Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

Very Very Tired · Very Very Tired

When I am confronted by my AH with his justifications or lies or delusions or whatever you want to call them, I have to go through my mental list of what I know. I know he drinks, even when he says he won't. I know he drinks and hides it. I know there is an ever increasing stash of empty alcohol bottles accumul...

kris10 · kris10

If you have been following my posts the last couple days I'm sure you probably have the same puzzled look on your face that I do right about now...lol The other day he said he wanted to go to an AA meeting but at the time he was high on H... I wanted soooo bad to tell him "don't go when you are high, how rude...

Green Eyes · Green Eyes

This is really kind of amusing in a sad way. My estranged AH and I submitted finally submitted our joint 2010 tax return a couple of months ago. I got a letter in the mail last week that said we would not be getting a penny back due to tax liabilities for 2007. This was news to me, as I was not aware of any previo...

never going back · never going back

Actually, I never left. It's been a little over a year since I posted, but I get on here at least once a week to read other's posts, stalking, I guess you'd call it. But now I'm in a bad place again, and felt the need of support. My AH admitted to himself that he was an alcoholic 3 years ago, after 35 years of dr...

Lindaoakford · Lindaoakford

http://www.houstonadultchildren.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=62&Itemid=71-- Edited by Lindaoakford on Wednesday 2nd of November 2011 11:01:23 PM

micawber · micawber

A very dear friend of mine (and ex-boyfriend) is well into his recovery process--he's been sober for over a year now, mostly thanks to AA. He is dedicated to going to daily meetings, chairs them sometimes, has a sponsor, etc. etc. While our relationship is still close, I know that he has lost touch with...

Mlkiss75 · Mlkiss75

Hola all! Tonight marked yet another step forward in my recovery - came home to my husband somewhat drunk and I just did my thing. I basically disregarded his acting out and went about making dinner and watching tv. He made a huge mess in the kitchen - I did my own dishes and left his for him to deal with. He t...

surfgirl123 · surfgirl123

Wow, was just reminded I can never get too comfortable. Things have been going pretty well lately. Came home tonight and BAM! A few days ago my AH said something I did was 'stupid', I ignored it at the time, but today what he said I was stupid for worked out, I made the mistake of saying "and you said I w...

f2fmember · f2fmember

Does anyone know anything about the concepts. I have the paths to recovery book but really can't get my head round them in any practical way. f2fmember

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

I did talk to my dad & it went well. He really wants to see my brother who hasn't been in his life for many years. A lot had to do w/ my step-mom. Now that she is gone, I wonder what will happen w/ their relationship? Just a thought. Kathleen

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

I am doing OK. But it has been a long week because the loss of my step-mom. I was trying to write something on-line for her as a memory & couldn't figure out how to do it. It is so painful to be unable to give my dad & family hugs right now. But..I have friends up here who are watching out for me & som...

pinkchip · pinkchip

My cat was all up in my grill this morning. She headbutts me to feed her, pet her...she is so clingy. I told her she needed to go to a CODA meeting. I also told her "I'm going to sleep or not sleep what are you gonna do?" It didn't really work. So much for 12 step principles for cats. (levity-I h...

Lindaoakford · Lindaoakford

I have been here 3 months, on the ACoA board a little longer than that. I have come here every day for 3 months. Several times a day and sometimes it is open all day (at work naughty me). I have read, I have 'listened', I have private messaged. I have been happy, sad, crying and angry and laughing. No ma...

Very Very Tired · Very Very Tired

It's such a new concept for me to reach out to someone to help me think through something. It feels so foreign for me to talk to someone before I react. When I take the extra time to work my program, WOW what a difference. I have a big action that I felt it is time to take. My sponsor didn't tell me what I could...

Breakingfree · Breakingfree

I am planning a trip to California to visit my Mother who still lives in the same house that I grew up in. My dad died 9 years ago and her pot head boyfriend has been with her the last 6 years I think. He doesn't work just mooches off her and she doesn't have that great of a job either. With that being said. I inte...

Jackie11 · Jackie11

Linda did a post that got me to thinking. I came to this site on October 11 because I was so frustrated and angry and I had started trying to research alcoholism. I wanted to be told to leave, given the excuses I needed that it was ok. Except instead I found information, and stories, and hope. I probably sta...

orchidlover · orchidlover

Last night when I was walking my dogs I met a man who I know through a friend of his (who is an alcoholic currently in a dreadful way). I got to chat with him and hear about this man's alcoholism, his delirum tremens, seizure and more. I could have a lot of compassion for him and really see and understand th...

thesslea · thesslea

Greetings :) I am new to this forum but feel I need some guidance in my current situation. I have been dating a woman for close to 18 months who has 17 years of sobriety. We recently had a conflict that baffled me and when I was speaking with a close friend of mine and described the situation, she said it soun...

kmclin52 · kmclin52

I have been with my boyfriend for two years and lived with him for one. I didnt know he was an alcoholic until about 8 mo into our relationship. He has recently (about 2 mo ago) started a 12 step recovery program. Things were great between us until he started going to open AA meetings. For example he used to...

pinkchip · pinkchip

My therapist is hardcore alanon. I met with her today and talked about some of the things I'm learning on this board. I was saying how I often felt that some of the folks on here are like trauma victims and in need of validation and to feel empowered. She stated that Alanon would often tell you that you a...

kris10 · kris10

After all the stuff going on yesterday I today realize my little back track the past couple days was ME... I had fell back to trying to control, worrying, blaming, ect, ect.... So, I guess (as I've read in other posts lately) that here is where I take it one day at a time... If there are such a thing as stages...

Pushka · Pushka

I can tell things in my life are shifting in a good way, there are a bunch of gold plated problems (I LOVE that!!) on my plate that I would like to go away .. lol. I feel like I"m healing and moving forward, there is a long ways to go. Good grief .. I'm finding as I shift the more drama is being dropped in m...

mousie1 · mousie1

I am a mother of a 28 year old son newly returned from treatment. He is very sensitive and irritable. He doesn't want to talk about treatment too much. Today I clearly was nervous because it was his first day alone with no family members around. When he didn't answer his phone I got really worried that he...

f2fmember · f2fmember

I'm not sure if this is appropriate lol I am pretty disheartened at the moment and quite down. Normally that would send me into the next meeting or phoning an alanon friend. But what do you do if the source of the problem is that I have been around alanon for a long time and feel completely detached from the...

Michelle814 · Michelle814

I have been really struggling. I have had my own sort of relapse this past week. I have been caught up in things that are not of my concern, worrying about the past, scared of the future. questioning my husband about how his own program has been going.. constantly asking whats going on in his mind.. hor...

Doozy · Doozy

Hi All, I'm still here, though not much has changed since my last posting. Just went another round on the roller coaster with my ex BF. Calling it a roller coaster is kind of ridiculous though because it doesn't even begin to describe what the experience does to my heart. Anyway, we did finally talk on th...

orchidlover · orchidlover

For 4 years I lived around addicts and alcoholics and put a lot of boundaries in place. I would say every day without fail the boundaries were tested on different levels. At some points I dreaded going out the door. Now for 2 weeks I am living in a non A environment. Here is the difference: 1) No fear abou...

NCSUgeology · NCSUgeology

My brother has been getting a lot of resistance from family members that have set boundaries. I started the I dont want to talk to you when youre drunk boundary, and it worked great for me and my sanity. It was bad. Sometimes he couldnt talk. After that boundary was set, he never had a fat tongue when I tal...

jitsuka · jitsuka

The title says it all really. There have been some posts recently about being in a relationship and feeling totally lonely. That's exactly how I feel. I can be intellectually stimulated when I'm at university (I've just started a PhD). I've started going back to Jiu-Jitsu after a 4 year break and I'm a...

ilovedogs · ilovedogs

Some of you may remember that my AH went to see his psychiatrist and was warned not to drink while on his antidepressants. As far as I know he hasn't been drinking, at least not in my presence. He may be drinking while traveling for work but I can't prove it nor do I care. Anyway, I was helping him with som...

jmanning · jmanning

I don't know what to think or maybe I am reading too much into it. But I got a letter from my AH today and in his letter he says, "God honey I am so so sorry for my wrong doings and I'm going to get help for my alcoholism. I ask that you also work a program to help us both through my disease, for better or wors...

kris10 · kris10

When they say "If your not sure...don't" does that apply to getting rid of ur A?? Pretty sure today is going to be the day... I can feel it... I feel I know I'm going to regret it also.... I don't know what to do... I got the name calling this morning too which was AWESOME after being up all night to...

kris10 · kris10

730 in the morning and i havent slept all night because my Abf has been banging around all night cleaning ( heroin induced) now i get to try and take care of a sick little one all day... ( my son) god im going to need some help today.........

Grace7 · Grace7

Hi all. I've had a great deal of experience of living with an active A, who has been my ex for quite some time now. In other words, I've not lived with "active" addiction in some time. However, now my grown sons have the addiction or ACOA issues that make it tough for me sometimes. My curren...

lookingup · lookingup

he thought id never come back ,was sooo happy to c me as i was him,we will always love each other,i do know now he wants it as bad as me to work out for us ,he is doing better with his drinking but still drinks um 4 24oz a day instead of a case and a pint of vodka,my freind told me that it could all blow up ,this i know...

Jozie · Jozie

Hello MIP ;0) I know its been a while, but it is def, the time of the change of Seasons for me... Some Good =) Some Not so Much :'( My Son ended his Soccer Outdoor Season, and we are about to begin our Soccer Indoor season, which isn't near the hassle, its only 1 day a week, and tho I signed in as Coach, I have tr...

stephaniej · stephaniej

Throwing myself quite a pity party today (combination of phases 1 and 3 Tom!). I am having such a hard time coping...my mom's terminally ill, I'm living in a new area where I know nobody because I lost my job in my old area...I need support and understanding and compassion so much, but it's nowhere to be f...

Lindaoakford · Lindaoakford

I am going out to a show that I bought ticket for myself and my friend. to see a psychic medium Hubbie doesn't want to come. He came to one before and liked it, but isn't really into it. Now here is the bit.... A month or so ago, I would not have bought the tickets becasue whenever I go out.. I know he will stay h...

orchidlover · orchidlover

For me taking care of myself was really foreign for a long time. I left 7 years of non stop chaos and crises to live by myself. Initially I've been surrounded by roommates who are addicts and alcoholics and some other stuff in there too. Their chaos and out of control life certainly came in to affect me...

Cupcake · Cupcake

Last night I came home from work and my husband was drunk. I ignored it and pretended I didn't notice. He is hiding the fact that he is drinking from me since I've started to go to AlAnon. He's not very good at it. LOL I have called someone from my group, read some literature. It's just kind of a bummer. Liv...

amills4294 · amills4294

God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change The courage to change the things I can And the Wisdom to know the difference!!!!!!!! I really need this today!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mdkm0726 · mdkm0726

I could not get out to one in my area but was very glad to remember there was one here. I was so disappointed...I needed a meeting desparately. I'm having a problem with the fine line between detachment and honesty. I would like to have heard others speak on this subject. Sometimes I am so busy detac...

amills4294 · amills4294

I know it's important to work the program, and really all I've been doing is reading daily readings and going to a face to face meeting once or maybe twice a week, if I'm lucky. Plus, participating on this board. It's hard to stay focused on it all the time. I hope to reach a point where it doesn't have to...

rara avis · rara avis

I'm sure I'm not the only one here who has had this phenomenon happen. I feel like I have just learned the lesson of detatchment [ well not with love, ] and self care, but not in the alanon way, instead in the wrong way. What I have learned is this: heartbreak can be cured with fear. My ex RA is REALLY acting u...

Very Very Tired · Very Very Tired

In trying to reclaim my life, I have gotten busy and gotten out of the house a lot. I'm involved in some great groups doing both personal and civic things. But, what I haven't done is invite those who don't know me well into my "inner sanctum". Tonight, a few people who don't know I am the wife of...

Very Very Tired · Very Very Tired

I normally don't move alcohol bottles or beer cans. They sit where they sit. Today was an exception. I was getting ready for tomorrow's big Halloween party. I needed counter space in the area where some bottles were. So, I moved the bottles to the basement in an area where I knew AH could easily find them...

Ness · Ness

My heart is sore. Our son passed away on Thursday. He is free of the torment and ravages of the disease..... for that I am grateful.Thirty five years ago today was a day of joyous celebration when I delivered him into this world at 11am, a healthy 7lbs 6 ounces with a mop of blonde hair. He grew to be a gentle...

Something simple · Something simple

New here and would like to hear how others handle keeping boundaries clear. The gist if my background is i come from a narcissistic mother and alcoholic father who quit after having paranoid delusions. My husband of 11 yrs and a decade younger than me lost his alcoholic dad as a child and was raised by a n...

pinkchip · pinkchip

Sometimes it would seem that terms translate well from the big book of AA to alanon and sometimes they don't. Here is one term that definitely applies to big headed egotist alcoholics like me: Self-Will Run Riot: This phrase comes from chapter 5 of the Big Book, 'Selfishness- self-centeredness! Th...

Pushka · Pushka

Holy cow last night was a blast. My AH and I took the kids door to door trick or treating in our town that is not as easy as it sounds. We live in the country and that is not going to happen out here .. lol. For some crazy reason I never thought about driving to another area to go door to door. We've done trick...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

I am grieving today over the loss of my step-mom suddenly yesterday afternoon. She was in ICU for awhile but she didn't make it! I have had so many ups & downs since she came into my life over 36 years ago. It really took a lot to start to accept her & love her over the years. Because of my recovery, I h...

callmemara · callmemara

He's got this bad habit of taking the car and driving it to the bar even though the bar is a 7 minute walk. Even though we discussed him not doing it Last week I was dropped off by a neighbor and took the car home and he got a ride from someone. Tonight we were at a friends house and he left 30 seconds before I did s...

RunnerChick · RunnerChick

Thank you all for the warm welcomes - it means so much. I'm sitting here this morning and pondering over yesterday - Easter. My qualifier, my ABF and I had a nice day/dinner. In these seemingly peaceful times I seem to feel a stirring anxiety of sorts; like I don't want to enjoy myself in his company too mu...

Cupcake · Cupcake

Do any of you use the chat room either for meetings or general chat? I have been on there a couple of times but the meetings don't seem to happen at regular times even though regular times are posted. I'd like to attend more meetings but as many of you do, find it difficult to drive to a meeting and would lik...

Green Eyes · Green Eyes

Both of the A's in my life went into their "victim" mentalities with me yesterday. My AH texted to me that all of our phone conversations these days (we're currently separated) "are interrogations." Pre-Al-Anon I would have lashed back and tried to defend myself or tell him he...

usedtobeanyer · usedtobeanyer

My wife said those words to me as I was leaving for work this morning. She was surprised by my reaction, and kept saying "you shouldn't worry". If there weren't kids involved that needed to be picked up from school, I wouldn't worry. If she hadn't driven blind drunk 2 weeks prior, I wouldn't w...

kris10 · kris10

ok my head is running wild again.... It's 2am and I woke up and my Abf is STILL not home.... Although lately that isn't anything new... But beings that it's saturday and I don't have a kid I asked him if we could do something together tonight... I got in the shower and poof he's gone... Haven't seen or heard...

Jennifer · Jennifer

I keep coming here and not knowing what to write :) I am doing well, keeping up with my self care and program tools. Meditation and meetings (phone support is keeping me balanced, thankfully) have taken a backseat for a time while my normal schedule has the addition of the puppy, taking in my brother's y...

jmanning · jmanning

Well I don't know how much my HP thinks I can handle but I feel I have just been given too much. My AH is still in county waiting to go to rehab. He had transport papers to go but rehab denied him because of his paperwork. So today he goes back to court to fix it hopefully and then wait more weeks til a bed opens in...

callmemara · callmemara

I've been doing pretty good about not saying anything when I know he's been drinking/is drunk. Apparently though I don't hide it well b/c he's always asking me "what's wrong, what's the matter, what's that look for" which he does to some extent the same thing while sober and before he even s...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	What I know (Preview) When I am confronted by my AH with his justifications or lies or delusions or whatever you want to call them, I have to go through my mental list of what I know. I know he drinks, even when he says he won't. I know he drinks and hides it. I know there is an ever increasing stash of empty alcohol bottles accumul...	Very Very Tired	8	539	Nov 4, 2011 by never going back
	My A just left for an AA meeting???? (Preview) If you have been following my posts the last couple days I'm sure you probably have the same puzzled look on your face that I do right about now...lol The other day he said he wanted to go to an AA meeting but at the time he was high on H... I wanted soooo bad to tell him "don't go when you are high, how rude...	kris10	13	575	Nov 4, 2011 by never going back
	The IRS Thinks I'm a Victim (Preview) This is really kind of amusing in a sad way. My estranged AH and I submitted finally submitted our joint 2010 tax return a couple of months ago. I got a letter in the mail last week that said we would not be getting a penny back due to tax liabilities for 2007. This was news to me, as I was not aware of any previo...	Green Eyes	6	758	Nov 4, 2011 by Green Eyes
	I'm back..... (Preview) Actually, I never left. It's been a little over a year since I posted, but I get on here at least once a week to read other's posts, stalking, I guess you'd call it. But now I'm in a bad place again, and felt the need of support. My AH admitted to himself that he was an alcoholic 3 years ago, after 35 years of dr...	never going back	9	873	Nov 4, 2011 by HisWife24
	found a website that is great (Preview) http://www.houstonadultchildren.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=62&Itemid=71-- Edited by Lindaoakford on Wednesday 2nd of November 2011 11:01:23 PM	Lindaoakford	5	538	Nov 4, 2011 by Lindaoakford
	How to help a friend? (Preview) A very dear friend of mine (and ex-boyfriend) is well into his recovery process--he's been sober for over a year now, mostly thanks to AA. He is dedicated to going to daily meetings, chairs them sometimes, has a sponsor, etc. etc. While our relationship is still close, I know that he has lost touch with...	micawber	4	380	Nov 4, 2011 by rrib
	Amazing progress (Preview) Hola all! Tonight marked yet another step forward in my recovery - came home to my husband somewhat drunk and I just did my thing. I basically disregarded his acting out and went about making dinner and watching tv. He made a huge mess in the kitchen - I did my own dishes and left his for him to deal with. He t...	Mlkiss75	9	385	Nov 4, 2011 by Mlkiss75
	Never Get Too Comfortable (Preview) Wow, was just reminded I can never get too comfortable. Things have been going pretty well lately. Came home tonight and BAM! A few days ago my AH said something I did was 'stupid', I ignored it at the time, but today what he said I was stupid for worked out, I made the mistake of saying "and you said I w...	surfgirl123	6	779	Nov 4, 2011 by orchidlover
	Concepts (Preview) Does anyone know anything about the concepts. I have the paths to recovery book but really can't get my head round them in any practical way. f2fmember	f2fmember	1	320	Nov 4, 2011 by tommyecat
	one more comment (Preview) I did talk to my dad & it went well. He really wants to see my brother who hasn't been in his life for many years. A lot had to do w/ my step-mom. Now that she is gone, I wonder what will happen w/ their relationship? Just a thought. Kathleen	Hoot Nanny	3	401	Nov 4, 2011 by Pushka
	I am OK--long week & it is only Thurs. (Preview) I am doing OK. But it has been a long week because the loss of my step-mom. I was trying to write something on-line for her as a memory & couldn't figure out how to do it. It is so painful to be unable to give my dad & family hugs right now. But..I have friends up here who are watching out for me & som...	Hoot Nanny	4	411	Nov 4, 2011 by Pushka
	meow. (Preview) My cat was all up in my grill this morning. She headbutts me to feed her, pet her...she is so clingy. I told her she needed to go to a CODA meeting. I also told her "I'm going to sleep or not sleep what are you gonna do?" It didn't really work. So much for 12 step principles for cats. (levity-I h...	pinkchip	11	615	Nov 4, 2011 by Lindaoakford
	3 months (Preview) I have been here 3 months, on the ACoA board a little longer than that. I have come here every day for 3 months. Several times a day and sometimes it is open all day (at work naughty me). I have read, I have 'listened', I have private messaged. I have been happy, sad, crying and angry and laughing. No ma...	Lindaoakford	12	551	Nov 3, 2011 by Lindaoakford
	Singing the praises of sponsors (Preview) It's such a new concept for me to reach out to someone to help me think through something. It feels so foreign for me to talk to someone before I react. When I take the extra time to work my program, WOW what a difference. I have a big action that I felt it is time to take. My sponsor didn't tell me what I could...	Very Very Tired	3	456	Nov 3, 2011 by Breakingfree
	Going to visit my childhood home (Am I ready?) (Preview) I am planning a trip to California to visit my Mother who still lives in the same house that I grew up in. My dad died 9 years ago and her pot head boyfriend has been with her the last 6 years I think. He doesn't work just mooches off her and she doesn't have that great of a job either. With that being said. I inte...	Breakingfree	6	584	Nov 3, 2011 by Doozy
	Reflecting (Preview) Linda did a post that got me to thinking. I came to this site on October 11 because I was so frustrated and angry and I had started trying to research alcoholism. I wanted to be told to leave, given the excuses I needed that it was ok. Except instead I found information, and stories, and hope. I probably sta...	Jackie11	7	595	Nov 3, 2011 by Jerry F
	Detachment (Preview) Last night when I was walking my dogs I met a man who I know through a friend of his (who is an alcoholic currently in a dreadful way). I got to chat with him and hear about this man's alcoholism, his delirum tremens, seizure and more. I could have a lot of compassion for him and really see and understand th...	orchidlover	6	773	Nov 3, 2011 by Jerry F
	Dating someone in recovery dating recovery tips (Preview) Greetings :) I am new to this forum but feel I need some guidance in my current situation. I have been dating a woman for close to 18 months who has 17 years of sobriety. We recently had a conflict that baffled me and when I was speaking with a close friend of mine and described the situation, she said it soun...	thesslea	14	11302	Nov 3, 2011 by thesslea
	Boyfriend in AA (Preview) I have been with my boyfriend for two years and lived with him for one. I didnt know he was an alcoholic until about 8 mo into our relationship. He has recently (about 2 mo ago) started a 12 step recovery program. Things were great between us until he started going to open AA meetings. For example he used to...	kmclin52	11	802	Nov 3, 2011 by Tracy
	Sicker than the Alcoholic? (Preview) My therapist is hardcore alanon. I met with her today and talked about some of the things I'm learning on this board. I was saying how I often felt that some of the folks on here are like trauma victims and in need of validation and to feel empowered. She stated that Alanon would often tell you that you a...	pinkchip	27	2963	Nov 3, 2011 by ythannah
	ahhh HAaaaa!! (Preview) After all the stuff going on yesterday I today realize my little back track the past couple days was ME... I had fell back to trying to control, worrying, blaming, ect, ect.... So, I guess (as I've read in other posts lately) that here is where I take it one day at a time... If there are such a thing as stages...	kris10	3	376	Nov 3, 2011 by kris10
	Hmm .. (Preview) I can tell things in my life are shifting in a good way, there are a bunch of gold plated problems (I LOVE that!!) on my plate that I would like to go away .. lol. I feel like I"m healing and moving forward, there is a long ways to go. Good grief .. I'm finding as I shift the more drama is being dropped in m...	Pushka	6	500	Nov 3, 2011 by Michelle814
	advice for mother of son new to recovery (Preview) I am a mother of a 28 year old son newly returned from treatment. He is very sensitive and irritable. He doesn't want to talk about treatment too much. Today I clearly was nervous because it was his first day alone with no family members around. When he didn't answer his phone I got really worried that he...	mousie1	19	472	Nov 3, 2011 by Pushka
	Too much Alanon? (Preview) I'm not sure if this is appropriate lol I am pretty disheartened at the moment and quite down. Normally that would send me into the next meeting or phoning an alanon friend. But what do you do if the source of the problem is that I have been around alanon for a long time and feel completely detached from the...	f2fmember	8	879	Nov 3, 2011 by f2fmember
	really struggling lost struggling relapse worry fear hopeless (Preview) I have been really struggling. I have had my own sort of relapse this past week. I have been caught up in things that are not of my concern, worrying about the past, scared of the future. questioning my husband about how his own program has been going.. constantly asking whats going on in his mind.. hor...	Michelle814	15	9316	Nov 3, 2011 by Michelle814
	Did good today - reaching out and trusting (Preview) Hi All, I'm still here, though not much has changed since my last posting. Just went another round on the roller coaster with my ex BF. Calling it a roller coaster is kind of ridiculous though because it doesn't even begin to describe what the experience does to my heart. Anyway, we did finally talk on th...	Doozy	6	522	Nov 3, 2011 by Breakingfree
	Living in a non A environment (Preview) For 4 years I lived around addicts and alcoholics and put a lot of boundaries in place. I would say every day without fail the boundaries were tested on different levels. At some points I dreaded going out the door. Now for 2 weeks I am living in a non A environment. Here is the difference: 1) No fear abou...	orchidlover	6	553	Nov 3, 2011 by orchidlover
	AB & Boundaries (Preview) My brother has been getting a lot of resistance from family members that have set boundaries. I started the I dont want to talk to you when youre drunk boundary, and it worked great for me and my sanity. It was bad. Sometimes he couldnt talk. After that boundary was set, he never had a fat tongue when I tal...	NCSUgeology	8	470	Nov 3, 2011 by NCSUgeology
	I feel very lonely and isolated in this relationship. (Preview) The title says it all really. There have been some posts recently about being in a relationship and feeling totally lonely. That's exactly how I feel. I can be intellectually stimulated when I'm at university (I've just started a PhD). I've started going back to Jiu-Jitsu after a 4 year break and I'm a...	jitsuka	7	518	Nov 3, 2011 by tommyecat
	Is he trading one issue for another? (Preview) Some of you may remember that my AH went to see his psychiatrist and was warned not to drink while on his antidepressants. As far as I know he hasn't been drinking, at least not in my presence. He may be drinking while traveling for work but I can't prove it nor do I care. Anyway, I was helping him with som...	ilovedogs	9	628	Nov 3, 2011 by tommyecat
	Don't know what to think (Preview) I don't know what to think or maybe I am reading too much into it. But I got a letter from my AH today and in his letter he says, "God honey I am so so sorry for my wrong doings and I'm going to get help for my alcoholism. I ask that you also work a program to help us both through my disease, for better or wors...	jmanning	14	576	Nov 3, 2011 by tommyecat
	??? (Preview) When they say "If your not sure...don't" does that apply to getting rid of ur A?? Pretty sure today is going to be the day... I can feel it... I feel I know I'm going to regret it also.... I don't know what to do... I got the name calling this morning too which was AWESOME after being up all night to...	kris10	16	593	Nov 3, 2011 by tommyecat
	Up all night (Preview) 730 in the morning and i havent slept all night because my Abf has been banging around all night cleaning ( heroin induced) now i get to try and take care of a sick little one all day... ( my son) god im going to need some help today.........	kris10	5	369	Nov 3, 2011 by tommyecat
	Need Advice (Preview) Hi all. I've had a great deal of experience of living with an active A, who has been my ex for quite some time now. In other words, I've not lived with "active" addiction in some time. However, now my grown sons have the addiction or ACOA issues that make it tough for me sometimes. My curren...	Grace7	14	541	Nov 3, 2011 by Pushka
	back with my ex a (Preview) he thought id never come back ,was sooo happy to c me as i was him,we will always love each other,i do know now he wants it as bad as me to work out for us ,he is doing better with his drinking but still drinks um 4 24oz a day instead of a case and a pint of vodka,my freind told me that it could all blow up ,this i know...	lookingup	6	634	Nov 3, 2011 by pinkchip
	Continued Recovery...Yay... (Preview) Hello MIP ;0) I know its been a while, but it is def, the time of the change of Seasons for me... Some Good =) Some Not so Much :'( My Son ended his Soccer Outdoor Season, and we are about to begin our Soccer Indoor season, which isn't near the hassle, its only 1 day a week, and tho I signed in as Coach, I have tr...	Jozie	7	409	Nov 2, 2011 by hotrod
	Struggling (Preview) Throwing myself quite a pity party today (combination of phases 1 and 3 Tom!). I am having such a hard time coping...my mom's terminally ill, I'm living in a new area where I know nobody because I lost my job in my old area...I need support and understanding and compassion so much, but it's nowhere to be f...	stephaniej	7	632	Nov 2, 2011 by Breakingfree
	Im going out (Preview) I am going out to a show that I bought ticket for myself and my friend. to see a psychic medium Hubbie doesn't want to come. He came to one before and liked it, but isn't really into it. Now here is the bit.... A month or so ago, I would not have bought the tickets becasue whenever I go out.. I know he will stay h...	Lindaoakford	8	373	Nov 2, 2011 by hotrod
	How do you take care of yourself (Preview) For me taking care of myself was really foreign for a long time. I left 7 years of non stop chaos and crises to live by myself. Initially I've been surrounded by roommates who are addicts and alcoholics and some other stuff in there too. Their chaos and out of control life certainly came in to affect me...	orchidlover	9	574	Nov 2, 2011 by orchidlover
	Looking for some good esh! (Preview) Last night I came home from work and my husband was drunk. I ignored it and pretended I didn't notice. He is hiding the fact that he is drinking from me since I've started to go to AlAnon. He's not very good at it. LOL I have called someone from my group, read some literature. It's just kind of a bummer. Liv...	Cupcake	11	627	Nov 2, 2011 by pinkchip
	Serenity (Preview) God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change The courage to change the things I can And the Wisdom to know the difference!!!!!!!! I really need this today!!!!!!!!!!!!!	amills4294	4	357	Nov 2, 2011 by rrib
	I am Very Disappointed there was no alanon meeting tonight (Preview) I could not get out to one in my area but was very glad to remember there was one here. I was so disappointed...I needed a meeting desparately. I'm having a problem with the fine line between detachment and honesty. I would like to have heard others speak on this subject. Sometimes I am so busy detac...	mdkm0726	7	507	Nov 2, 2011 by abbyal
	sometimes just tired.... (Preview) I know it's important to work the program, and really all I've been doing is reading daily readings and going to a face to face meeting once or maybe twice a week, if I'm lucky. Plus, participating on this board. It's hard to stay focused on it all the time. I hope to reach a point where it doesn't have to...	amills4294	4	431	Nov 1, 2011 by orchidlover
	learned the right lesson the wrong way (Preview) I'm sure I'm not the only one here who has had this phenomenon happen. I feel like I have just learned the lesson of detatchment [ well not with love, ] and self care, but not in the alanon way, instead in the wrong way. What I have learned is this: heartbreak can be cured with fear. My ex RA is REALLY acting u...	rara avis	6	501	Nov 1, 2011 by Lindaoakford
	Breaking out of isolation (Preview) In trying to reclaim my life, I have gotten busy and gotten out of the house a lot. I'm involved in some great groups doing both personal and civic things. But, what I haven't done is invite those who don't know me well into my "inner sanctum". Tonight, a few people who don't know I am the wife of...	Very Very Tired	6	742	Nov 1, 2011 by orchidlover
	Note to self: Never move an alcoholic's bottles (Preview) I normally don't move alcohol bottles or beer cans. They sit where they sit. Today was an exception. I was getting ready for tomorrow's big Halloween party. I needed counter space in the area where some bottles were. So, I moved the bottles to the basement in an area where I knew AH could easily find them...	Very Very Tired	7	2967	Nov 1, 2011 by Lindaoakford
	Dear Friends (Preview) My heart is sore. Our son passed away on Thursday. He is free of the torment and ravages of the disease..... for that I am grateful.Thirty five years ago today was a day of joyous celebration when I delivered him into this world at 11am, a healthy 7lbs 6 ounces with a mop of blonde hair. He grew to be a gentle...	Ness	28	748	Nov 1, 2011 by orchidlover
	How to stick to my word (Preview) New here and would like to hear how others handle keeping boundaries clear. The gist if my background is i come from a narcissistic mother and alcoholic father who quit after having paranoid delusions. My husband of 11 yrs and a decade younger than me lost his alcoholic dad as a child and was raised by a n...	Something simple	4	551	Nov 1, 2011 by orchidlover
	Applying slogans and terms (Preview) Sometimes it would seem that terms translate well from the big book of AA to alanon and sometimes they don't. Here is one term that definitely applies to big headed egotist alcoholics like me: Self-Will Run Riot: This phrase comes from chapter 5 of the Big Book, 'Selfishness- self-centeredness! Th...	pinkchip	14	1104	Nov 1, 2011 by tommyecat
	Control issues .. much? (Preview) Holy cow last night was a blast. My AH and I took the kids door to door trick or treating in our town that is not as easy as it sounds. We live in the country and that is not going to happen out here .. lol. For some crazy reason I never thought about driving to another area to go door to door. We've done trick...	Pushka	3	792	Nov 1, 2011 by never going back
	so sad...what do I say? (Preview) I am grieving today over the loss of my step-mom suddenly yesterday afternoon. She was in ICU for awhile but she didn't make it! I have had so many ups & downs since she came into my life over 36 years ago. It really took a lot to start to accept her & love her over the years. Because of my recovery, I h...	Hoot Nanny	12	556	Nov 1, 2011 by Ruby
	Taking his (my) car from the bar parking lot. (Preview) He's got this bad habit of taking the car and driving it to the bar even though the bar is a 7 minute walk. Even though we discussed him not doing it Last week I was dropped off by a neighbor and took the car home and he got a ride from someone. Tonight we were at a friends house and he left 30 seconds before I did s...	callmemara	7	555	Nov 1, 2011 by orchidlover
	The Fear of Relapse (Preview) Thank you all for the warm welcomes - it means so much. I'm sitting here this morning and pondering over yesterday - Easter. My qualifier, my ABF and I had a nice day/dinner. In these seemingly peaceful times I seem to feel a stirring anxiety of sorts; like I don't want to enjoy myself in his company too mu...	RunnerChick	7	1707	Nov 1, 2011 by Michelle814
	Just curious (Preview) Do any of you use the chat room either for meetings or general chat? I have been on there a couple of times but the meetings don't seem to happen at regular times even though regular times are posted. I'd like to attend more meetings but as many of you do, find it difficult to drive to a meeting and would lik...	Cupcake	6	440	Nov 1, 2011 by kris10
	Practicing My Program Working the Program (Preview) Both of the A's in my life went into their "victim" mentalities with me yesterday. My AH texted to me that all of our phone conversations these days (we're currently separated) "are interrogations." Pre-Al-Anon I would have lashed back and tried to defend myself or tell him he...	Green Eyes	2	397	Nov 1, 2011 by Pushka
	"I'm feeling vulnerable today" (Preview) My wife said those words to me as I was leaving for work this morning. She was surprised by my reaction, and kept saying "you shouldn't worry". If there weren't kids involved that needed to be picked up from school, I wouldn't worry. If she hadn't driven blind drunk 2 weeks prior, I wouldn't w...	usedtobeanyer	7	810	Oct 31, 2011 by Debilyn
	lonely.... (Preview) ok my head is running wild again.... It's 2am and I woke up and my Abf is STILL not home.... Although lately that isn't anything new... But beings that it's saturday and I don't have a kid I asked him if we could do something together tonight... I got in the shower and poof he's gone... Haven't seen or heard...	kris10	17	679	Oct 31, 2011 by GailMichelle
	Check in (Preview) I keep coming here and not knowing what to write :) I am doing well, keeping up with my self care and program tools. Meditation and meetings (phone support is keeping me balanced, thankfully) have taken a backseat for a time while my normal schedule has the addition of the puppy, taking in my brother's y...	Jennifer	5	388	Oct 31, 2011 by pineapple
	Okay is it okay to fall apart........ (Preview) Well I don't know how much my HP thinks I can handle but I feel I have just been given too much. My AH is still in county waiting to go to rehab. He had transport papers to go but rehab denied him because of his paperwork. So today he goes back to court to fix it hopefully and then wait more weeks til a bed opens in...	jmanning	11	651	Oct 31, 2011 by tommyecat
	I did something stupid tonight. (Preview) I've been doing pretty good about not saying anything when I know he's been drinking/is drunk. Apparently though I don't hide it well b/c he's always asking me "what's wrong, what's the matter, what's that look for" which he does to some extent the same thing while sober and before he even s...	callmemara	14	624	Oct 31, 2011 by tommyecat
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.