Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

cneely · cneely

Hi, this is my first time on this website. I am 21 married to a 32 year old man. We've been married for over two years and we have one one-year-old son and a daughter due in three weeks. Before we married, we only dated for one year and before that we had only known each other for a few months. Most of the time, w...

sookie · sookie

Ugh....tonight my separated AH is coming over to talk about our divorce. I am full of anxiety. I am the main breadwinner and he is entitled to half of everything I have worked for during the last 10 years--a good savings account I have built for our kids college, half my pension, half the house, and the re...

marycontrary · marycontrary

I read it every moring and I see my self. I can identify with the different states. Things repressed come back too. It stirs me up in a way. I make myself come back. I am so grateful for all those brave enough to share. I feel like my inner mechanics are crunching, grinding, bursting. I feel like the ground I...

1976love · 1976love

All I was doing was washing the dishes. That's all it took to let my mind wonder into the land of "If I could..." So in that thought, I am recalling the incident that went down this weekend. If only I kept my mouth shut and didn't tell my MIL that my recovering SIL put their address up on social...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

My dad was born on Valentine's Day--he would have been 73. He died on Dec. 21, 2011. It is hard to celebrate these days. But...I did pretty well. My husband bought me flowers & took me out to Mexican food. He usually doesn't give me flowers but I think he realized that I was struggling w/ the loss &...

milkwood · milkwood

AH and I have been together for 32 years. We have so many shared memories and a lot of them are good. His drinking started twelve years ago and my crazies set in about six years ago when AH decided to dangle an affair in front of me. Three years ago I finally drew some lines (so much time wasted in my ignora...

Tracey C · Tracey C

Although I grew up in an alcoholic home, I truly believed that alcoholism would not be an issue in my life if there were no active alcoholic drinking. I did not realize how much living with the disease of alcoholism as a child would affect my relationships with my children and husband.I found Al-Anon w...

AngelicH57 · AngelicH57

Hi, I'm new to this board and after many years realize I'm an ENABLER to my 27 years old daughter and her alcoholism. I have finally realized through many tears that I have not allowed her to suffer the consquences of her addiction by giving her money, buying her cars, bailing her out of jail, pay...

John · John

I work and I work hard. Of course this time of year is extremely slow for pressure washing and painting. But I keep putting the word out there and catch a job or two a week, which just allows me to hold on until spring. I even sold my Ford F250 work truck and got a small Nissian truck which saves me a bunch on...

likemyheart · likemyheart

Wife texts husband on a cold winters Morning: Windows frozen, wont open. Husband texts back: Gently pour some lukewarm water over it. Wife texts back five minutes later: Computer really screwed up now. ************************* Happy Valentine's Day!

Jennifer · Jennifer

I am having a case of the what if's. My what if's are not related to any A but are a residual challenge from years of trying to be prepared, reacting and worrying about uncontrollable situations. My tried and dependable practices are not helping very much on this today. I am hoping some of you may share w...

Keaghan · Keaghan

Well I feel betrayed again. Every time I think we are moving to a better place we goes 3 steps backward. Yesterday on valentines I give her roses etc and in return my AW decides to be angry at me all night. I couldn't do any right, calling me names you know the drill. I just don't understand any of this diseas...

blondie99 · blondie99

So I was in a f2f meeting yesterday - Valentine's Day. It's supposed to be a time for romance, for love, for mutual admiration. For sweet whispers, bubble baths tempered with chocolates. For flowers and stuffed animals. I feared that if I stood still too long that I would be saturated in sickenly-swee...

Pushka · Pushka

Ok .. I'm sure there are a few out there that are sick of me talking about this dang truck .. LOL! Burn baby burn, Pink they are playing our song. Things with the STBAX are coming to a head and I've had a lot of learning curves. I don't know how to be anything other than combative with someone who has hurt me s...

Heather 68 · Heather 68

Well, my AB gets out of jail tomorrow, or midnight tonight? I haven't spoken to him but he sent me a Valentine's Day card, it wobled me, to say the least. I do not want to get sucked back into the drama and abuse that accompany his drinking. I can no longer trust in him and I have been working hard on my own reco...

dponlyme · dponlyme

AW has been drinking alot more in the past couple weeks. My mental health is on a slide since my car blew up. Sleep is all out of whack. I didn't eat todayat all. I am sleeping on the dining room floor because we are fighting. I've resorted back to old and self destructive coping mechanisms. If I don't do som...

earthtorachel · earthtorachel

Hi everyone, This is going to be long so I thank whoever sits through and reads it all in advance! I am new to this and not sure where I fit in. My therapist urged me to read the Alanon book and my husband has been encouraging me to go to meetings. I am 8 months pregnant right now and have two other children to te...

sportychick · sportychick

Hi I have been in Al Anon for 2 years coming up in April. But today I have been feeling Lonley and not using my program. I moved back to Australia from Canada in August last year with my husband and now 2 yr old son. My reasons for moving back to Australia was to live closer to family and friends. My husband wa...

Cathyinaz · Cathyinaz

4 years of begging, yelling, crying and paying I did not make one thing better for either me or my son. Since October 30, 2012 when I came to accept the first step in Al-anon did my life begin to change. Yes I still worry, cry, fear and obsess sometimes ( never to my son) but I'm getting the help I need to over...

slogan_jim · slogan_jim

Hi everyone, my name is slogan_jim and I am a grateful member of Al-Anon. Today, I found myself playing the victim and feeling sorry for myself, something that I acquired growing up in an alcoholic home. My alcoholic father got laid off from his jobs several times when I was a kid. He was never able to sti...

marycontrary · marycontrary

It was another long night, another barrage of crazy to somehow nutralize for my own sanity, so I can maintain my position. That being, the ability to be available when I am not working for a living to the particular people in my family who need a regular supportive presence. I have frail elderly parents...

Afraidparent · Afraidparent

Got a text from my daughter last night saying she wanted to "talk to us about how she feels." I didn't want to go to bed on a negative and lose sleep. Learned all of my lessons there. I don't respond at night and I don't look at my phone early in the morning. I give Myself time away from it and give...

jdlewis · jdlewis

My daughter is 33 and severely alcoholic. She lives with her husband on the east coast and the first intervention by her family (me, her father, brother and sister in law) was January of 2011. She has been to detox countless times and has spent at total of 75 days in treatment at Hazelden in Oregon. He...

AlAnonDave · AlAnonDave

Im guessing Im emotionally detached, but we read something last night that made me really reflect- I became an alcoholic partially because of my damaged upbringing and the biggest part of it all was living with an alcoholic father, being abused by his wives (which Ive never really settled with becau...

DebLisa55 · DebLisa55

I am new here - found this website by mistake and I just need to vent. My husband of 25 years is an alcoholic. He has been drinking on and off for years but I never thought he had a problem until three years ago when I found out he was drinking at work, hiding beer from me in the garbage pail outside our house and...

oldergal · oldergal

My son who is my qualifier is seeing a counselor and doing a little better. Anyway his wife and him have 3 kids and his wife today ask me to borrow money so the bank won't take away their vehicle. Do I lend it or am I stopping a crisis? Causing soft landings. She is not an alcoholic, and he is making an attempt t...

afglin · afglin

I have a question for you. Last night at Alanon this came up. Two different people said their loved ones learned that the year you started drinking you totally stopped in mental years from then on. So if you started drinking at 13 you woudl remain 13 forever...even if you stopped drinking for a long tim...

rmbergeron1 · rmbergeron1

Hello, I am new to this site. I have been doing al-anon now for about a year. I sometimes feel stuck in one place. I listen to the tapes, I visit the forums, I read the books and readings. It all makes perfect sense, but I just can't seem to do it!! I know what I should do, but when I come home to my AH and he h...

ParisMemories · ParisMemories

Hello friends. I need some gudance today. I read today's Courage to Change entry about loving myself, loving my A, and loving others. The first and last, I understand, but the middle one is hard for me lately. How do I act lovingly to him, when I can smell the booze on his breath, and it makes my blood boi...

MDK · MDK

I haven't been on here in quite some time and I am glad I chose tonight to read some stories. I am going through some very hard issues right now. I am scared I feel lonely. I have even thought deep dark thoughts that creep up unexpectidly. I miss my friend Rodney now more than ever. He was the one I turned to an...

orchidlover · orchidlover

In my deeply mixed up view of life I had some idea that in the right place I could find someone who would take care of me. I had this view because I did not get taken care of as a child. I lived on survival. I did not get my needs met. Basically I had a roof over my head and not much else. Indeed the roof was barely a...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

I have been reminscing a lot lately. I am basically trying to let go but I find myself remembering past relationships, etc. Mostly I am remembering the sick ones. Doesn't it figure? I wish I could stop. All the alcoholics in my past whether they were in recovery or not. Some of them were really out there...

Janet007 · Janet007

I'm new to Al-Anon. My boyfriend who has been a drinker for 20+ years, 3 weeks ago, went to detox. We have been together for about a year and a half and he has been a heavy drinker the entire time. He has never been abusive and he doesn't hang out in bars nor did he drink hard liquor. He only drank beer,...

Minaret · Minaret

Hi All, Each week it seems that I deal with some other crazy thing my AH has done. I had to work on a Saturday this weekend because someone at my work called in sick. While I was at work, AH had both kids. Lately, he only has our DD (3 yrs old) while he is unemployed, and she is easier. Our DS, who is 6...

evejc02 · evejc02

Hello, Im new here. I have been reading the messages boards by just going to the search engine looking at topics of what i was feeling through another individual feelings. I have done this for 6 months now. Today I finally decided i should write about my own experince, my own hurt, my own everything. Lo...

Debilyn · Debilyn

He just called. This is a bit of my face book. I told myself I would say nothing about me. He asks how I am. I say just a sec I gotta turn off tv. got out of the question. yea sounded good then those feelings....I felt like I was doing everything wrong. Doing my best NOT to ask questions, listening, supportin...

Debilyn · Debilyn

I made a mistake and thought my net was off!! geez. It will be from the 14th to the 27th. I got a nice couch, so did not pay my bill for a bit. Anyway my/our relationship is very strong still and growing. Learning so much. It has come now that he has done all the business, told his ex and kids he is outa there for g...

midas · midas

I've tried to be spiritual and grounded and to reach out to others and to keep everything in perspective. But, you know, sometimes I just get ticked off... sometimes I'm done being all compassionate and spiritual and I'm just really angry. Does anyone else relate to this? The "bait and switch&q...

el-cee · el-cee

Recently, over the last few months I have been learning and growing through my meetings, reading and this forum. I am a work in progress and I have a long way to go but there is one thing that I have learned and I would like to share it. I hope I don't offend anyone and my purpose is to 'help' if I can. During the...

WornOutMrsFixIt · WornOutMrsFixIt

I am having a bit of a pity party but I am really feeling like I keep trying to do the right things but I keep getting my feelings hurt. Here goes my week. I am working for an atorney who thinks she never makes a mistake. She is good in Court but around the office she is a slob who is disorganized, always missi...

1976love · 1976love

Well, this weekend was trying. Good old social media for ya. My recovering ASIL who I have said before, is recovering, but is as self centered as they come, hit a new low. She currently lives at my inlaw's house with her husband and children because they have no where else to go. Her husband is out of t...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

I am finding these days that I am moving forward slowly. I have been noticing that I am growing but feel that I am sometimes moving backwards. I am so confused sometimes where I am. Hopefully w/ more rest & exercise, I can feel & act normal for me. I want to vent so much these days but am afraid for pe...

blondie99 · blondie99

Hello friends - I'm a grateful Al-Anoner working it every day. I have a question I'm hoping someone smarter than me can help with. My AH is checking in tomorrow at 9 a.m. for this third stint in rehab. We have not been living together since he completed his second stint the day after Thanksgiving 2012. Du...

RobinKSC · RobinKSC

The meetings have been great, I have three more weeks of crutches and then I will be at rehab during the morning meetings. I will be happy to co chair meetings with anyone if you would like to learn to chair. This Thursday I won't be able to chair, I have carpet people coming to replace my 14 year old carpet....

Cathyinaz · Cathyinaz

Good Monday Morning Everyone I talked to my son yesterday and it was nice. He is sober but I think it's because he doesn't have a dime to his name. After the talk my mind started up again thinking maybe I should ask him to clean my property ( weeds, tree trimming) and maybe paint my bedroon....in turn I w...

Green Eyes · Green Eyes

It has been exactly one month today since my AH passed away unexpectedly from renal and liver failure, and it also would have been his 52nd birthday. I continue to be all over the board with my emotions: sometimes I'm sad and unconsolable, sometimes I'm angry, and sometimes there is a sense of relief (w...

Path to Serenity · Path to Serenity

My Mom died when I was 11 months old - death certificates indicates cause of death was tubercular meningitis. My father moved back home with his mom and she basically raised us while enabling my Dad's alcoholism & abuse of my sis & I. My Mom's family harbored a deep hatred for my Dad because of t...

DavidG · DavidG

Oh I shouldn't call this place a hick-town. It was an old gold-mining town, and a sheep town. I reckon a lot of people came here to run and hide. Before the main street was flooded there were three pubs in it. They were called 'the bottom', 'the middle' and 'the top'. There were two pubs in the outlying set...

John · John

imom · imom

Why is it bothering me that my AH doesn't want to communicate with me from rehab? he emailed our daughter but not me. The only time he contacted me is when he was at the airport and wanted money. So why do I care? He made the choice to continue to abuse drugs and alcohol. He endangered our entire neighb...

ParisMemories · ParisMemories

Things I am tired of.Tired of walking on eggshells, never knowing if what I say, or don't say, or do or don't do are going to make him drink. I must remember that I did not cause it, I cannot control and I cannot cure it.Tired of checking the bank account every day to see how much money he has withdrawn, worr...

hurting at 36 · hurting at 36

Hi everyone. This is my first time here and honestly my first time ever reaching out to anyone. My hope is to find people to relate to as right now I'm pretty angry at myself. I'll soon tell you why. I've been to 1 al anon meeting in the past when I was a teenager but haven't been since. My name is Tracie an...

newwoman · newwoman

For whatever this is worth... i have been on this forum griping, crying and yelling about my A in rehab...whether or not to visit him on family day- his letters etc. Yesterday, I did it- I made the drive to the facility and did the hour visit. Before I left I told myself that I cannot have any expections g...

imom · imom

Now that my AH is in a treatment center far far away, I am finding myself to feel very sad. I think I have been so caught up in the madness of the alcohol and drugs so much that I have been unable to mourn the loss of my marriage and friendship with him until now. So here I am alone in an empty house because my ki...

Tracey C · Tracey C

Up until age eight, I had no character defects. They were all assets, as far as the eye could see. Once age eight came along, I was apparently a grown-up and responsible for my behaviour and the behaviour of others. I started to believe that if I was told I was bad, I was bad. I remember fighting these c...

smurfymermaid · smurfymermaid

Like to introduce myself and tell you the current scenario. My elderly mom and I are caring for my dementia dad (post chemo). He wasn't an alcoholic, but he is and has always been emotionally unavailable to everyone accept my mom (in his own limited way). All my love interests have been addicts that wer...

Tigger · Tigger

hey friends,my eye is feeling sore (a virus) so i dont want to chair tonight. i just need to go to bed.ive messaged a few people so i hope someone will cover for me.sorry,tigger x

Tracey C · Tracey C

I've learned to accept that my loved one's sobriey is literally "One Day at a Time." I've learned to let go when she's sober, and detach when she's not. Today is one of those in between days that I need to manage differently. She's struggling in her sobriety and I want to reach out to help. ...

John · John

I just found this video while on YouTube and it just kinda hit me, so I thought I would share it. I feel its a good one. I like the last sentence..."I've made up your mind". LOL Lyrics- Call Me When You're Sober" Don't cry to me.If you loved me,You would be her...

cinders · cinders

I had such a crazy day at work. Doing evaluations on 11 employees can be exhausting and overwhelming. I want to give these the attention they deserve because they are so important to the folks I work with, but honestly, I hate doing them. There are only so many ways you can change how you say something...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	I have no trust left. (Preview) Hi, this is my first time on this website. I am 21 married to a 32 year old man. We've been married for over two years and we have one one-year-old son and a daughter due in three weeks. Before we married, we only dated for one year and before that we had only known each other for a few months. Most of the time, w...	cneely	4	543	Feb 16, 2013 by ilovedogs
	Praying for strength for tonight (Preview) Ugh....tonight my separated AH is coming over to talk about our divorce. I am full of anxiety. I am the main breadwinner and he is entitled to half of everything I have worked for during the last 10 years--a good savings account I have built for our kids college, half my pension, half the house, and the re...	sookie	5	495	Feb 16, 2013 by Auntyaya
	Thanks to this board - (Preview) I read it every moring and I see my self. I can identify with the different states. Things repressed come back too. It stirs me up in a way. I make myself come back. I am so grateful for all those brave enough to share. I feel like my inner mechanics are crunching, grinding, bursting. I feel like the ground I...	marycontrary	5	343	Feb 16, 2013 by marycontrary
	Just had one of those great light bulb moments (Preview) All I was doing was washing the dishes. That's all it took to let my mind wonder into the land of "If I could..." So in that thought, I am recalling the incident that went down this weekend. If only I kept my mouth shut and didn't tell my MIL that my recovering SIL put their address up on social...	1976love	2	272	Feb 16, 2013 by Pushka
	life after Valentine's Day (Preview) My dad was born on Valentine's Day--he would have been 73. He died on Dec. 21, 2011. It is hard to celebrate these days. But...I did pretty well. My husband bought me flowers & took me out to Mexican food. He usually doesn't give me flowers but I think he realized that I was struggling w/ the loss &...	Hoot Nanny	1	245	Feb 16, 2013 by milkwood
	Marriage counselling (Preview) AH and I have been together for 32 years. We have so many shared memories and a lot of them are good. His drinking started twelve years ago and my crazies set in about six years ago when AH decided to dangle an affair in front of me. Three years ago I finally drew some lines (so much time wasted in my ignora...	milkwood	9	506	Feb 16, 2013 by milkwood
	Getting off the emotional roller coaster (Preview) Although I grew up in an alcoholic home, I truly believed that alcoholism would not be an issue in my life if there were no active alcoholic drinking. I did not realize how much living with the disease of alcoholism as a child would affect my relationships with my children and husband.I found Al-Anon w...	Tracey C	2	319	Feb 16, 2013 by hotrod
	I'm New Here... (Preview) Hi, I'm new to this board and after many years realize I'm an ENABLER to my 27 years old daughter and her alcoholism. I have finally realized through many tears that I have not allowed her to suffer the consquences of her addiction by giving her money, buying her cars, bailing her out of jail, pay...	AngelicH57	5	251	Feb 16, 2013 by John
	Can't get a break! (Preview) I work and I work hard. Of course this time of year is extremely slow for pressure washing and painting. But I keep putting the word out there and catch a job or two a week, which just allows me to hold on until spring. I even sold my Ford F250 work truck and got a small Nissian truck which saves me a bunch on...	John	14	355	Feb 16, 2013 by laurab
	Context is important - passing on the laughter! (Preview) Wife texts husband on a cold winters Morning: Windows frozen, wont open. Husband texts back: Gently pour some lukewarm water over it. Wife texts back five minutes later: Computer really screwed up now. ************************* Happy Valentine's Day!	likemyheart	4	345	Feb 16, 2013 by John
	What if? (Preview) I am having a case of the what if's. My what if's are not related to any A but are a residual challenge from years of trying to be prepared, reacting and worrying about uncontrollable situations. My tried and dependable practices are not helping very much on this today. I am hoping some of you may share w...	Jennifer	8	634	Feb 16, 2013 by Debilyn
	I feel betrayed again (Preview) Well I feel betrayed again. Every time I think we are moving to a better place we goes 3 steps backward. Yesterday on valentines I give her roses etc and in return my AW decides to be angry at me all night. I couldn't do any right, calling me names you know the drill. I just don't understand any of this diseas...	Keaghan	6	307	Feb 15, 2013 by sookie
	A bouquet of flowers and a 12-pack (Preview) So I was in a f2f meeting yesterday - Valentine's Day. It's supposed to be a time for romance, for love, for mutual admiration. For sweet whispers, bubble baths tempered with chocolates. For flowers and stuffed animals. I feared that if I stood still too long that I would be saturated in sickenly-swee...	blondie99	3	548	Feb 15, 2013 by Jerry F
	The truck .. (Preview) Ok .. I'm sure there are a few out there that are sick of me talking about this dang truck .. LOL! Burn baby burn, Pink they are playing our song. Things with the STBAX are coming to a head and I've had a lot of learning curves. I don't know how to be anything other than combative with someone who has hurt me s...	Pushka	3	392	Feb 15, 2013 by Pushka
	Here we go again!! (Preview) Well, my AB gets out of jail tomorrow, or midnight tonight? I haven't spoken to him but he sent me a Valentine's Day card, it wobled me, to say the least. I do not want to get sucked back into the drama and abuse that accompany his drinking. I can no longer trust in him and I have been working hard on my own reco...	Heather 68	3	315	Feb 15, 2013 by Jerry F
	Scared I am falling backward (Preview) AW has been drinking alot more in the past couple weeks. My mental health is on a slide since my car blew up. Sleep is all out of whack. I didn't eat todayat all. I am sleeping on the dining room floor because we are fighting. I've resorted back to old and self destructive coping mechanisms. If I don't do som...	dponlyme	6	475	Feb 15, 2013 by Jerry F
	New, Confused and in Pain (Preview) Hi everyone, This is going to be long so I thank whoever sits through and reads it all in advance! I am new to this and not sure where I fit in. My therapist urged me to read the Alanon book and my husband has been encouraging me to go to meetings. I am 8 months pregnant right now and have two other children to te...	earthtorachel	9	955	Feb 15, 2013 by WorkingThroughIt
	Negative Thinking/ Loneliness (Preview) Hi I have been in Al Anon for 2 years coming up in April. But today I have been feeling Lonley and not using my program. I moved back to Australia from Canada in August last year with my husband and now 2 yr old son. My reasons for moving back to Australia was to live closer to family and friends. My husband wa...	sportychick	5	593	Feb 15, 2013 by slogan_jim
	4 Years (Preview) 4 years of begging, yelling, crying and paying I did not make one thing better for either me or my son. Since October 30, 2012 when I came to accept the first step in Al-anon did my life begin to change. Yes I still worry, cry, fear and obsess sometimes ( never to my son) but I'm getting the help I need to over...	Cathyinaz	5	340	Feb 14, 2013 by AStrongerMe
	Keeping things in perspective/playing the victim. (Preview) Hi everyone, my name is slogan_jim and I am a grateful member of Al-Anon. Today, I found myself playing the victim and feeling sorry for myself, something that I acquired growing up in an alcoholic home. My alcoholic father got laid off from his jobs several times when I was a kid. He was never able to sti...	slogan_jim	3	298	Feb 14, 2013 by Cathyinaz
	Anxiety of Indecision (Preview) It was another long night, another barrage of crazy to somehow nutralize for my own sanity, so I can maintain my position. That being, the ability to be available when I am not working for a living to the particular people in my family who need a regular supportive presence. I have frail elderly parents...	marycontrary	5	363	Feb 14, 2013 by marycontrary
	Daughter working on me hard this a.m. (Preview) Got a text from my daughter last night saying she wanted to "talk to us about how she feels." I didn't want to go to bed on a negative and lose sleep. Learned all of my lessons there. I don't respond at night and I don't look at my phone early in the morning. I give Myself time away from it and give...	Afraidparent	10	361	Feb 14, 2013 by Afraidparent
	Alcoholic daughter (Preview) My daughter is 33 and severely alcoholic. She lives with her husband on the east coast and the first intervention by her family (me, her father, brother and sister in law) was January of 2011. She has been to detox countless times and has spent at total of 75 days in treatment at Hazelden in Oregon. He...	jdlewis	6	536	Feb 14, 2013 by jdlewis
	My AA meeting nearly brought tears to my eyes last night (Preview) Im guessing Im emotionally detached, but we read something last night that made me really reflect- I became an alcoholic partially because of my damaged upbringing and the biggest part of it all was living with an alcoholic father, being abused by his wives (which Ive never really settled with becau...	AlAnonDave	9	453	Feb 14, 2013 by AlAnonDave
	Tired of the BS (Preview) I am new here - found this website by mistake and I just need to vent. My husband of 25 years is an alcoholic. He has been drinking on and off for years but I never thought he had a problem until three years ago when I found out he was drinking at work, hiding beer from me in the garbage pail outside our house and...	DebLisa55	8	434	Feb 14, 2013 by Mattie
	Lending my son and family money (Preview) My son who is my qualifier is seeing a counselor and doing a little better. Anyway his wife and him have 3 kids and his wife today ask me to borrow money so the bank won't take away their vehicle. Do I lend it or am I stopping a crisis? Causing soft landings. She is not an alcoholic, and he is making an attempt t...	oldergal	6	419	Feb 13, 2013 by Debilyn
	question (Preview) I have a question for you. Last night at Alanon this came up. Two different people said their loved ones learned that the year you started drinking you totally stopped in mental years from then on. So if you started drinking at 13 you woudl remain 13 forever...even if you stopped drinking for a long tim...	afglin	6	282	Feb 13, 2013 by Debilyn
	Getting it right?! (Preview) Hello, I am new to this site. I have been doing al-anon now for about a year. I sometimes feel stuck in one place. I listen to the tapes, I visit the forums, I read the books and readings. It all makes perfect sense, but I just can't seem to do it!! I know what I should do, but when I come home to my AH and he h...	rmbergeron1	3	265	Feb 13, 2013 by el-cee
	Loving an A - need your examples (Preview) Hello friends. I need some gudance today. I read today's Courage to Change entry about loving myself, loving my A, and loving others. The first and last, I understand, but the middle one is hard for me lately. How do I act lovingly to him, when I can smell the booze on his breath, and it makes my blood boi...	ParisMemories	7	348	Feb 13, 2013 by ParisMemories
	It has been well over a year........... (Preview) I haven't been on here in quite some time and I am glad I chose tonight to read some stories. I am going through some very hard issues right now. I am scared I feel lonely. I have even thought deep dark thoughts that creep up unexpectidly. I miss my friend Rodney now more than ever. He was the one I turned to an...	MDK	6	292	Feb 13, 2013 by Jerry F
	Taking care of myself. (Preview) In my deeply mixed up view of life I had some idea that in the right place I could find someone who would take care of me. I had this view because I did not get taken care of as a child. I lived on survival. I did not get my needs met. Basically I had a roof over my head and not much else. Indeed the roof was barely a...	orchidlover	4	281	Feb 13, 2013 by el-cee
	reminscing--is that healthy? (Preview) I have been reminscing a lot lately. I am basically trying to let go but I find myself remembering past relationships, etc. Mostly I am remembering the sick ones. Doesn't it figure? I wish I could stop. All the alcoholics in my past whether they were in recovery or not. Some of them were really out there...	Hoot Nanny	2	275	Feb 13, 2013 by Jerry F
	New to Al-Anon (Preview) I'm new to Al-Anon. My boyfriend who has been a drinker for 20+ years, 3 weeks ago, went to detox. We have been together for about a year and a half and he has been a heavy drinker the entire time. He has never been abusive and he doesn't hang out in bars nor did he drink hard liquor. He only drank beer,...	Janet007	9	317	Feb 13, 2013 by Janet007
	Verbal Abuse and Threats, can't take any more (Preview) Hi All, Each week it seems that I deal with some other crazy thing my AH has done. I had to work on a Saturday this weekend because someone at my work called in sick. While I was at work, AH had both kids. Lately, he only has our DD (3 yrs old) while he is unemployed, and she is easier. Our DS, who is 6...	Minaret	6	509	Feb 12, 2013 by el-cee
	my own experience..for once! (Preview) Hello, Im new here. I have been reading the messages boards by just going to the search engine looking at topics of what i was feeling through another individual feelings. I have done this for 6 months now. Today I finally decided i should write about my own experince, my own hurt, my own everything. Lo...	evejc02	3	403	Feb 12, 2013 by evejc02
	little update (Preview) He just called. This is a bit of my face book. I told myself I would say nothing about me. He asks how I am. I say just a sec I gotta turn off tv. got out of the question. yea sounded good then those feelings....I felt like I was doing everything wrong. Doing my best NOT to ask questions, listening, supportin...	Debilyn	4	477	Feb 12, 2013 by Cathyinaz
	ugh this is so painful (Preview) I made a mistake and thought my net was off!! geez. It will be from the 14th to the 27th. I got a nice couch, so did not pay my bill for a bit. Anyway my/our relationship is very strong still and growing. Learning so much. It has come now that he has done all the business, told his ex and kids he is outa there for g...	Debilyn	3	459	Feb 12, 2013 by wornoutmrsfixit
	bait & switch (Preview) I've tried to be spiritual and grounded and to reach out to others and to keep everything in perspective. But, you know, sometimes I just get ticked off... sometimes I'm done being all compassionate and spiritual and I'm just really angry. Does anyone else relate to this? The "bait and switch&q...	midas	4	327	Feb 12, 2013 by wornoutmrsfixit
	The Kids (Preview) Recently, over the last few months I have been learning and growing through my meetings, reading and this forum. I am a work in progress and I have a long way to go but there is one thing that I have learned and I would like to share it. I hope I don't offend anyone and my purpose is to 'help' if I can. During the...	el-cee	8	488	Feb 12, 2013 by Minaret
	Sunday Night Blues (Preview) I am having a bit of a pity party but I am really feeling like I keep trying to do the right things but I keep getting my feelings hurt. Here goes my week. I am working for an atorney who thinks she never makes a mistake. She is good in Court but around the office she is a slob who is disorganized, always missi...	WornOutMrsFixIt	6	295	Feb 12, 2013 by wornoutmrsfixit
	you can't help. (Preview) Well, this weekend was trying. Good old social media for ya. My recovering ASIL who I have said before, is recovering, but is as self centered as they come, hit a new low. She currently lives at my inlaw's house with her husband and children because they have no where else to go. Her husband is out of t...	1976love	5	445	Feb 12, 2013 by 1976love
	trudging on... (Preview) I am finding these days that I am moving forward slowly. I have been noticing that I am growing but feel that I am sometimes moving backwards. I am so confused sometimes where I am. Hopefully w/ more rest & exercise, I can feel & act normal for me. I want to vent so much these days but am afraid for pe...	Hoot Nanny	5	252	Feb 12, 2013 by el-cee
	should I go get the dog and the truck (Preview) Hello friends - I'm a grateful Al-Anoner working it every day. I have a question I'm hoping someone smarter than me can help with. My AH is checking in tomorrow at 9 a.m. for this third stint in rehab. We have not been living together since he completed his second stint the day after Thanksgiving 2012. Du...	blondie99	6	341	Feb 12, 2013 by RobinKSC
	We need chairs for morning meetings, Wednesday, Thursday and Sunday (Preview) The meetings have been great, I have three more weeks of crutches and then I will be at rehab during the morning meetings. I will be happy to co chair meetings with anyone if you would like to learn to chair. This Thursday I won't be able to chair, I have carpet people coming to replace my 14 year old carpet....	RobinKSC	0	173	Feb 11, 2013 by RobinKSC
	Wrong thoughts this morning (Preview) Good Monday Morning Everyone I talked to my son yesterday and it was nice. He is sober but I think it's because he doesn't have a dime to his name. After the talk my mind started up again thinking maybe I should ask him to clean my property ( weeds, tree trimming) and maybe paint my bedroon....in turn I w...	Cathyinaz	6	354	Feb 11, 2013 by Cathyinaz
	Reflecting on the Loss of my AH (Preview) It has been exactly one month today since my AH passed away unexpectedly from renal and liver failure, and it also would have been his 52nd birthday. I continue to be all over the board with my emotions: sometimes I'm sad and unconsolable, sometimes I'm angry, and sometimes there is a sense of relief (w...	Green Eyes	15	626	Feb 11, 2013 by Debilyn
	Old wounds have been opened (Preview) My Mom died when I was 11 months old - death certificates indicates cause of death was tubercular meningitis. My father moved back home with his mom and she basically raised us while enabling my Dad's alcoholism & abuse of my sis & I. My Mom's family harbored a deep hatred for my Dad because of t...	Path to Serenity	4	408	Feb 11, 2013 by Debilyn
	Things getting big... (Preview) Oh I shouldn't call this place a hick-town. It was an old gold-mining town, and a sheep town. I reckon a lot of people came here to run and hide. Before the main street was flooded there were three pubs in it. They were called 'the bottom', 'the middle' and 'the top'. There were two pubs in the outlying set...	DavidG	2	252	Feb 11, 2013 by Debilyn
	You ever feel this way? (Preview)	John	1	263	Feb 11, 2013 by Pushka
	What is wrong with me? (Preview) Why is it bothering me that my AH doesn't want to communicate with me from rehab? he emailed our daughter but not me. The only time he contacted me is when he was at the airport and wanted money. So why do I care? He made the choice to continue to abuse drugs and alcohol. He endangered our entire neighb...	imom	5	308	Feb 11, 2013 by pinkchip
	Things I am tired of (Preview) Things I am tired of.Tired of walking on eggshells, never knowing if what I say, or don't say, or do or don't do are going to make him drink. I must remember that I did not cause it, I cannot control and I cannot cure it.Tired of checking the bank account every day to see how much money he has withdrawn, worr...	ParisMemories	4	319	Feb 11, 2013 by milkwood
	A moment in pain (Preview) Hi everyone. This is my first time here and honestly my first time ever reaching out to anyone. My hope is to find people to relate to as right now I'm pretty angry at myself. I'll soon tell you why. I've been to 1 al anon meeting in the past when I was a teenager but haven't been since. My name is Tracie an...	hurting at 36	3	368	Feb 11, 2013 by Katy
	Family Visit to Rehab (Preview) For whatever this is worth... i have been on this forum griping, crying and yelling about my A in rehab...whether or not to visit him on family day- his letters etc. Yesterday, I did it- I made the drive to the facility and did the hour visit. Before I left I told myself that I cannot have any expections g...	newwoman	3	404	Feb 11, 2013 by hopeful4ever
	Facing reality (Preview) Now that my AH is in a treatment center far far away, I am finding myself to feel very sad. I think I have been so caught up in the madness of the alcohol and drugs so much that I have been unable to mourn the loss of my marriage and friendship with him until now. So here I am alone in an empty house because my ki...	imom	11	655	Feb 11, 2013 by newwoman
	I have hope and dreams - again (Preview) Up until age eight, I had no character defects. They were all assets, as far as the eye could see. Once age eight came along, I was apparently a grown-up and responsible for my behaviour and the behaviour of others. I started to believe that if I was told I was bad, I was bad. I remember fighting these c...	Tracey C	1	266	Feb 10, 2013 by hotrod
	New here + Caring for dying qualifier father (Preview) Like to introduce myself and tell you the current scenario. My elderly mom and I are caring for my dementia dad (post chemo). He wasn't an alcoholic, but he is and has always been emotionally unavailable to everyone accept my mom (in his own limited way). All my love interests have been addicts that wer...	smurfymermaid	10	499	Feb 11, 2013 by hotrod
	i cant do the chair tonight (Preview) hey friends,my eye is feeling sore (a virus) so i dont want to chair tonight. i just need to go to bed.ive messaged a few people so i hope someone will cover for me.sorry,tigger x	Tigger	1	218	Feb 11, 2013 by hotrod
	My lesson in detachment - a man's view (Preview) I've learned to accept that my loved one's sobriey is literally "One Day at a Time." I've learned to let go when she's sober, and detach when she's not. Today is one of those in between days that I need to manage differently. She's struggling in her sobriety and I want to reach out to help. ...	Tracey C	11	603	Feb 11, 2013 by Tracey C
	Call me when you are sober... (Video) (Preview) I just found this video while on YouTube and it just kinda hit me, so I thought I would share it. I feel its a good one. I like the last sentence..."I've made up your mind". LOL Lyrics- Call Me When You're Sober" Don't cry to me.If you loved me,You would be her...	John	2	305	Feb 11, 2013 by Heather 68
	Blessings (Preview) I had such a crazy day at work. Doing evaluations on 11 employees can be exhausting and overwhelming. I want to give these the attention they deserve because they are so important to the folks I work with, but honestly, I hate doing them. There are only so many ways you can change how you say something...	cinders	4	281	Feb 11, 2013 by el-cee
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.