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Detaching; doesnt have to be a scary word or an unthinkable action. Loving Detachment is Possible
(Preview)
detaching... when i was new to this program i remember being terrified just thinkin about it... the word itself. and then the action of it...omg my my AH wasnt gonna like this! this will be the end of this program for me.... but truth is i was so determined.... that i was willing to d...
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aunitedway
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9
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1205
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Help for a Dry Drunk
(Preview)
Hello All! I have just recently started going to meetings at the end of March and am very thankful that my therapist recommended it. Since going, I have been able to be comfortable acknowledging that I need to focus on recovery of myself and not focus so much on my A and his recovery. I have been married fo...
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ChrissyPooh
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8
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1062
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he's just not that into you
(Preview)
I just saw the movie "he's just not that into you" and could relate to some stuff. Now I wonder can we still apply this to A's and sober A's or is that a whole other story? I wonder cuz what I'm getting is he's not into me at all. Makes me wanna run. Anyone else seen it and any comments?
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buick23
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8
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683
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should i leave my husband--- newbie needs esh
(Preview)
Hello everyone, I am new to this forum, I feel lost and confused and don't know where to turn. My husband is a alcoholic. We've been married for three years. He drinks almost every day. He has never been physically abusive but I am tired of dealing with all the emotional symptoms that go along with alc...
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laurel
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11
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1014
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amazing how much my mental health is physical health
(Preview)
It's amazing how much easier it is to banish obsessive thoughts and to go from fury to indifference or even charity once I've slept, exercised, and taken my vitamins. If that doesn't work, coffee with friends is usually the thing that tips me over in to health again. And it's amazing how convinced I am w...
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gngcrzy
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6
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815
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hello from a newcomer :)
(Preview)
Hi all This is my first post. I went to my first F2F meeting the other day and it was really good. My biggest fear came true: I saw someone I knew there and was really scared at first but it worked out great actually :) Unfortunately I cannot get to a lot of f2f meetings because of babysitting issues. I do have...
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tweety23
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8
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805
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the 5 freedoms
(Preview)
Saw this in one of my John Bradshaw books...... 1. The freedom to see and hear (perceive) what is here and now, rather than what was, will be or should be. 2. The freedom to think what one thinks, rather than what one should think. 3. The freedom to feel what one feels, rather than what one should feel. 4....
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rosielightshines
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3
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736
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Picking fights to force and outcome, or agenda...
(Preview)
I was reading on here in another post about the A picking a fight, to get what they want. I've noticed that at this point in my relationship with my A that I pick fights with him in order to get out of having to enjoy time with him. Most times lately I sabotage any hope of enjoying any time with him. I am evas...
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Rora
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9
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1048
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New - Need Answers
(Preview)
I am new to this board. I have been coping with an on/off alcoholic husband for several years. We have had counseling but our communication about this is poor. The biggest problem has been lying about drinking. Lack of trust makes the problem so much worse. I have gone to a few Al-Anon meetings ove...
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wifeofalcoholic
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9
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1039
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Thoughts
(Preview)
Even though I am not living with or involved with an A, sadly I have friends who do. I use my skills every day and want to learn more. One friends wife is very, very sick. It's been hard watching thru him, her fall apart, family be hurt. After going thru what we have, we can be there for others. This is a humble...
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debilyn
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4
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775
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At work...stuff happened. Am I gonna get all whipped up? HOW IMPORTANT IS IT?
(Preview)
No, I am not going to get all whipped up into a slather.My serenity is THE most valuable thing in the world to me.My budgets got cut at work. I am angry. I can be for awhile. Its OK. Its not anyone's fault although I SURE WOULD LIKE IT TO BE so I could point my finger, hehe, and not have to sit here and feel th...
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Jean4444
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5
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578
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1st DUI - in Florida - what does system expect?
(Preview)
signed up for 1st time DUI classes in Florida not sure what will happen after that - anyone have someone go through the FL system to get their license back? what can you tell me about the hardship license? anyone need to do a 12 wk class after the DUI classes?
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florida
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4
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719
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Sometimes... Mom don't know it all :)
(Preview)
Well as most of you know last week I took a back seat to my drama of Afathers belongings, now this week I must get back on my game and get something done...alot has happened that is "Out of my Control", so there for now I must get back in control and get it going in order to get to the finish line... T...
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Jozie
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3
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807
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What am i doing to take care of me today???
(Preview)
Robin taught me these "what am i grateful for today and what did i do to take care of me today" so i will do the "taking care of me thread" OK..TODAY...i took care of me by: gave myself a great haircut..... NICE LONG shower slept in and lied in bed and relaxed fixed a GREAT breakfa...
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rosielightshines
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4
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762
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What am I grateful for today?
(Preview)
My husband volunteered at a pancake breakfast for the church. He came home with lots of leftover food and gallon of milk and two gallons of organge juice. Currently, my husband and I are both unemployed so I am thankful and grateful for the extra food.
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Robinks
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4
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601
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No one told me I had to be perfect____BUT!!!
(Preview)
The following is from "Hope for Today" > An Al-Anon daily meditation reader approved > by World Service Conference Al-Anon Family > Groups (c) 2002 Al-Anon Family Group > Headquarters, Inc > ----------------------- > > Hope for Today - May 31 > > ...
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rosielightshines
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3
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1109
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Times Up
(Preview)
Gotta get to bed early, vacation over, work tomorrow. I'm cool with that. These days off with my A at work and my home alone time has been nice. I am renewed and looking forward to my honey coming home. I just hope I feel as good as I did while he was at work this week. We'll see. Thanks all for being here f...
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Sincerely
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2
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549
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I Think I've Been Flim-Flammed
(Preview)
Yesterday my husband was a TOTAL A-HOLE. All day long he just kept being a jerk about one thing or another. Then later in the day he mentioned that his brother had invited him over to a friend's house to watch a fight (assuming boxing on pay-per-view). By that point I thought to myself "I don't ca...
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N8SMOM
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4
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2971
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What is HP to You... Putting Trust in Your HP....How do you see feel Your HP
(Preview)
my trust in my HP comes from alot of things... first off each and every mornin i sit up and give thanks for being here at all for a nother day and i read from my daily reminders., that in itself helps me to place my mindset in a positive place. and i say the serenity prayer after i read the entri...
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aunitedway
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4
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806
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Birthdays are abounding !!!!!! Shadow and Bratly aka Angela
(Preview)
Wow, this is the birthday week of birthdays!!! A very special birthday to Shadow (today) and Bratly/Angela (tomorrow) and Kari (yesterday). Happy Birthday Alanon Girls. Love yas, Maria
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Maria123
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14
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2031
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Detachment
(Preview)
Hi All Yesterday I awoke thinking of my exabf,even refering to him as my 'x' is huge progress for me. So I got up to go about my day.Within an hour 3 things had chipped away at my will not to contact him. An item on the news about a place we liked to visit,nice memories I thought and moved on, an email from a cl...
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Mariner
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7
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1238
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He's going back to AA and I'm just annoyed
(Preview)
Instead of being happy, all I can think is "here we go again!" and get irritated that he puts everyone through this roller coaster. I guess I still have some work to do on myself.
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gngcrzy
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10
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644
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Dating "normals".......Where do I begin?????
(Preview)
EXABF and I have been broken up for almost 6 mths now and I am beginning to date again. It is HARD! I know I am not ready for a serious relationship and have made it a point to let whomever I date know this upfront. I have been dating here and there, no intimacy involved, as I know I am not ready for that yet af...
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shellyj123
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12
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982
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Recovering...
(Preview)
Two weeks later I am recovering from my loss pretty well. My husband (I think) has some peace now Me I am doing much petter but still think of how tragic our loss was to both of us. Now that the family is gone, I can see us getting on with our lives. Thanks to our HP we are still going strong! God is definitely...
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Hoot Nanny
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3
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633
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Somedays all I can do is sit and wonder HOW....
(Preview)
Woke up this am and EXABF was the first thing on my mind! UGH! I have no idea why or how he keeps getting there but it just really annoyes me this am. I came to work and sat down and read the morning posts-which usually bounces me back into the now and I'm still just kinda not with it. Looking back, I never tho...
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shellyj123
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6
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969
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Funny how things Happen ???
(Preview)
Ok, Bare with me here... HP always seems to come around when I am not looking... Yesterday, I was having an Off day if you read my post you will see that I was struggling with ALOT of past memories in my life, and just "Some" of the many hurdless in my mind that I have tried to come to terms with and f...
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Jozie
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4
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970
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Journaling :) Who Knew?
(Preview)
Well today I desided to get started with Journaling, WOW was it a freeing moment in my life, and was it something I should have done a long time ago. I took the time to right out ALL the things that I could remember from my Rape. I owned it, stood tall, cried some, and handed it over to God... I know he will know...
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Jozie
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11
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708
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Is HP trying to tell me something or does He just have a sense of humor????
(Preview)
Driving home yesterday, as I was passing the place the EXABF always dropped his truck off for service (it's close to my part of town), a thought crossed my mind and I wondered if he'd ever think about me when he had to come this way again to have his truck serviced. Got up this am and there in my INBOX was a mes...
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shellyj123
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5
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463
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trying hard to stay calm
(Preview)
It's after 11 pm and my bf is still not home. He has been out late for weeks now but not this late. I'm trying to stay calm and not go crazy. I have not called, I'm forcing myself not to call. I am suspecting something is going on but the worst thought I'm having is what if he's drinking? I have a headache and thi...
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buick23
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8
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918
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How could al-anon help me?
(Preview)
My husband has been in AA for 31 days now and keeps pushing me to attend an al-anon meeting. Right now I'm in therapy one on one and in a group...once a week for sexual assault victims(this happened 2 months ago)...and I don't see how al-anon will help me. Right now, I am a bit jealous at my husband taking...
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txincalif
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11
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749
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handle the neediness
(Preview)
HANDLE THE NEEDINESS. Neediness is an emotion created by fear and is therefore one of the prime destroyers of love. It stands to reason that if we are feeling needy, consciously or unconsciously, we are always trying to manipulate our mate with the desperate hope that they will make us feel whole. Nee...
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Robinks
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5
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851
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Careful what you wish for...
(Preview)
I have been seeing a great guy for the past 3 months and am moving next month and have really been trying to encourage him to move in with me. Mostly because I want to see him as much as possible and we work opposite schedules and partially because I would like to save the money that him paying half the expen...
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carolinagirl
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5
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889
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Chat room down
(Preview)
If you have mirc, please use it to enter the chatroom. Java is not working. John has been called and we hope to have it restored soon. hugs, danz
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danz123
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0
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334
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May Business Meeting Agenda
(Preview)
May 3, 2009 (9 PM est) Business Meeting Agenda I. Review of April minutesII. Review of op meeting scheduleIII. Old businessA. Discussion of Helper service positionB. Op liaison committee report IV. New Bus...
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danz123
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0
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320
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Oh Hi Self Confidence. I haven't seen you in a while...where have you been?
(Preview)
I've had a good few days. I had an almost decent week. I had two really good days, felt shakey Wednesday mentally, had a F2F Wednesday night and felt a lot better TODAY however, I stepped outside the box. I lost my job in February. I worked so hard to get that job. It was perfect for me. I lost it becaus...
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Inpain
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6
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1170
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Vacation Day 3 - update
(Preview)
This vacation time for me is a time to reflect on things in my life. Through praying I am trying to forgive myself. Yep, it's not only my A that I need to forgive. I have to forgive myself for some of the ways I have reacted towards my A and others in my life. To have peace in my heart and home I can't be bitte...
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Sincerely
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1
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525
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need some insight
(Preview)
I have been coming to this board off and on for about a year and I have posted a couple of times in the past and I know that you are not supposed to give advice, but I am needing some help from some you that have gone through this before. My husband is an alcoholic and he got a DUI on his birthday at the end of Marc...
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cbu03
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7
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813
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A Vacation For Me
(Preview)
Finally, my A has been released from the Doctor and has gone back to work since having been home since November. It was much needed for my sainity that I take some time off of work myself. The last month I have been in a bad place emoitionally. So, 5 days off just to myself. Nothing planned other than to d...
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Sincerely
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3
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712
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rambling
(Preview)
I keep making the mistake to let go and take it back. I also try to see beyond the black and white and am having trouble with that too. So when I take it back I repeat myself with my bf because I guess I think he will really "hear" me this time and it does not happen. When I let go and detach, I detach co...
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buick23
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3
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706
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letting go
(Preview)
It has been awhile since my last post, It has been two months since i left my ex/bf and the life i could not handle any longer. His alcoholism and the fact that drugs (crack) had now entered the picture was way to much for me to deal with. Before leaving there was alot of verbal abuse and was becoming violen...
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maryam
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5
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762
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working through the fear
(Preview)
last night i attended an alanon meeting for the first time since the restraining order/court drama involving my ex A-bf it was so comforting to have an hour to sit and listen to the experiences of others for that one hour i felt like i wasn't the only person in the world who was trying to make h...
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lettherebepeace
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4
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819
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AH in detox... liver failure
(Preview)
Good Morning everyone, I am so scared, worried, nervious, anxious.... AH went to emergency room yesterday because of multiple symptoms of liver failure and detox. He is 36 years old and has been heavy drinker for at least 15-20 years (drug use from 14 - 18 years old too). The docs yesterday told him if...
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andica
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16
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1260
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I told him and getting better Getting over resentment is hard
(Preview)
One little step at a time. First of all I thought I was not enabling him I don't go up to the store and get his beer any more. Last night he asked me to run up for a pack of Cigs. I alway would do it. Well I said to him if you are to drunk to drive for some cigs I'm not getting them . I felt selfish at first but I felt go...
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peacewithin
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4
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911
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Reacting
(Preview)
I had an insight yesterday when I was doing a big cleaning project. I have spent my entire life reacting to others rather than doing for me. Practically every thought was about how I felt about others rather than how I felt about myself. I sought comfort from others and then over reacted to what ever...
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maresie
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6
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821
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New to Alanon...please share your wisdom with me.
(Preview)
I am feeling terribly lost and confused. My fiance is a recovering drug addict/ alcoholic. He has been sober for about 4 years, until last week. He has not been to an AA meeting in about 6 months. My fiance bought marijuana and brought it into our home. He offered me some, and I NEVER use drugs, and rar...
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mermaid88
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10
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716
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Serenity Prayer & Me...
(Preview)
After doing some much pondering today, I got to think'n about "Every" word of the Serenity prayer.. "Acceptance" made me stop and have a "Lightbulb" moment.. All my life growing up in an Alcoholic home, I realized that Acceptance is something that I struggle with,...
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Jozie
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3
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687
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The Newest Me ... :)
(Preview)
Today is that of a new day... And at this moment, a new start, for that is my choice... I got up this morning, feeling the freshness in the air, that breeze on my face, and I tell ya, it was wonderful...I felt well rested, I felt anew... Not that anything special happened but I think I am getting a rythum to it...
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Jozie
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4
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671
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"neurotics build castles in the sky, psychotics live in them..."
(Preview)
Our mind and our delusions are formless and colorless. However, our ignorance believing in true existence is harder than a rocky mountain. Our delusions are harder than steel.- Lama Zopa Rinpoche, "The Door to Satisfaction" I just thought this was so great I had to share it with y'all. W...
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Tiger2006
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4
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3337
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Getting it done ;-)
(Preview)
Okay, I gotta get it done! I gotta get back to the place where I am happy with who I am. You see, I have become some kind of person that I do not like or would not want to be around. I need a tune up and it starts with me. I have to take care of me/change my oil so to speak. I am starting my day over right now. I am...
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Sincerely
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8
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542
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A lovely birthday!
(Preview)
((((Family))), Thank you for all the lovely birthday wishes. Christy, I am so impressed that you taught that kitty to sing. It was a lovely weekend. I took the entire weekend off and that was a treat. I did lots of chores and spring cleaning (although it felt more like summer with temperatures up i...
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Karilynn
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4
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630
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Sharing A Problem I Solved
(Preview)
Hello To All, Most everyone turns their problems small, large and major over to their HP. I was taught to do that from a very young age. My main problem over the years was taking back from my HP what I had given him before he had time to solve them for me. His time table and mine were seldom the same. Prob...
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RLC
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3
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1013
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Just wanted to Share... :)
(Preview)
Hi All... I am reading a book called "Perfect Daughters by a Robert Ackerman Md." it a the revised version, for Adult Daughter of Alcoholics...I hope that you all find sometimes from it, as did... And I hope that you all enjoy... AFTER A WHILE: After a while you learn the subtle difference be...
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Jozie
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4
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396
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Thanks everyone!
(Preview)
Thanks to everyone who responded to my post. A lot of ESH! I needed that. I feel like I have been to hell and back with this man, but I still keep hangin on. He is my friend and I love him. And I dearly love his son and feel for him. He is so sweet! Yes I am learning how to let go and not let his stuff bother me. And for...
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sisdragonfly1957
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2
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519
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Update on son :o( My life is unmanageable
(Preview)
I been crying most of the night. my AH turned my sons cell phone back on, Of course he knows my SS number to get it activated again. I just feel so betrayed by my AH and just no respect. I'm tired of hurting all the time. When I get up in the afternoon coz oin my 7-7 shift. I pray Please help me today with the anger...
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peacewithin
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3
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486
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Clarification... on moving
(Preview)
I'm not relying on my ex at all regarding paying for my new house. The rent there is $50 a month more than what I'm paying now and includes phone, cable and dsl. I will pick up a water bill and pay power. The current place includes water and cable but I pay phone and dsl along with the power and this new plac...
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carolinagirl
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7
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875
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Taking those baby steps and livin in the now, and enjoying the progress.
(Preview)
For some reason or another the EXABF has been tormenting my thoughts off and on the past two days. I have no idea why as I have been doing really well just focusing on me and what I want, but thoughts of him have been interupting my serenity for some reason or another. Nothing major, just little reminde...
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shellyj123
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10
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887
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Suggestions please?
(Preview)
As you know, I had found empty bottles in the house. Since then, I've been feeling very resentful towards my husband. I feel like any meeting he goes to (if he really goes) and his Out-Patient program is just a sham. I feel like I've done so much since he's gotten out of detox and he it's all been for noth...
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N8SMOM
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7
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797
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When does Co-dependency start?
(Preview)
I ask because, I've been this way for as long as I can remember. My first boyfriend emotionally abused me for 4 years and I went from relationship to relationship and can only recall ONE that the guy didn't drink. Interestingly neither of my parents drank. My father is however a dry drunk, and the epi...
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Inpain
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6
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1331
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He's in Jail!
(Preview)
I knew that it would eventally happen, he has been running for almost 2 years. He is in some little town in georgia for a shop lifting Charge (six pack of beer)! Two weeks before it happened I turned him over to HP. I couldn't stand watching him destroy himself and his 9 year old son. I had to let them both go...
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sisdragonfly1957
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7
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648
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a lesson learned this weekend
(Preview)
This is regarding my prior post about my son's relapse. As I was sitting drinking my coffee on Sunday morning thinking about what it will take for my son to get into recovery, the word that came to mind was HONESTY.....complete honesty with himself and others. Well...HP had something else in mind for m...
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Gailey
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6
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939
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