The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well I did my token cooking for the place I live at. Ended up with it being me who did all the work. That's pretty much the norm for me. I can't say I minded as I wanted to make some amends. At the same time I'm determined I will not be doing that again at Christmas so I've been online searching all day and now I am going to a recovery event. I'm not up to socializing yet at a pot luck but recovery I can go for. So all day Christmas I am going to be at a recovery realted event, it isn't an alcathon but it is recovery related. I've been to alcathon's can't say I found one I liked but I have heard people who rave about them.
I'm really interested to hear how you all are going to do this. I can get caught in "rescuing" in an instant. I have to work so hard to divert my task from that. Rescuing and doing things I don't want to do is the mantra I've lived by for every single holiday except for a very very few.
Please share how you manage and what you are going to be doing it is 3 plus weeks away.
Here's what I'm NOT going to do. I'm not going to spend the weeks preceeding Christmas wondering if AH will be sober. I'm not going to put up the tree and decorate it with a grim face and white knuckles. I'm not going to spend the day pretending I'm ok and that I'm not sad. That was what I did last Christmas.
This is my plan. First, I'm going to eliminate the expectations I have for AH behavior. I did that this Thanksgiving and there was only upside. Second, I'm going to happily decorate the tree, and each time I place an ornament, I'm going to think about something joyful in my life.On the day, I'm going to take a walk and thank HP for the blessing of nature and I'm going to let my son know how grateful I am to have him in my life. If I can do these simple things - I believe I will fully enjoy the season.
Great planning Rocky...!! Maresie 3 weeks for me are too far into the future. I do the one day at a time suggestion with an attitude of gratitude. For me most of the personal set up is perspective. I was oppositional defiant when I got here and I use to defiantly have a NO approach to everything. In program I learned that there is such a thing as "perhaps" and "maybe" and I could be flexible in my approach to choices without the fear. For today I will stay open and I will not take a negative approach to anything keeping an open mind that life is not either just black or while and there are lots of gray areas for me to travel around in. I won't let a negative attitude or my fear ruin every thing for me and for others. I will participate openmindedly and with a supportive spirit. HP will accompany me thru it all and at times will laugh when I feel happy or be supportive when I'm less than.
You seem to be doing well with acceptance. Use that where ever you are.
The way I've handled parties in the past few weeks--and I've known no one at any of them--is I drive myself; I make myself useful to the hostess and get to know the lay of the land; I hang around with 1 or two people for a few hours at a time, or until I feel like "ok, I'm ready to talk to someone else"; when I'm ready to leave, I thank my hostess and say good bye. Hope this helps.
I'm not up to a party. I'm going to a recovery related event that won't exactly be festive. I'm also prepared to go to some alcathons around the holidays. I hope they will be okay. Who knows. I certainly have them on the fail safe list. I will have two weeks which in theory where I'll be able to do a lot of chores. The most important thing for me is to keep out of the way of my roommates who are dysfunctional to say the least. I have to work super hard on not falling into being engaged with them. Superficial was always something I hated but think superficial can in some cases be beneficial.
I know I slipped me at Thanksgiving and almost went into rescue mode and I have to really watch any engagements when rescue is an issue. Rescue is totally destructive for me. My expectations and my boundaries go awol.
