Why Am I So Angry? - Al-Anon Family Group

delhommefan · Veteran Member

Why Am I So Angry?

flopadopilus · ~*Service Worker*~

I love your honesty! I just finished Codependeant No More and I did all the exercises and realized that I too felt very angry at my exAH and at my parents. I also have realized I have no control over any of them and am practicing dettachment, which I need a lot more practice at. I have learned to live and let live a bit more and Let Go more. Try to get the serenity prayer a regular saying in your head before you get spiraling, you may realize it's something out of your control and start seeing what sets you off better. Are you working the steps? I have noticed a big difference now that I am journaling and working the steps makes me focus on myself more and to see the rest of my family are out of my control. I used to obsess for hours and get in a mood about them, but now I see the spiral coming and realize it is a waste of my time and energy. You can take me time and alone time with your kid all you want and not feel guilty about it. Take care of yourself and your kid first. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty for taking care of yourself. I also picture my HP with His big hands open and I like to place my worries and people in his hands because I know he can handle it and I can't.

delhommefan · Veteran Member

That's great advice Karen! Thank you! I haven't started working the steps yet. I guess I am OCD about book reading and I'm reading the book beginning to end. I just finished the not getting blown by every wind chapter. It's funny because some of the chapters completely relate to me, and others (like getting blown by every wind) do not. I guess my co-dependency typically takes the form of getting too absorbed in my love relationships, but not so much with everyone else. I've lived with my Mom's issues my whole life and I've learned to just listen and not say much. But it's just getting SO out of control with her lately that I feel like I have to do all this just to deal with her. She knows I have 50/50 custody of my daughter so the times I have her are precious to me and I like making the best of them. It's not that spending time with her grandparents isn't wonderful and important, because it is. But at the same time Mommy/Daughter time is more important right now at her age. She's 5 and in a place now where she loves just hanging out with me and I really want to enjoy that while it lasts! Not to mention that as I go on this journey, and some other personal journeys in my relationship, with church, etc, I need positivity. And her negativity just completly eats at me. I need to find a way to deal with that because I can't change her negative thoughts and I cannot really ignore my own Mom. I'm a pretty fast reader. I think I'll be done with the book within the next week and working the steps. Clearly I need to be.

flopadopilus · ~*Service Worker*~

I relate to you about your Mom so much, I live far away from my Mom now and I get along with her so much better. We can be friends on the phone and I did set boundaries with her and if she starts spiraling I just say got to go and quickly tell her I love her and get off the phone. Harder to live near by, but nice to have family close, I do miss mine at times. I too have 50/50 custody of my 2 yr old and 13 yr old. I am currently divorcing my AH. I have a big problem not getting so engrossed in relationships with men, that I lose myself completly. I am really trying to stay alone for a long time and get back to me. Figure out how to be comfortable being alone and get some healthy hobbies. I am just learning to set boundaries, which I am terrible at keeping myself, but am learning self discipline and to keep doing my step work. I grew up being victimized and have to realize I am an adult and have to stop letting myself be such. I am feeling my self esteem grow and as I work the steps I keep the focus on me instead of what is wrong with all the people around me, because I need to accept them and work on me. I am trying to dettach with people and still love and accept them. I have realized I am a codependent enabler and a people pleaser, which even explains my job choices. I read 2 daily readers "Courage to Change" and "Hope for Today" that I bought really cheap at meetings. They help me to start my day out right. I only started going to Al-anon after the first of the year and have had a sponsor for a couple months now. She is a huge help in having some one to call at all times before I get myself too worked up. I am finding myself more and more at peace, but still have a looong way to go. I am new at it, but have had some counseling with a counselor that deals with families affected by addictions/alcoholism. This program has made me realize I am not crazy and there is so much more to life than all the chaos and stinking thinking as my counselor calls it. Don't forget in all you read take what applies and leave the rest. I do hope you make the meeting! And I am here to cheer you on every step of the way! Your HP will always be able to handle anything that you can't!

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