AH has finally admitted he needs help - Al-Anon Family Group

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

AH has finally admitted he needs help

ParisMemories · Senior Member

He woke up this morning and promised up and down that it would never happen again, but the difference this time is he said, "I'm not checking into a hospital, but I do need help".

WOW! He has never said those words before, so I am encouraged. He has been to a few meetings in the recent months, but I know that was more of an attempt to keep me happy, I never believed he was going for himself. So anyway, he tried to go to a meeting this morning, but arrived to find out it had been cancelled. (We are due for a major blizzard today).

I'd like point him in the direction of an online meeting board for AA, similar to this great group, and possibly share a copy of AA's big book - which is available as an eBook, I know. Do you all have any suggestions? I don't want to preach or control. Just to suggest some things and then leave it to him to make the next move.

Thanks

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Paris and smiles for you. I'd leave him to his own thoughts because it was in his own thoughts that he came up with (I do need help). Left with thoughts, feelings and experiences of his own drinking he will and has come up with realization for himself. If you are attending face to face Al-Anon meetings continue doing that and keep the focus on yourself. When he sees that his enabler is finding help for herself he will find you missing when he wants to lean on you in anyway and he'll need to find someone else and hopefully that will be someone in AA or a counselor. He cannot get sober for you...he doesn't get drunk for you; he has to do it all for himself. If you are not going to face to face meetings get the hotline number in the white pages of your local telephone book under Al-Anon and call to find out where and when we meet in your area.

Keep coming back. (((((Hugs))))) smile

ParisMemories · Senior Member

Thank you HotRod and Jerry for your replies. You are right, I just need to leave this to him, and support his going to meetings. Wow, it is hard to give up control isn't it?! I have to keep reminding myself of that. Old habits are hard to break.

I will continue to lean on my HP, continue going to my meetings, keep the focus on my good health, and hopefully be a good role model.

maryjane · ~*Service Worker*~

Why is it that AA was made anonymous in the first place? So that famous people can't go there and brag and brag about how wonderful they are on national news and then go out and get drunk and stupid and get back on national news and give a bad review of the association.... okay that is simplified. But the same case can be made for you staying far away and forcing his anonymity around you. How would you feel if he took advantage of all your good intentions and you worked and worked for him to get him sober..... and then he went out one day and got drunk. Not to say he would. But what would you think? How would you feel? He has to do it because he truly feels it is the right thing for him. You have to stay out of it. Your support is by letting him do what he needs to do. He will rise or fall no matter what you do.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Anonymity was and is valuable because it carries a negative presentation and if spread around could cause more damage to the drunk and their family. One consequence was often loss of work and everyone who comes into contact with the alcoholic could be and often was affected as we in Al-Anon know. It also made it very difficult for the alcoholic to attend AA meetings because anyone seen in the company of those in the program was suspect. Being a drunk is still often frowned upon. Alcoholics are viewed as weak willed and bad spirited. Anonymity keeps program and recovery safe until the alcoholic and or the family can come forward without fear and then help others with their own stories. (((hugs))) smile

yanksfan51 · ~*Service Worker*~

Paris:

We never know what might make the difference for our As; keep taking care of you. Your strength will continue to fortify you

Wishing you serenity

yanksfan

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