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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> you can't help.
Post Info TOPIC: you can't help.
1976love


Senior Member

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Posts: 104
Date:
you can't help.
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Well, this weekend was trying.  Good old social media for ya.  My recovering ASIL who I have said before, is recovering, but is as self centered as they come, hit a new low.  She currently lives at my inlaw's house with her husband and children because they have no where else to go.  Her husband is out of town for 2 weeks and the inlaws are on a much deserved vacation.  So that means she is in the house by herself with the boys for a week.  It snowed this weekend and she put a status up saying she is on her own and still isn't going to shovel.  So all of her 950+ friends are offering there services to shovel for her since she can't (or should we say won't)  She tells this one kid she would be forever grateful and here is the address with step by step directions on how to get to the house.  I told her in a private message she shouldn't put that on her page, especially after stating she was alone for the rest of the week.  3 hours go by and the address is still on her page...SO, I called my MIL to let her know that she put HER address on the page.  My MIL quickly called her son and said she saw it and wants it down...So the next morning I private message her again to let her know I was looking out for her and her safety and she was all sarcastic and rude.  Then proceeds to call me a rat and complains how mean and insensitive her husband is and how he try's to control everything she does...So I had enough.  I blocked her and my BIL from my account.  I think those two are meant for each other.  Only bad thing is I have to see her this morning dropping the kids off at school...If I could just get her out of my life, I'd be fine.  SO FRUSTRATED. 



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Mattie


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 3613
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It's frustrating when people make different choices or bad choices.  I know you were trying to look out for others.  When I ask myself the question "What's my part in it?  How could I have avoided this aggravation?" usually I see that I do have some power.  Frequently I get into these situations by not wanting to let people make their own mistakes.  I wonder if that was a place where you opened the door to aggravation.  Take care of yourself!



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1976love


Senior Member

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Posts: 104
Date:
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I agree. There has been alot of robberies in our area and people have been warned by the township police to be extra vigilant. I just couldn't stand that fact the she just put the address on a social media site where all her so called friends could see it. I have blocked her so I don't have to see what she does anymore. In doing that I can easily remove the need to monitor...she can live her life, but I don't have to see all her updates and choices.

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pinkchip


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 5663
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Agreed.

This person is not your friend. She literally bugs the crap out of you. It's going to take some work to let it go. Trust me - she's not having the time of her life being a conceited, needy addicted brat. I have had resentments for people when I see it's like they have no consequences at all for being horrible people and also that they are dragging others down with them. In fact, those are the only times when I've had serious resentments.

It is like you have discovered the murderer in a mystery and are trying to tell everyone else but they wont listen. Furthermore, it shakes my faith in my HP when I see someone so "not right" "getting away" with such awful things.

So - I fully identify. BUT - remember when she was whining to you about how awful her husband is? Remember how she was whining and making drama about being stuck inside the house? These folks appear like they have no consequences and everything is just peachy while they terrorize the rest of the world, but the consequences are there. She told you as much. She is not happy and nothing will make her happy while she is using and acting like that.

Knowing that, you can focus on yourself and forget her. Of course forgetting her will be work and you might literally have to chant "forget her" when you start obsessing on her.

It's okay to dislike someone and just let them be. I have big problems with that myself. I often think there is something I should do or say to make the person more likeable to me or to help them be a better person. I get really resentful when they don't seem to give a crap and sometimes even turn on me. Hence, I have to say "I just don't like that person" and detach. Period.

When you try and be friends with someone who you are not meant to be friends with, it's a version of taking your will back.

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Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 3653
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no Poison is poison. I stand by people are who they are and it is their right to be so.

We accept them as is and use our al anon tools.

we stay the same and be miserable.

or we cut them from our lives.

For me, I know I can change no one but myself. Her inlaws allowed this to happen, it is their responsibility to make that choice. I believe your letting them know their address was posted was acceptable. Trying to control the sil was a waste of time.

Good for you to take the stand to keep out of it protecting you!! It's not always an easy decision. hugs,debilyn



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

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1976love


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 104
Date:
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Thanks Everyone. I do feel better today. The funny thing about the whole thing is this morning when she rushed to get her son to school she ran over the curb, it was very fitting. I just got in my car and drove away. She can have her life, and I will have mine...in peace. Pinkchip, how right you are, she's not my friend and even though she is a part of the family by paper...I don't have to be in hers. I can go to family functions and not engage in a conversation that will bug me to the endth degree because of her pity party. And yes Debilyn, poison is poison, I don't want or need it.

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