It is such a cop out for us to say, 'u pushed my buttons' or 'you pushed me to this' - it is saying individually we are out of control, blaming another person for how we treat them.
   We do it in our language everyday, as a culture. -- You are a pain my neck;  you are giving me a headache; you hurt my feelings. The last few years I've only just noticed how sick/codependent it all sounds. We are out of control. The truth is, no one can hurt our feelings ~ our feelings get hurt. It is OUR reaction to something.

I was told this at sixteen, when I tried to kill myself & went into a psych hospital to learn my emotions all over again - b/c I was out of touch with them, they were all mixed up together. The psychiatrists told me repeatedly:  no one can make you feel any way in particular. Your feelings are yours to own.

Still today, it is a challenge not to say, hey you hurt my feelings. In fact yesterday, b/f & I were having a great conversation & I brought up something he said the day b4. Then he said something not so nice to me. I realized he must have taken offense to my comment - so I sd, "I am not being critical" to which he sd, "oh, b/c it felt like it."  I'm like, 'what is this, an ego conflict?'
    Some days we're both so touchy we can barely speak to each other. ugh  But I know I can be over sensitive many days too. I have to really think through my reactions & feelings b/c my tendency is to lash out or withdraw completely - neither of which are productive to getting along & communicating.

I used to doubt myself based on what some man was telling me or not telling me. You have a daughter, surely you know what unconditional love feels like. I know that when I used to be running around, loving others at the expense of me, I knew what totally self-scarificing love was. When things changed for me, it was when I got focsued on discovering what it is to love myself.  Of course, this was the most uncomfortable feeling in the world, since in 38 years, I'd never even so much as tried it. But since I've been growing in that way, in love of self, I can cope better when things go wrong. I know that I DO have me & that is all that really truly matters. Not that I'm arrogant but I am OK. I have internal boundaires which allows me to detach or at least not be completely enmeshed. I am ok - just me.

I had to unplug from others, doing visual meditations & work daily on allowing myself to focus on me & not think about other people's feelings & issues. I have to assume that if someone has an issue with me, they will tell me. Trying to guess what is up w/ someone else (for me) was beating my head against a wall. I tried to speculate but I never seemed to be right. Now, I ask very direct questions. "Are u mad at me?" for instance - if I am interested. otherwise, I got back to focusing on me. I am the only person I can change or control.  So, when my thoughts get onto someone else & I notice it, I dont beat myself up, I merely redirect my mind & start again.

All my life i heard, dont chase guys, let them come to you. Well, I could never do that until recently. I was always aggressive with men & most men dont react well to that. And u cant just sit in the corner & obsess & think about them either, energetically they feel that. You have to act as if you are not interested & do not think about them and oddly enough, there they are, every where you turn. When you look, nothing, when you're not, there they are. I got to where I realized A's are like this too. If I think about them, they feel it & it feels like pressure. If I do not think about them at all, they come see what I'm doing.
   Anyway, that helped me.

You remember JADE ~ don't justify, argue, defend or explain. It is true we dont have to explain why we change our mind. Stick to your boundaries & focus on YOU. At least you will appreciate your own hard work. You are very lovable & worth it!!!