The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Thanks for posting some of the stories from the,Alanon Forum. It is a wonderful alanon monthly magazine that I recommend subscribing to. My group established a lending library of Fourms several years ago, for people who could not afford the subscription and that works well too
As this message states: The Steps are the key to recovery
-- Edited by hotrod on Sunday 10th of February 2013 06:37:43 PM
Up until age eight, I had no character defects. They were all assets, as far as the eye could see. Once age eight came along, I was apparently a grown-up and responsible for my behaviour and the behaviour of others. I started to believe that if I was told I was bad, I was bad. I remember fighting these comments. I remember trying to win unwinnable arguments: when I was told I was lying and I wasn't; I was fat when I wasn't, and the list goes on.
As time passed, I started to believe and argue for the defects constantly. When I say something too loudly, use a curse word, or see someone roll their eyes or make the slightest negative gesture, I believe that I have been bad. I negate my feelings and beat myself up for having them.
It is unfortunate that I have great peripheral vision, and a deep sense of what I believe others are feeling. When I receive a compliment, I might say "thank you," but inside, I argue for the dark side again. I don't really believe it. I believe I have assets, very many assets, more than average maybe. But don't ask me what they are because, when it comes to assets and defects, I won't believe anything that comes out of my mouth, or my pen at this point.
I am thankful that the Steps have an order and a reason for that order. I am starting to get excited to be catching on to how the Steps link together to help me find my true self, the one hiding deep inside, afraid of everything, and afraid to come out. I am starting to get in touch with myself on a level that can't be taught and that I can't even fully understand right now.
I am tired of feeling like a piece of garbage and letting others determine who I am. I love when I start to feel like my teenage self, when I still had dreams that I thought would come true. I am starting to have dreams about my life again, and that is hope. I am right where I am supposed to be, here on Step One, here in this room, and showing all of you the love I feel in my heart for you as best I can today. I am blessed to have you, my Higher Power, my Sponsor, and my family of origin. It all leads to this. And the future is looking good.
By Karen S., California
Reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Hdqts., Inc., Virginia Beach, VA
