The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm sure this is not a new topic, but I'm struggling with it. I'm getting formally separated from my AH because I told him I wouldn't live with a husband who wasn't here for me. Sometimes he came home drunk, sometimes not at all - so I set a boundary that says that is a 'deal breaker' for me. He agreed to a formal separation and has a month to leave the house - but in the meantime, he still comes and goes as he pleases. When I see him it hurts so bad - I find it hard to even be civil to him and anything he says I reply sarcastically to him. It looks like he is having such a great time - he gets all dressed up to go out and goes to nice restaurants (bars) where we used to have dinner. I am really struggling with 'letting him go' - I don't think I can read another alanon book because all I do is read and pray! I have wonderful friends and family who are supportive - but I need this outlet as I don't want to abuse their love by acting like a victim. It just really hurts, even though I asked for it.
You didn't "ask for this". You asked for a husband who would be there for you. That is not too much to ask for and when he couldn't provide that, you did what you had to do.
Can you imagine going out right now and having a good time? Knowing that your marriage is crumbling? I doubt it because you are sane and sober and dealing with your grief in a manner befitting an adult. An adult with real emotions and feelings.
He is dealing with his life and the mess it has become the only way he knows how. Avoiding.
"letting him go" was hard for me also and I finally realized that he was never mine to hang on to and therefore I didn't have to "let him go". All I HAD to do was focus on myself. And that was easier AND harder than "letting him go".
It gets better (((((((((((((((((((Toto)))))))))))))))))))))
Unavailable people. I attract them and I choose them, sometimes in droves.
Its not about them. Its about me. I have a lot of work to do. I am doing it. Its gonna take awhile. I have a program and I sure do need it. If I work it, I will see results and I have. I will continue. Hugs, J.
I am also glad that I had this program and it's support when I separated from my alcoholic wife for 4, 5 times? The program was already working miracles in my life by the time I was ready to get off the ferris wheel and stop going in circles with that alcoholic marriage. I stopped looking for what and how she was doing and just self focused. It saved my sanity and life.
Keep coming back...lots to learn yet. (((((hugs)))))
(Toto) Books are great meetings are many times better. Please consider attending a meeting in your area where you will meet people just like yourself who are going through or have been through the very things you are dealing with now. It worked for me.
It is wonderful you have family support, and if you start face to face meetings you will find another family who will love you, care about you, and welcome you with open arms.
