The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
OK, so I had a great thanksgiving and now I am back home. I can feel this incredible tension just under the surface, though. I can tell I need to stick incredibly close to my program at all moments. I feel like I need to maintain some serious vigilance. I have my meeting Monday night and will try to find more for this whole month- maybe a meeting a day for awhile, if I can find 'em.
Its seriously tough and I am feeling stretched for some reason. I think its some grief cycling through again. Not sure what is going on with me, though, to be honest. Thanks for listening and know I will be around here daily. I am skating close to something really important. I am not sure what but here is what I can do:
1.) lighten up! chill out and not get into/involved in ANYTHING AT ALL, skate over everything, everyone and anything except me and HP and Program.
2.) DETACH (like above except when I DO stick my hand/finger in, then its time to detach)
3.) MAKE NO CHOICES OR DECISIONS. Initiate nothing- its like a moratorium on anything important. Nothing having to do with people, places or situations I have no control over. Avoid making decisions that have big ramifications. These are the kinds of decisions NOT to make: moving, starting or ending any kind of friendship or relationship, terminating or stopping anything abruptly, likewise beginning anything at all abruptly or quickly. Spending any kind of larger amounts of money. These are the kinds of decisions I CAN make: selecting grocery items, picking out a movie to go and see, getting a massage, cooking food, picking out a book to read, choosing to call program friends and/or my sister (no one else)
4.) if I must make some kind of move: GO SLOW, delay, wait, hold on, sleep on it, let it go, give it a week, etc. Gentleness is key.
5.) Make a commitment to respect myself through sticking to all of the above for two whole months beginning today. I am worth it. My sanity, health and well-being depend upon it.
Thank you for this program that gives me a game plan, pointers, and a tool kit. Hugs, J.
The holidays are pretty hard going. I know I have made a deliberate choice to really work on being kind to myself. I am glad you had a good time for Thanksgiving. I know for me the holidays were an especially hard time when I was with the A. I know it brought up a great deal about intimacy (there was very little). I know also at the holidays I felt incredibly alone.
Aren't you amazing?!! Sticking with program...what a concept. Don't even want to guess what it is that you are going thru however I can say "been there, done that" also including the laundry list of "to dos" that you have put down. It was important to do that including "keeping and open mind" and being patient. I was grateful that I had arrived at the awareness that I didn't know and now I knew I didn't know and knew what the program suggested; continue to keep and open mind and trust God and stay close to family.
Park in the palms of your HP. You know how to do this. I'd like to hear how it comes out for you. The more the teachers the better the students.
Great post, Jean. I think I kind of know how you feel. For me, I always seem to get a funk on after I have a really good time. It's getting a little less or at least not so immediately, but still whenever I have a really good day or days, I get this funk. I feel ragged, overwhelmed, spent, irritable, out of touch. For me, it may be learning to adjust to things going right. It has been many years since I have had things go really well in my life. I really kind of never lived that way as an adult, maybe never really ever, now that I think of it.
So your post has really made me think, about why this happens, what is different, how I have grown and the affect that has had on my life and the people around me.
Getting to a meeting helps. I had a meeting last night and that has helped a lot. I really needed it as I felt that funk coming on again yesterday afternoon. I had such a nice Thanksgiving. I was almost waiting for it to come, knowing it would appear. I think it is like you said, there is something , some lesson that is trying to get through.
Thank you, Jean. I love it when you make me think in a new direction.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
thanks for thinking outloud and writing down your to do plan until you feel more..........? what ever it is for you. for me it is confidence, calm, and really connected to my program. You've put down some ideas that I never thought about so it is a great help for me. You will do this with your plan of action. What an inspiration!
Thanks for sharing, ddub
__________________
"Choices are the hinges of destiny." Pythagoras You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
