Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

Toto814 · Toto814

About 6 months ago my AH asked for Space so he could get his act together - he said some time apart may be helpful to our marriage - after putting up with his comings and goings for several months, I wrote this as a relection of what his request for "Space" had turned into. Would like to know if an...

cdb19 · cdb19

Hello All, I am doing really well and have been working on me in another 12 step program. My daughter is 2 and 1/2 years clean and sober with a beautiful 13 month old daughter who is the love of my life! My son is now married to a wonderful woman who is the best daughter-in-law I could ever ask for. They are ex...

Christy · Christy

forgot to tell ya'll ... The hunting trip was everything I had hoped it to be for my son and his Dad. Lots of talking and walking in the woods together. A lot of male bonding with with extended family members. But the VERY BEST thing was that out of the 9 guys that had been been going to the cabin for the past 25...

weggie · weggie

Just to let everyone know, I really appreciate this board as I sometimes am not able to go to a f to f meetings. I blew up again at my A this weeknd and said some things I shouldn't but can't take them back. I do have him thinking about what I said as he comes back with some comments about that night. I...

Codependent · Codependent

Has anyone heard from Round3? I haven't seen a post since her A returned and just wanted to see how she was doing...

debilyn · debilyn

I am curious, not being a poop. Really am questioning this. Christmas is a man made holiday,a socalled religious holiday celebrated by some Christians, not all. Not saying socalled to mean anything than some call it as..... AA and Alanon are not to support any religion. So why is this appropriate? We...

charlescharles · charlescharles

hopelessly devouted to crap..i am...the crap of an alcoholic girlfriend drunk dialing at two innthe morning and six in the morning while i have to get up for work the ringer was off but i heard her calling me in a dream...fearful...and the dream woke me up and i saw her calls...i called back to check up on...

Codependent · Codependent

If you read my last post you know I over called my A last night. Said things like I want to be a family, can't get past this, blah blah. Anyway, I left a message and text this morning to say I am sorry for this. I still feel the need to actually talk to him so that I can feel less ashamed of the messages I left. ...

queenie105 · queenie105

As you all know, my AH is doing outpatient treatment as part of a plea bargain w/the court where if completed his charge will be dropped down to a misdemeanor. He agreed to this while he was sober (after he almost died, then went to rehab). He relapsed last month and has been drinking almost daily (15 -3...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

So the teen daughter got kicked out of the group home one week after going in. She is now on the caseload of the juvenile justice people and if she doesn't straighten up this time it's off to boot camp and they only take them for a year. So I'm seriously hoping that she straightens up and quick! She has be...

Beach girl · Beach girl

Hello everyone, I'm new here. My 19 yr old son is a drug addict. I won't bore you with the full story of the past 3 years. In a nut shell, due to drug use my son has had psych ward stays, a suicide attempt (this after his best friend committed suicide), violence, drug dealing, car crashes, arrests, ect......

david62 · david62

Hi (((Family))) Coming off a couple of days of being sick..again..ugh. Return of the Stomach Virus! shudder shudder I took the opportunity to read a book. I picked this book up the other day at Costco. I like "scarey" stories, and the cover of this book shows a rickety old shack surrou...

Jennifer · Jennifer

I am confused. I've spent the last few years learning to care for myself, after spending years caring for my AexH, family, friends, any stray animal that walked past my doorstep and I do not regret a minute of it. I have experience and knowledge that could not have been found in any other way. I find myse...

GailMichelle · GailMichelle

Sorry for my crude topic. It reflects how I'm feeling right now after working all day and coming home to an active who has everyone else but me convinced that he is in recovery. I didn't mention the drinking he must have done before I came home. No 3rd degree, no hint of letting him know that I do know. I *t...

shellyj123 · shellyj123

I have been really having the hardest time the past couple of weeks, recently ended a year long relationship with 10yr sober xbf-who activly works the program. I was/am still very tired emotionally and physically from the roller coaster ride that has been my life for the past 12 yrs or so. I had sp...

Jennifer · Jennifer

Sully the monster dog was spinning in circles, dancing around ... I said ok I will let you out, only because I have thumbs and you don't. Now I did not really want more snow tracked thru the house when he comes back in, but playing in it makes him happy. My legs are still wobbly and I have a full day so no matte...

pinkrose08 · pinkrose08

My husband drinks every night. He has a great job, he's responsible so I don't understand his drinking. I can't seem to go through life as though his drinking doesn't bother me. I have no family or friends in the state we live in. We moved here two 1/2 years ago. He gets angry when he's been drinkin...

smileycat · smileycat

Hi Will he has came over the last two days. We talked a long time yesterday and it was good to undrestand some of the things that he is going throught and he even was asking question on how I was feeling and wanting to know of I want a separation or not. He told me that he has filed for joint coudity of our daught...

joyoma · joyoma

If I don't write this "out" of my system, I am going to end up tearing my hair out this morning!!! This has nothing to do with a-ism (or does it??), but with ME....which is what we are working on here...ourselves, right? I have, in the past 24 months, lost lots of mobility to my sarcoma s...

liljeannie · liljeannie

After spending the past few days away from my A, whom I had asked to leave, I allowed him to come here to talk last night. He was calm, I was calm, and I felt like we both really spoke and that he may have actually listened and heard. I explained to him all the reasons why I did not feel comfortable continuin...

maresie · maresie

Well I did my token cooking for the place I live at. Ended up with it being me who did all the work. That's pretty much the norm for me. I can't say I minded as I wanted to make some amends. At the same time I'm determined I will not be doing that again at Christmas so I've been online searching all day and no...

Karilynn · Karilynn

((((((Jon))))), Okay big Jon once again it's time for our annual MIP Christmas Cards. Are you up for it? Thanksgiving was late this year, and here it is December 1 and the clock is ticking. I'm so hoping you are going to keep up this tradition. It always gives me a warm fuzzy feeling. For those of you...

intothewoods · intothewoods

So he buys six pack of tall boys and drinks them. On a friggen Monday night. JUST when I was starting to get comfortable again! JUST when I was starting to be happy and relaxed around him and even, dare I say it?, love him again! I was even *gasp* thinking of having sex with him! And I am ANGRY about it because...

JenM · JenM

I'm hesitant to post anything but I don't exactly know what to do anymore. I started Al-Anon a long time ago and was heavily involved in service in every area where I lived. Being married to an alcoholic, I moved several times but always found meetings and went to them. Finally, I divorced the alcoholi...

queenie105 · queenie105

Hi All, Anyway, he was drunk again last nite, got angry when I questioned him about the fact that at he took $1500 from the home equity line, etc., plus other money. Anyway, me and my sons were talking about it, and of course, AH become beligerant, etc. Came out of the room several times to start fights, e...

Codependent · Codependent

I knew it was coming. I saw him at the funeral of a friend, I saw him at his bday dinner, and then he came to Thanksgiving. So last night I lost it. Was actually out on a date with another guy. Had a few drinks then proceeded to call the A. He asked if I was on date and I said yes. Then I proceeded to recall h...

vi1414 · vi1414

My husband and I have been dealing with my son's alcoholism for ten years, now. We think he gets better and then he relapses....I am sure you know the song. Early this morning was the final straw. He was out in the garage with his drinking buddies and got into a fight. Then, he proceeded to come in the hous...

smileycat · smileycat

Hi All I am just posting to get this off my chest. I did not know that by making things that my AH did better for him was a bad thing to do. I had grown up it a A family where my mother did the same things and my father would set home and drink all day. I did not know that by setting in that it made things worse. I tho...

maresie · maresie

Like man others codependents, self care is a whole foreign territory for me. Put me in front of an active alcholic and I'll make it my life purpose to take care of them and anticipate their needs. My own needs go astray so often I find it like a incredible puzzle and really very difficult to keep coming ba...

RLC · RLC

Wishing the best on our U.S. custom of Thanksgiving Day. Happy Turkey Day everyone!!! I have not been posting much lately as the last three months are the peak time for my business.But, I have not missed either of my Al-Anon meetings each week, just do not have a lot of extra time for me this time of the y...

TLynn · TLynn

I am new here. My ex Abf has been sober for 27 months now. He broke things off with me about 5 months into his recovery - telling me that he couldn't handle being in a relationship and didn't know when he would be able to handle it. We still talk from time to time, but it's usually just about how his kids ar...

charlescharles · charlescharles

a rough nite tonight but i'll get throuhg the girlfriend hs been going to aa meetings with me and will be going on a trip to see her mother for a week i am inspired and saddened by this visit...but generally feeling good about my own sobriety and my own head i think the best thing that could happen to me would...

slowlearner · slowlearner

I thought Step One was the easiest to get. Just admit we are powerless over alcohol and the behaviors it creates. But to me it means that we are powerless over controlling anyone's behavior. I cannot control my AH's behavior or that of my children or anyone else that is in my life. I am just beginning...

Jennifer · Jennifer

Hey Everybody,My eyes have taken a turn for the worse just as I start to feel my feet again ... it has me a little off balance, and I can't read for long. I will be here everyday, reading what I can wishing I could reply and keep up as I have been. I may be able to hook this up to the tv to make it easier once this off...

buick23 · buick23

Hope everyone is doing okay. I haven't posted in a while but have been reading posts here and there. My bf has been sober for 8 months now, and also thanks to alanon, we are still together. I never thought we would get to this point. Taking it one day at the time really works, and it does get better. I was so af...

Jean4444 · Jean4444

OK, so I had a great thanksgiving and now I am back home. I can feel this incredible tension just under the surface, though. I can tell I need to stick incredibly close to my program at all moments. I feel like I need to maintain some serious vigilance. I have my meeting Monday night and will try to find...

joyoma · joyoma

Hey, Everyone! The last time I posted I was headed for more surgery. That is now in the past as is the week of brachy radiation. None the worse for wear, altho still recuperating and a tad immobile and fatigued. Have had techno problems with signing-on. Somehow I recalled having another e-mail addre...

smileycat · smileycat

Hi All My AH has been gone ten days today. It has not been easy, but hearing for the oldest son that he maybe going back in to treatment. Not my problem but it is so hard not to care. But careing right now willl get me nowhere. I still feel hurt. I have not heared form him in two day I know that me saying that he c...

Toto814 · Toto814

I'm sure this is not a new topic, but I'm struggling with it. I'm getting formally separated from my AH because I told him I wouldn't live with a husband who wasn't here for me. Sometimes he came home drunk, sometimes not at all - so I set a boundary that says that is a 'deal breaker' for me. He agreed to a for...

Maria123 · Maria123

((((Friends)))), I have been sick the better part of 6 weeks It started as a nasty cold and turned into pneumonia then turned into ripped up muscles in between my rib cage which mimicked chest pain/heart attack. I had me a little ride in the little white van/truck with the big flashing red lights on to...

Jerry F · Jerry F

this moring at the Super Saturday AFG and expressed my gratitude to her and her recovering alcoholic husband for hosting the Thanksgiving get-together at their home in the jungle/forest outside of Hilo. I am still deeply affected by that gathering as all of us, all 35 plus have been on the same journ...

Codependent · Codependent

It seems every time I come here I come with a story where I have slipped or done something that makes me ashamed. You people always remind me that it is okay to be who I am and it is okay to forgive myself and let it go. I can't say thank you enough!

newbelief · newbelief

These days I'm struggling a lot with guilt. My A has been rapidly deteriorating - while he has pretty much been drunk since the day we got married three years ago, these past few weeks he descended into some unknown territory which ended with him being busted with a DWI. I don't recognize him anymore. I k...

liljeannie · liljeannie

Hello family, Today is Sunday, November 30, the end of one month, the beginning of another. Today, I asked my A to leave. Actually, it was last night, but he didnt believe me then. This morning he arrived with his stepfather to take some of his belongings. He only took clothing, leaving everything...

debilyn · debilyn

Have worked morn to night on the main house yard. Got it all cleaned out. Then took out a huge flower bed, put all gravel to the front porch. Then put down this pretty bark stuff called hog fuel. Every joint in me is screaming. But wow from the road it looks sooo nice. The ducks kept following behind me eatin...

Jean4444 · Jean4444

Thanks to this program I had a great thanksgiving with my family and friends. It was a wonderful day full of fun and laughter and great food. Thanks to al-anon I have a great plan for christmas as well. I chose to spend it with a very special friend who I love who I have not seen in a couple of years. I cann...

Jerry F · Jerry F

It was a right on decision to attend the Super Saturday Al-Anon Family Group meeting. After the usual opening protocol the secretary announced the topic of "Self Focus" and the membership stayed on it. The feedback was as usual for me awesome. I'm amazed still at the ability to learn fr...

Tenderheartsks · Tenderheartsks

...because I have no idea where it has gone! Yes, I have been dealing with more than the usual health issues recently, and have taken action. I'm being gentle with myself in that area. I have an appointment with my pain management specialist next week for a referral on to a surgeon to at least discuss opt...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

I am OK but my kitty died two weeks ago and I am lonely without her. I never thought I would have a beautiful cat like her. I had moments yesterday where I saw her & once I dreamt about her being alive again. That's all. Kathleen

maresie · maresie

For a whole year after leaving the A I've sat on that edge. I had no clear direction of how I will get out of the situation I am in (financial and emotional stuff). Of course many of us who leave an active A leave with huge debt, much work to do and more. I am still very very much on survival. Most of my time is s...

Jerry F · Jerry F

That all of you are loved and appreciated expecially from this Pacific Islander family member. I am grateful and especially thankful for the unconditional love and support I have received over our time together. How marvelous a life this has turned out for me. Mahalo Akua...Mahalo Al-Anon Fam...

smileycat · smileycat

Hi Why can he not leave us alone? He can over last night to say happy thankgiving and today ask our nineteen year son to call and see of he can come over to put up christmas stuff. Last night our daughter and my self just looked at him. Today I told him no. Our children are19,18, 15 they know where he is of the...

amy · amy

Okay, I need some support! My father was an alcoholic, my husband has all ths ism's as my counselor says with some coda behavior. He says I have the double wammy! He associates sex with love and intimacy. I have felt used and abused for many years. He is like an empty tank you could never fill! I don't try an...

Rocky38 · Rocky38

Hi MIP family, Many of you know from my previous posts that I have been working my program in earnest for a relatively short time ( ~ 9 months). During that time, I have been learning a lot about my own disease of codependancy and enabling. I've learned that my needs and my sons needs are important and I'v...

liljeannie · liljeannie

Hello all, It's been a while since I've posted. Been reading a lot of past posts about A's returning home from rehab, as that is what happened here almost 4 weeks ago. Things are different, but the same. I am no longer watching him like a hawk....I have so much more energy now! During the 4 weeks he was g...

maire rua · maire rua

Dear all, I have come to the end of our holiday in the sun, last two days were really cold, we went on a boat trip and today we went to aqua sur with a fellow holiday maker who I did not feel great about, maybe its just me but red flags. My father is very needy which is awkward as before stepmother died, he did not...

Rora · Rora

I am trying. I really, really am trying to understand. To keep it at me. I am really really trying to wrap my head around that. Here's a situation of today... My aH comes over today. We've been separated for 6 wks now. The plan was that he'd come by this morning before I left for work, bring coffee, spend t...

hopeful123 · hopeful123

Hello everyone, Hope that everyone had a peaceful Thanksgiving. I am feeling exhausted and, I think, numb. I told my parents today the real reason my ex and I broke up--bc he is an A, not bc I wasn't ready for commitment like I told them originally. My mom was understanding and sympathetic. My dad go...

Jill · Jill

hi for the first time I am having trouble seeing any message put in the last 3 days. Even the last updates on the summary page are 3 days out of date, because if I open a topic, I will see 6 replies later than the last reply on the summary. Does anyone know how to fix this? I believe I will need a private message s...

brownmf · brownmf

My ABF has been relapsing all this month long, and I believe he has finaly hit bottom and is trying to get clean. While I'm getting clearer on the ideas that I did not cause it, I can't control it, and I can't cure it, I would like to get some advice on how to relate or communicate with my ABF. Can I tell him how a...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	AH needs Space (Preview) About 6 months ago my AH asked for Space so he could get his act together - he said some time apart may be helpful to our marriage - after putting up with his comings and goings for several months, I wrote this as a relection of what his request for "Space" had turned into. Would like to know if an...	Toto814	4	399	Dec 6, 2008 by maresie
	LIFE IS GREAT :) (Preview) Hello All, I am doing really well and have been working on me in another 12 step program. My daughter is 2 and 1/2 years clean and sober with a beautiful 13 month old daughter who is the love of my life! My son is now married to a wonderful woman who is the best daughter-in-law I could ever ask for. They are ex...	cdb19	3	406	Dec 6, 2008 by Hoot Nanny
	The hunting trip (Dad and son) (Preview) forgot to tell ya'll ... The hunting trip was everything I had hoped it to be for my son and his Dad. Lots of talking and walking in the woods together. A lot of male bonding with with extended family members. But the VERY BEST thing was that out of the 9 guys that had been been going to the cabin for the past 25...	Christy	6	600	Dec 6, 2008 by Christy
	Update on Weggie (Preview) Just to let everyone know, I really appreciate this board as I sometimes am not able to go to a f to f meetings. I blew up again at my A this weeknd and said some things I shouldn't but can't take them back. I do have him thinking about what I said as he comes back with some comments about that night. I...	weggie	2	357	Dec 5, 2008 by Jennifer
	Round3 (Preview) Has anyone heard from Round3? I haven't seen a post since her A returned and just wanted to see how she was doing...	Codependent	2	432	Dec 5, 2008 by Codependent
	serious question (Preview) I am curious, not being a poop. Really am questioning this. Christmas is a man made holiday,a socalled religious holiday celebrated by some Christians, not all. Not saying socalled to mean anything than some call it as..... AA and Alanon are not to support any religion. So why is this appropriate? We...	debilyn	17	688	Dec 5, 2008 by cookie1971
	another sly night (Preview) hopelessly devouted to crap..i am...the crap of an alcoholic girlfriend drunk dialing at two innthe morning and six in the morning while i have to get up for work the ringer was off but i heard her calling me in a dream...fearful...and the dream woke me up and i saw her calls...i called back to check up on...	charlescharles	1	369	Dec 5, 2008 by maresie
	Should I still try to apologize... (Preview) If you read my last post you know I over called my A last night. Said things like I want to be a family, can't get past this, blah blah. Anyway, I left a message and text this morning to say I am sorry for this. I still feel the need to actually talk to him so that I can feel less ashamed of the messages I left. ...	Codependent	9	680	Dec 5, 2008 by glad lee
	Any ESH to get thru tonite, please! (Preview) As you all know, my AH is doing outpatient treatment as part of a plea bargain w/the court where if completed his charge will be dropped down to a misdemeanor. He agreed to this while he was sober (after he almost died, then went to rehab). He relapsed last month and has been drinking almost daily (15 -3...	queenie105	8	577	Dec 5, 2008 by jewely
	Update (Preview) So the teen daughter got kicked out of the group home one week after going in. She is now on the caseload of the juvenile justice people and if she doesn't straighten up this time it's off to boot camp and they only take them for a year. So I'm seriously hoping that she straightens up and quick! She has be...	carolinagirl	4	435	Dec 5, 2008 by Loupiness
	Hello- new mom of an addict here :) (Preview) Hello everyone, I'm new here. My 19 yr old son is a drug addict. I won't bore you with the full story of the past 3 years. In a nut shell, due to drug use my son has had psych ward stays, a suicide attempt (this after his best friend committed suicide), violence, drug dealing, car crashes, arrests, ect......	Beach girl	4	941	Dec 5, 2008 by Sandy123
	The Shack (Preview) Hi (((Family))) Coming off a couple of days of being sick..again..ugh. Return of the Stomach Virus! shudder shudder I took the opportunity to read a book. I picked this book up the other day at Costco. I like "scarey" stories, and the cover of this book shows a rickety old shack surrou...	david62	7	484	Dec 5, 2008 by Peggy7
	An lonely insomnia moment (Preview) I am confused. I've spent the last few years learning to care for myself, after spending years caring for my AexH, family, friends, any stray animal that walked past my doorstep and I do not regret a minute of it. I have experience and knowledge that could not have been found in any other way. I find myse...	Jennifer	5	555	Dec 4, 2008 by nmike
	How Do You NOT Rip Him Another One? (Preview) Sorry for my crude topic. It reflects how I'm feeling right now after working all day and coming home to an active who has everyone else but me convinced that he is in recovery. I didn't mention the drinking he must have done before I came home. No 3rd degree, no hint of letting him know that I do know. I *t...	GailMichelle	9	659	Dec 4, 2008 by GailMichelle
	I came, I came to, I came to believe....... (Preview) I have been really having the hardest time the past couple of weeks, recently ended a year long relationship with 10yr sober xbf-who activly works the program. I was/am still very tired emotionally and physically from the roller coaster ride that has been my life for the past 12 yrs or so. I had sp...	shellyj123	3	520	Dec 4, 2008 by Jerry F
	Because i have thumbs (Preview) Sully the monster dog was spinning in circles, dancing around ... I said ok I will let you out, only because I have thumbs and you don't. Now I did not really want more snow tracked thru the house when he comes back in, but playing in it makes him happy. My legs are still wobbly and I have a full day so no matte...	Jennifer	3	426	Dec 4, 2008 by Jen
	Husband's Drinking (Preview) My husband drinks every night. He has a great job, he's responsible so I don't understand his drinking. I can't seem to go through life as though his drinking doesn't bother me. I have no family or friends in the state we live in. We moved here two 1/2 years ago. He gets angry when he's been drinkin...	pinkrose08	13	1460	Dec 4, 2008 by maresie
	Holding my own (Preview) Hi Will he has came over the last two days. We talked a long time yesterday and it was good to undrestand some of the things that he is going throught and he even was asking question on how I was feeling and wanting to know of I want a separation or not. He told me that he has filed for joint coudity of our daught...	smileycat	4	635	Dec 4, 2008 by maresie
	frustration with myself (Preview) If I don't write this "out" of my system, I am going to end up tearing my hair out this morning!!! This has nothing to do with a-ism (or does it??), but with ME....which is what we are working on here...ourselves, right? I have, in the past 24 months, lost lots of mobility to my sarcoma s...	joyoma	6	469	Dec 4, 2008 by maresie
	Tis the season for???.... (Preview) After spending the past few days away from my A, whom I had asked to leave, I allowed him to come here to talk last night. He was calm, I was calm, and I felt like we both really spoke and that he may have actually listened and heard. I explained to him all the reasons why I did not feel comfortable continuin...	liljeannie	6	476	Dec 4, 2008 by maresie
	Christmas plans (Preview) Well I did my token cooking for the place I live at. Ended up with it being me who did all the work. That's pretty much the norm for me. I can't say I minded as I wanted to make some amends. At the same time I'm determined I will not be doing that again at Christmas so I've been online searching all day and no...	maresie	4	490	Dec 4, 2008 by maresie
	MIP Holiday Cards?!!! (Preview) ((((((Jon))))), Okay big Jon once again it's time for our annual MIP Christmas Cards. Are you up for it? Thanksgiving was late this year, and here it is December 1 and the clock is ticking. I'm so hoping you are going to keep up this tradition. It always gives me a warm fuzzy feeling. For those of you...	Karilynn	9	513	Dec 4, 2008 by Rita G
	Why is it so hard for me to let go of my anger? (Preview) So he buys six pack of tall boys and drinks them. On a friggen Monday night. JUST when I was starting to get comfortable again! JUST when I was starting to be happy and relaxed around him and even, dare I say it?, love him again! I was even gasp thinking of having sex with him! And I am ANGRY about it because...	intothewoods	9	445	Dec 4, 2008 by cabinfever5
	Newbie with time (Preview) I'm hesitant to post anything but I don't exactly know what to do anymore. I started Al-Anon a long time ago and was heavily involved in service in every area where I lived. Being married to an alcoholic, I moved several times but always found meetings and went to them. Finally, I divorced the alcoholi...	JenM	5	624	Dec 3, 2008 by JenM
	Update on Last Nite - Police Were Called (Preview) Hi All, Anyway, he was drunk again last nite, got angry when I questioned him about the fact that at he took $1500 from the home equity line, etc., plus other money. Anyway, me and my sons were talking about it, and of course, AH become beligerant, etc. Came out of the room several times to start fights, e...	queenie105	3	627	Dec 3, 2008 by Jennifer
	I went on a binge (Preview) I knew it was coming. I saw him at the funeral of a friend, I saw him at his bday dinner, and then he came to Thanksgiving. So last night I lost it. Was actually out on a date with another guy. Had a few drinks then proceeded to call the A. He asked if I was on date and I said yes. Then I proceeded to recall h...	Codependent	5	463	Dec 3, 2008 by JenM
	My son (Preview) My husband and I have been dealing with my son's alcoholism for ten years, now. We think he gets better and then he relapses....I am sure you know the song. Early this morning was the final straw. He was out in the garage with his drinking buddies and got into a fight. Then, he proceeded to come in the hous...	vi1414	6	795	Dec 3, 2008 by Tiger2006
	did not know (Preview) Hi All I am just posting to get this off my chest. I did not know that by making things that my AH did better for him was a bad thing to do. I had grown up it a A family where my mother did the same things and my father would set home and drink all day. I did not know that by setting in that it made things worse. I tho...	smileycat	4	741	Dec 2, 2008 by maresie
	Self care (Preview) Like man others codependents, self care is a whole foreign territory for me. Put me in front of an active alcholic and I'll make it my life purpose to take care of them and anticipate their needs. My own needs go astray so often I find it like a incredible puzzle and really very difficult to keep coming ba...	maresie	2	373	Dec 2, 2008 by maresie
	Happy Turkey Day And More (Preview) Wishing the best on our U.S. custom of Thanksgiving Day. Happy Turkey Day everyone!!! I have not been posting much lately as the last three months are the peak time for my business.But, I have not missed either of my Al-Anon meetings each week, just do not have a lot of extra time for me this time of the y...	RLC	3	534	Dec 2, 2008 by maresie
	Am I crazy to hope (Preview) I am new here. My ex Abf has been sober for 27 months now. He broke things off with me about 5 months into his recovery - telling me that he couldn't handle being in a relationship and didn't know when he would be able to handle it. We still talk from time to time, but it's usually just about how his kids ar...	TLynn	3	431	Dec 2, 2008 by maresie
	struggling addict..co dependent (Preview) a rough nite tonight but i'll get throuhg the girlfriend hs been going to aa meetings with me and will be going on a trip to see her mother for a week i am inspired and saddened by this visit...but generally feeling good about my own sobriety and my own head i think the best thing that could happen to me would...	charlescharles	3	450	Dec 2, 2008 by Tiger2006
	Step One - I'm finally getting it! (Preview) I thought Step One was the easiest to get. Just admit we are powerless over alcohol and the behaviors it creates. But to me it means that we are powerless over controlling anyone's behavior. I cannot control my AH's behavior or that of my children or anyone else that is in my life. I am just beginning...	slowlearner	2	470	Dec 2, 2008 by Tiger2006
	Challenges (Preview) Hey Everybody,My eyes have taken a turn for the worse just as I start to feel my feet again ... it has me a little off balance, and I can't read for long. I will be here everyday, reading what I can wishing I could reply and keep up as I have been. I may be able to hook this up to the tv to make it easier once this off...	Jennifer	4	442	Dec 1, 2008 by Jennifer
	an update (Preview) Hope everyone is doing okay. I haven't posted in a while but have been reading posts here and there. My bf has been sober for 8 months now, and also thanks to alanon, we are still together. I never thought we would get to this point. Taking it one day at the time really works, and it does get better. I was so af...	buick23	2	398	Dec 1, 2008 by ddub
	Just under the surface... (Preview) OK, so I had a great thanksgiving and now I am back home. I can feel this incredible tension just under the surface, though. I can tell I need to stick incredibly close to my program at all moments. I feel like I need to maintain some serious vigilance. I have my meeting Monday night and will try to find...	Jean4444	4	516	Dec 1, 2008 by ddub
	Long time, no post! (Preview) Hey, Everyone! The last time I posted I was headed for more surgery. That is now in the past as is the week of brachy radiation. None the worse for wear, altho still recuperating and a tad immobile and fatigued. Have had techno problems with signing-on. Somehow I recalled having another e-mail addre...	joyoma	8	485	Dec 1, 2008 by lin0606
	Ten Day (Preview) Hi All My AH has been gone ten days today. It has not been easy, but hearing for the oldest son that he maybe going back in to treatment. Not my problem but it is so hard not to care. But careing right now willl get me nowhere. I still feel hurt. I have not heared form him in two day I know that me saying that he c...	smileycat	3	412	Dec 1, 2008 by Jen
	Separation (Preview) I'm sure this is not a new topic, but I'm struggling with it. I'm getting formally separated from my AH because I told him I wouldn't live with a husband who wasn't here for me. Sometimes he came home drunk, sometimes not at all - so I set a boundary that says that is a 'deal breaker' for me. He agreed to a for...	Toto814	4	561	Dec 1, 2008 by RLC
	Back among the living . . . (Preview) ((((Friends)))), I have been sick the better part of 6 weeks It started as a nasty cold and turned into pneumonia then turned into ripped up muscles in between my rib cage which mimicked chest pain/heart attack. I had me a little ride in the little white van/truck with the big flashing red lights on to...	Maria123	6	481	Nov 30, 2008 by wp
	So I spoke with the hostess (Preview) this moring at the Super Saturday AFG and expressed my gratitude to her and her recovering alcoholic husband for hosting the Thanksgiving get-together at their home in the jungle/forest outside of Hilo. I am still deeply affected by that gathering as all of us, all 35 plus have been on the same journ...	Jerry F	2	575	Nov 30, 2008 by Jerry F
	Thank You (Preview) It seems every time I come here I come with a story where I have slipped or done something that makes me ashamed. You people always remind me that it is okay to be who I am and it is okay to forgive myself and let it go. I can't say thank you enough!	Codependent	1	299	Nov 30, 2008 by Jean4444
	Guilt and feeling bad (Preview) These days I'm struggling a lot with guilt. My A has been rapidly deteriorating - while he has pretty much been drunk since the day we got married three years ago, these past few weeks he descended into some unknown territory which ended with him being busted with a DWI. I don't recognize him anymore. I k...	newbelief	7	422	Nov 30, 2008 by newbelief
	An ending and a beginning (Preview) Hello family, Today is Sunday, November 30, the end of one month, the beginning of another. Today, I asked my A to leave. Actually, it was last night, but he didnt believe me then. This morning he arrived with his stepfather to take some of his belongings. He only took clothing, leaving everything...	liljeannie	3	560	Nov 30, 2008 by Jean4444
	Hand me the tiger balm.... (Preview) Have worked morn to night on the main house yard. Got it all cleaned out. Then took out a huge flower bed, put all gravel to the front porch. Then put down this pretty bark stuff called hog fuel. Every joint in me is screaming. But wow from the road it looks sooo nice. The ducks kept following behind me eatin...	debilyn	3	593	Nov 30, 2008 by ddub
	I love this program! (Preview) Thanks to this program I had a great thanksgiving with my family and friends. It was a wonderful day full of fun and laughter and great food. Thanks to al-anon I have a great plan for christmas as well. I chose to spend it with a very special friend who I love who I have not seen in a couple of years. I cann...	Jean4444	7	417	Nov 30, 2008 by ddub
	Awarenesses from Super Saturday (Preview) It was a right on decision to attend the Super Saturday Al-Anon Family Group meeting. After the usual opening protocol the secretary announced the topic of "Self Focus" and the membership stayed on it. The feedback was as usual for me awesome. I'm amazed still at the ability to learn fr...	Jerry F	3	518	Nov 30, 2008 by ddub
	Has anyone seen my program... (Preview) ...because I have no idea where it has gone! Yes, I have been dealing with more than the usual health issues recently, and have taken action. I'm being gentle with myself in that area. I have an appointment with my pain management specialist next week for a referral on to a surgeon to at least discuss opt...	Tenderheartsks	8	700	Nov 30, 2008 by Tenderheartsks
	Thanksgiving without my kitty! (Preview) I am OK but my kitty died two weeks ago and I am lonely without her. I never thought I would have a beautiful cat like her. I had moments yesterday where I saw her & once I dreamt about her being alive again. That's all. Kathleen	Hoot Nanny	6	528	Nov 29, 2008 by Maria123
	Being on survival another level. (Preview) For a whole year after leaving the A I've sat on that edge. I had no clear direction of how I will get out of the situation I am in (financial and emotional stuff). Of course many of us who leave an active A leave with huge debt, much work to do and more. I am still very very much on survival. Most of my time is s...	maresie	7	499	Nov 29, 2008 by maresie
	You already know... (Preview) That all of you are loved and appreciated expecially from this Pacific Islander family member. I am grateful and especially thankful for the unconditional love and support I have received over our time together. How marvelous a life this has turned out for me. Mahalo Akua...Mahalo Al-Anon Fam...	Jerry F	5	446	Nov 29, 2008 by maresie
	hard day (Preview) Hi Why can he not leave us alone? He can over last night to say happy thankgiving and today ask our nineteen year son to call and see of he can come over to put up christmas stuff. Last night our daughter and my self just looked at him. Today I told him no. Our children are19,18, 15 they know where he is of the...	smileycat	5	484	Nov 29, 2008 by maresie
	Help, Detachment from Husband....he wants things right back as they were... (Preview) Okay, I need some support! My father was an alcoholic, my husband has all ths ism's as my counselor says with some coda behavior. He says I have the double wammy! He associates sex with love and intimacy. I have felt used and abused for many years. He is like an empty tank you could never fill! I don't try an...	amy	3	580	Nov 29, 2008 by maresie
	My Husband "Visited" for Thanksgiving - not my AH. (Preview) Hi MIP family, Many of you know from my previous posts that I have been working my program in earnest for a relatively short time ( ~ 9 months). During that time, I have been learning a lot about my own disease of codependancy and enabling. I've learned that my needs and my sons needs are important and I'v...	Rocky38	3	648	Nov 29, 2008 by maresie
	Back 2 life, back 2 reality (Preview) Hello all, It's been a while since I've posted. Been reading a lot of past posts about A's returning home from rehab, as that is what happened here almost 4 weeks ago. Things are different, but the same. I am no longer watching him like a hawk....I have so much more energy now! During the 4 weeks he was g...	liljeannie	3	859	Nov 29, 2008 by maresie
	End of holiday (Preview) Dear all, I have come to the end of our holiday in the sun, last two days were really cold, we went on a boat trip and today we went to aqua sur with a fellow holiday maker who I did not feel great about, maybe its just me but red flags. My father is very needy which is awkward as before stepmother died, he did not...	maire rua	2	429	Nov 29, 2008 by maresie
	Seriously...am I missing something??? (Preview) I am trying. I really, really am trying to understand. To keep it at me. I am really really trying to wrap my head around that. Here's a situation of today... My aH comes over today. We've been separated for 6 wks now. The plan was that he'd come by this morning before I left for work, bring coffee, spend t...	Rora	9	484	Nov 29, 2008 by nmike
	Exhausted and numb (Preview) Hello everyone, Hope that everyone had a peaceful Thanksgiving. I am feeling exhausted and, I think, numb. I told my parents today the real reason my ex and I broke up--bc he is an A, not bc I wasn't ready for commitment like I told them originally. My mom was understanding and sympathetic. My dad go...	hopeful123	5	535	Nov 29, 2008 by nmike
	trouble using message board (Preview) hi for the first time I am having trouble seeing any message put in the last 3 days. Even the last updates on the summary page are 3 days out of date, because if I open a topic, I will see 6 replies later than the last reply on the summary. Does anyone know how to fix this? I believe I will need a private message s...	Jill	0	307	Nov 29, 2008 by Jill
	Relating (Preview) My ABF has been relapsing all this month long, and I believe he has finaly hit bottom and is trying to get clean. While I'm getting clearer on the ideas that I did not cause it, I can't control it, and I can't cure it, I would like to get some advice on how to relate or communicate with my ABF. Can I tell him how a...	brownmf	2	316	Nov 28, 2008 by Jen
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.