The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
the girlfriend hs been going to aa meetings with me and will be going on a trip to see her mother for a week
i am inspired and saddened by this visit...but generally feeling good about my own sobriety and my own head
i think the best thing that could happen to me would be to move...change my phone number and dissapear but i strongly think this will not happen
i ahve had ample oppurtunity to get out of this relationship which to me is co dependent in nature and healthey and unhealthy all at the same time...but the best thing i can do is continue in my own recovery and stay strong...stop throwing the cell phone against walls and concrete sidewalks and paved streets...stop screaming an yelling and losing my mind
i continue to work a job which is good for me but which i do not like in the least and i need more and more freedom and more and more creative outlets just to get by in this world
i am happy though..i am proud of myself and my progress in almost all areas of my life but feel there is still ore work to be done
step work will come into play soon and hopefully thos holiday demise and need for drinking and drug taking will fall off soon
its been five and half months of sobriety for me...but not emotional and mental sobrielty
but i have gratitude...grateful that i am still breathing eating and walking..thinking...i have shelter..a job and some money in the bank...i am not a victim to anything anymore except my own negative thinking...that can and will be changed
i have a supportive mother and sister and even my girlfriend can be supportive at times
the problem is me...the problem has always been me and i am beginning to solve this problem...with the help of different twelve step programs...work and my own personal outlook
i am beginning to love humanity again...and maybe for the first time...because i have boundaries and my instincts coming back to me...beginning to love people again..or maybe for the first time
selflove is an option now...maybe the only option now
I was in a relationship for 7 years with an A. I too had lots of opportunities to go. Instead I grew more and more invested in it. I did not really work my side of the street for a long long time. By the time I did the losses were tremendous.
I don't know that I could see the insanity of it as long as I was in it.
I do know that I would not have a program without this group.
I also know that moving, doing a geographic has its points and counterpoints. For me setting up a support system can take decades. Some people are more adept at it than others. I know I moved 50 miles about a decade ago and the whole area and atmosphere is very different 50 miles away. I did not necessarily find it that helpful not to be around my support system or familiarity. I also know that I stayed at the same place since I left the A. I just made it clear I was "gone".
i have made some commitments and have and am still working steps with a sponsor who i am meeting tommorow night actually to read the big book
i am exhausted right now though...and yeah..i am making some time for meetings without the girl and i have a small network of sober people in my life...actually at this point the girlfriend is the only unsober person in my life
she is going away for a week to visit her mother so for me this is like a vacation
the insanity is still around but at least i and her are both continueing or beginning to get some help
but i got to say..i hate my job and i am exhausted by the end of the day...i feel like i am in dire need for a change of lifestyle attitude and even employment...even though i do own part of the company in which i work at
i want more though...more fun...more sex...more salvation..more intuition and more courage and wisdom
i want to laugh dance sing and be merry without the burdens of a girlfriend and a family job which i do not really enjoy
i feel like i need to tke a stand but right now something is stopping me...busy season at work so i feel like i need to be there and the girlfriend thing..well...right now the easier softer way is to not rock the boat and take things as they come with all the courage honesty compassion and wisdom i can muster up
i love myself right now and i love the world but just feel like i am going through a time where things are being worked out for me and not me working them out
like i have given control over to something greater then myself and it is kicking my butt...but maybe not as hard as when i had my self will directing everything...then maybe my butt was being kicked even harder
i have to say and think that things are and have been improving in my life since i got sober and started with the different programs...more work to be done..thats for certain
there is nothing like the feeling of feeling full and i do feel that at times now but i still yearn for more..more love..more correct action...more control over the things in my life
but i need to give myself a break...the exact nature of my wrongs...controlling others and events and not being spiritually and emotionally honest with myself and others...trying to be cool or even play the right parts for people have gotten me in trouble in the past
i need to just let go of it all...give it over to the universe at all times and do the next right thing...thy will be done..not mine
Hi Charles, At 5 months sober, that you're in a relationship is concerning to me. Right now there's too much going on with you to merit an emotionally healthy mentally stable realtionship. Right now you need to be working the steps with your sponsor, going to meetings and doing service work, and learning how to live sober. Emotional sobriety is achieved over the long haul, as you learn how to deal with life by managing life (using god, not drugs). It will be years until you get emotional sobriety. However, to get emotional sobriety, you have to build teh foundation now. The best thing for you to do now is to become involved in AA service, hang around with AA oldtimers, go to alot of AA meetings, do alot of AA fellowshipping, and don't relapse no matter what.
