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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Letting go
Post Info TOPIC: Letting go
maresie


~*Service Worker*~

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Letting go
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An  alcoholic who lived next to me  has finally been evicted.

He had a small dog who I was feeding by the time he left. If I had his phone number I'd probably still be feeding him.

I detached a great deal from him over the year he lived next to me. Nevertheless his chaos, constant crises and complete and total lack of responsibility affected me.

I'm sad for his dog, although I believe now he's living around other people so there is some buffer there. I reported his neglect to animal control but nothing happened about it.

For once I was conscious of this alcholic's total non reponsibility.Most of the time,apart from feeding his dog I did not step in and I didn't find he took over my life.Boundaries saved me,detaching saved me, focusing on me saved me. Neverthless his chaos and his disease did permeate my life in various ways. I limited it but it was always there.

Finally as he left I got the lesson I had been waiting for.

The ex A and I were like two immature children neither one of us able to accept reponsibility and grow up. We blamed, felt like victims, raged and resented all  our time together.  The eviction of  this neigbor  brought up  a lot for me  in  terms of what utter chaos my life was with the ex A and how the ex A abdicated  all  responsbility for that by the time we  broke  up and long after that

Maresie.

 



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maresie
luv123


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thanks for that share-I needed it and like what u said about in disease we both do not taking responsibility for our part. We can tend to be "the victim" and deny how much we contribute at times with our inability to be self responsible or go searching in the wrong men/women for what we lack or to cope the same way the A goes searching in the drug/drink to cope or fnd for what they feel they lack. It is so the same disease in different forms & our only saving grace is focusing on ourselves & the things we can change--not any easier than the A in focusing on their part, but we keep coming.



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Wishing all the best on your recovery journey, Luv
Pushka


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Thank you for the share as well, it's always a good reminder to we always have choices in how we choose to perceive a situation. Hugs :)

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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
hotrod


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Hi Maresie

Great awareness, acceptance and the action of owning it and bringing it here is very powerful. 

Thanks for sharing your growth and wisdom

I know how hard you have worked.



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
Debilyn


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Oh Marisie I am glad you found time to share! I am also very, very pleased that guy is gone!!

I was hoping you would make friends with that dog, you are a gem. I know you will keep an eye on it.

I have such faith in you, the work you have done, what you have accomplished is wonderful.

Yep looking back hits us sometimes hard after we see how life can be much more serene,not ez but calmer.

love,debilyn



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
ELEKTRAWMN


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Thank you for sharing Marisie!

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~Kat

 Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats. ~Voltaire
tommyecat


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Oh Marisie, I am so glad you had time too.  I was thrilled to see you on the board today.  Thanks for sharing, hope you will come back soon.

Best,

Tommye



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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Letting go