The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
After a few days of being suspicious of my husband's drinking, I did a search. I found an empty beer bottle hidden in the closet. I also found 3 bottle caps in his bathroom trash can (he keeps the trash can locked, under the cabinet so our son doesn't play in it).
So now I feel more anxious, mad, and depressed than when I just suspected. Good thing I'm going to a meeting tonight.
Sometimes I have to step back and no what it is that I am really looking for, when I KNOW the bottle is there for them... No since denying it, I have to refocus, and put the attention BACK ON ME, not them... I have to remember that it is Their disease, and I chose to stay with it, pray with it, and move past it...
I hope that your meetings lifts you up and reminds you that you have the support you need, now all you have to do is USE THE TOOLS you learned and make YOUR Life about you !!!
Take what you like and leave the rest... Love & Prayers Jozie
I use to snoop also Mom...until I finally got it!! I was never better informed of something I already had accepted I was just more depressed. I always did it to myself..."there you go I got me again!!"
If you suspect he is and he isn't you might be surprised. If you suspect he is and he is you can't be let down.
Aw mom I am sure u have better t hings to do than check for bottle caps and empties , assume he is drinking and work your program . get the focus back on yorslf yur the only one u have any control over . he is only doing what drunks do -- Drink !!! If you have our daily reader the ODAT , go to page on July 14th do what it says to the best of your ability and you will begin to feel better. That page made it perfectly clear what I had to do , I read it every day for six months til i was acutlly doing what it said . that page and a detachment pamphlet changed my life . Louise
Maybe it's because I just read Jerry's post, but I had to laugh - trust me, this will not be the last time alanon is right, dang nab it, and in time you too will be able to laugh ruefully at this truth. In the meantime it sounds like, having had a little slip, you hauled yourself back onto your program & are getting yourself to a meeting. Well done. I'm sorry it's not taking with hubby this time, but a) this time is not forever - who knows what will happen in the future - and b) his slip is not yours - as you are showing - you can keep on with your own recovery and with practicing feeling better in yourself - not every second, but overall - no matter how many times he falls down.
Don't forget that this program is about progress and not perfection. The question now is what do you do with the information. I think you made the perfect choice by going to a meeting!! You don't have to react. You can take time to process, to talk with others, to talk with your HP and decide what, if any, actions you need to take for you. It is not about him drinking or not drinking. It is all about you!! I hope that you have a wonderful meeting tonight and that you hear exactly what you need to hear!!
Yours in Recovery,
SLS
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Do not be anxious about tomorrow; tomorrow will look after itself. The Bible, from Courage to Change, p.138
Yep... I quit looking for bottles when I recognized the insanity of it all.... I either found the bottles, and was upset.... or I did NOT find the bottles, and was even more upset....
Going to a meeting is the best tonic I can think of....
T
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Thanks to all of you! Yes, it is insane to search for bottles. I think I was reading in one of the Forums (or maybe it was Forum Favorites) about a man who found himself searching through the trash for empty bottles and then had to wonder who was sicker, him or his wife? LOL!
I went to my meeting and it was great (as usual). I had to bring my son because my husband was at his Out-Patient Program. My son did an amazing job of keeping himself entertained and quiet - I was so proud of him.
I was putting away laundry this morning and I checked to see is my husband had thrown away his bottle yet. DAGNABBIT - there was a 2nd bottle!!!! I just had to yell at myself "STOP LOOKING" and then I laughed.
Thanks again to all of you for your words of wisdom - I'm so glad I found this board and am grateful for my meetings!
I'm going to check out my ODAT now and read July 14 - thanks!
Honey, I lost count of all the times al anon was right and I was wrong. The point of learning from al anon is I gain a perspective that gives me tools for living, because, really, it was my tools that made me absolutely crazy. Oscar Wilde once said "Experience is a better word for mistakes." It's okay that you went searching for bottles and stuff like that; I mean, join the club. I thought if I took out all the drugs and stuff from the cabinets, Dad couldn't get high! All I got was a tounge thrashing and blamed for his next drunk! There is nothing you're gonna try that hasn't been done before; there is nothing you're gonna tell us that we haven't heard before; there isn't anything you're gonna feel that we haven't felt before. Please don't hate yourself for your mistakes. We've all made them before.
