The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So what do you do when you think your A-son (28) has stolen from you? He knows my shed is open because some of his belongings are in there. This was something still new in a box and was expensive. That's what I get for being so trusting. My fault for not locking things down. I accused him, but I still don't know for sure. He has been doing ok working and not making any serious mistakes and then his Mom comes along and accuses him of steeling! This sucks I don't like this feeling. Our relationship is so strained already. I bought tickets for us to go on vacation during christmas....and this makes me regret it, if he did steel from me. I'm open to experience, stength and hope from all.
Oldergal
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Don't Worry About Growing Old, It Is A Privilege For Some Of Us.....
That for me is called a resentment and the solution to resentments as taught by my elder sponsor was forgiveness. Resentments for me are coated with glue or the fuzzy stuff that gets caught in velcro. They just attach themselves all over me and I carry them around everywhere I go until I use the forgiveness tool that sweeps them on to the floor where I can vacuum them up. He may have or may have not...get the lock and take care of your recovery cause that is most important.
You have many options that are available, the question really comes down to what do you want to do. Can you let this go and let go of the resentment attached to it? Can you live with not knowing for sure? If you can't prove it beyond doubt, I really don't know. It would depend on what it is, if I needed to file a police report so it could be found possibly in the pawn shops. Can you live with the consequences of doing that? What if it's found and you have to decide to prosecute or not? Those are questions only you can answer. It wouldn't be easy road.
I am so sorry that this has happened, getting things locked up sounds like a reasonable plan to me. At least going forward you will know one way or another what is going on.
Hugs P
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
In either case, filing a police report is appropriate and at least opens the chance the item may be recovered. And documents the loss for insurance and tax writeoff.
Just off my experiences in what I have seen in recovery.....alcoholics will take from a person they perceive as being unconditionally forgiving. They act first to sustain drinking, get needs met, then justify later. You are in an extraordinarily rough spot with your son. He is 28 - but still your child. Unfortunately, treating him like a child and having him in the role of a child is going to result in him acting like a child and doing childish things like stealing and not empathizing for you.
I honestly am not judging you here and I read that you are a really caring mom, but I firmly think that halfway houses are way better for helping recovering family members (especially one's children) learn to grow up and take responsibility. He can't easily steal from you if he's not there.
Unfortunately, Pinkchip he is not in recovery, just doing a little bit better than usual in my opinion, he does not live with me, just visits once in a while. I can't prove that he did it, or didn't. Thanks for the esh. Oldergal
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Don't Worry About Growing Old, It Is A Privilege For Some Of Us.....
No one really knows who was the thief here. For me taking the next right action to take care of myself has always been helpful. I like the suggestion of getting a lock and moving forward with your life. It is true that resentments do errode relationships and stick to you like glue. You son may not be in a program of recovery but there is nothing stopping you from having one. If you have not been to a face to face meeting I do so hope you will consider going to one. I think you will find them very helpful.
