you will find help.  Each and everytime I hear that repeated at the closing of our face to face meetings I become grateful again because that promise was the first miracle of recovery that I received.   

Aloha all and thank you for being in my life.  This is now the near end of February 8th which I acknowledge as my anniversay date.  It was before or on or about the day I got into Al-Anon for "real" because I had run out of life especially one worth living.  My first alternative was suicide and my Higher Power; unknown at that time, had another idea.  Where I was looking to "end my life" my Higher Power; then unknown pointed me to the doors of the Monday Night College Church of Christ Al-Anon Family Groups with the idea that I would "end how I was living my life".  I came to understand the realities between a failed suicide and a successful one.  The failed one is where you kill yourself and the successful one is where you  end how you're living it.  Anyway...this was my second attempt at recovery...both Al-Anon and AA (at the suggestion of my spouses sponsor...I guess my spouse was telling on my drinking too) neither worked the first times around...I wasn't done yet...wasn't toast and then the nest time around I was and so I sat and took the suggestions of "Sit down, shut up (because you don't know anything about alcoholism and how to live inspite of it) listen, learn and then practice.  I wasn't always a sane member, there were times I was asked to leave the meetings because my emotional and mental condition were so torn up and affected my behavior adversely.  Slowly I was able to calm my mind, body, spirit and emotions and put more focus on myself than be diverted to thoughts of my alcoholic/addict wife who was "out there...somewhere....dear or alive I didn't know and came to understand that it wasn't any ove my business.  I stayed in my home group and many many other meetings sick for a long time.  I was very sick I got into trouble while in program and somehow kept an open mind.  In 5 years I thought I could learn more if I went to college and when I graduated I came to understand I could have saved the money and stayed in the rooms only.  LOL  I still didn't trust completely and needed to have control at times.  I violated the principles of the program a time or two and continued to grow inspite of the negative consequences I would get.  I was learning more and more and finally....finally made the commitment to allow myself to be led by the elders including my sponsor.  My first sponsor was a woman (don't I follow the rules?) and I get to meet up with her as a friend again in June if we are still alive.  It's been 19 years.  My second sponsor Don T came thru that first relationship and Don was God sent.  He passed away two year ago my gratifude for  him in my life has never waned.   I stayed alcohol free and working as much as I was being taught of the program in Al-Anon for 9 years until HP intervened in my recovery and led me to doing an assessment of my past drinking history...the consequence (another miracle directed by God) brought AA into my life also and so far I have not had to deal with the consequence or possibility of a relapse as I learned how to deal with my denial system.  I've come close to leaving the program several times and each time I faced the invitation to leave I was also faced with what my condition was when I first got here.  I don't have the moxie or courage to test the outcome in anyway...I druther sit and listen and learn and then practice, practice, practice one more day after another.  The years don't matter for me other than now I have almost the same amount of time in recovery as I did before it or as Don use to tell me the "half life" of the disease.  That will be the important day for me...the day after the half life when I have as much time practicing recovery as I did practicing the disease.

My day was special...very special.  I woke up and swung my feet to the floor and started the conversation with my Higher Power Akua (you all know I'm cultural and that is the Hawaiian God of all Gods...my father) "Place me where you want me...tell me what to do".  HP listens and follows that request.  And at the same time my meditation enters which meditation came to me with the help of Don T.  A meditation so simple and so real that I can hold it 24/7 no matter what is going on in my life and maybe especially because of what's going on.  I learned it in 1988 and it has never gone away..."God is"...every where I look, who ever I meet, what ever I do, where ever I am at..."God is".  I met strangers from far off...("Arizona" Cathy) and had pleasant loving conversations with them...they left me with who they where and where they lived and use to live before that and it was important for them to share who they were with me and gratefully I listened...how cool...how loving.  My day was without spine pain unlike yesterday.  It was without pain on any level...mind, body, spirit and emotions and mostly I kept my ego and pride in check...the joker that just pops out of its box with that stooopid grin on it's face and that wobbly springy neck just chuckin and jivin loudly at everyone".  Now I'm here talking with family after a grilled dinner with my spouse which was lovely.  Days almost done...Gonna pick up a sponsee for a meeting tomorrow morning and let HP handle it all...big stuff and small stuff.  HP will notify me if and when HP needs my help.   My gratitude for this family where I do always come to read and listen and then share.  I've never been able to do this alone. (((((hugs)))))