The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have not been able to get on to support you all. Trouble in techno land. However, I do want to support everyone for where they are today. This disease of alcoholism and addiction manifests itself in so many different ways.
I am ok. I struggle with my insides not matching my outsides. My problem to solve with the help of my HP. My AHsober continues to whirl like the spring winds in our area. He spins faster and faster and tighter and tighter. He really has become unapproachable. I confronted my mother and asked her why she continued to treat my AHsober as one of the family. I asked her if she realized that he doesn't treat me very well. He is included in all our family functions and continues to not choose to include me in anything. This is my disease talking.
My oldest son has his second baby. I love my sons and my grandchildren. It is hard to not say anything when he chooses things for his kids that I would never have chosen. I am learning that I have more choices than I thought. They are not always so obvious. One choice, is to stay out of my AHsober's way. I have to practice giving him over to his HP. I think that I have made a choice to be unhappy and don't know how to get out of it.
I contintue to go to my meetings. AA and Alanon. I do my gratitude list. I am making my choices about my new life without my AHSober. I need to get started on my amends. Thanks for being there for all of us.
Nancy
-- Edited by nmike on Saturday 25th of April 2009 02:52:31 PM
-- Edited by nmike on Saturday 25th of April 2009 02:53:04 PM
Nancy, I'm sorry you have had problems getting on the site. Your ESH and support is always appreciated.
Nancy the one sentence that stood out the most in your post to me was, "I need to practice giving him over to his HP". I guess that is what I did for a very long time. I practiced it, but never actually did it. I think we all have a tendancy to turn our problems over to our HP, but then take them back from him before he has time to solve them for us. It took me a long time to realize that it takes HP longer sometimes to solve my problems that I would like. The problems had festered for years and I wanted them solved in days.
Like the Nike commerical says "JUST DO IT", no second toughts, no looking back, would be a suggestion from me. I have tried it.Turning it over to HP 100% and not taking it back works for me. I feel sure your HP will do the same for you. It does makes life so much easier.
There are sometimes when I just WANT to be in a bad mood. I think that's okay as long as don't let it go on forever. Sometimes we just need to get those emotions out so we get on with life.
I am facing that choice right now with all the that has gone on the past 2 weeks. I am realizing that it is taking up way too much of my time. Yes there are legal things I have to take care of. But must I feel it all the time, even when I am in the shower?!! I think not. A part of me wants to reach out to her daughter, son and boyfriend and say "I'm sorry this has happened." I want to tell the daughter that I'm sorry she had to be questioned. But I can't. I can't jeopardize the case. Perhaps later on I can. Because I do feel bad for them. They have no idea that shortly they will be evicted b/c of this. There is no way the landlord is going to allow a thief to live on the property - even if I said it was okay. He has to protect the other tenants.
I need to detach from it. Detaching under the best of circumstances is not easy. I have to focus on other good things. Maybe it's starting small: watching a robin or Piper's bringing me a mouse! Anything to get my life back in balance. I think that's what it comes down to for me: BALANCE.
Even though you can't always get on to the board we always know you send us your best. Much love and blessings to you and the family. Kiss the baby for me. What a joy!
Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
What a good description. The ex A I was with certainly whirled. I am so grateful I do not have to deal with him anymore. Nevertheless I do have other alcoholics in my life and I work hard every day to not have them affect me. I know it is very hard going.
I think that's okay as long as don't let it go on forever. Sometimes we just need to get those emotions out so we get on with life. 
that has gone on the past 2 weeks. I am realizing that it is taking up way too much of my time. Yes there are legal things I have to take care of. But must I feel it all the time, even when I am in the shower?!! I think not. A part of me wants to reach out to her daughter, son and boyfriend and say "I'm sorry this has happened." I want to tell the daughter that I'm sorry she had to be questioned. But I can't. I can't jeopardize the case. Perhaps later on I can. Because I do feel bad for them. They have no idea that shortly they will be evicted b/c of this. There is no way the landlord is going to allow a thief to live on the property - even if I said it was okay. He has to protect the other tenants. 
Anything to get my life back in balance. I think that's what it comes down to for me: BALANCE. 
What a joy!