The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
he thought id never come back ,was sooo happy to c me as i was him,we will always love each other,i do know now he wants it as bad as me to work out for us ,he is doing better with his drinking but still drinks um 4 24oz a day instead of a case and a pint of vodka,my freind told me that it could all blow up ,this i know too,just trying to enjoy every min. i have with him each day,and hope for the best he wants us to get married said he would would get on his knees and ask him if thatswhat it took but im a bit scared to go there with him right now,the 1st 4 yrs we were together was horrible rolllorcoaster ride and i refuse to go back down it agin and wont am sticking to my bounderies even if it makes me cry,but so far its been gr8t but today being only 8th day back with him.need esh here plz....s.o.s,hope im not being blinded or mind fogged my freinds arnt saying much they r just keeping silent very silent for they remember what all happened before guess i shocked them when i got him back.they want the best for me and i dont and do not want to worry them or my church family with anything just hope if it does blow up il be strong enough to walk away for good cause like he said he cant take it anymore he hurt badly everyday we were apart and if i leave him agin there wont be anymore of me coming back to him.he has a home here, he knows that and a good home so all i can say he neednt rock the boat anymore and us just start off with a clean new slate we been apart for 6 or 7 mths this time longest ever usually back together within a mth or 2 so i and he does love each other with all our hearts and want so much to grow old together,we r the same age,he is a carpenter and a jack of all trades,haveing hard right now keeping busy but has got work coming up,he has had to borrow money from me 20.00 so far but no more will i loan cause i know his past of not paying back and im not gonna be his supporter,he can live here and have food and shelter but other than that he is on his own unless a job comes up ill take him for he has no car either,lol ,he has got a driverslisense yayyy,im starting to feel like an idiot now the more i type and my thoughts flow lol.i am scared ,scared that he cant or wont keep his end of the bargain with the bills here when he does work and get paid i stay on him or get on him when he gets paid and dont feel i should have to ask for it,life aint free for nobody and ive told him that ,i dunno ,anybody have ay esh for me im always open for anything.hugs and more hugs lookingup
You sound so very happy right now, I hear that you are happy you are back wtih him and he has reduced his drinking for 8 days.
Protect yourself and make your boundaries very clear at this stage is what I would be doing. Have you heard of a honeymoon period? I hear that your friends are sitting back and waiting to see what his ongoing actions will bring for you and for him and for the relationship. Your friends seem to have that bit sussed nicely.
You say you hope he sticks to his end of the bargain. What was the bargain exactly? From what I read it may be that he reduces his drinking and provides love for you, and you provide your love but not be a supporter for him but provide food, housing, transport and a little bit of money for him. I am sure there is more to the story than you have typed here. I am interested in what boundaries you have made.
What plans has he put in place to maintain his reduced drinking plan? What plans has he put in place to maintain an even load in this relationship? What protective elements for yourself have you put in place?
This may just be the time that he decides he is going to stick to what the plan is that you have put together, I don't want to rain on your parade, I just encourage you to watch his actions as opposed to his words and keep a close eye on your own recovery work.
In my "Experience" there are two kinds of alcoholics. Recovering alcoholics and active alcoholics. An alcoholic who is not in recovery and continues to drink is fighting a battle he can't win, the disease is just to powerful, even with good intentions. When an alcoholic is actively drinking the disease is always control.....cunning, baffling, and powerful.
MY "Strenght" for you would be to focus on yourself, take care of yourself first, and do the next right thing for yourself whatever that might entail. Nothing changes when nothing changes, but you can change. You can seek help and start your recovery whether your alcoholic is in recovery or not.
My "Hope" is you will seek the help you need and deserve by finding an Al-Anon f2f meeting in your area and start your recovery....It's the best thing you can do for yourself. You will be in a room with other members who will understand and care about you. You will find a new family as you have found a new family here at MIP.
he is very very effectionate toward me,his end of the bargain is to take care of me and help pay the bills he is calling around steadly makeing ph.calls for work any work ,which will come to him,keeping the focus on me for one thing in protecting me yes my freind did tell me tat the honeymoon stage will go away,lol but we still have and always did have a good companionship with each other his love for me is remarkable and has been,it seems to me me that he is planning on sticking to his plans ,and i do keep observeing him cause im not going into this blindly this time so i know what it was like before and he remembers too and we have talked about it,ty so much for yur esh...hugs and plz let know know of anything thing else that i should know or remember so that i dont leave reality,we do have alot of fun together laughing and cutting up and kissing and hugging is his thing with me he says only me he has been like that ,ive always asked him where he got all his effectionate behavior from i said his father and he said no his dad was mean so iduuno its just him i guess...hugs looking up
We are encouraged to refrain from giving advice here. As such we speak from our experience, strength and hope rathing than advising people what to do or questioning what a person is or isnt doing with their life. Alanon has a "take it or leave it" idea which I think you will find useful in this forum. The fact is I cannot walk a mile in your shoes and do not know what is best for your situation.
My experience is that you can be happy joyous and free in the absence or presence of alcoholism. That is what I live each day, one day at a time. I dont have to wait until someone stops drinking for my life to get good and peaceful. The contrary for me is true, I have a peaceful, balanced life despite the fact that my loved ones are still drinking.
For me the strength in my life is a byproduct of being active in Alanon, going to face to face meetings, being actively sponsored and sponsoring others, and being of service to my group giving back what was so freely given to me - time, attention, and love.
The hope is that I have been married for over 10 years to a man for whom I dearly love who is active in his disease. The joy and laughter is ever present in our marriage. We love to be together which was not the case before I started working on me in Alanon. I would always blame his actions for our lives being in a mess. When I started looking towards me and what I brought to the marriage, it wasnt a rosey picture as I thought. I discovered it is possible for me to find happiness and joy in each day regardless if someone drinks or not. I do it one day at a time. That is how I have found a new freedom and happiness. It is not contingent on whether another person drinks or not.
Abraham Lincoln said "most people are as happy as they make their minds up to be." If you are happy where you are, then rejoice and be glad in it. We are here for you in love, support and understanding.
i think you might be rushing things a bit- he has only cut down and you are thinking of him working already? i dont see how he can do manual work with a habit aswell. i think the main focus should be him continuing to reduce- its fantastic that he has reduced his alcohol intake- fair play to him. ive heard of people who have come off in this way. i just dont want you to set him up for failure- talking about work and bills already...i think its very rushed, hes not even near recovery yet. and i really think this has got to be the priority. i think its brilliant he has cut down though....good luck- fair play and strength to you both.
This is different than I would responded a few months ago....so I guess this site is helping me. My concern is whether you think you are strong enough and if you feel confident enough to handle whatever happens. You are powerless over his drinking. As long as you maintain your own strength and individuality, he does not have as much potential to drag you down with him in the event of things getting worse with his drinking.
