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An lonely insomnia moment
(Preview)
I am confused. I've spent the last few years learning to care for myself, after spending years caring for my AexH, family, friends, any stray animal that walked past my doorstep and I do not regret a minute of it. I have experience and knowledge that could not have been found in any other way. I find myse...
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Jennifer
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5
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549
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How Do You NOT Rip Him Another One?
(Preview)
Sorry for my crude topic. It reflects how I'm feeling right now after working all day and coming home to an active who has everyone else but me convinced that he is in recovery. I didn't mention the drinking he must have done before I came home. No 3rd degree, no hint of letting him know that I do know. I *t...
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GailMichelle
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9
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651
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I came, I came to, I came to believe.......
(Preview)
I have been really having the hardest time the past couple of weeks, recently ended a year long relationship with 10yr sober xbf-who activly works the program. I was/am still very tired emotionally and physically from the roller coaster ride that has been my life for the past 12 yrs or so. I had sp...
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shellyj123
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3
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512
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Because i have thumbs
(Preview)
Sully the monster dog was spinning in circles, dancing around ... I said ok I will let you out, only because I have thumbs and you don't. Now I did not really want more snow tracked thru the house when he comes back in, but playing in it makes him happy. My legs are still wobbly and I have a full day so no matte...
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Jennifer
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3
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418
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Husband's Drinking
(Preview)
My husband drinks every night. He has a great job, he's responsible so I don't understand his drinking. I can't seem to go through life as though his drinking doesn't bother me. I have no family or friends in the state we live in. We moved here two 1/2 years ago. He gets angry when he's been drinkin...
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pinkrose08
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13
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1447
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Holding my own
(Preview)
Hi Will he has came over the last two days. We talked a long time yesterday and it was good to undrestand some of the things that he is going throught and he even was asking question on how I was feeling and wanting to know of I want a separation or not. He told me that he has filed for joint coudity of our daught...
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smileycat
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4
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627
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frustration with myself
(Preview)
If I don't write this "out" of my system, I am going to end up tearing my hair out this morning!!! This has nothing to do with a-ism (or does it??), but with ME....which is what we are working on here...ourselves, right? I have, in the past 24 months, lost lots of mobility to my sarcoma s...
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joyoma
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6
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459
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Tis the season for???....
(Preview)
After spending the past few days away from my A, whom I had asked to leave, I allowed him to come here to talk last night. He was calm, I was calm, and I felt like we both really spoke and that he may have actually listened and heard. I explained to him all the reasons why I did not feel comfortable continuin...
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liljeannie
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6
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471
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Christmas plans
(Preview)
Well I did my token cooking for the place I live at. Ended up with it being me who did all the work. That's pretty much the norm for me. I can't say I minded as I wanted to make some amends. At the same time I'm determined I will not be doing that again at Christmas so I've been online searching all day and no...
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maresie
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4
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482
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MIP Holiday Cards?!!!
(Preview)
((((((Jon))))), Okay big Jon once again it's time for our annual MIP Christmas Cards. Are you up for it? Thanksgiving was late this year, and here it is December 1 and the clock is ticking. I'm so hoping you are going to keep up this tradition. It always gives me a warm fuzzy feeling. For those of you...
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Karilynn
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9
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505
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Why is it so hard for me to let go of my anger?
(Preview)
So he buys six pack of tall boys and drinks them. On a friggen Monday night. JUST when I was starting to get comfortable again! JUST when I was starting to be happy and relaxed around him and even, dare I say it?, love him again! I was even *gasp* thinking of having sex with him! And I am ANGRY about it because...
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intothewoods
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9
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437
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Newbie with time
(Preview)
I'm hesitant to post anything but I don't exactly know what to do anymore. I started Al-Anon a long time ago and was heavily involved in service in every area where I lived. Being married to an alcoholic, I moved several times but always found meetings and went to them. Finally, I divorced the alcoholi...
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JenM
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5
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616
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Update on Last Nite - Police Were Called
(Preview)
Hi All, Anyway, he was drunk again last nite, got angry when I questioned him about the fact that at he took $1500 from the home equity line, etc., plus other money. Anyway, me and my sons were talking about it, and of course, AH become beligerant, etc. Came out of the room several times to start fights, e...
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queenie105
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3
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616
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I went on a binge
(Preview)
I knew it was coming. I saw him at the funeral of a friend, I saw him at his bday dinner, and then he came to Thanksgiving. So last night I lost it. Was actually out on a date with another guy. Had a few drinks then proceeded to call the A. He asked if I was on date and I said yes. Then I proceeded to recall h...
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Codependent
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5
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450
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My son
(Preview)
My husband and I have been dealing with my son's alcoholism for ten years, now. We think he gets better and then he relapses....I am sure you know the song. Early this morning was the final straw. He was out in the garage with his drinking buddies and got into a fight. Then, he proceeded to come in the hous...
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vi1414
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6
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782
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did not know
(Preview)
Hi All I am just posting to get this off my chest. I did not know that by making things that my AH did better for him was a bad thing to do. I had grown up it a A family where my mother did the same things and my father would set home and drink all day. I did not know that by setting in that it made things worse. I tho...
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smileycat
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4
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730
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Self care
(Preview)
Like man others codependents, self care is a whole foreign territory for me. Put me in front of an active alcholic and I'll make it my life purpose to take care of them and anticipate their needs. My own needs go astray so often I find it like a incredible puzzle and really very difficult to keep coming ba...
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maresie
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2
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361
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Happy Turkey Day And More
(Preview)
Wishing the best on our U.S. custom of Thanksgiving Day. Happy Turkey Day everyone!!! I have not been posting much lately as the last three months are the peak time for my business.But, I have not missed either of my Al-Anon meetings each week, just do not have a lot of extra time for me this time of the y...
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RLC
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3
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523
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Am I crazy to hope
(Preview)
I am new here. My ex Abf has been sober for 27 months now. He broke things off with me about 5 months into his recovery - telling me that he couldn't handle being in a relationship and didn't know when he would be able to handle it. We still talk from time to time, but it's usually just about how his kids ar...
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TLynn
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3
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420
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struggling addict..co dependent
(Preview)
a rough nite tonight but i'll get throuhg the girlfriend hs been going to aa meetings with me and will be going on a trip to see her mother for a week i am inspired and saddened by this visit...but generally feeling good about my own sobriety and my own head i think the best thing that could happen to me would...
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charlescharles
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3
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439
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Step One - I'm finally getting it!
(Preview)
I thought Step One was the easiest to get. Just admit we are powerless over alcohol and the behaviors it creates. But to me it means that we are powerless over controlling anyone's behavior. I cannot control my AH's behavior or that of my children or anyone else that is in my life. I am just beginning...
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slowlearner
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2
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457
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Challenges
(Preview)
Hey Everybody,My eyes have taken a turn for the worse just as I start to feel my feet again ... it has me a little off balance, and I can't read for long. I will be here everyday, reading what I can wishing I could reply and keep up as I have been. I may be able to hook this up to the tv to make it easier once this off...
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Jennifer
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4
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431
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an update
(Preview)
Hope everyone is doing okay. I haven't posted in a while but have been reading posts here and there. My bf has been sober for 8 months now, and also thanks to alanon, we are still together. I never thought we would get to this point. Taking it one day at the time really works, and it does get better. I was so af...
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buick23
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2
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385
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Just under the surface...
(Preview)
OK, so I had a great thanksgiving and now I am back home. I can feel this incredible tension just under the surface, though. I can tell I need to stick incredibly close to my program at all moments. I feel like I need to maintain some serious vigilance. I have my meeting Monday night and will try to find...
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Jean4444
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4
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504
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Long time, no post!
(Preview)
Hey, Everyone! The last time I posted I was headed for more surgery. That is now in the past as is the week of brachy radiation. None the worse for wear, altho still recuperating and a tad immobile and fatigued. Have had techno problems with signing-on. Somehow I recalled having another e-mail addre...
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joyoma
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8
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474
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Ten Day
(Preview)
Hi All My AH has been gone ten days today. It has not been easy, but hearing for the oldest son that he maybe going back in to treatment. Not my problem but it is so hard not to care. But careing right now willl get me nowhere. I still feel hurt. I have not heared form him in two day I know that me saying that he c...
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smileycat
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3
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401
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Separation
(Preview)
I'm sure this is not a new topic, but I'm struggling with it. I'm getting formally separated from my AH because I told him I wouldn't live with a husband who wasn't here for me. Sometimes he came home drunk, sometimes not at all - so I set a boundary that says that is a 'deal breaker' for me. He agreed to a for...
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Toto814
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4
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552
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Back among the living . . .
(Preview)
((((Friends)))), I have been sick the better part of 6 weeks It started as a nasty cold and turned into pneumonia then turned into ripped up muscles in between my rib cage which mimicked chest pain/heart attack. I had me a little ride in the little white van/truck with the big flashing red lights on to...
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Maria123
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6
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470
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So I spoke with the hostess
(Preview)
this moring at the Super Saturday AFG and expressed my gratitude to her and her recovering alcoholic husband for hosting the Thanksgiving get-together at their home in the jungle/forest outside of Hilo. I am still deeply affected by that gathering as all of us, all 35 plus have been on the same journ...
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Jerry F
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2
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564
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Thank You
(Preview)
It seems every time I come here I come with a story where I have slipped or done something that makes me ashamed. You people always remind me that it is okay to be who I am and it is okay to forgive myself and let it go. I can't say thank you enough!
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Codependent
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1
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288
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Guilt and feeling bad
(Preview)
These days I'm struggling a lot with guilt. My A has been rapidly deteriorating - while he has pretty much been drunk since the day we got married three years ago, these past few weeks he descended into some unknown territory which ended with him being busted with a DWI. I don't recognize him anymore. I k...
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newbelief
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7
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407
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An ending and a beginning
(Preview)
Hello family, Today is Sunday, November 30, the end of one month, the beginning of another. Today, I asked my A to leave. Actually, it was last night, but he didnt believe me then. This morning he arrived with his stepfather to take some of his belongings. He only took clothing, leaving everything...
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liljeannie
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3
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549
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Hand me the tiger balm....
(Preview)
Have worked morn to night on the main house yard. Got it all cleaned out. Then took out a huge flower bed, put all gravel to the front porch. Then put down this pretty bark stuff called hog fuel. Every joint in me is screaming. But wow from the road it looks sooo nice. The ducks kept following behind me eatin...
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debilyn
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3
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582
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I love this program!
(Preview)
Thanks to this program I had a great thanksgiving with my family and friends. It was a wonderful day full of fun and laughter and great food. Thanks to al-anon I have a great plan for christmas as well. I chose to spend it with a very special friend who I love who I have not seen in a couple of years. I cann...
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Jean4444
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7
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406
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Awarenesses from Super Saturday
(Preview)
It was a right on decision to attend the Super Saturday Al-Anon Family Group meeting. After the usual opening protocol the secretary announced the topic of "Self Focus" and the membership stayed on it. The feedback was as usual for me awesome. I'm amazed still at the ability to learn fr...
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Jerry F
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3
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506
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Has anyone seen my program...
(Preview)
...because I have no idea where it has gone! Yes, I have been dealing with more than the usual health issues recently, and have taken action. I'm being gentle with myself in that area. I have an appointment with my pain management specialist next week for a referral on to a surgeon to at least discuss opt...
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Tenderheartsks
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8
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691
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Thanksgiving without my kitty!
(Preview)
I am OK but my kitty died two weeks ago and I am lonely without her. I never thought I would have a beautiful cat like her. I had moments yesterday where I saw her & once I dreamt about her being alive again. That's all. Kathleen
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Hoot Nanny
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6
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517
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Being on survival another level.
(Preview)
For a whole year after leaving the A I've sat on that edge. I had no clear direction of how I will get out of the situation I am in (financial and emotional stuff). Of course many of us who leave an active A leave with huge debt, much work to do and more. I am still very very much on survival. Most of my time is s...
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maresie
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7
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488
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You already know...
(Preview)
That all of you are loved and appreciated expecially from this Pacific Islander family member. I am grateful and especially thankful for the unconditional love and support I have received over our time together. How marvelous a life this has turned out for me. Mahalo Akua...Mahalo Al-Anon Fam...
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Jerry F
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5
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435
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hard day
(Preview)
Hi Why can he not leave us alone? He can over last night to say happy thankgiving and today ask our nineteen year son to call and see of he can come over to put up christmas stuff. Last night our daughter and my self just looked at him. Today I told him no. Our children are19,18, 15 they know where he is of the...
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smileycat
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5
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473
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Help, Detachment from Husband....he wants things right back as they were...
(Preview)
Okay, I need some support! My father was an alcoholic, my husband has all ths ism's as my counselor says with some coda behavior. He says I have the double wammy! He associates sex with love and intimacy. I have felt used and abused for many years. He is like an empty tank you could never fill! I don't try an...
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amy
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3
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569
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My Husband "Visited" for Thanksgiving - not my AH.
(Preview)
Hi MIP family, Many of you know from my previous posts that I have been working my program in earnest for a relatively short time ( ~ 9 months). During that time, I have been learning a lot about my own disease of codependancy and enabling. I've learned that my needs and my sons needs are important and I'v...
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Rocky38
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3
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637
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Back 2 life, back 2 reality
(Preview)
Hello all, It's been a while since I've posted. Been reading a lot of past posts about A's returning home from rehab, as that is what happened here almost 4 weeks ago. Things are different, but the same. I am no longer watching him like a hawk....I have so much more energy now! During the 4 weeks he was g...
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liljeannie
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3
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848
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End of holiday
(Preview)
Dear all, I have come to the end of our holiday in the sun, last two days were really cold, we went on a boat trip and today we went to aqua sur with a fellow holiday maker who I did not feel great about, maybe its just me but red flags. My father is very needy which is awkward as before stepmother died, he did not...
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maire rua
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2
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419
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Seriously...am I missing something???
(Preview)
I am trying. I really, really am trying to understand. To keep it at me. I am really really trying to wrap my head around that. Here's a situation of today... My aH comes over today. We've been separated for 6 wks now. The plan was that he'd come by this morning before I left for work, bring coffee, spend t...
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Rora
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9
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469
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Exhausted and numb
(Preview)
Hello everyone, Hope that everyone had a peaceful Thanksgiving. I am feeling exhausted and, I think, numb. I told my parents today the real reason my ex and I broke up--bc he is an A, not bc I wasn't ready for commitment like I told them originally. My mom was understanding and sympathetic. My dad go...
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hopeful123
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5
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522
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trouble using message board
(Preview)
hi for the first time I am having trouble seeing any message put in the last 3 days. Even the last updates on the summary page are 3 days out of date, because if I open a topic, I will see 6 replies later than the last reply on the summary. Does anyone know how to fix this? I believe I will need a private message s...
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Jill
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0
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289
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Relating
(Preview)
My ABF has been relapsing all this month long, and I believe he has finaly hit bottom and is trying to get clean. While I'm getting clearer on the ideas that I did not cause it, I can't control it, and I can't cure it, I would like to get some advice on how to relate or communicate with my ABF. Can I tell him how a...
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brownmf
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2
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305
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sharing
(Preview)
Hi all I am doing good my A is still at his mother's house. He has tryed to turn all the utilitly off but I have them all back on. He has called every night this week but last night. I would ask him want he wanted and after he would tell me I would just hang up the phone. He took his name off the rent arreament and...
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smileycat
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2
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329
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Not acting out
(Preview)
One of my biggest issues with all my relationships was rushing in. I rushed right in with the ex A. In fact one of my best friends cautioned me and said she would not stand by me while I did it. I couldn't understand what she was talking about after all why not. Now when I meet men I wait and wait and wait an...
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maresie
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5
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349
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Happy Thanksgiving!
(Preview)
(((((Family))))), Since many of you might be travelling today and will be busy tomorrow, I just wanted to take a moment to wish my Alanon family A VERY HAPPY THANKSGIVING. I know this time of year can be tough on us. This is my first holiday without my dear hubby Tim. I miss him so much everyday. I know h...
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Karilynn
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6
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685
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How do I avoid the "shoulds" during the holidays - I know what to do but just venting!
(Preview)
The stress is already beginning to start. I am having Thanksgiving at my house on Saturday for about twenty people (this is my side of the family and I have done this for 10 years now) Really didn't want to do it - but my kids love the tradition of it - so I gave in. My AH's family get together is on Thursday...
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slowlearner
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4
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526
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Grateful Heart
(Preview)
Dear MIP Family, Just a short post to say how grateful I am for each and every one of you that participates on this board. I have learned so much from each of you. I wish a wonderful Thanksgiving break for all, full of peace, love and most importantly, serenity. Love, Rocky
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Rocky38
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0
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275
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A mixed up day~
(Preview)
First of all I would like to wish all my MIP family a very Blessed Thanksgiving:) May the day be exactly the day you need it to be filled with wonderful things. I am reminded today to thank all of you for all your help and sharing, to be grateful that I found MIP and to count all the blessings in my life-eve...
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shellyj123
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1
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348
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reacting to "I'm sorry" & the 3 Cs
(Preview)
This is just me - I see "I'm sorry" in response to something causingone of us to struggle. When I see that, I think - well, you didn't cause it so you don't need to be sorry. You didn't cause it and you can't change it. Do any of you ever hear the disembodied voice in the phone prompt tell you it's...
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Jill
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1
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617
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New to this site and lost.
(Preview)
I am new here and so lost. Short History first. I was with my "A" seven years. We are currently not together because of his family. His Mother died last April and his sisters stepped in and he had to move to the family farm or they would have taken his inheratance and I was banned from the farm. T...
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Moonshadow
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6
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541
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Relating
(Preview)
My ABF has been relapsing all this month long, and I believe he has finaly hit bottom and is trying to get clean. While I'm getting clearer on the ideas that I did not cause it, I can't control it, and I can't cure it, I would like to get some advice on how to relate or communicate with my ABF. Can I tell him how a...
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brownmf
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2
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484
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The mental aftermath .. trust and scary issues
(Preview)
Hi Everyone, Somebody is listening out there. Considering I had never been on a real date until a couple weeks ago, when I said I was ready *PooF* Oppurtunities are falling out of the sky. I have fear, don't get me wrong this is kind of fun, just bringing up new issues to work out in my head and with my HP an...
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Jennifer
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5
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521
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Any tips for getting through the Holidays?
(Preview)
I have noticed alot of new members on this site. Getting through the holidays is going to be rough for me, and I assume others. Are there any tips from you more "experienced" members that you wouldn't mind passing on? Thank you in advance.
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LEEA
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8
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2492
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Step 8 share
(Preview)
realize that I will react to people when they hurt me. I used to be a doormat and not do anything. Then somewhere along the line I became so resentful from holding it all in I think that I now snap at people because they are hurting me. I don't deserve to be hurt but other people don't deserve it either just be...
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christinajeanne
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2
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334
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