The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm hesitant to post anything but I don't exactly know what to do anymore. I started Al-Anon a long time ago and was heavily involved in service in every area where I lived. Being married to an alcoholic, I moved several times but always found meetings and went to them. Finally, I divorced the alcoholic, married a recovering Alcoholic in AA and we had two kids almost immediately. Then, things changed a lot. I only had time to go to one meeting a week, sponsor a few people instead of many and I couldn't drop everything for Alateen, sponsees and others. My husband, always a sporadic meeting goer, resented time I spent away from the family on fundraisers, Alateen meetings and things like that. I felt caught in the middle. The final straw was when a Alateen's parent became upset with me and began to tell others in Al-Anon I wasn't an appropriate sponsor. The worst part was she was a sponsee, someone I thought I trusted. To top it off, people I loved in the program began to discuss me behind my back and I didn't find out until much later. Then, another of my sponsees sponsored the woman who began the whole thing and told others she believed her. I tried to detach. I tried to let it go. But I live in a VERY small area and that means every meeting is all the same people. I began to think I'd done everything wrong, that the years I spent in Al-Anon were a waste. I disappeared. I feel judged and lonely. I quit going to meetings and for a while I felt guilty about it. But I'd go to a meeting and feel worse after I left. So, I still want the contact, but I don't want the "stuff" that comes with being around my local meetings. I've prayed and prayed for HP to give me the courage to go back, but my stomach hurts just thinking about it. I love the program. I just don't know what to do to have it without all the rest. And I'm terrified to post this.
Am sorry u had to deal with that crap , my opinion go back u have done nothing wrong , no one would keep me from my meetings - including my husband . we don't expect that kind of stuff in Al Anon i know but it happens thats the time to remember that some people are sicker than others , what ever the lady's agenda is trust me it will come back and bite her in the butt . what a shame for the community to have lost someone totally dedicated to service work . Your not alone in something like this I had a dear friend who was actually voted out of a group yrs ago - no one ever had the guts to tell her why they didn't want her there , she told her husband and he said go back NO one has the right to keep u out , she went on to sponsor many people died with 35 yrs recovery and people still talk about her little gems that she dropped at every meeting .She told me yrs ago the healthier u get the smaller your circle of friends will be , I didn't understand at the time but she was absolutley right the people in my life today only want the best for me and I for them ,we support each other thru thick and thin . I learned here to stop apologizing for enjoing my life and I NEVER apologize for something I didn't do just to keep the peace . I hope u go back for yoursake Love Louise
Been there and have seen that also. Considering where everyone in program came from I wasn't surprised or judgmental. Use compassion, tolerance and acceptance and....check my inventory to see what my part in the whole thing is. Being that you have done alot over the period of time in program you must have been real visual...up in front of the others...that will make you a great target for those who don't and for those who think you're showing off or doing it all. I had the Alateen experience also and my reply to the parent was "service work is open and volutary, come on in." She didn't and over time the gossip stopped because there were not any others standing in like to become an Alateen meeting sponsor. Yay...I got the whole benefit. I had made myself a target for those in program who were not working program. Program principals include no gossiping...and there was gossiping. Non judgemental? lots of that. However I kept in mind...progress; not perfection and kept up my service. I stopped sponsoring a lot of people and shortened my envolve ment so that my sponsees could network with other members who had some program I didn't. That one worked pretty good. It's all a matter of wills at times anyway.
I've known others who got turned off by Family Group members. Who ever believes we reach perfection? If you keep and open mind that the quest of step two is to be restored to sanity you'll come to understand. That means all of us.
The test now as I see it is to be okay and spiritually balanced in spite of what the others are doing.
My part always is; Inventory, admit what you find to self, sponsor and higher power, become willing to live your life without the character defects, ask HP to relieve you of the defects, make a list of whom was hurt by them and then go tell them you're sorry and repay the hurt/harm and repeat along with prayer and meditation. We who have time still need time to work the program.
Keep coming back and going to meetings. When I'm okay with me no one can shake me from self truth.
Thank you so much. I've written down a lot of stuff around this and I think my part was pretty clear. I treated my Al-Anon program the way some treat their religion. I recognize that humility was a huge struggle for me that I don't think I ever quite understood. It's been a good learning experience, but I still haven't found the courage to go back. I'm hoping I can get up the nerve to get my butt back in a chair.
It is sad people can be so evil, gossip is a very dangerous thing. It is sick that people do it for a thrill.
It is very hard for most to stand up for their own beliefs,I have always been a square peg. In my experience I actually felt sorry for them! How awful it must be to be so evil inside.
You know your value, and if you have an HP then you know the only one you need to please is hp. Pity those who are so immature, be proud of you for not being like that.
I would not even give them any thought. It is their problem, not yours.
Believing as I do, many people have hate for me. I had to learn to be strong enough and have faith in myself.
You know all you gave, usually this type of crap as abbyal said is from jealousy. They want to bring you down.
For you not to go is allowing them to control you. They are taking something away from you that is not theirs to take away. I would invite you to not allow it.
I am thinking, maybe talk to HP sortof surround yourself with a soft cloud of serenity and go to the meeting. Smile, ask others how they are, or whatever, pretend nothing ever happened. You know it is hurting you way more than they cared about it anyway.
Wish I could walk in with you. I will be there with you in spirit. We do have meetings in our chat room here too.
Keep coming back. Maybe being here will help build your confidense.
Another skill is to look at you from above.Think about what you would want to say to that lady.
I am at the point in my life that I say, "how dare you speak to me that way!" I like the me hp made. I take care of me. It is not always easy.
I sure hope this helped in some way. My thoughts are sorta scattered today.But loved your post. It showed a very nice person who was brave enough and cared enough about her heart to come here.
