The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I knew that it would eventally happen, he has been running for almost 2 years. He is in some little town in georgia for a shop lifting Charge (six pack of beer)! Two weeks before it happened I turned him over to HP. I couldn't stand watching him destroy himself and his 9 year old son. I had to let them both go. Now I am the only person who has contact with. His son is coming to stay with me for the summer. I'm happy about that. But I just can't let him sit there and think know body cares! I am doing things to help him, but only with what I feel comfortable doing. I have not bailed him out, which I don't think they will let him go . He has to face charges there then they will send him to Florida for VOP. It may be 1 year, 2 years, I don't know. He is saying a lot of things. Doing a lot of thinking and regreting. I'm scared. What will happen when he does get out! So confusing. Trying to work my program, take one day at a time, and I am taking care of me. Just had a breast biopsy done, haven't gotten the results. I don't really go to a lot of meeting because of working so much. I read here and my books everyday and I pray that HP will be done. I have set up an account for talk time, but he doesn't abuse it even though it is expensive for me. Told me to sell some of his stuff that I have if I need to. but he needs some to be able to talk to me! Thanks for listening, any ESH would be greatly appreciated. Sisdragonfly
Aloha Sis...This is a crash time for the alcoholic. He gets time to think, reflect and deal with others in the justice community. Just for today he has that and just for today you have your life to care for. When get gets out, if he gets out is for another day and time and another choice. If you stay in the moment you can't live in the future and take up fortune telling. Leave it all to HP and take care of what's in front of your. I hope he exam is negative and your recovery positive.
What a blessing for you both, you to be able to get in as many face to face meetings you can possibly make and his son will be able to get to as many Alateen meetings as they are generally held in conjunction with one another.
Enjoy the time to heal and sharpen up all the tools both programs make available for the two of you. Nothing changes unless someone changes. This suggestion may save his son from repeating his father's life. It also may help you to get the information needed to better understand your actions and feelings.
Best wishes, keep coming back, keep us posted.
Peggy7
-- Edited by Peggy7 on Wednesday 29th of April 2009 06:05:47 AM
Lots of stuff going on for you. I am sure your biopsy will be fine. Think positive. I've been right where you are with them. It's why we have these things done. It's why we have mamograms. You're taking care of you. That's what recovery is all about.
Staying in the moment is the best thing you can do for yourself. I would always get myself in trouble by projecting. I still can. I can play those "what if", "if only" games till I self destruct.
I hope he will use this time to get better. The choice is his and his alone. You turned him over to his HP and that's all you can do.
I hope you take this time to take care of you. If you can do the online meetings that would be helpful. But try to get to some face to face. There is something about being in a roomful of people who have been through the same thing, that is very comforting. Enjoy the serenity and lack of chaos. Remember you don't have to take all of his phone calls. If you are having a tough day and don't want to speak to him, then don't. You don't have to feel guilty about it either. This is your time. You are the number 1 priority.
Keep us posted on your test results. Much love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Sis this is a good thing. We all need to answer for our behavior, it is how we learn.
I myself would do zero for him. I believe they need to be as uncomfy as possible. He was stealing! He did not steal because he is an A, he stole because he is a theif.
Stealing is not a symptom of being an addict.
I know it hurts you, of course it does, you love him. Just because we make dumb decisions we still deserve to be loved.
Even told my son though if he went to jail I would do nothing. Was his choice to make that decision, he took the chance not me.
Thank goodness he never went! of course I would be home freaking out and crying...
keep detaching from his behavior, so far you seem like you're doing a good job at it. That is wonderful for all of you that you can take his son for the summer. Perhaps alateen (as peggy mentioned) could be accomodated. I feel for his kid, being acoa myself. Getting to therapy/program earlier would have helped me immensely. The son is very fortunate to have you in his life.
As for the future, it will be confusing & overwhelming if you focus on it. Focus on YOU and today, right now. Take the circumstances, one at a time & a little at a time. We can't move that mountain all at once, only pebble by pebble.
Try not to listen too hard to what he's saying right now. I learned in al-anon to stop listening with my ears but to watch with my eyes & see what they actually really end up doing.
I hope u get the results that your looking for regarding your biopsy. Giving our will's over to HP is the only thing that worked for me. Good for you for doing that.
We're all here for you, kcb & posting. Take care of YOU.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
What I was told was that 1) you know where he is; 2) you know that he's under supervision so he can't hurt himself or someone else; 3) you know he's getting fed & showered; 4) you know that, if you choose, you can contact him Believe it or not, this is the best thing for him, ever. You're lucky. It doesn't feel that way. But hang in. Keep us posted. You're doing great.
sorry to hear about the breast biopsy. I had a "lump" scare once and it was very very difficult. I am glad you are working on letting go. I know it is far harder than it seems.
