The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Is it normal to feel like nothing is happening nothing is moving forward. i have the book for alanon i admit my life is unmanigable i admit i am powerless i have gave it to god even though it still hurts I dont understand how or where i am supose to do now. How come i'm not feeling better what do i do with the book? How do i know what steps im on i'm still lost and confused. I go to alanon meetings 2x a week i go to counceling 1x a week and nothing. i'm still in a loveless marriage and he doesnt care about me i'm still dead inside. I dont understand what i am doing wrong.
Question? how long did it take for things to get so broken for you? Is it your expectation that it get better over night? Does the marriage have to get better for you to get better or can/will you get better inspite of how you see him and/or the marriage?
These were questions (among hundreds of others) that I had to listen to and then come to solution for when I first got into Al-Anon. Others like how much awareness and experience did Ihave turning my will and my life over to anyone other than myself, did I have?
My first direction in Al-Anon was "If you keep and open mind you will find help." I had to learn to keep and open mind which I had no awareness of capacity for. I had to learn patience because open mindedness required it and so did recognizing change. I was also suggested to do 90 meetings in 90 days. You might not have that option and I did so getting an open mind and having it constantly in front of the ESH shares from many many others was huge in realigning my perspectives.
Easy Does it, is one slogan that will work if you choose to adopt it into your program. One Day at a time is another and there are more which will work if you focus on yourself and on the slogans and making them work for you more and more. It is necessary to take full time focus off of the alcoholic and to put more and more time on yourself and your need for sanity. That is necessary and okay to do. Take the focus off of him and put it on yourself. Fire your alcoholic as your Higher Power and get another that is even higher and more powerful than the alcoholic or your will.
Sometimes I felt like I was drowing also only to discover that I wasn't even in water.
The disease will do that to you if you allow it. Keep coming back (((((hugs)))))
I see that you are attending meetings. Do you have a sponsor? Do you have phone numbers to call others when you are down?
When I feel confusion coming on, that's when I get physically busy doing anything - yard work. wash or wax my car, exercise, call a friend, bake cookies for someone just because.................. I do something to stop the cycle of negative thinking.
Recovery is a process. Unfortunately, sometimes it feels as though we are stuck. But this phase will pass. Answers will come in time - not "your" time, but your HP's time. Be patient. Practice patience. I know, easier said than done. But with practice, it gets easier.
If he is deep into his addiction, it's little wonder you feel you're in a "loveless" marriage. He doesn't feel good about himself; therefore, he isn't going to reach out to you in loving ways.
Go take a look in the mirror and promise the person you are staring at that you are going to begin taking good care of her step by step. Oh, you might backslide, but get yourself up and move forward again and again and again. One day you will find fewer backslides. Promise! But ya gotta work the program to the best of your ability.
-- Edited by GailMichelle on Sunday 24th of July 2011 08:06:10 PM
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
