The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My ABF has been relapsing all this month long, and I believe he has finaly hit bottom and is trying to get clean.
While I'm getting clearer on the ideas that I did not cause it, I can't control it, and I can't cure it, I would like to get some advice on how to relate or communicate with my ABF.
Can I tell him how angry I am with him? Can I tell him how I am grieving over all the dreams of us that are now delayed or destroyed? Do I let him know how dissapointed I am? Of how I am having to figure out what to tell friends and family? Do I tell him that I don't trust him?
Or do I wait until he is ready to hear it? Or try to let go of all these negative feelings without discussing how his use has affected me?
(I'm sorry. I don't know how this got posted twice. I apologize.)
I'm just really not sure how to talk with him anymore.
I think you should concentrate on you, I found it insane trying to reason with a´s, and its really only when I concentrated on what I felt and how I was treating myself that things changed. At the moment, my father is making me very angry as he was out of my life for the last five years and suddenly wants to pick up like nothing happened, very irritating, I too am not sure how to talk with him anymore and its stealing my energy, but I am working my steps only the early ones though
If he is still drinking then he is not ready to hear you share any of that, and your only result will be negative. The place to share all of that is at your Al-anon face2face group and with your sponsor. Work on yourself. You cannot affect a change in him no matter what guilt and hurt you throw at him. What you can do is to let it out to people who are safe to talk to.
When I let all that hurt and anger stay bottled up, it would errupt like a volcano on anyone who happened to be in the way. My group and sponsor taught me how to let it out closer to 'in the moment' so that irritation didn't blossom into sheer fury. This helped me to acheive some measure of serenity.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
