Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> another Detachment
Post Info TOPIC: another Detachment
likemyheart


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1277
Date:
another Detachment
Permalink  

Background first: AH has been living in a trailer in a parking lot for 5 months, stormed outta here determined not to ever come back blah blah blah.

He has since worked a temporary position for 4 months, didnt get hired, unemployment not kicking in again for another two weeks. He sends message last night - hes hungry. Me, tired as heck from long week working is NOT inclined to give him ANY of the hard earned money I had not inclined AT ALL. Starts an exchange; I decline to participate, turn phones off, unplug answering machine, turn off computer etc. Thought foremost in my mind is I am not going to pay for food because he squandered his money on beer and cigarettes. He does the usual, accusing me of every bad thing in the book. I am heartless, uncaring, hurting me would be impossible because I have no heart etc. and so on ad nauseum. (but he loves me huh?).

Detachment is hard. And, it hurts a lot.


__________________
I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
canadianguy


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2962
Date:
Permalink  

Yeppers... been there, done that, got the t-shirt!  Active A's have an insane way of making their problems feel like they are really OUR problems, and WE are the ones who hafta fix them....

Detachment is tough, but well worth it.... he's very toxic right now, in his disease....

Dive into your program, to what you know to be your truth....

He has that large "SSS" on his forehead that stands for sick, sick, sick

T

__________________

"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

"What you think of me is none of my business"

"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"

 

 

 

 
Jennifer


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1382
Date:
Permalink  

((likemyheart))

Detachment is sometimes very hard, and can sometimes hurt alot. I am sorry this is one of those times. It took me so long to value what I thought of myself mor ethan what my exah said or thought of me. As hard as detachment and maintaining boundaries is the act of following my own best judgement has always left me feeling better about myself than if I had not.

Jen

__________________
Christy


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3223
Date:
Permalink  

Isn't it amazing how an alcoholic will always find a way to drink but claim they can't do the same for food?

You're doing great.

Christy



__________________

If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them.  And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3653
Date:
Permalink  

Most everywhere in the USA has somewhere to pick up food boxes, and has soup kitchens. Even my tiny town does.

You are showing your love by not enabling him. He chose to leave. When my son was sorta "shoehorned" out of the home, he learned to survive. He always knew I would not let him go hungry but he never asked. He worked hard, but when he had a slow time, he knew how to take care of himself. He was in his twenties!

Your progress is great. You know if you fed him, you would only be feeding his disease. Helping it to save his money for drugs and cig.

Plus we never know if what they say is true!

Hugs,deb

__________________

Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
Jerry F


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 13696
Date:
Permalink  



Another opportunity to turn him over...Yeppers indeed.  Turn him over.  There is a
power greater than yourself waiting.   (((hugs))) smile

__________________
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> another Detachment