The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've been reacting a lot lately. Mostly to my aunt and other people that come into the store where I work with a bad attitude. But, then I end up being the one with a bad attitude. I realize that reacting is a choice and yes sometimes my emotions carry me away with anger and frustration and I say things I regret. Maybe I react because I kept my mouth shut for so long letting people run over me that I got tired of being there punching bag for there own problems. Now I'm the one with the attitude taking it out on people. Yesterday my aunt and me where driving in the car we are supposed to go to her house for thanksgiving and I'm going to make some pies for it. I also am getting a call from my fiance on thanksgiving. My aunt sounded appalled that I was getting a call on thanksgiving because gosh forbid it messes up her plans and I don't arrive to the party on time. To be honest I was so disgusted I told her "I'll get there when I get there." Yes my reactions was not healthy I was livid then she got an attitude and told me "You HAVE to be there by 4! I overreacted yes I admit that. But another part of me is so tired of people trying to control me. But, yes she can try but she can't. Then today a lady came into the store asking me for directions I told her I wasn't sure and if she could ask someone else. I said it perfectly nice and I honestly didn't know. Instead she shook her head and gave me a dirty look. It pissed me off and when she left the store I reacted badly by calling her a name. Not my finest moment. I was then watching something on TV and the person said "our inner being reflects our outer life." I thought to myself that is so true. I don't have peace I'm not happy I'm having an attitude and all this inner junk and it's coming out and reflecting in my life. Then they said "the only way to change the outer life is to change your inner self." I thought that is so true and that's what I've been trying to work on but I need to work harder at it obviously. I can't expect things to change and not do anything myself or for myself to try to make that happen. Also HALT is important too. Most of this week like when I reacted to my aunt I was hungry, tired, and angry. When I reacted today I was tired and angry. Tomorrow I am going to church and then I'll come home take a nap and go to the college group for REAL. No excuses this time. I want peace and serenity and I'll do whatever it takes.
Sounds like you have a plan. I feel a plan is one of the keys to our actions and reactions. I hope your plan also includes doing something good for you. You deserve it
I hear you, and I know what you mean, extremes can be difficult, I was staying in a hotel if you can call it that in London and on security resided a nice overly nice guy, it was worse than dealing with a right grumpy one and very unnerving, I suppose its because we want everything to be normal or stable,
