I'm new - Al-Anon Family Group

heartlessxxnoise · Newbie

I'm new

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Grace

Welcome to MIP and thank you for your honest insightful share. The Alanon Board to which you posted , was established for relatives and friends of loved ones who suffer from the disease of alcoholism

We have another Board here entitled the AA Board where you might receive in dept feedback to your issues.

Please post this message there. Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums - AA Board

Good Luck there is hope and help and you are not alone

-- Edited by hotrod on Saturday 12th of March 2011 10:46:38 AM

kitty · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi there. This is an alanon board/site which means we all share what it is like to love and cope with alcoholics and addicts (A's) and that dynamic, not to support each other staying clean. For support with staying clean, I would suggest you post at the NA or AA board. If you use this main link, u can see all the different "branches" of our 12 step tree: http://www.12stepforums.net/

Also we dont allow curisng on this board, if you could please edit your "f*&#ing"'s to 'screwing' or some other more descriptive adjective or eventually a moderator will edit that bit for you.

I grew up with addicts in my immediate family and I tried very hard to - if u cant beat them join - mentality. No amount of gettting drunk too - helped any of us in that situation. I am fairly intelligent and - I know first hand that the people that are only attracted to your drunkeness are those who also like to be drunk too, they want you to enalbe them by being drunk and not caring about things that are important and could affect the rest of your whole life ~ life making those grades in college so that you can have options in this world - for your future. Dont base life altering decisons on a perception that some people like you more, drunk- they are using you to allow them to feel better, justified or superior bc they want to be drunk or drug. They want to be enalbed to use and do what they are doing.

The healthier people who do want to succeed in life are just glad you wont be competition for them, in the job market and the life market. Healthier people wont tolerate the demands and manipualtion that goes along with addiction, and if you are just dabbling with alcohol (if you are lucky enough to not be an addict/alcoholic and can use your will to change this now) the healthier people will be attracted you when you change. Misery attracts misery and I guaranatee you will get more of that chasing the bottom of a bottle. I tired so hard to martyr myself to show the A's in my life that I cared about them so much. The issue is that they dont love themselves first and using is a way to validate their poor self esteem and beliefs about themself and to continue to think they deserve less than. This is YOUr life, what are you going to do with it? We dont get "points" for suffering, I learned that the hard way.

Good luck to you on your journey and when you are ready for alanon, we will be here with open arms to aid you in your recovery process.

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Grace, definitely head over to the AA board. I am a member there as well and can state you will find more commonality and suggestions there in regards to your own drinking. I relate so much to what your story was. I started drinking when I hit college and it made me instantly popular and the life of the party when I had been what I thought was a "nobody" and a loser for all of high school. I drank recklessly and dangerously through all of college and also kept up a 3.6 GPA, was president of my college honor society and captain of the college swim team. I kept up that life style until having a full on break down at age 25...having to drop out of school right before finishing my Ph.D. in clinical psychology. Did not stop drinking until age 36 with the help of AA. I basically have rerouted my entire thinking... I had to drop my perfectionist attitude and learn to go easy on myself while still achieving the things I need to in life. I wish I had started this at 23 and not 36 (38 now with 2 and a half years sober). I did so much damage to my mind, spirit, and body.

Anyhow, I wanted to tell you that for sure you are not alone. You just told big parts of my story. Hope you post over on the AA board. I will look there.

Mark

nmike · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome HLN. You are almost at the right place. I am an Alanoner (family & friends of alcoholics) but I go to open face to face AA meetings. I live in a small college town so I hear your alot from our students. You are definitely not alone. You will find experience, strength, and hope from other AA members. All you need is a desire to stop drinking. Keep coming back. Eventually many AA members come on over to Alanon after they stop drinking to work on their relationships.

In support,
Nancy

heartlessxxnoise · Newbie

I apologise I wasn't really aware as to which forum I was responding or reacting to.

heartlessxxnoise · Newbie

Wow, thank you so much for even responding at all. I'm truly apologize for my language in that last post. I am so sorry if I offended anyone at all. I was really scared and hitting rock bottom at that point. I never meant to offend or hurt anyone on here. I was just getting a huge dose of reality and again I'm sorry.

heartlessxxnoise · Newbie

P.S. I'm not sure of the link to get on the site you guys have suggested.

-So sorry again for being on this forum. I know shouldn't be

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

http://www.12stepforums.net/

then go to the AA message board.

kitty · ~*Service Worker*~

(( heartlessxxnoise ))) You can be at this forum, but we only speak about out our relationships here in alanon, not about the compulsion to use. It's okay and we will be here, when you are ready for us. The program in all of its many forms, works when applied as suggested and work it dilignetly and surrender to it, and miracles can happen in your life ~ you are worth the effort to discover as recovery is self discovery! Hope u stick around (in 12 steps) to see the miracle. Learn to take healthy and loving gentle care of YOU.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.