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I don't even know where to start. My A gets my mind so twisted like a pretzel that a few hours after the arguement I'm beliving things probably are my fault. I feel like I'm walking through a landmine field lately, one wrong comment and BOOM. My A--who is my BF who is a dry drunk at this point-- used to text me here and there throughout the day, just hello or thinking of u, something sweet. And if I texted something he normally answered. Lately, nothing. And if I don't text a question I'm not supposed to expect an answer per him. What the heck is that? I get that he's very busy with working but he says obviously I don't since I text him and then if I don't get the answer I want I get mad. Then he says just pick up the phone and call, but in the past I get yelled at for calling when "I know he's working". all I did was text I really hope we get some time together soon and got nothing. so I texted I hate it when you don't comment when you know it's important to me. so maybe I'm being childish but I'm allowed to have feelings. that blows up into a huge argument with him screaming at me and calling me names. I tell him I don't want to see him anymore, he tells me I break up with him weekly now and he's sick of it. I'm tired of feeling I can't talk to the man who used to act like he loved me, told me he wanted to get married (something i have never even considered) it's like my head knows it's a bad place but my heart won't let go so i say the words break up but then take them back.
I'm crazy.
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"Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become."
Welcome to MIP... Sounds like you have alot going on... Sorry to hear it... You have come to the right place for sure... I too have those bery moments with my H, but I am getting better thanks to alanon... I would try every day to "KNOW" what mood he was in so I knew "Who" to be when he got home..lol.. Not an easy job, I felt if he text, I better get back or he will "What ever" Now... I explain to him that I too have moments that i am busy.. And don't have time, and I get back when I can...
Maybe you could save the texting for after work...Might help... Then that part of it would be easy enough... As for throwing out the "Break Up" everytime your mad... Well we all have habits that we could break, maybe you could work on that one... If you have a F2F meeting near you, that may be Just what you need... To help you sort out your "Craziness" in your head...
I think last week I could have been committed with tons of the thoughts I had, but alanon and MIP have helped me thru it once more... You will get there.. Just have to learn to take care of YOU First... It isn't easy, and I have to remind myself daily, but it is what it is, or so I am told...The Serenity Prayer also helps me remember what I am and Am Not capable of "fixing" and that is ME... I can not Help my H's moods, or his bad days, but I can help mine... I can chose not to Engage when he comes home ready to Nit pic an arguement, I can walk away and gather myself till we are ready to speak like adults... NOT EVER EASY... But I now know that I have that option...
I wish you luck, Keep coming back and posting, and get yourself some great al-anon, books... there are a ton out there... One of my favorites was "Hope for Today" its a daily reader I read before I start my day to keep me mind in positive mode :)
Take what you like and leave the rest.... Friends in Recovery :) Jozie
PS... Your Not Crazy... Your Human :)
-- Edited by Jozie on Sunday 26th of April 2009 03:47:00 PM
Ugh! That sounds so familiar! I spent my life waiting to see if my long time best friend would deign to make plans/return my texts/not cancel last minute because of something else that "just came up." And somehow all these things (including last minute cancels) were favors to me? Whatevah!
But I put up with it for way too long because he hadn't always been that way and once in awhile there'd be a glimmer of the beloved friend I knew from the old days, instead of this recently developed jerk.
Going to Al-anon and just knowing I had a group supported let me start making plans that didn't revolve around this guy. Up til then he was about 75% of my social and emotional life. Making him not the only game in town really helped. He doesn't call? That's fine- I have other people I can call and do things with.
Basically, the only thing that made me less crazy was to make plans with a lot of other friends even if I'd have preferred to be with him. I knew that I depended on him I'd just end up with no plans and a lot of resentment .
In the end, though, things just got worse and now we're taking a break, which is about the hardest thing I've ever done, but isn't half as hard as putting up with that BS, which was eating my soul. And wrecking my other relationships with family and friends, because I was so hurt and confused and so sure there was SOMEthing I could do to change how things were going that I ended up putting way too much energy towards his and my relationship and none towards any others. I'm embarassed now of how I treated other people. If he had an "emergency" (invariably self-made), I'd rush over to help, even if I had plans with someone else. Bad bad bad.
I still intend to stay friends with him but first I have to get my Crazy under control or I'll be setting myself up for doing the same thing all over again.
I really recommend face-to-face Al-anon meetings, and I really recommend trying a LOT of them because some of the ones I went to really really didn't work for me.
Well, that was way more than the "I've been there!" that I meant to write.
yeah, I think the whole texting thing can really be a slippery slope. People can really hide in texting and not be themselves in that realm. Its so easy to just dash off a sentence or two and not really mean what you say. Its a realm of a lot of miscommunication, too.
I actually had a guy break up with me via texting! LOL- what a total jerk but I fell for it hook line and sinker! HA, now I can laugh, thank goodness and I have definitely moved on but my lesson was this- beware of texting. Texting can be a nice thing but if the big pieces are not in place, forget it! Hugs, J.
I found out after being in the program for a while that both my alcoholic and I were accurate about each other when we use to point the finger at each other and what we did. I said HUH? and then stood in her shoes for a while. Holy smoley! She was right. I was officially crazy myself. Of course my feeilings and perceptions about her behavior was also accurate for me and thank God the only part I had to straighten out was mine. Never did get her's fixed.
Keep coming back. You can step out of the insanity anytime you want because participation is optional...not mandatory!! (((((hugs)))))
