Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

flopadopilus · flopadopilus

Why is it everytime I have to talk to my exAH about dettachment I end up sobbing and him angry. I set down my boundaries he said they all sounded understandable and than I told him that I had to let go completely no more hanging out for a movie or just being a friend, because it interferes with my recovery. Th...

Debilyn · Debilyn

virgin GUT not virgin guy! oh geez

Debilyn · Debilyn

Omgosh I could only do two big wheel barrow loads of wood and one wheel b of kindling in the van I borrowed from my son! My arms are owee. I am a wus! lol All the while Fezzik my Pomeranian is running around like an idiot and under my feet, squished Pom anyone? (c: Of course the only time it rained was when I was d...

Evian · Evian

It's been almost 2 weeks since my AH was told by Childrens Aid that he can not live with us at this time. Any visitation with the kids has to be supervised, and that he is to not have any alcohol 24hrs before the visit, or anything during the visit. This is the result of an argument that he was trying to have wi...

delhommefan · delhommefan

I went to my second meeting tonight, my first "beginner's meeting". I am just amazed at how wonderful this is. While it's hard to work through my emotions, because I am used to being "the strong one", the people I've already met so far have been beyond amazing. I spoke tonight......

Corgi2 · Corgi2

I have been actively attending Al-Anon meetings for about two months now. I tried it once about five years ago, but I wasn't ready to work the program. I went to a meeting out of pure desperation because I had no idea where else to go. I have two qualifiers - my boyfriend and my father. My father was in a coma...

Debilyn · Debilyn

My best friend called me a smart a** so I must be back to myself! (c: I am me again. That was a horrible one. I guess I have to face I need effexor. Thats ok. Am grateful it helps me! Learned to accept how I felt, took the help offered. Let myself heal as fast as I did.Cried a lot, mourned a lot. Got thru it. Kept ho...

Nutbar · Nutbar

Hi Team, I was having a read of my AW's 12 Steps AA book which is her bible and read the following under Step 6: "Self righteous anger can be very enjoyable. In a perverse way we can actually take satisfaction from the fact that many people annoy us; for it brings a comfortable feeling of superiorit...

delhommefan · delhommefan

I have been in the same relationship with my boyfriend for over two years now. He's great to me in the sense that I trust him, I know he loves me, and he is supportive of me being my own person. The problem is that he had to take a job in south Florida in January. We haven't seen each other in almost two months no...

Very Very Tired · Very Very Tired

Living with an active alcoholic is like living with an elephant sitting on my chest. It is crushing and heart-breaking. Through Al-Anon, my elephant has gone on a diet and lost a lot of weight. This past week, though, my elephant went off his diet and started crushing me again. So, I turned to my AH (...

nadjjaa · nadjjaa

Ok, so the meeting are late as heck...that's my bad excuse. My good excuse is that I'm afraid of detachment. I love my husband. (I know the rest of you love your spouses too) I don't want a divorce. I want my husband back without the worry of him turning to full-blow alcoholism. I want the days back wh...

Nutbar · Nutbar

I think I suffered from social anxiety since I was a teenager. However, when my wife was drinking she did hugely embarrassing things at parties. This includes telling people how to run their lives which ended in arguments, flashing parts of her body that should not be flashed, pinching the bottoms of...

Jozie · Jozie

I just had probably one of the Best Weekends, I have had in a LONG Time... So Why is it I feel so Guilty about it... My Husband and I purchased a Piece of Property that in the Next 5-7 years we hope to Move too, When My Son is Out of School or Off to College... No One has lived there in Many Decades, and it has been o...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

It looks like my dad is out of the woods for now! He is home now & doing better--eating solid foods & all. To all who prayed: thanx so much! By the way, I could probably have called to check on him directly but he has a very huge loss of hearing & can barely talk on the phone. Now I don't have to cal...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

As I was sitting here, my mom came in & told me that my dad--they are divorced & have been for over 35 years--but anyhow, my dad is reluctant to get surgery because he is taking pain pills & feels better--I think he needs the surgery, though. He had been in painon Tuesday morning & ended u...

Aimee · Aimee

Hi, Can anyone talk to me about your experiences when your A was just beginning their recovery? My A, after 12 years of being a "dry drunk" and having a relapse is now working the program, has a sponsor, and is going to several meetings a week. I am also working on my recovery and it seems l...

Samsgram · Samsgram

I haven`t posted here in awhile but I have been able to find my way into the online meetings. Much has happened since I posted and then again, hmm, its really just the same I`am saddened to say. About a month ago my daughter informed me that she was going to start attending AA meetings. I tried not to let thi...

Loubelou · Loubelou

What is it? I just came back from a meeting on detachment and to be honest I'm probably more confused than when I got there. I was really hoping to understand it better, as well. I hear all the time people saying 'I detached with love and it was easier to handle' but I don't really get what it is. What are we de...

GettingBy · GettingBy

Hi Folks - I'm new to this group, but have been in Al-anon for avoer 6 years now. I have been with with AH 10 yrs now, married for 7. The drinking bothered me before we got married, but I chose to hope it would get better. It bothered me after we got married - so much so that I finally surrendered and went to A...

keetcat · keetcat

Hi, I am new here and I am desperately seeking advice and no one around me seems to understand what is going on. I won't bore you with too many details but I am taking a break from my partner of seven years. We love eachother so much and overall our time together is really amazing. Unfortunately he is reall...

Annie Em · Annie Em

I could really use some old timer experience strenght and hope right about now. I am really struggling with how to take care of myself and work my program. My child has been through 3 in-patient treatment centers this year. Her fourth treatment is currently in an outpatient program that runs a...

Nutbar · Nutbar

My AW has been in recovery for a year however I'm still suffering anxiety. As my "interest" for many years was monitoring my wife's drinking I am now at a loss. It was my addiction! I know I can't rely on my wife for much support and I need to find some interests of my own to help me move on. It sound...

Loubelou · Loubelou

I have a problem that may seem small when I try and look at it from outside my own head, but to me it's a big deal. My Abf was invited to my friends' wedding, not just as my 'plus one' but named on the invitation. He said great, he'd like to go, and I RSVP'd for both of us. However, now he's going through a really b...

likemyheart · likemyheart

Background first: AH has been living in a trailer in a parking lot for 5 months, stormed outta here determined not to ever come back blah blah blah. He has since worked a temporary position for 4 months, didnt get hired, unemployment not kicking in again for another two weeks. He sends message last ni...

delhommefan · delhommefan

Yesterday I posted that I was afraid to attend meetings, and had even driven to the meetings and turned around and went home. I am PLANNING to go to one Monday night. Whether I will do it or not, well, we shall see. Apparently, God really wants me to go though because today I was sent a sign, loud and clear. I...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

I really don't know what to do--my dad is ill & in the hospital & 900 miles away! I can't visit him obviously & I really don't know how he is doing for sure because my family is lax when it comes to calling to let me know the updates of his condition! I feel so out of the loop that it kills me. My imme...

dori711 · dori711

He was getting better and kept his drinking to a low since New Year's but it seems in the last couple weeks he's drinking more, not every day but more than he was. I'm noticing a personality change in him again. He's quick to lose his cool. Simple things set him off, his tone of voice has eve...

delhommefan · delhommefan

I have my good days and bad, and usually they are primarily good. But man, when I have my pissed off days WATCH OUT! I am currently reading "Codependent No More". It's helping me a lot but the activities are really kind of shedding a lot of light on why I am "this way" and I cannot seem...

Very Very Tired · Very Very Tired

I tried calling one of the members of my F2F Al-Anon group, but she isn't available. So, I'm turning here. (A bit of background: I'm new to Al-Anon, but have been married to an AH for 18 years.) AH is actively drinking and actively involved in an affair. Yesterday morning, I calmly said, "I do no...

alexmaui · alexmaui

Once again I see how true Let Go and Let God is. I needed to leave the chaos and unhappiness of my AH and my home. I had been thinking about it for afew years...made some inquiries and never followed through...Then I joined Al Anon and I just KNEW I had to go...and the perfect place appeared. There was a snow...

buick23 · buick23

I ended the relationship with my bf who had been sober/dry from alcohol for 4 years now. He started using drugs and acting crazy. I am glad its over but sad. Guess nothing is for sure. I will spare the details. Otherwise I would have to write a book. buick

Abbie · Abbie

I'm new to this and don't really know where to start! i'll try and keep it breif. My partner has been A for about 6 years now, with the usual ups and downs, good and bad times etc. a month before christmas she was referred to our local drug and alcohol service and has been seeing a counsellor and jsut start...

mjhyankees · mjhyankees

Several posts I read today got me thinking about this. I'm personally doing better but some posts remind me of how I can still have my mood "drop off the table" like a good curveball. Things can be going fine and then the new puppy craps on the floor or a big bill comes out of nowhere and I find m...

looking_for_peace · looking_for_peace

Mjhyankees post got me thinking about how I am dealing with stressful situations. When regular stressors hit me at work, I think I handle them "normally". Depending on the stress and the kind of day I am having, I may tackle it with little problem or get a little wacky about it, but eventuall...

gladysg · gladysg

Hubby's psych advised me to go to Al-Anon, and it has been helping. He is not a drunk, but behaves like one. They have him on medicine for PTSD and depression, which do not help him, but he takes the pills. My husband is letting the house fall apart. He doesn't repair anything. He has money but doesn'...

danielle0516 · danielle0516

Hi everyone, just wanted to share something that I feel lends intself to the ODAT philosophy...which I think I'm doing better at embracing or practicing. Yesterday was one of the worst days I've had in a long time. Alarm clock didn't go off in the morning, I was exhausted as my dog was really sick the nig...

B_L · B_L

These boards are always full of horror stories and requests for advice on how to handle horrendous situations, but I thankfully don't have any horror stories to tell at the moment. My previously hopelessly drunk girlfriend got her 30-day coin and is doing well, working the program, attending meet...

usedtobeanyer · usedtobeanyer

I got an urgent e-mail this afternoon from one of my wife's friends saying she needs to speak to me about something "urgent and important". This friend does not know my wife has a drinking problem or goes to AA. She said she couldn't live with herself if she didn't do something knowing the kid...

GailMichelle · GailMichelle

Well, I had a very difficult time finding the meeting place! It was raining, street was rather dark, tall trees all around blocking addresses. I fought back the thought that perhaps I wasn't meant to find the place. But I pressed onward knowing it was just fear. I finally found the place. A lady was...

canyonbarb · canyonbarb

Brief history: I stopped drinking almost 15 years ago and my husband stopped getting drunk 13 years ago. He continued to drink occasionally, one or two beers. Initially, I was scared each beer would reignite his addiction. I didn't understand it, but I let my guard down and began to trust him. I...

delhommefan · delhommefan

Okay one, WHY am I afraid to attend a meeting?? I keep saying I'm going to go. I know I need to go but I always chicken out! I am not antisocial at all and I really know this is something I need to do. Someone please tell me I'm not going to be like one of three people there...I freak out every time! And two, I'm...

xeno59 · xeno59

It saddens me tonight to tell you that I will be stepping down effective immediatly as a chair for the immediate future. The reasoning for this is not of importance to anyone but myself, HP and John. I will just say that upon much prayer and relection it has become clear to me that for now I may not be the bes...

Nutbar · Nutbar

Hi, my wife has been sober for one year which is good for her however I am still very lonely. I have been diagnosed with anxiety and am seeing a psychologist and this is helping. However, if I have an anxious moment and blame my wife for the slightest little thing she throws a tantrum at me and says I'm just t...

samsam · samsam

Hi everyone, I'm new to this space. I've been in recovery for my own addiction for 12 months and doing really well. Unfortunately my wife of 10 years has not coped well with my recovery. I believe she is a "dry" alcoholic, as she put down the single-malt whiskey four years ago and did not enter...

Niecy · Niecy

Long story short, ah of two years, in recovery working the steps. Other then aa and work, he's borderline non functional. I'm running ragged caring for our two young kids, our house, bills, and working myself. He only thinks of himself and when he returns from work, he eats, leaves a trail of mess and go...

Aynot · Aynot

I met my bf 15 years ago. We have a 14 year old child together that he just met for the first time in January this year. He was drunk when he drove 16 hours to our home in Alabama. I was disappointed in him because this was not him 15 years ago. He chose to meet our son for the 1st time and he was drunk. Alcohol has...

Ruby · Ruby

I'm having a difficult time with dealing with my Al/ad daughter and doing what I need to do to stop the enabling I'm doing. Her husband left her with thier 6 y.o. daughter last week, I've been keeping her 16 y.o. son for the past 6 months or more. He is on ss which is her only income since her husband left...

Tracy · Tracy

I shared how I thought Hp wanted me to let go of my sober ABF. Again me rushing into major decisions. Today we spoke he shared how i am on his back all the time attcking him. He is sober, he is attending lots of meeting and mixing with people in recovery. He is taking his time to correct his health he needs...

searching4peace · searching4peace

I am looking for some practical advice regarding finances. I have ran the budget and controled the finances in our family for the last 8 years. For some of that time I worked also but now I am a SAHM. My AH is an active alcoholic at this point in time. Now that you're all caught up here is my dilema. I don...

Lala03044 · Lala03044

Hello, I have not visited this forum in quite some time. I'm grateful it is still available. I don't dare tell anyone how I'm really feeling about my marriage right now, not even my sponsor. My sponsor is dealing with her own marriage to a recovering a. Hubby and I were married in 1990. Growing up...

mjhyankees · mjhyankees

Interesting, but something snapped inside me last week in a good way. I'm sure it's related to me working on myself, a little more than usual but I'm suddenly not feeling as down as I was. In fact I feel happy! Not that things have improved all that much at home, maybe not at all. But it's bothering me le...

nadjjaa · nadjjaa

Hi, my name is Dawn and I'm trying to decide if my husband is an alcoholic. I know - duh - I should probably go to a meeting, but I go back and forth deciding if its for me. Here's the background info, maybe some of you can help. My husband, Scott, has always loved his beer, but he never had a problem with it un...

Evian · Evian

I was working my program the night it all happened. Walking away from situations that I deemed uncalled for, which led to him having more anger. Police were called, blah blah blah, anyway, we have been told to separate, he is not to be around the kids. If he wants to see them, the worker (from Childrens Ai...

KimmyJo · KimmyJo

Just curious on this... Do they need a recovery program as bad as we do? Can they be normal happy people without following the steps & attending meetings? Do they all have the "Dry Drunk" syndrome if they are not working a program? My RAH, tells me his new job & new location is all he ne...

linbaba · linbaba

Over on the CODA Board we are starting a Book study and a step study, it's based on Melody Beatty Books, but truthfully the step study will be using (and I quote) "I am going to be using "The Codependent's Guide to the Twelve Steps" as my core resource in starting the step threads for this...

Stillalive2dream · Stillalive2dream

Ok I'm going to try to keep this short because if I described all the craziness that happened it would take me forever and trigger me and I wouldn't be in a good place bringing it all back up. My ex-abf broke up with me months ago which at the time I thought was the worst thing that ever happened to me because I...

Steph444 · Steph444

Well, I had such a good enlightening day yesterday, and I'm very thankful for it because today has been a true test. Husband got up this morning all hung over of course from his birthday celebration last night, and would not stop trying to fight with me. I hid in the bedroom for a while and when I came out...

pinkchip · pinkchip

By sheer coincidence, my alcoholic ex lives across the street from my current boyfriend. I started having minimal contact with him again after about 2 years of no contact. His life is still so out of control and turbulent. He has made friends will all the other neighbors around who drink and use dru...

Tracy · Tracy

I am having a break from my Sober ABF (7 months). As I have nmentioned I need to get off his back and focus on me. However I am missing him so much I really just want to ring him and sort it out. But he does not live his life how I want to, he is in early recovery and can not be a true partner we are both sick and nee...

Rora · Rora

As some of you may know my Mom has recently passed away. There is so much about that fact to deal with that it makes my head and tummy hurt. The rainbow of emotion is so colourful and psychodelic. As with many families under these circumstances, sometimes there are rifts about money and the wishes of t...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	We had THE talk again (Preview) Why is it everytime I have to talk to my exAH about dettachment I end up sobbing and him angry. I set down my boundaries he said they all sounded understandable and than I told him that I had to let go completely no more hanging out for a movie or just being a friend, because it interferes with my recovery. Th...	flopadopilus	7	1035	Mar 25, 2011 by david62
	Oh noooo! I meant (Preview) virgin GUT not virgin guy! oh geez	Debilyn	4	807	Mar 24, 2011 by Debilyn
	It's official, I am old! (Preview) Omgosh I could only do two big wheel barrow loads of wood and one wheel b of kindling in the van I borrowed from my son! My arms are owee. I am a wus! lol All the while Fezzik my Pomeranian is running around like an idiot and under my feet, squished Pom anyone? (c: Of course the only time it rained was when I was d...	Debilyn	8	1000	Mar 24, 2011 by Debilyn
	Missing him (Preview) It's been almost 2 weeks since my AH was told by Childrens Aid that he can not live with us at this time. Any visitation with the kids has to be supervised, and that he is to not have any alcohol 24hrs before the visit, or anything during the visit. This is the result of an argument that he was trying to have wi...	Evian	5	704	Mar 24, 2011 by flopadopilus
	Second meeting tonight...A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!!! (Preview) I went to my second meeting tonight, my first "beginner's meeting". I am just amazed at how wonderful this is. While it's hard to work through my emotions, because I am used to being "the strong one", the people I've already met so far have been beyond amazing. I spoke tonight......	delhommefan	5	961	Mar 24, 2011 by flopadopilus
	How can I live with active alcoholism??? Help (Preview) I have been actively attending Al-Anon meetings for about two months now. I tried it once about five years ago, but I wasn't ready to work the program. I went to a meeting out of pure desperation because I had no idea where else to go. I have two qualifiers - my boyfriend and my father. My father was in a coma...	Corgi2	7	1840	Mar 24, 2011 by flopadopilus
	update, getting thru it (Preview) My best friend called me a smart a** so I must be back to myself! (c: I am me again. That was a horrible one. I guess I have to face I need effexor. Thats ok. Am grateful it helps me! Learned to accept how I felt, took the help offered. Let myself heal as fast as I did.Cried a lot, mourned a lot. Got thru it. Kept ho...	Debilyn	7	829	Mar 24, 2011 by Corgi2
	Yahoo for me (I think!) (Preview) Hi Team, I was having a read of my AW's 12 Steps AA book which is her bible and read the following under Step 6: "Self righteous anger can be very enjoyable. In a perverse way we can actually take satisfaction from the fact that many people annoy us; for it brings a comfortable feeling of superiorit...	Nutbar	6	1124	Mar 24, 2011 by Jerry F
	How Do You Know If You're Just Being "Codependent" or Your Thoughts are Justified? (Preview) I have been in the same relationship with my boyfriend for over two years now. He's great to me in the sense that I trust him, I know he loves me, and he is supportive of me being my own person. The problem is that he had to take a job in south Florida in January. We haven't seen each other in almost two months no...	delhommefan	6	1434	Mar 23, 2011 by flopadopilus
	Getting the elephant off my chest (Preview) Living with an active alcoholic is like living with an elephant sitting on my chest. It is crushing and heart-breaking. Through Al-Anon, my elephant has gone on a diet and lost a lot of weight. This past week, though, my elephant went off his diet and started crushing me again. So, I turned to my AH (...	Very Very Tired	2	733	Mar 23, 2011 by RLC
	Why I have avoided alanon (Preview) Ok, so the meeting are late as heck...that's my bad excuse. My good excuse is that I'm afraid of detachment. I love my husband. (I know the rest of you love your spouses too) I don't want a divorce. I want my husband back without the worry of him turning to full-blow alcoholism. I want the days back wh...	nadjjaa	19	1002	Mar 22, 2011 by nadjjaa
	Social Anxiety (Preview) I think I suffered from social anxiety since I was a teenager. However, when my wife was drinking she did hugely embarrassing things at parties. This includes telling people how to run their lives which ended in arguments, flashing parts of her body that should not be flashed, pinching the bottoms of...	Nutbar	9	735	Mar 22, 2011 by Nutbar
	How do I Override Guilt! (Preview) I just had probably one of the Best Weekends, I have had in a LONG Time... So Why is it I feel so Guilty about it... My Husband and I purchased a Piece of Property that in the Next 5-7 years we hope to Move too, When My Son is Out of School or Off to College... No One has lived there in Many Decades, and it has been o...	Jozie	5	1118	Mar 21, 2011 by likemyheart
	another update: MY DAD (Preview) It looks like my dad is out of the woods for now! He is home now & doing better--eating solid foods & all. To all who prayed: thanx so much! By the way, I could probably have called to check on him directly but he has a very huge loss of hearing & can barely talk on the phone. Now I don't have to cal...	Hoot Nanny	1	702	Mar 21, 2011 by Debilyn
	me again: update! (Preview) As I was sitting here, my mom came in & told me that my dad--they are divorced & have been for over 35 years--but anyhow, my dad is reluctant to get surgery because he is taking pain pills & feels better--I think he needs the surgery, though. He had been in painon Tuesday morning & ended u...	Hoot Nanny	2	478	Mar 21, 2011 by Hoot Nanny
	The Early Days of Recovery. (Preview) Hi, Can anyone talk to me about your experiences when your A was just beginning their recovery? My A, after 12 years of being a "dry drunk" and having a relapse is now working the program, has a sponsor, and is going to several meetings a week. I am also working on my recovery and it seems l...	Aimee	8	1183	Mar 21, 2011 by maryjane
	Its been awhile now.... (Preview) I haven`t posted here in awhile but I have been able to find my way into the online meetings. Much has happened since I posted and then again, hmm, its really just the same I`am saddened to say. About a month ago my daughter informed me that she was going to start attending AA meetings. I tried not to let thi...	Samsgram	2	690	Mar 21, 2011 by Samsgram
	Detachment (Preview) What is it? I just came back from a meeting on detachment and to be honest I'm probably more confused than when I got there. I was really hoping to understand it better, as well. I hear all the time people saying 'I detached with love and it was easier to handle' but I don't really get what it is. What are we de...	Loubelou	8	1122	Mar 21, 2011 by Loubelou
	New Here - Working on Taking Care of Me (Preview) Hi Folks - I'm new to this group, but have been in Al-anon for avoer 6 years now. I have been with with AH 10 yrs now, married for 7. The drinking bothered me before we got married, but I chose to hope it would get better. It bothered me after we got married - so much so that I finally surrendered and went to A...	GettingBy	8	1056	Mar 21, 2011 by GettingBy
	Please, Please help me (Preview) Hi, I am new here and I am desperately seeking advice and no one around me seems to understand what is going on. I won't bore you with too many details but I am taking a break from my partner of seven years. We love eachother so much and overall our time together is really amazing. Unfortunately he is reall...	keetcat	6	1280	Mar 21, 2011 by Annie Em
	Confused, angry, and in between a rock and a hardplace!!! (Preview) I could really use some old timer experience strenght and hope right about now. I am really struggling with how to take care of myself and work my program. My child has been through 3 in-patient treatment centers this year. Her fourth treatment is currently in an outpatient program that runs a...	Annie Em	2	1062	Mar 21, 2011 by abbyal
	Trying to find my own interests. (Preview) My AW has been in recovery for a year however I'm still suffering anxiety. As my "interest" for many years was monitoring my wife's drinking I am now at a loss. It was my addiction! I know I can't rely on my wife for much support and I need to find some interests of my own to help me move on. It sound...	Nutbar	16	779	Mar 20, 2011 by Nutbar
	Thoughts on a problem (Preview) I have a problem that may seem small when I try and look at it from outside my own head, but to me it's a big deal. My Abf was invited to my friends' wedding, not just as my 'plus one' but named on the invitation. He said great, he'd like to go, and I RSVP'd for both of us. However, now he's going through a really b...	Loubelou	4	1049	Mar 20, 2011 by delhommefan
	another Detachment (Preview) Background first: AH has been living in a trailer in a parking lot for 5 months, stormed outta here determined not to ever come back blah blah blah. He has since worked a temporary position for 4 months, didnt get hired, unemployment not kicking in again for another two weeks. He sends message last ni...	likemyheart	5	755	Mar 20, 2011 by Jerry F
	God sends Angels in Weird Ways Sometimes... (Preview) Yesterday I posted that I was afraid to attend meetings, and had even driven to the meetings and turned around and went home. I am PLANNING to go to one Monday night. Whether I will do it or not, well, we shall see. Apparently, God really wants me to go though because today I was sent a sign, loud and clear. I...	delhommefan	5	1054	Mar 20, 2011 by abbyal
	don't know what to do? my dad is sick! (Preview) I really don't know what to do--my dad is ill & in the hospital & 900 miles away! I can't visit him obviously & I really don't know how he is doing for sure because my family is lax when it comes to calling to let me know the updates of his condition! I feel so out of the loop that it kills me. My imme...	Hoot Nanny	3	853	Mar 20, 2011 by hotrod
	Reverting back? (Preview) He was getting better and kept his drinking to a low since New Year's but it seems in the last couple weeks he's drinking more, not every day but more than he was. I'm noticing a personality change in him again. He's quick to lose his cool. Simple things set him off, his tone of voice has eve...	dori711	9	891	Mar 20, 2011 by flopadopilus
	Why Am I So Angry? (Preview) I have my good days and bad, and usually they are primarily good. But man, when I have my pissed off days WATCH OUT! I am currently reading "Codependent No More". It's helping me a lot but the activities are really kind of shedding a lot of light on why I am "this way" and I cannot seem...	delhommefan	3	1015	Mar 20, 2011 by flopadopilus
	Need some Al-Anon perspective on my failures (Preview) I tried calling one of the members of my F2F Al-Anon group, but she isn't available. So, I'm turning here. (A bit of background: I'm new to Al-Anon, but have been married to an AH for 18 years.) AH is actively drinking and actively involved in an affair. Yesterday morning, I calmly said, "I do no...	Very Very Tired	10	1069	Mar 20, 2011 by Very Very Tired
	My HP has appeared (Preview) Once again I see how true Let Go and Let God is. I needed to leave the chaos and unhappiness of my AH and my home. I had been thinking about it for afew years...made some inquiries and never followed through...Then I joined Al Anon and I just KNEW I had to go...and the perfect place appeared. There was a snow...	alexmaui	6	774	Mar 20, 2011 by Lala03044
	ended relationship (Preview) I ended the relationship with my bf who had been sober/dry from alcohol for 4 years now. He started using drugs and acting crazy. I am glad its over but sad. Guess nothing is for sure. I will spare the details. Otherwise I would have to write a book. buick	buick23	9	994	Mar 19, 2011 by buick23
	What do I do now? (Preview) I'm new to this and don't really know where to start! i'll try and keep it breif. My partner has been A for about 6 years now, with the usual ups and downs, good and bad times etc. a month before christmas she was referred to our local drug and alcohol service and has been seeing a counsellor and jsut start...	Abbie	5	1014	Mar 19, 2011 by Jerry F
	How not to be affected? (Preview) Several posts I read today got me thinking about this. I'm personally doing better but some posts remind me of how I can still have my mood "drop off the table" like a good curveball. Things can be going fine and then the new puppy craps on the floor or a big bill comes out of nowhere and I find m...	mjhyankees	5	966	Mar 19, 2011 by Jerry F
	Detaching but forgetting the love part? (Preview) Mjhyankees post got me thinking about how I am dealing with stressful situations. When regular stressors hit me at work, I think I handle them "normally". Depending on the stress and the kind of day I am having, I may tackle it with little problem or get a little wacky about it, but eventuall...	looking_for_peace	5	940	Mar 19, 2011 by Jerry F
	Power of Attorney (Preview) Hubby's psych advised me to go to Al-Anon, and it has been helping. He is not a drunk, but behaves like one. They have him on medicine for PTSD and depression, which do not help him, but he takes the pills. My husband is letting the house fall apart. He doesn't repair anything. He has money but doesn'...	gladysg	6	993	Mar 19, 2011 by Jerry F
	Horrible day - then Amazing day (Preview) Hi everyone, just wanted to share something that I feel lends intself to the ODAT philosophy...which I think I'm doing better at embracing or practicing. Yesterday was one of the worst days I've had in a long time. Alarm clock didn't go off in the morning, I was exhausted as my dog was really sick the nig...	danielle0516	5	856	Mar 19, 2011 by flopadopilus
	Doing Something Nice for Your Drunk (Preview) These boards are always full of horror stories and requests for advice on how to handle horrendous situations, but I thankfully don't have any horror stories to tell at the moment. My previously hopelessly drunk girlfriend got her 30-day coin and is doing well, working the program, attending meet...	B_L	26	1357	Mar 19, 2011 by flopadopilus
	My wife's friend has contacted me--said she needs to talk to me about something (Preview) I got an urgent e-mail this afternoon from one of my wife's friends saying she needs to speak to me about something "urgent and important". This friend does not know my wife has a drinking problem or goes to AA. She said she couldn't live with herself if she didn't do something knowing the kid...	usedtobeanyer	10	1509	Mar 19, 2011 by White Rabbit
	Update: My 1st Friday Night Meeting (Preview) Well, I had a very difficult time finding the meeting place! It was raining, street was rather dark, tall trees all around blocking addresses. I fought back the thought that perhaps I wasn't meant to find the place. But I pressed onward knowing it was just fear. I finally found the place. A lady was...	GailMichelle	3	774	Mar 19, 2011 by Jerry F
	Confirmed husband has been hiding drinking for months.... (Preview) Brief history: I stopped drinking almost 15 years ago and my husband stopped getting drunk 13 years ago. He continued to drink occasionally, one or two beers. Initially, I was scared each beer would reignite his addiction. I didn't understand it, but I let my guard down and began to trust him. I...	canyonbarb	5	3579	Mar 19, 2011 by canyonbarb
	Haven't Been On For A While... (Preview) Okay one, WHY am I afraid to attend a meeting?? I keep saying I'm going to go. I know I need to go but I always chicken out! I am not antisocial at all and I really know this is something I need to do. Someone please tell me I'm not going to be like one of three people there...I freak out every time! And two, I'm...	delhommefan	5	827	Mar 18, 2011 by RLC
	Sadly Stepping Down as Meeting Chair for the Immediate Future (Preview) It saddens me tonight to tell you that I will be stepping down effective immediatly as a chair for the immediate future. The reasoning for this is not of importance to anyone but myself, HP and John. I will just say that upon much prayer and relection it has become clear to me that for now I may not be the bes...	xeno59	5	810	Mar 18, 2011 by wp
	At my wits end, please help...... (Preview) Hi, my wife has been sober for one year which is good for her however I am still very lonely. I have been diagnosed with anxiety and am seeing a psychologist and this is helping. However, if I have an anxious moment and blame my wife for the slightest little thing she throws a tantrum at me and says I'm just t...	Nutbar	14	1055	Mar 18, 2011 by Nutbar
	My story (Preview) Hi everyone, I'm new to this space. I've been in recovery for my own addiction for 12 months and doing really well. Unfortunately my wife of 10 years has not coped well with my recovery. I believe she is a "dry" alcoholic, as she put down the single-malt whiskey four years ago and did not enter...	samsam	8	810	Mar 18, 2011 by samsam
	going crazy with anxiety (Preview) Long story short, ah of two years, in recovery working the steps. Other then aa and work, he's borderline non functional. I'm running ragged caring for our two young kids, our house, bills, and working myself. He only thinks of himself and when he returns from work, he eats, leaves a trail of mess and go...	Niecy	11	2897	Mar 18, 2011 by Nutbar
	Its a mess. I feel lost. (Preview) I met my bf 15 years ago. We have a 14 year old child together that he just met for the first time in January this year. He was drunk when he drove 16 hours to our home in Alabama. I was disappointed in him because this was not him 15 years ago. He chose to meet our son for the 1st time and he was drunk. Alcohol has...	Aynot	3	986	Mar 18, 2011 by hotrod
	Need courage to take action (Preview) I'm having a difficult time with dealing with my Al/ad daughter and doing what I need to do to stop the enabling I'm doing. Her husband left her with thier 6 y.o. daughter last week, I've been keeping her 16 y.o. son for the past 6 months or more. He is on ss which is her only income since her husband left...	Ruby	7	904	Mar 18, 2011 by RLC
	My sickness. (Preview) I shared how I thought Hp wanted me to let go of my sober ABF. Again me rushing into major decisions. Today we spoke he shared how i am on his back all the time attcking him. He is sober, he is attending lots of meeting and mixing with people in recovery. He is taking his time to correct his health he needs...	Tracy	4	726	Mar 18, 2011 by Debilyn
	Practical advice regarding finances (Preview) I am looking for some practical advice regarding finances. I have ran the budget and controled the finances in our family for the last 8 years. For some of that time I worked also but now I am a SAHM. My AH is an active alcoholic at this point in time. Now that you're all caught up here is my dilema. I don...	searching4peace	8	881	Mar 18, 2011 by pinkchip
	Confused About Dry Drunk and my Marriage (Preview) Hello, I have not visited this forum in quite some time. I'm grateful it is still available. I don't dare tell anyone how I'm really feeling about my marriage right now, not even my sponsor. My sponsor is dealing with her own marriage to a recovering a. Hubby and I were married in 1990. Growing up...	Lala03044	9	6860	Mar 17, 2011 by Lala03044
	strangely serene.....and grateful. (Preview) Interesting, but something snapped inside me last week in a good way. I'm sure it's related to me working on myself, a little more than usual but I'm suddenly not feeling as down as I was. In fact I feel happy! Not that things have improved all that much at home, maybe not at all. But it's bothering me le...	mjhyankees	5	596	Mar 17, 2011 by Lala03044
	New - my story. Help and advice please! (Preview) Hi, my name is Dawn and I'm trying to decide if my husband is an alcoholic. I know - duh - I should probably go to a meeting, but I go back and forth deciding if its for me. Here's the background info, maybe some of you can help. My husband, Scott, has always loved his beer, but he never had a problem with it un...	nadjjaa	15	894	Mar 17, 2011 by nadjjaa
	I was doing so well.. and know it's all for the best (Preview) I was working my program the night it all happened. Walking away from situations that I deemed uncalled for, which led to him having more anger. Police were called, blah blah blah, anyway, we have been told to separate, he is not to be around the kids. If he wants to see them, the worker (from Childrens Ai...	Evian	7	796	Mar 17, 2011 by buick23
	Do they need a RECOVERY PROGRAM as bad as we do??? (Preview) Just curious on this... Do they need a recovery program as bad as we do? Can they be normal happy people without following the steps & attending meetings? Do they all have the "Dry Drunk" syndrome if they are not working a program? My RAH, tells me his new job & new location is all he ne...	KimmyJo	10	885	Mar 17, 2011 by danielle0516
	Book and Step Study (Preview) Over on the CODA Board we are starting a Book study and a step study, it's based on Melody Beatty Books, but truthfully the step study will be using (and I quote) "I am going to be using "The Codependent's Guide to the Twelve Steps" as my core resource in starting the step threads for this...	linbaba	0	2802	Mar 16, 2011 by linbaba
	Ex-abf Weird MindGames, Powerplays, and Emotional Rollercoaster rides (Preview) Ok I'm going to try to keep this short because if I described all the craziness that happened it would take me forever and trigger me and I wouldn't be in a good place bringing it all back up. My ex-abf broke up with me months ago which at the time I thought was the worst thing that ever happened to me because I...	Stillalive2dream	5	2984	Mar 16, 2011 by pinkchip
	What a Difference A Day Makes (Preview) Well, I had such a good enlightening day yesterday, and I'm very thankful for it because today has been a true test. Husband got up this morning all hung over of course from his birthday celebration last night, and would not stop trying to fight with me. I hid in the bedroom for a while and when I came out...	Steph444	3	637	Mar 16, 2011 by pinkchip
	HP wants me to be reminded of what it was like (Preview) By sheer coincidence, my alcoholic ex lives across the street from my current boyfriend. I started having minimal contact with him again after about 2 years of no contact. His life is still so out of control and turbulent. He has made friends will all the other neighbors around who drink and use dru...	pinkchip	8	737	Mar 16, 2011 by danielle0516
	faith (Preview) I am having a break from my Sober ABF (7 months). As I have nmentioned I need to get off his back and focus on me. However I am missing him so much I really just want to ring him and sort it out. But he does not live his life how I want to, he is in early recovery and can not be a true partner we are both sick and nee...	Tracy	2	622	Mar 16, 2011 by kitty
	I had to bring it here.... Off Topic.... a bit long.... (Preview) As some of you may know my Mom has recently passed away. There is so much about that fact to deal with that it makes my head and tummy hurt. The rainbow of emotion is so colourful and psychodelic. As with many families under these circumstances, sometimes there are rifts about money and the wishes of t...	Rora	8	709	Mar 16, 2011 by xeno59
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.