The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My HP led me on a spiritual journey again last night. I met up with a friend I just made a few months back when I started Al-Anon. We went to a new comer's meeting together but before that we talked for a long while about compassion.. not just for the A in our life but for everyone. Before we went to the new comers meeting she brought me to this quiet prayer chapel.. i don't know the name of this sort of place, it was very quiet, spiritual, and people just sit and pray and light candles, etc.. its a Catholic thing. I was raised Catholic but have strayed from the religion over the years. There are these pebbles you take in in different colors for what you want to pray for. I grabbed a pebble for the non-believers.. I was praying for myself, rather... to remove my control over the fact that I lack faith and to fill my heart with faith. That he has done.. that he is doing. When I sat down in this small God like room I was still, I felt I could not move. God was with me. I could feel him there. I just sat in silence and prayed for his will. We left and I told the girl I was with how mysterious it felt in there. She said "because he is in there." It was intense and one of the most spiritual moments I've ever had. God is leading me to him with grace. It's exciting and adventurous. I think my HP knows that I like excitement and adventure and if using these techniques with me.
So the new comer's meeting was very informative.. I've been in Al-Anon for three months but I'm still a new comer.. I think were always new comer's.
After the meeting I came home. and the reading in Hope for Today was all about how God speaks to us through signs at times (if you read my post from yesterday I talk about how all these odd, little miracles were happening to me at a meeting sunday night.) The reading in HFT went on to say how often we must stop expecting these and rely on how we feel inside... Then it talked about decision making and how we must give up our control over making the decision and allow God's will to take us where we need to be. This was amazing to me because the page was speaking right to me. I have been working on deciding what I want when my AH gets out of rehab. I have two choices... to get an efficiency apt that I can afford on my own.. I can live on my own and he can live on his own.. or to get a 2BR with my AH and if ever need be and he has to leave I will have the extra bedroom to look for a new roomate.
Faith cannot be pushed or expected.. you have to find it. and I have. I have been praying to God how I am not worthy but how eternally grateful I am for the journey he has taken me on and how he has shown himself to me.
So this morning I woke up early and I prayed outloud to God for two things: #1 Compassion for all people, not just my A, but everyone. I pray to lose my judgement and gain more compassion. #2 I prayed for God to remove my character defects that I have become aware of and to grant me the courage to accept the things I need to change and his will to carry this out.
I came to work in a good mood and am staying out of business that is not mine and reciting the serenity prayer when I feel sucked into situations that are out of my control.
As for the decision.. I pray my HP shows me the way because I still cannot decide.
Thanks for reading.
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
Isn't amazing and wonderful how God's grace is so good to us. I pray for wide-open doors in the way God wants you to go, and the wisdom to see those doors open. Thank you for sharing this great insight.
I've actually been praying for those 2 things as well. I tend to jump to judgment and I don't want to be like that! I also know that there is still so much that I need to work on and sometimes it's just easier to nit pick the flaws of someone else then focus on me and what I need to change!!!
The alanon program is truly a spiritual journey . I must remember to keep an open mind and HP will speak to me.
It was pointed out to me that in working the Steps, we do not ask the Higher Power to give us anything we ask for our shortcoming to be removed . That is because all that we need is already within We have just covered it up with our own :STUFF"
