Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

Jen · Jen

I am finding that I have problems with reacting to my kids. I take too many things personally that are just the way kids are. I also tend to want them to act older than they are for my convenience. That is not fair to them. They are just kids. They dont mean anything when they complain about a meal or get into...

lightblue2 · lightblue2

I have a mulberry tree in my backyard. It grows fast and when it does it is over my neighbours fence a fair way. At times I love the tree.. the food and shelter and protection it can give the birds. It brings the birds around my home and it provides for them in a natural way. At times I have cut the tree back, whe...

Saved By Grace · Saved By Grace

Hello Family, I am grateful to be able to come here in safety, trusting that I will receive objective and healthy feedback. I am facing a dilemma right now in my present relationship and cannot sit in denial any longer. My bf is a recovering A who has a back injury for which he takes prescription drugs for...

orchidlover · orchidlover

I had a big breakthrough yesterday in realising that I now want a different kind of relationship if I ever get into one again. Since I have not dated much at all (no dates this year thus far)... At one time I wanted an all encompassing love, a love that took up all my time and which my life rotated around. I...

nyc018 · nyc018

I don't know how to deal with things today. I'm separated from AH. He's been sober over 3 mos after a series of binges that drove him insane and made him lose his job. He's now in AA and working with a sponsor, but has a long way to go emotionally.He visits me and our son every weekend. Some days are better t...

BThom61 · BThom61

I am very unhappy now. I am sitting at work, it's 10:57pm on Friday. He just called he's drunk, doesn't know when he got home or how. Unless he passes out, he will continue to call me. I don't want to be home right now. Because he will begin to put me down, and blame me for everything. My girls go stay at friend...

lightenedbyenlightenment · lightenedbyenlightenment

enter your safe world as a fledgling out of my 6 year chaos. I just want to say thank you. Because of this forum online I have successfully broken communication with my A now for nearly 2 whole days. I find myself reading over everyone's posts and finding the truth and strength to resist relapse back int...

atheos · atheos

I've been doing a lot of thinking (or navel-gazing) recently about why I am having so much trouble with the end of step 3 and beginning of step 4, and I think I finally found the root of that -- I don't believe my mistakes will be forgiven. I have a hard time trusting people because I know I will eventually ma...

hotrod · hotrod

Hi Everyone As you know we are doing a Step every 2 weeks on the Step Work Board. Today we have started to share on the Second Step Please join us so we can all learn and grow http://stepwork.activeboard.com -- Edited by hotrod on Sunday 11th of December 2011 08:15:22 PM

Michelle814 · Michelle814

It's a good day to be me. Some AA guys tried to tell me I was not "keeping it simple enough" because I was talking of my spiritual awakenings. The beautiful thing about Al-Anon is that it taught me that it's okay to just live and let live. They can disagree with me, I will simply stop talking a...

Christie92 · Christie92

Hi. I've been on here before about a year and a half ago...things with my son were not good and then started to get better. They were really on the upswing...long story so I'll just leave it at that. He is now 19 years old. He graduated from High School (a great day)...and was really making choiced to ge...

annonymous · annonymous

My fiance drinks every day en gets drunk everyday. I can't stand it anymore! I am exhausted! I know my hormones are confused during pregnancy, but this is really getting out of hand.. How do I handle it? Because we had lot of fights and he just doesn't want to listen to me, as if he doesn't care. any help pl...

Jen · Jen

I have not started my own topic on this board in a long, long time, but I wanted to tell you all about my day yesterday. Sober AH and I took the kids (11,5,1 yo) to a science museum. What a neat day we had. Its a hands on, touch everything kind of place for the kids. There is an art room where my 5 yo and 1 yo could pa...

John · John

Hi Everyone, We are now on Step Two, on the Step Work Board. Please use the link below to join us there and participate in the Step Work discussion. We simply ask that you only respond in the 12 step group area you are aligned with, and you stay focused on the current step being addressed. You can ask que...

oldergal · oldergal

Thank You Maryjane and Surfgirl I find these excellent phrases to put in your "tool kit". I laughed out loud when I heard the "Oh, So, and Go", because that is so to the point, straightforward and easy to remember, and I must say a little sassy when you are interacting with your, A...

Pushka · Pushka

I had an amazing trip home I have decided that some airports are much nicer to fly through than others, ironically the one I got felt up in wasn't the worst of them. I did get to fly on my own private jet .. lol .. it was an 8 passenger Cessna and I was the only passenger on it. It was just a fantastic flight. ...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

I had so much to say today but I managed to lose my post. I guess maybe the post was for me. I hope someday that I can recreate what I said to all of you if it seems like the right time. It just basically said where my heart was at the time & all the realizations that I had this last week & especially last n...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

HERE I GO AGAIN! CAPITAL LETTERS! now back to normal. I am not too thrilled again w/ my mom. She is definitely OCD among other things. She is too controlling & has major issues w/ money. I am somewhat like her but definitely in recovery. Anyhow, my latest beef is that my MOM is so obsessive about stupi...

Jackie11 · Jackie11

72 days, 12 weeks, about 2 1/2 months I've thought a lot about this time frame. I figured out on the calendar that 2 1/2 months into my own marriage was right around August 22. At that point in time the biggest question I had was what would my next step be. The truth is I could have had my own 72 day marriage...

John · John

The Umbrella of Faithby John F.IntroductionDuring the hard times, when everything seems to be off course, when life is taking us down the path of despair, when we are feeling trapped, and sadness, sorrow and fear seems to invade every area of our lives, what can we do to find the light of hope and healin...

kris10 · kris10

So, I've finally come to the conclusion that in my relationship, the bad out weighs the good...by far.. I guess I've known this for a while but didn't want to really let myself say it... I think a relationship should be equal.. We should be getting back as much as we put in... Well, I am getting back little...

John · John

Hi Everyone, Several members have indicated that they are having a problem entering the chat room, so I thought I would take moment to address the best method of resolving the issue. ******* First, make sure you have the updated version of java software on your computer. It's free, doesn't cost a di...

Xenther · Xenther

I grew up with an alcoholic father. Spent a lot of nights pretending to be asleep but afraid to do so because I wasnt sure what was going to happen next and a lot of days trying to anticipate when things were going to go off the rails. I worshiped my dad when he wasnt drunk and feared and hated him when he was. A...

surfgirl123 · surfgirl123

After another long day at work got home to the emotional roller coast I call my AH. He was 'up' when I got hom, agitated, hyper, I'm pretty sure he had been drinking. Then he swings the other way and starts crying after watching a TV show, it was a comedy, he said it made him sad. He literally cried for an hou...

likemyheart · likemyheart

I love the movie Rainmaker with Burt Lancaster and Katherine Hepburn. I identify with Lizzy - being treated like she was a challenging daughter to marry off because she wasn't conventionally "pretty". Makes me glad to grow up in the era I did, I wasn't just a challenging daughter to marry o...

tired of trying · tired of trying

My AH is still not drinking-have gone through weeks of ups and downs-totally confusing-one day he wants to leave, the marriage is over, then he feels left out, then he wants to move in the garage, then he is trying to do things around the house, still no touching, still sleeping on a cot in the man cave, bu...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

thanks for your comments about the VA incident! I am getting over it as the date is the 9th & it happened on the 5th. I have so much else to obsess about that I can't even mention them all! I see over 100 of you viewed my post--I think that was a RECORD for me! I am STILL & WILL ALWAYS BE a WORK in Progress...

Jackie11 · Jackie11

I have been working to show acceptance. I have stated I accept you just as you are. I don't qualify that with but I don't like your choices. The result the 1/2 gallon whiskey bottle is back on the shelf with the dishes instead of hidden wherever it was. A bottle was purchased on Thursday, said bottle was go...

Michelle814 · Michelle814

I love these boards. I like the constructive criticism and the praise and encouragement I receive. I want to thank the members who read and respond to my rambles. I know that they are not always 100% on track but I am learning and growing one day at a time. Thank you for being patient with me and for liste...

rootzy · rootzy

My sister and brother in law have given us custody of their two children due to ROXY abuse. They indicate they are sober however last few instances they have been lethargic, falling asleep even. Their pupils are extremely dialated. They indicate they are going to NA and are working the program. THey h...

rehprof · rehprof

so..been venting here and getting lots of support...cause honestly, this recent break up has me in a funk..and fighting to find a reason to stay alive...thats how far down I am... I'm trying to be kind to myself and explore the nature of this deep sadness. Here's my conclusion...about the breakup.. F...

Pushka · Pushka

I have to admit I am surprised by how great this visit was, it was a LOT of fun to be out here with my mom. I think I ate my way through much of the city good grief there went another 20lbs! It was worth it!! I miss the food, the culture, the diversity, the sights and the smells. It was so nice not to smell burn...

rosielee · rosielee

just wanted t say...i have been having insomnia for last 6 mnths- and yesterday was a bad day...if i lost my perspective- or my cool....thats why. i forget that i am tired...and end up steaming through the day...and when i have an emotionally bad day....like today i woke up at 3 am this morning and hav...

rara avis · rara avis

Hey everybody, Just and update for anyone who's followed my endless breakup, I don't want to create a mystery since I've been here less often. [ computer implosion plus business ] Long story short the stay away order is in effect and my ex did not show up for the hearing, thank goodness, he went into...

Debilyn · Debilyn

ya know I got more bs from him. I realized he is drunk. Nothing makes sense. Of course I gave it to hp. I feel so relieved, serene. It was like I came in a newbie and you guys reminded me again all the stuff I needed. I mean if he does not pay now, when I go to court he will owe more than double with the fees. It's no...

John · John

Hi Everyone, As many of you know I broke both of my wrist, a hand and an elbow recently and therefore am not able to work my pressure washing and painting business right now, with one arm in a cast and the other in a particle cast. Therefore, I do not have the funds to pay all the expenses related to Miracles...

orchidlover · orchidlover

One really big characteristic of my last relationship with the ex A (I have not had many since then so that is about it!) was that I rushed in. I rushed in without thinking who I was getting involved with. Up into now I have not really taken that much responsibility for my part in it. Of course he snowed me...

jessicat · jessicat

Today is a bad day. I have been at work for three hours and have done nothing but shut my door, cry, scour the internet for help on what to do, cry some more, then cry some more again. I don't know how to get through times like this. I've decided not to make any decisions about my marriage right now. So I know th...

Minaret · Minaret

My active A lies all the time, but his time has always been accountable for and he maintains that he has always been loyal and thinks cheating is one of the worst things someone could do to another in a relationship. He can be a bit jealous, but only when drinking. I've begun to doubt this now. Lately he a be...

Michelle814 · Michelle814

My HP led me on a spiritual journey again last night. I met up with a friend I just made a few months back when I started Al-Anon. We went to a new comer's meeting together but before that we talked for a long while about compassion.. not just for the A in our life but for everyone. Before we went to the new c...

Debilyn · Debilyn

OMGosh how the heck do you do it??? You who live with A's you have to love them a lot. I am not sure I should even be here anymore, but its home! This tenant is an A no question. The insanity of how he thinks is beyond what I remember. He lies, makes no sense. Says one thing, does another, lies some more. Keeps p...

_heather_ · _heather_

So I had a breakthrough with my AH yesterday....we actually communicated. It felt so good to actually be able to talk to him and have a conversation. It was a lot of him venting/sharing his feelings (which he has NEVER done) and me listening. I know that he has a hard time just listening to me when I sha...

_heather_ · _heather_

I found out last night from my dad that my AH was in the hospital. He had been texting my dad because he didn't want to call me and tell me where he was. He had called his mother to bring him to the hospital...and nobody notified me. I am his primary contact...I am his wife regardless of what is going on in ou...

Very Very Tired · Very Very Tired

The last sentence of the 11th Tradition says, "...We need guard with special care the anonymity of all AA members." We read the Traditions at the F2F meeting I attend. I know the Traditions can seem kind of boring and unimportant. But, I can't tell you the number of times one of the Tradition...

Green Eyes · Green Eyes

Thanks so much to those on this board who directed me to the Alanon pamphlet, "A Merry-Go-Round Named Denial." Although there were parts of it that rang so true to me that it was almost too painful to absorb, there was almost a sense of relief to know that others have experienced what our fami...

cinders · cinders

After 8 years of living with my husband's drinking and his constant complaints about how it is too hard to live with me and my 4 children (from previous marriage) I told him to decide, stay and get help, go to counseling and work through this together or go. He chose to go. He moved out on Saturday. Sayi...

Jozie · Jozie

Often Times on this Journey thru life, I find that I Tend to Jump from Step to Step... Not So Much in order but to my choosing... I have a Dear Friend that Told me to Work them anyway I Wanted as long as I eventually got to them all... :) And I have, but this time of Year I tend to CLING too Step Eleven... Sought th...

rehprof · rehprof

So...I have been separated for a year..currently divorcing from AH. been dating a guy exclusively for about 6 months -- and today we decided to date others...mostly because he feels he can't give me what I need in a relationship -- because he has emotional scars from previous relationships. Intelle...

John · John

I place here a link to the AA groups message board, that goes directly to the post of my speaking at the Tri City Conference of AA, on Oct 21st, 2011. If you would like to listen to it, please click the link. I just prefer to not place AA material such as this on the Al-Anon board. If you listen to it, and woul...

atheos · atheos

Had a 1st appointment with a psychologist today. My sponsor's been recommending that for a while. It went OK, and the doctor seemed nice, but I'm really scared he'll think I'm a chronic whiner who's just wasting his time when his other patients have *real* problems... I've decided to stick it out for a...

amills4294 · amills4294

My spouse's car is in the shop - it has been so many times over the past few months. The mechanic he goes to is across town. I've been more then willing to take him to drop his car off and pick him up many times. His car problems are a sore issue. It was another one of his purchases that was made out of impul...

rosielee · rosielee

i was on the receiving end of my mums verbal and physical abuse from an early age- thrugh to my teens and then into my twenties and early thirties. you react to criticism and negativity when you are too yung to know better- and in yur teens you deffinitely do...but somewhere along the lines it dawned on m...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

As you can see by my angry face--I am frustrated by the ignorance & lack of knowledge that some people have about the Alanon program! I went to a VA hospital yesterday & wanted to just leave some literature. A big-wig not so nice lady told me that it was SOLICITATION! They have AA meetings actual...

nyc018 · nyc018

My AH and I are separated, but remain in close contact. Hes in AA and has a sponsor. Hes been sober since his last binge drove him insane (but to 2 week rehab) 3+ months ago. This binge also led to him to losing his job - a very good job that he worked hard to get. He'd only been there 10 months. However, whi...

Michelle814 · Michelle814

I have been praying deeply to God to grant me compassion for all people. I am letting go of the judgements I make and asking God to fill my judgmental attitude with compassion instead. I make progress than I take steps backward. I most judgmental over those who judge haha.. this is the irony. They mak...

stephaniej · stephaniej

I've been struggling with the program so much lately. I think what is challenging me most is having my AH home, after he was working 600 miles away for 7 months. It was so much easier to detach when he was gone... Anyway, I hit my own new low point on Sunday night. Nobody had slept much, because my younge...

rehprof · rehprof

so yah, my bf and I, we broke up -- that hurts ALOT -- tara brach (buddhist teacher) says that is the first arrow...the event that causes us pain what causes us (me) suffering comes from the second arrow --the thoughts that include "I wasn't good enough in bed" or "I wasn't funny enough...

mehere80 · mehere80

For those of you that have read the phamplet "Alcoholism, a merry go round named denial", my husband and I (my A) are in Act III and I've clearly been the role of provoker during our marriage. During Act II a few months ago, I had changed my role. I entered Al-Anon. I made him get his own bank...

amills4294 · amills4294

I am happy I had a good day yesterday. I enjoyed the time with my daughter. I tried to chant the serenity prayer when I felt challenged and it helped. I continued to try to turn things over to my HP. I am challenged by my spouse and his rollercoaster of emotions. I believe it boils down to the fact that he...

Michelle814 · Michelle814

I went to visit my husband in rehab on Saturday and it was amazing!!! Over the past two and a half weeks of him being away I have had, what they refer to as, a spiritual awakening. I have never experienced one before. I now talk to my HP all the time. I yell, I cry, I laugh, I talk and the amazing thing is......

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Kid stuff (Preview) I am finding that I have problems with reacting to my kids. I take too many things personally that are just the way kids are. I also tend to want them to act older than they are for my convenience. That is not fair to them. They are just kids. They dont mean anything when they complain about a meal or get into...	Jen	2	261	Dec 12, 2011 by Hoot Nanny
	I have a tree (Preview) I have a mulberry tree in my backyard. It grows fast and when it does it is over my neighbours fence a fair way. At times I love the tree.. the food and shelter and protection it can give the birds. It brings the birds around my home and it provides for them in a natural way. At times I have cut the tree back, whe...	lightblue2	5	418	Dec 12, 2011 by lightblue2
	Don't Need to Be Right- Just Need to Be Happy (Preview) Hello Family, I am grateful to be able to come here in safety, trusting that I will receive objective and healthy feedback. I am facing a dilemma right now in my present relationship and cannot sit in denial any longer. My bf is a recovering A who has a back injury for which he takes prescription drugs for...	Saved By Grace	7	640	Dec 12, 2011 by Saved By Grace
	Degrees of love (Preview) I had a big breakthrough yesterday in realising that I now want a different kind of relationship if I ever get into one again. Since I have not dated much at all (no dates this year thus far)... At one time I wanted an all encompassing love, a love that took up all my time and which my life rotated around. I...	orchidlover	10	625	Dec 12, 2011 by orchidlover
	I feel like exploding (Preview) I don't know how to deal with things today. I'm separated from AH. He's been sober over 3 mos after a series of binges that drove him insane and made him lose his job. He's now in AA and working with a sponsor, but has a long way to go emotionally.He visits me and our son every weekend. Some days are better t...	nyc018	7	543	Dec 12, 2011 by never going back
	Alcoholic Husband doesn't know when to stop (Preview) I am very unhappy now. I am sitting at work, it's 10:57pm on Friday. He just called he's drunk, doesn't know when he got home or how. Unless he passes out, he will continue to call me. I don't want to be home right now. Because he will begin to put me down, and blame me for everything. My girls go stay at friend...	BThom61	5	747	Dec 12, 2011 by never going back
	The beginning of the end (Preview) enter your safe world as a fledgling out of my 6 year chaos. I just want to say thank you. Because of this forum online I have successfully broken communication with my A now for nearly 2 whole days. I find myself reading over everyone's posts and finding the truth and strength to resist relapse back int...	lightenedbyenlightenment	10	639	Dec 12, 2011 by never going back
	Knowing the problem helps! (Preview) I've been doing a lot of thinking (or navel-gazing) recently about why I am having so much trouble with the end of step 3 and beginning of step 4, and I think I finally found the root of that -- I don't believe my mistakes will be forgiven. I have a hard time trusting people because I know I will eventually ma...	atheos	6	309	Dec 12, 2011 by Michelle814
	Step 2 on the Step Work Board (Preview) Hi Everyone As you know we are doing a Step every 2 weeks on the Step Work Board. Today we have started to share on the Second Step Please join us so we can all learn and grow http://stepwork.activeboard.com -- Edited by hotrod on Sunday 11th of December 2011 08:15:22 PM	hotrod	1	226	Dec 12, 2011 by pineapple
	Grinning from Ear to Ear (Preview) It's a good day to be me. Some AA guys tried to tell me I was not "keeping it simple enough" because I was talking of my spiritual awakenings. The beautiful thing about Al-Anon is that it taught me that it's okay to just live and let live. They can disagree with me, I will simply stop talking a...	Michelle814	10	617	Dec 12, 2011 by Michelle814
	Wondering... (Preview) Hi. I've been on here before about a year and a half ago...things with my son were not good and then started to get better. They were really on the upswing...long story so I'll just leave it at that. He is now 19 years old. He graduated from High School (a great day)...and was really making choiced to ge...	Christie92	11	606	Dec 12, 2011 by Christie92
	I am 5 months pregnant and Fiance drinking everyday, what to do????? (Preview) My fiance drinks every day en gets drunk everyday. I can't stand it anymore! I am exhausted! I know my hormones are confused during pregnancy, but this is really getting out of hand.. How do I handle it? Because we had lot of fights and he just doesn't want to listen to me, as if he doesn't care. any help pl...	annonymous	15	912	Dec 12, 2011 by grantmeserenity
	Change is good. (Preview) I have not started my own topic on this board in a long, long time, but I wanted to tell you all about my day yesterday. Sober AH and I took the kids (11,5,1 yo) to a science museum. What a neat day we had. Its a hands on, touch everything kind of place for the kids. There is an art room where my 5 yo and 1 yo could pa...	Jen	2	233	Dec 11, 2011 by Pushka
	Step Two - Step Work Board (Preview) Hi Everyone, We are now on Step Two, on the Step Work Board. Please use the link below to join us there and participate in the Step Work discussion. We simply ask that you only respond in the 12 step group area you are aligned with, and you stay focused on the current step being addressed. You can ask que...	John	0	201	Dec 11, 2011 by John
	"Oh, So, and Go" and Blah, Blah, Blah! (Preview) Thank You Maryjane and Surfgirl I find these excellent phrases to put in your "tool kit". I laughed out loud when I heard the "Oh, So, and Go", because that is so to the point, straightforward and easy to remember, and I must say a little sassy when you are interacting with your, A...	oldergal	1	376	Dec 11, 2011 by maryjane
	Home Again :) (Preview) I had an amazing trip home I have decided that some airports are much nicer to fly through than others, ironically the one I got felt up in wasn't the worst of them. I did get to fly on my own private jet .. lol .. it was an 8 passenger Cessna and I was the only passenger on it. It was just a fantastic flight. ...	Pushka	5	327	Dec 11, 2011 by pineapple
	i lost my post! (Preview) I had so much to say today but I managed to lose my post. I guess maybe the post was for me. I hope someday that I can recreate what I said to all of you if it seems like the right time. It just basically said where my heart was at the time & all the realizations that I had this last week & especially last n...	Hoot Nanny	1	376	Dec 11, 2011 by Jen
	again & again! do I always repeat myself? (Preview) HERE I GO AGAIN! CAPITAL LETTERS! now back to normal. I am not too thrilled again w/ my mom. She is definitely OCD among other things. She is too controlling & has major issues w/ money. I am somewhat like her but definitely in recovery. Anyhow, my latest beef is that my MOM is so obsessive about stupi...	Hoot Nanny	6	770	Dec 11, 2011 by Jen
	2 1/2 months and 2 months (Preview) 72 days, 12 weeks, about 2 1/2 months I've thought a lot about this time frame. I figured out on the calendar that 2 1/2 months into my own marriage was right around August 22. At that point in time the biggest question I had was what would my next step be. The truth is I could have had my own 72 day marriage...	Jackie11	15	594	Dec 11, 2011 by Jackie11
	The Umbrella of Faith (Preview) The Umbrella of Faithby John F.IntroductionDuring the hard times, when everything seems to be off course, when life is taking us down the path of despair, when we are feeling trapped, and sadness, sorrow and fear seems to invade every area of our lives, what can we do to find the light of hope and healin...	John	11	611	Dec 10, 2011 by hotrod
	When in doubt...type it out??? (Preview) So, I've finally come to the conclusion that in my relationship, the bad out weighs the good...by far.. I guess I've known this for a while but didn't want to really let myself say it... I think a relationship should be equal.. We should be getting back as much as we put in... Well, I am getting back little...	kris10	20	744	Dec 10, 2011 by kris10
	Chatroom Issues... Getting in to it ?? (Preview) Hi Everyone, Several members have indicated that they are having a problem entering the chat room, so I thought I would take moment to address the best method of resolving the issue. ******* First, make sure you have the updated version of java software on your computer. It's free, doesn't cost a di...	John	2	506	Dec 10, 2011 by ladysoblue
	Son of an alcoholic dating a drinker (Preview) I grew up with an alcoholic father. Spent a lot of nights pretending to be asleep but afraid to do so because I wasnt sure what was going to happen next and a lot of days trying to anticipate when things were going to go off the rails. I worshiped my dad when he wasnt drunk and feared and hated him when he was. A...	Xenther	6	561	Dec 10, 2011 by pinkchip
	All I Hear Now is "Blah Blah Blah" (Preview) After another long day at work got home to the emotional roller coast I call my AH. He was 'up' when I got hom, agitated, hyper, I'm pretty sure he had been drinking. Then he swings the other way and starts crying after watching a TV show, it was a comedy, he said it made him sad. He literally cried for an hou...	surfgirl123	11	577	Dec 10, 2011 by Breakingfree
	Self-Esteem (Preview) I love the movie Rainmaker with Burt Lancaster and Katherine Hepburn. I identify with Lizzy - being treated like she was a challenging daughter to marry off because she wasn't conventionally "pretty". Makes me glad to grow up in the era I did, I wasn't just a challenging daughter to marry o...	likemyheart	9	595	Dec 9, 2011 by hotrod
	update (Preview) My AH is still not drinking-have gone through weeks of ups and downs-totally confusing-one day he wants to leave, the marriage is over, then he feels left out, then he wants to move in the garage, then he is trying to do things around the house, still no touching, still sleeping on a cot in the man cave, bu...	tired of trying	1	301	Dec 9, 2011 by hotrod
	thanks for your comments! (Preview) thanks for your comments about the VA incident! I am getting over it as the date is the 9th & it happened on the 5th. I have so much else to obsess about that I can't even mention them all! I see over 100 of you viewed my post--I think that was a RECORD for me! I am STILL & WILL ALWAYS BE a WORK in Progress...	Hoot Nanny	0	259	Dec 9, 2011 by Hoot Nanny
	denial (Preview) I have been working to show acceptance. I have stated I accept you just as you are. I don't qualify that with but I don't like your choices. The result the 1/2 gallon whiskey bottle is back on the shelf with the dishes instead of hidden wherever it was. A bottle was purchased on Thursday, said bottle was go...	Jackie11	12	609	Dec 9, 2011 by tired of trying
	The Grass is Greener on MY Side (Preview) I love these boards. I like the constructive criticism and the praise and encouragement I receive. I want to thank the members who read and respond to my rambles. I know that they are not always 100% on track but I am learning and growing one day at a time. Thank you for being patient with me and for liste...	Michelle814	9	370	Dec 9, 2011 by Michelle814
	Believe bro-in-law using ROXY/BLUE- PLEASE HELP (Preview) My sister and brother in law have given us custody of their two children due to ROXY abuse. They indicate they are sober however last few instances they have been lethargic, falling asleep even. Their pupils are extremely dialated. They indicate they are going to NA and are working the program. THey h...	rootzy	9	401	Dec 9, 2011 by rootzy
	Slogging through depression (Preview) so..been venting here and getting lots of support...cause honestly, this recent break up has me in a funk..and fighting to find a reason to stay alive...thats how far down I am... I'm trying to be kind to myself and explore the nature of this deep sadness. Here's my conclusion...about the breakup.. F...	rehprof	13	574	Dec 9, 2011 by GailMichelle
	Leaving on a jet plane :) (Preview) I have to admit I am surprised by how great this visit was, it was a LOT of fun to be out here with my mom. I think I ate my way through much of the city good grief there went another 20lbs! It was worth it!! I miss the food, the culture, the diversity, the sights and the smells. It was so nice not to smell burn...	Pushka	10	410	Dec 9, 2011 by GailMichelle
	i was dreadfully tired yesterday (Preview) just wanted t say...i have been having insomnia for last 6 mnths- and yesterday was a bad day...if i lost my perspective- or my cool....thats why. i forget that i am tired...and end up steaming through the day...and when i have an emotionally bad day....like today i woke up at 3 am this morning and hav...	rosielee	3	379	Dec 8, 2011 by pineapple
	Update only, no drama [ YAY! ] (Preview) Hey everybody, Just and update for anyone who's followed my endless breakup, I don't want to create a mystery since I've been here less often. [ computer implosion plus business ] Long story short the stay away order is in effect and my ex did not show up for the hearing, thank goodness, he went into...	rara avis	4	362	Dec 8, 2011 by likemyheart
	you guys are so great (Preview) ya know I got more bs from him. I realized he is drunk. Nothing makes sense. Of course I gave it to hp. I feel so relieved, serene. It was like I came in a newbie and you guys reminded me again all the stuff I needed. I mean if he does not pay now, when I go to court he will owe more than double with the fees. It's no...	Debilyn	1	393	Dec 8, 2011 by amills4294
	How you can help this site today... (Preview) Hi Everyone, As many of you know I broke both of my wrist, a hand and an elbow recently and therefore am not able to work my pressure washing and painting business right now, with one arm in a cast and the other in a particle cast. Therefore, I do not have the funds to pay all the expenses related to Miracles...	John	16	2063	Dec 8, 2011 by Sweet Stanley
	Rushing into relationships (Preview) One really big characteristic of my last relationship with the ex A (I have not had many since then so that is about it!) was that I rushed in. I rushed in without thinking who I was getting involved with. Up into now I have not really taken that much responsibility for my part in it. Of course he snowed me...	orchidlover	14	527	Dec 8, 2011 by orchidlover
	How do you get through tough moments/hours/days? (Preview) Today is a bad day. I have been at work for three hours and have done nothing but shut my door, cry, scour the internet for help on what to do, cry some more, then cry some more again. I don't know how to get through times like this. I've decided not to make any decisions about my marriage right now. So I know th...	jessicat	18	634	Dec 8, 2011 by orchidlover
	How would I know if he was cheating? (Preview) My active A lies all the time, but his time has always been accountable for and he maintains that he has always been loyal and thinks cheating is one of the worst things someone could do to another in a relationship. He can be a bit jealous, but only when drinking. I've begun to doubt this now. Lately he a be...	Minaret	8	766	Dec 8, 2011 by orchidlover
	On a Journey with my HP (Preview) My HP led me on a spiritual journey again last night. I met up with a friend I just made a few months back when I started Al-Anon. We went to a new comer's meeting together but before that we talked for a long while about compassion.. not just for the A in our life but for everyone. Before we went to the new c...	Michelle814	5	469	Dec 8, 2011 by Michelle814
	Ok let me tell ya! (Preview) OMGosh how the heck do you do it??? You who live with A's you have to love them a lot. I am not sure I should even be here anymore, but its home! This tenant is an A no question. The insanity of how he thinks is beyond what I remember. He lies, makes no sense. Says one thing, does another, lies some more. Keeps p...	Debilyn	7	490	Dec 8, 2011 by Jozie
	Stuck (Preview) So I had a breakthrough with my AH yesterday....we actually communicated. It felt so good to actually be able to talk to him and have a conversation. It was a lot of him venting/sharing his feelings (which he has NEVER done) and me listening. I know that he has a hard time just listening to me when I sha...	_heather_	7	543	Dec 8, 2011 by Jackie11
	need some serious support (Preview) I found out last night from my dad that my AH was in the hospital. He had been texting my dad because he didn't want to call me and tell me where he was. He had called his mother to bring him to the hospital...and nobody notified me. I am his primary contact...I am his wife regardless of what is going on in ou...	_heather_	10	430	Dec 8, 2011 by tommyecat
	The 11th Tradition + The 12th Step = New Understanding (Preview) The last sentence of the 11th Tradition says, "...We need guard with special care the anonymity of all AA members." We read the Traditions at the F2F meeting I attend. I know the Traditions can seem kind of boring and unimportant. But, I can't tell you the number of times one of the Tradition...	Very Very Tired	6	781	Dec 8, 2011 by tommyecat
	A Merry-Go-Round Named Denial denial choices merry-go-round (Preview) Thanks so much to those on this board who directed me to the Alanon pamphlet, "A Merry-Go-Round Named Denial." Although there were parts of it that rang so true to me that it was almost too painful to absorb, there was almost a sense of relief to know that others have experienced what our fami...	Green Eyes	6	10608	Dec 8, 2011 by tommyecat
	Now what? (Preview) After 8 years of living with my husband's drinking and his constant complaints about how it is too hard to live with me and my 4 children (from previous marriage) I told him to decide, stay and get help, go to counseling and work through this together or go. He chose to go. He moved out on Saturday. Sayi...	cinders	8	426	Dec 7, 2011 by cinders
	My NEED for the 11th Step... (Preview) Often Times on this Journey thru life, I find that I Tend to Jump from Step to Step... Not So Much in order but to my choosing... I have a Dear Friend that Told me to Work them anyway I Wanted as long as I eventually got to them all... :) And I have, but this time of Year I tend to CLING too Step Eleven... Sought th...	Jozie	3	1544	Dec 7, 2011 by Debilyn
	Breaking Up is hard to do (Preview) So...I have been separated for a year..currently divorcing from AH. been dating a guy exclusively for about 6 months -- and today we decided to date others...mostly because he feels he can't give me what I need in a relationship -- because he has emotional scars from previous relationships. Intelle...	rehprof	7	498	Dec 7, 2011 by Rematch--
	AA Speaker Tape - John F. (Tri City Conference 2011) (Preview) I place here a link to the AA groups message board, that goes directly to the post of my speaking at the Tri City Conference of AA, on Oct 21st, 2011. If you would like to listen to it, please click the link. I just prefer to not place AA material such as this on the Al-Anon board. If you listen to it, and woul...	John	11	3991	Dec 7, 2011 by John
	Seeing a therapist (Preview) Had a 1st appointment with a psychologist today. My sponsor's been recommending that for a while. It went OK, and the doctor seemed nice, but I'm really scared he'll think I'm a chronic whiner who's just wasting his time when his other patients have real problems... I've decided to stick it out for a...	atheos	8	426	Dec 7, 2011 by orchidlover
	What am I sooo afraid of? (Preview) My spouse's car is in the shop - it has been so many times over the past few months. The mechanic he goes to is across town. I've been more then willing to take him to drop his car off and pick him up many times. His car problems are a sore issue. It was another one of his purchases that was made out of impul...	amills4294	13	496	Dec 7, 2011 by Lindaoakford
	not having your buttons pushed (Preview) i was on the receiving end of my mums verbal and physical abuse from an early age- thrugh to my teens and then into my twenties and early thirties. you react to criticism and negativity when you are too yung to know better- and in yur teens you deffinitely do...but somewhere along the lines it dawned on m...	rosielee	7	440	Dec 7, 2011 by orchidlover
	WHY DO PEOPLE HAVE TO BE SO IGNORANT; JUST SAYING! (Preview) As you can see by my angry face--I am frustrated by the ignorance & lack of knowledge that some people have about the Alanon program! I went to a VA hospital yesterday & wanted to just leave some literature. A big-wig not so nice lady told me that it was SOLICITATION! They have AA meetings actual...	Hoot Nanny	5	481	Dec 7, 2011 by orchidlover
	Disengaging and Trying Not to Live in Future Wreckage (Preview) My AH and I are separated, but remain in close contact. Hes in AA and has a sponsor. Hes been sober since his last binge drove him insane (but to 2 week rehab) 3+ months ago. This binge also led to him to losing his job - a very good job that he worked hard to get. He'd only been there 10 months. However, whi...	nyc018	6	1132	Dec 7, 2011 by orchidlover
	Step 4 Work ... I Judge the Judgmental (Preview) I have been praying deeply to God to grant me compassion for all people. I am letting go of the judgements I make and asking God to fill my judgmental attitude with compassion instead. I make progress than I take steps backward. I most judgmental over those who judge haha.. this is the irony. They mak...	Michelle814	1	482	Dec 7, 2011 by rosielee
	Hitting my own low point (Preview) I've been struggling with the program so much lately. I think what is challenging me most is having my AH home, after he was working 600 miles away for 7 months. It was so much easier to detach when he was gone... Anyway, I hit my own new low point on Sunday night. Nobody had slept much, because my younge...	stephaniej	10	406	Dec 7, 2011 by stephaniej
	Suffering from the second arrow (Preview) so yah, my bf and I, we broke up -- that hurts ALOT -- tara brach (buddhist teacher) says that is the first arrow...the event that causes us pain what causes us (me) suffering comes from the second arrow --the thoughts that include "I wasn't good enough in bed" or "I wasn't funny enough...	rehprof	16	498	Dec 6, 2011 by Lindaoakford
	Ending a marriage during Act III of the Merry Go Round Named Denial (Preview) For those of you that have read the phamplet "Alcoholism, a merry go round named denial", my husband and I (my A) are in Act III and I've clearly been the role of provoker during our marriage. During Act II a few months ago, I had changed my role. I entered Al-Anon. I made him get his own bank...	mehere80	12	1277	Dec 6, 2011 by wifegoeson
	One good day does not always lead to another :) (Preview) I am happy I had a good day yesterday. I enjoyed the time with my daughter. I tried to chant the serenity prayer when I felt challenged and it helped. I continued to try to turn things over to my HP. I am challenged by my spouse and his rollercoaster of emotions. I believe it boils down to the fact that he...	amills4294	7	535	Dec 6, 2011 by wifegoeson
	Surrounded by Miracles let go and let god live and let live miracles spiritual awakening (Preview) I went to visit my husband in rehab on Saturday and it was amazing!!! Over the past two and a half weeks of him being away I have had, what they refer to as, a spiritual awakening. I have never experienced one before. I now talk to my HP all the time. I yell, I cry, I laugh, I talk and the amazing thing is......	Michelle814	6	1549	Dec 6, 2011 by Breakingfree
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.