The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Linda did a post that got me to thinking. I came to this site on October 11 because I was so frustrated and angry and I had started trying to research alcoholism.
I wanted to be told to leave, given the excuses I needed that it was ok. Except instead I found information, and stories, and hope.
I probably stayed with my AH at first because I was scared of failing at marriage, and I was in shock that this person I married was so not who I thought he was.
I'm staying now, taking it one day at a time. I've been able to see that I'm not walking through this alone. I've been able to let go of things I can't control. I have been asked the question why do you stay from close friends who know my story and I can give enough reasons why I stay that I'm still willing to allow for more time.
I realized that I had to change me. When I looked at my patterns, and my choices, I understood that I could walk away and repeat the same choice again with the next person I dated, or I could learn enough to change myself and learn how to be happy with me. I have learned how to separate my husband the person from his disease, and realize that I do love him. I am working on letting go of the anger.
At first I got frustrated when I was told to get to a meeting. I have a schedule that is 3 nights a week out of the house because of my 2nd job and weekends we have his daughter, where was there time? Except instead of ignoring the suggestion I figured out a way to get to a meeting, because it was for me, and I needed to take that time. I went to my 2nd meeting during lunch this past Monday, I wasn't as comfortable. I am going to have to tell my husband that despite the fact that he isn't a fan I'm going back to the Tuesday night meeting for me.
I know that the members of the Tuesday night group have valuable information and are all long term members who have so much to share. Not that the other group didn't have this but I felt too much pressure being there on my lunch hour, trying to get there and get back and there was no time to connect.
I'm so glad that I found this site, because I come and read and take away information. I appreciate the knowledge, insight, encouragement and support!
It is truly amazing how fast things change with a simple idea for a complex mind.
Keep up the amazing work and shares!!
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I am sure that you came and to have the privilege to have met you too. The program of Alanon does work one day at a time whether your loved one is drinking or not. I am thrilled to hear you are able to make the time for you to get to the meeting that feels good to you. Keep learning, growing, it works if you work it.
All great stuff Jacki, and thanks for the post.... Yes, I can definitely relate - when I first walked in the doors of Al-Anon or even my recovery in general, I was pretty sure I was looking for one of:
1. reasons/justification to leave my A-wife
2. tools on how to 'fix' my A-wife and her drinking
3. validation that I was a great guy for putting up with so much
It was quite a shock and disappointment to find out that Al-Anon was none of these!!!
Great awareness on your part, re: the potential to repeat our mistakes.... I think that is often missed - we get so frustrated with our A's and their behaviors, and get in the mindset "if he/she would simply be GONE, my life would be great".... the reality, of course, is that they are only a part of the issue - albeit sometimes a fairly major part...
Glad you found us
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I can do a lot more detaching now and letting go around people.
I have found this site to be very valuable.
I have had a mixed bag on meetings. I have attended some that didn't work for me. Others were too noisy. For some reason one place scheduled a meeting in a church above an AA meeting. Needless to say I could not hear a thing!
I also have 2 jobs and that makes life very busy. I am looking forward to the holidays because it will give me at least 2 days off!
Aloha Jackie...I went back and read your Bio and then combined it with this post and it seems to me that you've done very well in such a short period of time. You had moxie from the start and you had the willingness to give and check things out before cutting to the chase. Cutting to the chase was you on you getting to your Tuesday night meeting...awesome!! Compared to how I did it (no misgivings) I'm learning some old lessons all over agains and am happy for you and the ESH you bring back to the forum. Keep coming back and keep working it like it's suggested. ((((hugs))))
