Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

LEEA · LEEA

Here I am again, with things changing all the time. I think I am handling this lastest situation the right way, but could use some input. Background: ABF left about a month ago because I was such a "nag" and because I had pulled away from him physically and emotionally. (he is right, I had...

hopeful123 · hopeful123

Hello everyone, I haven't posted in quite some time. Things are both good and confusing for me right now. I am currently waiting for my phone to ring. The ex ABF called me earlier, I called him back and he was on his way into a meeting, so he said he'd call me back when he gets out. I emailed him bc I want to...

smileycat · smileycat

Hi I have had some break thought this. My mother-in-Law had a heart attack on momday. She is going to be ok. My A as for last seen him( at 6:45 this moring)still sober about it is 5:50 P.M. A little worry but trying not to be. But hear is the break throught. We when to see his mother in the hospital last nigh...

shellyj123 · shellyj123

I have been with SABF for a year now and things for the most part are great.....when they are great they are AWESOME. When we argue it is terrible. I have communication issues and I think he does too to an extent. He has been married before and divorced and was living wiht his ex fiance for 2 1/2 yrs, th...

Karilynn · Karilynn

((((((Family))))), To my Alanon Family who are Veterans: HAPPY VETERAN'S DAY! To all who have family & friends who are serving or have served, from the bottom of my heart, I thank you and honor you. My family had many veterans, including my husband, I thank you for all you have done to keep our coun...

tintin · tintin

so this is the hardest day ever, i am 18 weeks pregnant with a boy, am a proud mother of a 2.5 year old boy, and have been married to their father, a recovering alcoholic for three years (he's been in AA for 7 years.) we have been having major marital difficulties for the last year and a half. it's me with the c...

blender_girl · blender_girl

Really struggling today - having a hard time setting and enforcing boundaries and it's got me thinking of taking some sort of action to just get away from the chaos and get what's left of my family put back together. This is fairly long as I need to ramble and get it off my chest, so thanks in advance for be...

bluejack · bluejack

I have read in various posts that some of you have sponsors. i would be very interested to know how i could get one for myself. By the way, i have had a better day today. Thanks to those who have replied. it might take me a while to get used to this website.

BUCKY · BUCKY

I am in love with a recovering addict...so much so that I consider marriage in the future. She is 5 years sober after her relapse ( 5 years sober before that). Every day I worry she will some day pick up again. She said the last time all it took was one "mistaken drink order" to set her back. At the...

Codependent · Codependent

Sometimes I feel like my progress is fake because though I did push him away intially I think he knows if he tried to come back now that I might jump- at least I MIGHT jump- for a while. So I wonder if you could count it as progress when they are choosing not to be with you and you are not sure if you would be with...

NewMom07 · NewMom07

Hey Everyone, Not sure if anyone can help me, but I really need info on how to go about an intervention for my A. Please, any info would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!!

bluejack · bluejack

i am an adult child of an alcoholic, namely my mother. its driving me nuts. i started counselling yesterday but i am not sure if i have connected with the counsellor. there is a lot of deep stuff. who do i turn to? i need to find peace in some form. i am 48 and single and pretty lonely at the moment. i do have so...

smileycat · smileycat

I think I am getting this Fourth Step, But want to know why it hurts? I have found another defect of my and it realy hurts. I have come to understand that I do not get told that I am worth it much and can handle not being told. As i know that i am worth it and a lot more. So here is the question why does it hurt to be to...

Becky1 · Becky1

Once I let go and Let God, my life got so much better. As you know, I left my AH of 8 years marriage, 11+ years of relationship. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. I endured mental abuse, some physical abuse, the worst of name calling, threats, family discord between my grown daughter, her husband,...

maresie · maresie

This is not alanon material but I hope it will help someone. I am seeing it as inspiration to celebrate each day. Wage peace with your breath. Breathe in firemen and rubble, breathe out whole buildings and flocks of red wing blackbirds. Breathe in terrorists and breathe out sleeping children and fr...

Rora · Rora

I really hope I can gain some perspective here... As you may know, Ah has been gone from the house 2 wks. We have a 4 yr old son. Ah has been providing before school care to son, but because a recent driving with son incident (official day of our most recent split) Ah, doesn't have any other "visitat...

Codependent · Codependent

Well, the A got arrested AGAIN. This time for driving on revoked. Granted he is on probation. None of this is my business. However, of course relapsing myself, I make it my business to find out from hims mom what is going on. Find out that a friend of his and his ex ex girlfriend are going to pick him up...

Jennifer · Jennifer

Hello everyone, I had to make a decision to tell my AexH that as much as I wanted to stay on friendly terms, allowing him to see Sully and stay in contact with me, it has just not worked out. Last week I had told him the condition the Doc's are believing I have ... it is not a good prognosis in many cases, inclu...

Rora · Rora

I've been separated from my Ah for 2 1/2 weeks. I am sad. I am very very sad. Sometimes I feel liberated about moving forward. Other times I want to run back to the place I was in, no matter how bad it was, just to have that sense of "normalcy" back. Sometimes I think that my relationship with my...

wildthang86 · wildthang86

Let me first start by saying that I am trying to sort out my feelings about a situation that just occured. Input is appreciated for sure!! My AH is really having a hard time, more than usual, matabolising his alcohol. It may be because of all of the meds he is on for his heart and high blood pressure. It does...

notsonew1111 · notsonew1111

so i wrote a post the other day about my relationship with my codependent bf. he is not an alcoholic or addict but is a acoa and definatly codependent. anyways i see alot of my same behaviors in this relationship as i did when i was with my a. should i be treating him in the same manner i would treat an a??? in...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

I AM SAD TO SAY THAT MY CAT DIED LAST NIGHT. SHE WAS THE LAST OF OUR INSIDE CATS. SHE WAS MY FAVORITE OF ALL MY CATS. I AM VERY SAD TODAY. SHE STRUGGLED ALL LAST NIGHT BUT COULDN'T MAKE IT. SHE HAD SEIZURES & KEPT FALLING. I WITNESSED ALL OF IT, TOO. BY THE WAY, SHE IS THE CAT THAT I HAD TROUBLE WITH BEFOR...

Becky1 · Becky1

After a minor setback yesterday, when I panicked a wee little tiny bit, I am feeling much better today. For one thing, this sinus infection is getting much better, I went to work today, and no longer feel all weepy and out of sorts. Thanks to everyone for their ESH, it helps more than you can ever know! It i...

Becky1 · Becky1

After enduring years and years of abuse, I have now fallen in love HARD with someone new. He is everything I ever wanted in a man. The only thing is we live 30 miles apart, which isn't that far, but he has responsibilities at his home, as he moved back in with his parents after his divorce a year ago, and they...

christinajeanne · christinajeanne

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. To me step 6 means that others cannot change me. Others cannot remove my behaviors and problems. Just like I cannot control others behaviors they cannot control mine. I don't have to do anything. I just want to want to change. I am...

christinajeanne · christinajeanne

I used and sometimes still am a people pleaser. I am trying to fulfill others needs and many times I forget about myself and taking care of me. I give and give until I'm exhausted and then when no one says thanks I get upset. Sometimes I help people trying to help and people still get mad at me. But, that's li...

debilyn · debilyn

Sometimes I really need to get these out as they tear me up! My life is good, roof no longer leaks, got it so the cats are in by invitation only,got to see my son sunday and get hugged! (o: But my night,even though I was in a very soft feather bed,clean sheets and clean dogs and cats....was tormented by night...

notsonew1111 · notsonew1111

just starting this topic to hear how others detach and how they deal with anger or rage. please share

smileycat · smileycat

Hi when you set boundries you set them so you or noone goes to far, I understand this. how do you start to set them and know when others have gone over them? I know i need to set boundries and i know how to set so. I am haveing troble in this areas as my A has some mental problems. this mental problems are givin...

liljeannie · liljeannie

'Twas the night before discharge I sat in my house Counting all the ways he behaved like a louse I open my "toolbox" examining each one then replace them in order to get the task done This will not come as an easy feat I am putting a loved one out on the street I am a woman who thru experience has gro...

Fifi · Fifi

I am shakey and upset. I had re-connected with my ex BF A....lots of "healing" talking/sharing/etc . We hadn't been in touch since he moved out sober a year and a half ago. He is a handyman and after offering many times with me hesitating, I said yes, you can do work on my house. I need it done - I t...

curlee-girl · curlee-girl

I finally get the concept of taking the focus off the A and placing it on myself. For some reason, I always thought of it as the focus being on him during our interactions. Then I realized I have a strong tendency to think about him, almost to the point of obsession. We're separated but I began to realize...

Jennifer · Jennifer

Hello Everyone, I want to share and give thanks for my little miracles this week. I awoke in alot of pain the other day. Bypassing my urge to just let it go I called my doctor and she was oncall with no appointments, was fit in ... full testing and MRI with 15 minutes notice it normally takes weeks ... perha...

slowlearner · slowlearner

I am writing this post because my husband (who is an alcoholic) is also very Catholic. I am also a religious person but not where I feel that I have to go to church every week. I have God in my life everyday in my own way. But anyway my H becomes very upset when I do not choose to go to church and also guilts an...

david62 · david62

Happy Friday ((((Family)))), At my ftf meeting last night the topic was "Taking Care of Ourselves". One of the directions this topic started carrying those sharing was taking care of ourselves by learning to relax. In the 4 and a half years I have been coming to al-anon, I have gone throu...

liljeannie · liljeannie

I dont know where to begin. I spoke with abf's mom earlier today as I still had not heard from him and was beginning to have some uneasy feelings. She told me that he would be coming home on Monday. I was shocked, he has only been in his program for 3 weeks yet it is a 6 week program. I guess his insurance ra...

gknee · gknee

Hi everyone- its been a tough week. It feels that each day brings the inevitability of divorce closer. I want it but I don't. So now I've picked up food again-- my old friend to numb the pain and distract me from all that must be done. I really don't want to do this again. I lost 50 lbs in the past year by taking...

notsonew1111 · notsonew1111

hey all its been a while since i wrote here but i remember at a better time in my life i used to always come here and it helped so much. you all really wernt lying when you said if you stop working the program your misery will be refunded. anyways so thats where im at now. not with an a anymore but with someone ju...

needhelpnow · needhelpnow

MY "FIANCE" THAT I HAVE BEEN WITH FOR 6 YEARS AND ALSO HAVE 2 DAUGHTERS (3 1/2 AND 8 MONTHS) WITH HAS BEEN STRUGGLING WITH A ALCOHOL AND DRUG ADDICTION FOR MOST OF HIS LIFE. I HAVE RECENTLY FOUND OUT THE REALITY OF HIS DRUG ABUSE AND HE KEEPS TELLING ME THAT HE IS GOING TO STOP. I KNOW HE HAS TRIE...

smileycat · smileycat

I have a question on the four step. Question is how do you know that you are doing a moral inventory or just repeating what others have said to you all you live? I am am ACOA, with am A. H.,so i have lived in A all my live and there is time that I do not really know how I feel about things because I have lisen to oth...

LEEA · LEEA

I have come to the realization that this is the best place for me to get honest, and carefully thought out answers to the hard questions. The question I am about to ask isn't about my A, but about my "take charge" attitude. I have always been the family "fixer". They dump their p...

razzberry · razzberry

My son is a recovering addict and alcoholic...age 22. He has been through ip/op treatment, residential treatment, halfway house, meetings after meetings. He shares an apartment with another person who has relapsed and is currently using. Every day with my son is a drama...I really could use so...

Tenderheartsks · Tenderheartsks

The last two weeks I've been more fatigued than usual (I also have chronic fatigue syndrome). I have been sleeping all through the night, but waking up earlier than usual. Last week I got a cold sore, which is always the first indication I've gotten run down. This morning I got up with a very sore throa...

LEEA · LEEA

I have come to the realization that this is the best place for me to get honest, and carefully thought out answers to the hard questions. The question I am about to ask isn't about my A, but about my "take charge" attitude. I have always been the family "fixer". They dump their p...

christinajeanne · christinajeanne

But, I love reading peoples shares. They always give me some insight and something new to ponder. I get to see how to work the steps better and the slogans give me something to think about. I then ponder and use the tools in al-anon. I feel like when I give I always receive something in return. In al-anon an...

ddub · ddub

Step by step, new thoughts take root and somehow, someway, things change slowly with fits and starts..... sort of like magic. I think it's those miracles Jerry keeps reminding us about. Exhausting work but worthy work too. I am now aware of when I get myself spinning in thought and then actions. I h...

Rocky38 · Rocky38

Hi MIP family, I'm home alone this evening and thought I'd come visit the board. I feel like posting, and realize that this is a very strange post for me. Usually I post when I'm in the middle of some crisis. I come seeking help and support, and you all are there for me. THANK YOU. But tonight, I have no crisi...

christinajeanne · christinajeanne

While these past two days I've been dealing with criticism from my aunt and other people who I don't know very well. At first it made me feel bad because I do have low self esteem and I felt the criticism was unnecessary. But the slogan "live and let live" made me realize that my aunt and others...

christinajeanne · christinajeanne

I am not usually the leader in my household. Usually it is my mom who takes care of the bills and so on. But after our financial crisis my mom is still not stepping up and taking responsibility. I am not going to lie it does upset me. But, when she was in control she didn't tell anyone what was going on until w...

hurtnfedup · hurtnfedup

Well, my story is pretty long but to make it a short version here it goes... I met and fell in love with my husband 5 years ago we married soon after. We are in our early 30's and use to go out a lot with friends drinking. I didn't think he had a problem at the time- even though i found out after he had 4 dui's and sp...

Rora · Rora

Today celebrates (yes, celebrates!) the 2 week mark since my Ah moved out. We have a 4 yr old together and so we still have regular contact. As far as where we are going from here,I do not know! What I do know is that I am more at peace. My irregular heart palpatations have significantly reduced. My son...

liljeannie · liljeannie

Hello all, I havent spoken to abf for a couple of days. Not since our last conversation where I came out and directly stated how I felt about the things he was asking of me. I believe I mentioned that he didnt seem too happy. Apparently, I was right on the money. He spoke w/his mom during a conference ca...

kitty · kitty

I haven't been able to get into the chat room. Is there a glitch on the server/site or is it just me?

newanon · newanon

I am so new. Took a day off work so I could go to a face to face group yesterday, but all the groups in a 30 mile radius are either when I am supposed to be at work or too late at night... 7pm, an hour away from my home. So, I turn to the miracle of the internet? My father is a dry A (but wasn't in my life hardly...

Robinks · Robinks

I went to the chatroom yesterday afternoon several times and there was no one there. no one there this morning, what is going on?

binohio · binohio

I have seen (on this board) and heard (at meetings) a lot about loving oneself. SoI guess my question is what does that look like? I grew up in an alcoholic home my first qualifier was my dad. Two days after I graduated from high school I married my second qualifier; I have known him since I was sixteen. We...

ddub · ddub

This really helped me today and wanted to share it with all of you. Hope does not usually come as the just reward for our hard work and struggle. It comes as a gift. The experience of hope is very much like the experience of receiving a surprise gift that is perfectly suited to our needs. A really good gift...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

Well, many of you know the history with my teen daughter and my fears about her exhibiting alcoholic/addict behavior. So she is very in your face and thinks she can say or do whatever she wants with no consequences and I have no way to enforce rules. Last night she got in trouble for shoplifting with he...

Tenderheartsks · Tenderheartsks

I'm down to crunch time in college, only one month left and 3 finals to take, 4 class projects, and an oral exam in medical terminology, plus the daily assignments in all 5 classes. I've had some issues recently with my untreated ACOA dad, and my mom who is still in toxic mode. I've had to keep turning that...

christinajeanne · christinajeanne

I have had a lot of resentment towards my aunt over the years. Mostly because of her verbal and emotional abuses towards me. It also frustrates me because I work for her and she always tells me what I should do work and non work related. But, today I decided to detach from her. I did was she asked me to do work...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	AFB is asking for help. (Preview) Here I am again, with things changing all the time. I think I am handling this lastest situation the right way, but could use some input. Background: ABF left about a month ago because I was such a "nag" and because I had pulled away from him physically and emotionally. (he is right, I had...	LEEA	4	535	Nov 13, 2008 by LEEA
	Confused (Preview) Hello everyone, I haven't posted in quite some time. Things are both good and confusing for me right now. I am currently waiting for my phone to ring. The ex ABF called me earlier, I called him back and he was on his way into a meeting, so he said he'd call me back when he gets out. I emailed him bc I want to...	hopeful123	5	447	Nov 13, 2008 by Fifi
	Sharing (Preview) Hi I have had some break thought this. My mother-in-Law had a heart attack on momday. She is going to be ok. My A as for last seen him( at 6:45 this moring)still sober about it is 5:50 P.M. A little worry but trying not to be. But hear is the break throught. We when to see his mother in the hospital last nigh...	smileycat	3	450	Nov 13, 2008 by Rita G
	Forcing solutions? Or protecting oneself....Need advice! (Preview) I have been with SABF for a year now and things for the most part are great.....when they are great they are AWESOME. When we argue it is terrible. I have communication issues and I think he does too to an extent. He has been married before and divorced and was living wiht his ex fiance for 2 1/2 yrs, th...	shellyj123	4	515	Nov 13, 2008 by kitty
	Veterans Day (Preview) ((((((Family))))), To my Alanon Family who are Veterans: HAPPY VETERAN'S DAY! To all who have family & friends who are serving or have served, from the bottom of my heart, I thank you and honor you. My family had many veterans, including my husband, I thank you for all you have done to keep our coun...	Karilynn	3	389	Nov 12, 2008 by ddub
	Pregnant mother with departing AH seeks advice (Preview) so this is the hardest day ever, i am 18 weeks pregnant with a boy, am a proud mother of a 2.5 year old boy, and have been married to their father, a recovering alcoholic for three years (he's been in AA for 7 years.) we have been having major marital difficulties for the last year and a half. it's me with the c...	tintin	6	562	Nov 12, 2008 by debilyn
	Setting Boundaries or Forcing Solutions (Preview) Really struggling today - having a hard time setting and enforcing boundaries and it's got me thinking of taking some sort of action to just get away from the chaos and get what's left of my family put back together. This is fairly long as I need to ramble and get it off my chest, so thanks in advance for be...	blender_girl	8	1443	Nov 12, 2008 by blender_girl
	How do i go about getting a sponsor? (Preview) I have read in various posts that some of you have sponsors. i would be very interested to know how i could get one for myself. By the way, i have had a better day today. Thanks to those who have replied. it might take me a while to get used to this website.	bluejack	4	480	Nov 12, 2008 by Jean4444
	I need to understand. Please help. (Preview) I am in love with a recovering addict...so much so that I consider marriage in the future. She is 5 years sober after her relapse ( 5 years sober before that). Every day I worry she will some day pick up again. She said the last time all it took was one "mistaken drink order" to set her back. At the...	BUCKY	16	577	Nov 12, 2008 by BUCKY
	Is it progress? (Preview) Sometimes I feel like my progress is fake because though I did push him away intially I think he knows if he tried to come back now that I might jump- at least I MIGHT jump- for a while. So I wonder if you could count it as progress when they are choosing not to be with you and you are not sure if you would be with...	Codependent	2	346	Nov 12, 2008 by Mariner
	Help! ASAP! (Preview) Hey Everyone, Not sure if anyone can help me, but I really need info on how to go about an intervention for my A. Please, any info would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!!	NewMom07	8	579	Nov 12, 2008 by NewMom07
	I joined yesterday. (Preview) i am an adult child of an alcoholic, namely my mother. its driving me nuts. i started counselling yesterday but i am not sure if i have connected with the counsellor. there is a lot of deep stuff. who do i turn to? i need to find peace in some form. i am 48 and single and pretty lonely at the moment. i do have so...	bluejack	8	565	Nov 11, 2008 by christinajeanne
	understanding (Preview) I think I am getting this Fourth Step, But want to know why it hurts? I have found another defect of my and it realy hurts. I have come to understand that I do not get told that I am worth it much and can handle not being told. As i know that i am worth it and a lot more. So here is the question why does it hurt to be to...	smileycat	4	468	Nov 11, 2008 by christinajeanne
	Blessings Instead of Heartache (Preview) Once I let go and Let God, my life got so much better. As you know, I left my AH of 8 years marriage, 11+ years of relationship. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. I endured mental abuse, some physical abuse, the worst of name calling, threats, family discord between my grown daughter, her husband,...	Becky1	7	546	Nov 11, 2008 by maresie
	poem to celebrate today (Preview) This is not alanon material but I hope it will help someone. I am seeing it as inspiration to celebrate each day. Wage peace with your breath. Breathe in firemen and rubble, breathe out whole buildings and flocks of red wing blackbirds. Breathe in terrorists and breathe out sleeping children and fr...	maresie	4	450	Nov 11, 2008 by Andrea12
	i don't get it..really needing some esh... (Preview) I really hope I can gain some perspective here... As you may know, Ah has been gone from the house 2 wks. We have a 4 yr old son. Ah has been providing before school care to son, but because a recent driving with son incident (official day of our most recent split) Ah, doesn't have any other "visitat...	Rora	4	530	Nov 11, 2008 by maresie
	Jealous Again (Preview) Well, the A got arrested AGAIN. This time for driving on revoked. Granted he is on probation. None of this is my business. However, of course relapsing myself, I make it my business to find out from hims mom what is going on. Find out that a friend of his and his ex ex girlfriend are going to pick him up...	Codependent	4	386	Nov 11, 2008 by Codependent
	Just a share to not let it simmer inside (Preview) Hello everyone, I had to make a decision to tell my AexH that as much as I wanted to stay on friendly terms, allowing him to see Sully and stay in contact with me, it has just not worked out. Last week I had told him the condition the Doc's are believing I have ... it is not a good prognosis in many cases, inclu...	Jennifer	7	487	Nov 11, 2008 by Jennifer
	Just a share... (Preview) I've been separated from my Ah for 2 1/2 weeks. I am sad. I am very very sad. Sometimes I feel liberated about moving forward. Other times I want to run back to the place I was in, no matter how bad it was, just to have that sense of "normalcy" back. Sometimes I think that my relationship with my...	Rora	2	422	Nov 11, 2008 by Becky1
	Just needed to empty my head a little to get some sanity back in... (Preview) Let me first start by saying that I am trying to sort out my feelings about a situation that just occured. Input is appreciated for sure!! My AH is really having a hard time, more than usual, matabolising his alcohol. It may be because of all of the meds he is on for his heart and high blood pressure. It does...	wildthang86	3	487	Nov 11, 2008 by RLC
	my side of the street (Preview) so i wrote a post the other day about my relationship with my codependent bf. he is not an alcoholic or addict but is a acoa and definatly codependent. anyways i see alot of my same behaviors in this relationship as i did when i was with my a. should i be treating him in the same manner i would treat an a??? in...	notsonew1111	2	504	Nov 11, 2008 by canadianguy
	My Spooky CAT died! (Preview) I AM SAD TO SAY THAT MY CAT DIED LAST NIGHT. SHE WAS THE LAST OF OUR INSIDE CATS. SHE WAS MY FAVORITE OF ALL MY CATS. I AM VERY SAD TODAY. SHE STRUGGLED ALL LAST NIGHT BUT COULDN'T MAKE IT. SHE HAD SEIZURES & KEPT FALLING. I WITNESSED ALL OF IT, TOO. BY THE WAY, SHE IS THE CAT THAT I HAD TROUBLE WITH BEFOR...	Hoot Nanny	8	481	Nov 11, 2008 by nmike
	Back on Track (Preview) After a minor setback yesterday, when I panicked a wee little tiny bit, I am feeling much better today. For one thing, this sinus infection is getting much better, I went to work today, and no longer feel all weepy and out of sorts. Thanks to everyone for their ESH, it helps more than you can ever know! It i...	Becky1	1	354	Nov 11, 2008 by LEEA
	Please Don't Let Me Mess This Up (Preview) After enduring years and years of abuse, I have now fallen in love HARD with someone new. He is everything I ever wanted in a man. The only thing is we live 30 miles apart, which isn't that far, but he has responsibilities at his home, as he moved back in with his parents after his divorce a year ago, and they...	Becky1	10	616	Nov 11, 2008 by Becky1
	Step 6 (Preview) 6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. To me step 6 means that others cannot change me. Others cannot remove my behaviors and problems. Just like I cannot control others behaviors they cannot control mine. I don't have to do anything. I just want to want to change. I am...	christinajeanne	1	1380	Nov 10, 2008 by nmike
	Taking care of myself (Preview) I used and sometimes still am a people pleaser. I am trying to fulfill others needs and many times I forget about myself and taking care of me. I give and give until I'm exhausted and then when no one says thanks I get upset. Sometimes I help people trying to help and people still get mad at me. But, that's li...	christinajeanne	3	470	Nov 10, 2008 by maresie
	nightmares (Preview) Sometimes I really need to get these out as they tear me up! My life is good, roof no longer leaks, got it so the cats are in by invitation only,got to see my son sunday and get hugged! (o: But my night,even though I was in a very soft feather bed,clean sheets and clean dogs and cats....was tormented by night...	debilyn	7	649	Nov 10, 2008 by christinajeanne
	working on detachment and rage (Preview) just starting this topic to hear how others detach and how they deal with anger or rage. please share	notsonew1111	3	603	Nov 10, 2008 by Peggy7
	setrting boundries?? (Preview) Hi when you set boundries you set them so you or noone goes to far, I understand this. how do you start to set them and know when others have gone over them? I know i need to set boundries and i know how to set so. I am haveing troble in this areas as my A has some mental problems. this mental problems are givin...	smileycat	2	444	Nov 10, 2008 by abbyal
	Twas the night before discharge... (Preview) 'Twas the night before discharge I sat in my house Counting all the ways he behaved like a louse I open my "toolbox" examining each one then replace them in order to get the task done This will not come as an easy feat I am putting a loved one out on the street I am a woman who thru experience has gro...	liljeannie	5	696	Nov 10, 2008 by Jerry F
	feeling manipulated and confused (Preview) I am shakey and upset. I had re-connected with my ex BF A....lots of "healing" talking/sharing/etc . We hadn't been in touch since he moved out sober a year and a half ago. He is a handyman and after offering many times with me hesitating, I said yes, you can do work on my house. I need it done - I t...	Fifi	6	675	Nov 10, 2008 by Fifi
	Lightbulb moment -- duh!! (Preview) I finally get the concept of taking the focus off the A and placing it on myself. For some reason, I always thought of it as the focus being on him during our interactions. Then I realized I have a strong tendency to think about him, almost to the point of obsession. We're separated but I began to realize...	curlee-girl	3	529	Nov 9, 2008 by christinajeanne
	This week's miracles (Preview) Hello Everyone, I want to share and give thanks for my little miracles this week. I awoke in alot of pain the other day. Bypassing my urge to just let it go I called my doctor and she was oncall with no appointments, was fit in ... full testing and MRI with 15 minutes notice it normally takes weeks ... perha...	Jennifer	4	477	Nov 9, 2008 by christinajeanne
	Too much religion!!! (Preview) I am writing this post because my husband (who is an alcoholic) is also very Catholic. I am also a religious person but not where I feel that I have to go to church every week. I have God in my life everyday in my own way. But anyway my H becomes very upset when I do not choose to go to church and also guilts an...	slowlearner	5	545	Nov 9, 2008 by abbyal
	Learning to Relax (Preview) Happy Friday ((((Family)))), At my ftf meeting last night the topic was "Taking Care of Ourselves". One of the directions this topic started carrying those sharing was taking care of ourselves by learning to relax. In the 4 and a half years I have been coming to al-anon, I have gone throu...	david62	10	521	Nov 9, 2008 by norwood
	In a panic! (Preview) I dont know where to begin. I spoke with abf's mom earlier today as I still had not heard from him and was beginning to have some uneasy feelings. She told me that he would be coming home on Monday. I was shocked, he has only been in his program for 3 weeks yet it is a 6 week program. I guess his insurance ra...	liljeannie	16	650	Nov 9, 2008 by Christy
	losing it (Preview) Hi everyone- its been a tough week. It feels that each day brings the inevitability of divorce closer. I want it but I don't. So now I've picked up food again-- my old friend to numb the pain and distract me from all that must be done. I really don't want to do this again. I lost 50 lbs in the past year by taking...	gknee	4	547	Nov 9, 2008 by debilyn
	back and dealing with another coda (Preview) hey all its been a while since i wrote here but i remember at a better time in my life i used to always come here and it helped so much. you all really wernt lying when you said if you stop working the program your misery will be refunded. anyways so thats where im at now. not with an a anymore but with someone ju...	notsonew1111	2	322	Nov 9, 2008 by Jean4444
	DOING THE RIGHT THING, OR THE WRONG THING? (Preview) MY "FIANCE" THAT I HAVE BEEN WITH FOR 6 YEARS AND ALSO HAVE 2 DAUGHTERS (3 1/2 AND 8 MONTHS) WITH HAS BEEN STRUGGLING WITH A ALCOHOL AND DRUG ADDICTION FOR MOST OF HIS LIFE. I HAVE RECENTLY FOUND OUT THE REALITY OF HIS DRUG ABUSE AND HE KEEPS TELLING ME THAT HE IS GOING TO STOP. I KNOW HE HAS TRIE...	needhelpnow	5	495	Nov 9, 2008 by LEEA
	Moral Inventory (Preview) I have a question on the four step. Question is how do you know that you are doing a moral inventory or just repeating what others have said to you all you live? I am am ACOA, with am A. H.,so i have lived in A all my live and there is time that I do not really know how I feel about things because I have lisen to oth...	smileycat	9	2887	Nov 9, 2008 by smileycat
	could use some advise.... Am I controlling, or being controlled (Preview) I have come to the realization that this is the best place for me to get honest, and carefully thought out answers to the hard questions. The question I am about to ask isn't about my A, but about my "take charge" attitude. I have always been the family "fixer". They dump their p...	LEEA	2	591	Nov 8, 2008 by Jean4444
	Need a shoulder to cry on, and ear to listen, and heart to care (Preview) My son is a recovering addict and alcoholic...age 22. He has been through ip/op treatment, residential treatment, halfway house, meetings after meetings. He shares an apartment with another person who has relapsed and is currently using. Every day with my son is a drama...I really could use so...	razzberry	4	3502	Nov 8, 2008 by Jerry F
	I hate being physically ill. (Preview) The last two weeks I've been more fatigued than usual (I also have chronic fatigue syndrome). I have been sleeping all through the night, but waking up earlier than usual. Last week I got a cold sore, which is always the first indication I've gotten run down. This morning I got up with a very sore throa...	Tenderheartsks	5	338	Nov 8, 2008 by Diva
	could use some advise.... Am I controlling, or being controlled (Preview) I have come to the realization that this is the best place for me to get honest, and carefully thought out answers to the hard questions. The question I am about to ask isn't about my A, but about my "take charge" attitude. I have always been the family "fixer". They dump their p...	LEEA	5	489	Nov 8, 2008 by Tenderheartsks
	giving and reciving (Preview) But, I love reading peoples shares. They always give me some insight and something new to ponder. I get to see how to work the steps better and the slogans give me something to think about. I then ponder and use the tools in al-anon. I feel like when I give I always receive something in return. In al-anon an...	christinajeanne	2	389	Nov 8, 2008 by Rocky38
	finding a calm place to wait and see what happens (Preview) Step by step, new thoughts take root and somehow, someway, things change slowly with fits and starts..... sort of like magic. I think it's those miracles Jerry keeps reminding us about. Exhausting work but worthy work too. I am now aware of when I get myself spinning in thought and then actions. I h...	ddub	2	425	Nov 8, 2008 by LEEA
	An unusual post - No crises today! (Preview) Hi MIP family, I'm home alone this evening and thought I'd come visit the board. I feel like posting, and realize that this is a very strange post for me. Usually I post when I'm in the middle of some crisis. I come seeking help and support, and you all are there for me. THANK YOU. But tonight, I have no crisi...	Rocky38	2	414	Nov 8, 2008 by Mariner
	Live and let live (Preview) While these past two days I've been dealing with criticism from my aunt and other people who I don't know very well. At first it made me feel bad because I do have low self esteem and I felt the criticism was unnecessary. But the slogan "live and let live" made me realize that my aunt and others...	christinajeanne	2	365	Nov 7, 2008 by christinajeanne
	concept 12 share (Preview) I am not usually the leader in my household. Usually it is my mom who takes care of the bills and so on. But after our financial crisis my mom is still not stepping up and taking responsibility. I am not going to lie it does upset me. But, when she was in control she didn't tell anyone what was going on until w...	christinajeanne	2	444	Nov 7, 2008 by christinajeanne
	Hi everyone, im new and could really use some advice-sorry so long! (Preview) Well, my story is pretty long but to make it a short version here it goes... I met and fell in love with my husband 5 years ago we married soon after. We are in our early 30's and use to go out a lot with friends drinking. I didn't think he had a problem at the time- even though i found out after he had 4 dui's and sp...	hurtnfedup	10	638	Nov 7, 2008 by christinajeanne
	2 weeks today...Ah has been gone (Preview) Today celebrates (yes, celebrates!) the 2 week mark since my Ah moved out. We have a 4 yr old together and so we still have regular contact. As far as where we are going from here,I do not know! What I do know is that I am more at peace. My irregular heart palpatations have significantly reduced. My son...	Rora	8	645	Nov 7, 2008 by Jerry F
	Foolish games (Preview) Hello all, I havent spoken to abf for a couple of days. Not since our last conversation where I came out and directly stated how I felt about the things he was asking of me. I believe I mentioned that he didnt seem too happy. Apparently, I was right on the money. He spoke w/his mom during a conference ca...	liljeannie	6	388	Nov 7, 2008 by maresie
	Chat Room Not Loading (Preview) I haven't been able to get into the chat room. Is there a glitch on the server/site or is it just me?	kitty	3	469	Nov 7, 2008 by kitty
	rage versus detachment AD new (Preview) I am so new. Took a day off work so I could go to a face to face group yesterday, but all the groups in a 30 mile radius are either when I am supposed to be at work or too late at night... 7pm, an hour away from my home. So, I turn to the miracle of the internet? My father is a dry A (but wasn't in my life hardly...	newanon	5	6350	Nov 7, 2008 by kitty
	chatroom (Preview) I went to the chatroom yesterday afternoon several times and there was no one there. no one there this morning, what is going on?	Robinks	5	446	Nov 7, 2008 by kitty
	A question..... (Preview) I have seen (on this board) and heard (at meetings) a lot about loving oneself. SoI guess my question is what does that look like? I grew up in an alcoholic home my first qualifier was my dad. Two days after I graduated from high school I married my second qualifier; I have known him since I was sixteen. We...	binohio	6	630	Nov 7, 2008 by LEEA
	Hope (Preview) This really helped me today and wanted to share it with all of you. Hope does not usually come as the just reward for our hard work and struggle. It comes as a gift. The experience of hope is very much like the experience of receiving a surprise gift that is perfectly suited to our needs. A really good gift...	ddub	3	374	Nov 6, 2008 by nmike
	Teen daughter (Preview) Well, many of you know the history with my teen daughter and my fears about her exhibiting alcoholic/addict behavior. So she is very in your face and thinks she can say or do whatever she wants with no consequences and I have no way to enforce rules. Last night she got in trouble for shoplifting with he...	carolinagirl	8	593	Nov 6, 2008 by Jean4444
	Continuing to act and not react... (Preview) I'm down to crunch time in college, only one month left and 3 finals to take, 4 class projects, and an oral exam in medical terminology, plus the daily assignments in all 5 classes. I've had some issues recently with my untreated ACOA dad, and my mom who is still in toxic mode. I've had to keep turning that...	Tenderheartsks	4	473	Nov 6, 2008 by Jean4444
	Resentments (Preview) I have had a lot of resentment towards my aunt over the years. Mostly because of her verbal and emotional abuses towards me. It also frustrates me because I work for her and she always tells me what I should do work and non work related. But, today I decided to detach from her. I did was she asked me to do work...	christinajeanne	3	476	Nov 6, 2008 by christinajeanne
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.