What I read about healthy relationships is that the 6th-month point is where the truths really can't be hidden any longer, and that 6-12 months are the real testing ground.  I know that as of about month 2, I was always in it with both feet.  I would hang on so tight that I had to be peeled off.  Because I thought, "This guy is pretty good!  In some ways he's great! [Never mind that I was finding things out that made this maybe not so true.]  And I'll probably never find someone to like me again!  So I must hang onto this one for dear life!"  I had the commitment signed and sealed on my part, pretty much. It hurt as if I were a two-year-old with my mother leaving.  It's been hard to realize that it's not like that.

It hurts so much when you've put so much of yourself in a relationship and it doesn't work.  And if you're like me, you'll hang on no matter what, so it's always the other person who initiates the break-up.  And that hurts like crazy too.

My take on it is that I need to hold back on my craving to jump in until the person has really proven himself right for me -- that I need to keep in mind the possibility that I might take action to protect myself by moving on before the year mark hits, and especially in that 6-12 month period where I start to find out what's really going on.

Its not wrong at all to want that. But who says this is the one that will happen with.
You have been separated for one year, with this man for 6 months.
That means, you have been single for 6 months in the last 31 years.

So.. following that logic... being with someone does not necessarily mean 'being' 'with' someone if you get what I mean.

This man who must be a very nice man, has come in to your life to help you ease the pain of your separation and show you that you are desirable and that you are good to be around. I know for me... that means I must be ok if someone finds me desirable.

Perhaps your HP gave you him for a reason and a season. NOw your HP is opening up the door to find new experiences.

Your HP may know that now you are strong enough with good supports to handle the change in this relationship. You haven't lost him, you may both spread your wings and decide that the best thing you had is each other, or you may find the most wonderful man on the planet who thinks the sun shines our of your rear end and you move on.

I have also been only been single for 6 months since I was 17. I am now 40. In that time I have had 5 long term live together relationships. two of which were marriages. In my experience, being with someone is not the Ball and end all. but having a special person to BE WITH, is more important.

Not sure if I have helped at all, just a differnt angle to look from maybe?????

I think it's not only reasonable to want someone who wants to be with us, it's crucial.  My problem is that the guy would have something else in mind -- he'd blow hot and cold, or really be having the affair with his addictive substance first and me second (or third).  And I'd still invest a ton into the relationship, disregarding how incapable he was of being what I wanted.  I'd keep on cherishing the hope that if only I could be good enough, he'd come around and it would be as great as it was in the first few months.  I needed to put more emphasis on what I was getting out of it, not what I hoped to get out of it.  I needed to have a little more of the attitude of "This is not working very well, so I'm moving on."  And even, "Good riddance!"  Rather than "I hoped for so much and now my heart is broken."

I'm still working on it.  But at least I know now that when my heart gets broken, it's my own premature and unrealistic expectations that did it.  Finding the right person means getting to know a lot of guys -- a whole huge lot of them -- and not getting overly involved with any of them until they've really proven themselves.  In my experience this means a lot don't make it past the first or second date, and a lot more don't make it much beyond the six-month mark.  It's our ability to accept this philosophically -- there will be more wrong ones than right ones -- that determines whether we have the stamina to hold out for the right one, in my experience.