience just sat there and let me talk, no matter how sick and self-pitying my talking was. They provided no guidance whatsoever. If I want to hear myself talk, I can talk to a wall and it will be as effective and much less expensive.

GailMichelle · ~*Service Worker*~

To all the reponded to this post:

Thank you for your thoughtful replies. I'm a bit overwhelmed with the number of responses. I will return to read them more thoroughly. My thoughts are hard to control this morning; my mother passed away yesterday.

Take good care

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs Gail,

take care of yourself especially during this time, so sorry for your loss. Sending love and support, P :)

Jennifer · ~*Service Worker*~

I am so sorry for your loss, GailMichelle. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Jen

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.