Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

Jerry F · Jerry F

I'm going to try the valenian and the lavender suggestions...they sound good and I like teas anyhow. Nothing wrong with resting how ever sleeping gets energy level back up to where I can work. I've gotten some "synthetic" long sleep over the past couple days and even felt like finishing s...

maire rua · maire rua

Dear All, A-Father was bereaved in November, I had not had much contact with him for about five years until my A step mother got sick, but had a lot during her illness. My son stayed with him a lot over the last few months but when son pointed out father- A's unhealthy habit of drinking quite a lot of whisky,...

Rora · Rora

I came to the conclusion today that I am not nice to my aH. And I haven't been for years. He brought this to light this morning (and many times before) but today I've been thinking a lot about this. He's absolutely right. Before our separation I could talk to him on the phone, think of him through the day and...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

Just wanted to share that there is hope and there is life after all this pain that can be so sweet and wonderful. I am seeing the best guy I have ever been with in my life, he doesn't drink, smoke, do drugs and he looks at me like I'm an angel. I know when I first came here I was afraid I would never feel the way I...

Ness · Ness

Hello everyone, my 32 year old son is a 2nd stage alcoholic. He lived at home with us (his Dad, and I) and his illness became our illness. His alcoholism seeped it's way slowly and insidiously, over the last 6 years, into the very fabric of our family until we were swamped......forever watching,...

missing out · missing out

WOW... What a day..About two weeks ago, my older sister and I thought it would be nice if we could take my ABrother and his kids and ours skating... Well we never thought that my Abrother would go.. Only because every time, he gets right to the last second, and has an excuse why "we can take the kids&q...

blu · blu

G'day my name is Andy and I am an Adult-child of an alcoholic and brother of an alcoholic and my family has a long history of alcoholism. I to am an Alcoholic in Recovery and a member of both Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-anon. Everyday like all members of Al-anon and those who can not be with us today live wi...

Jean4444 · Jean4444

The more I rest in HP, the better life gets. I do not stand alone and I am not alone. Never have been! I am solid and more contained than I ever have been in my life. Its so funny, I do not seek approval so much and am not looking for strong physical contact, don't people please, retain good boundaries, live...

mum2leahnjosh · mum2leahnjosh

Oh my god I cant believe how angry I am right now. That loser has been telling his family alsorts of rubbish. His grandma just rang me. Trying to make me have him back. She said I have to chose to have mark back or stop going to college as I cant expect him or his mum to look after josh on a monday and tuesday. Fin...

ddub · ddub

sweetr's post on confusion is where my mind is lately too so hoping someone can help me get a grip as I see so definately how living with alcoholism depletes any knowledge of normal, confidence and courage. Once upon a time, I thought I had a brain but it is such a wimpy lump of mush sometimes as this disea...

Jerry F · Jerry F

After some reflection and inventory my memory comes back!! Hey this is what was covered in a couple of hundred meetings before hasn't it? So there has been lots of water under the bridge and much time in recovery and practice, practice, practice...did I miss this? Can this still apply? Is it as imp...

glad lee · glad lee

I was just driving home tonight and decided to plug in my cd, George Winston's December. I've been playing it since Thanksgiving and I'm not ready to give it up yet. There are 2 songs that still bring me tremendous peace, even though I've listened to them countless times now. To me, Variations on the...

maryam · maryam

hello again..posted here the other day about b/f and his drinking for 15 days, unwilling to get detox due to him having to pay!! the Va hospital here where they know him all to well, actually sent social workers to pick him up. I was so happy when they came to the door, an end to the insanity that has been go...

ddub · ddub

calm acceptance that I can not live with active A, reality is he has cut back but it is his major coping skill when he was worse, the passing out & blacks out were consistant nightly & now I never know when it will be crazy the affect on teens at home is either depression for one and anger for the othe...

Codependent · Codependent

I went to my new therapist today. I told her about my overwhelming fear of the A's death. She responded that with his IV drug use, it should not be a fear that he is going to die, but that I need to now say He IS going to die. Factual. I need to go ahead and see him as dead or dying and create my world as if he is n...

belle1 · belle1

Hi Everyone This board has always been a lifeline for me for the past 2 years its where much of my learnings came from, and am sure for many other also, but then suddenly most posts appear in the smallest, am not aware of any reason this maybe or if there has been such requests then ive sure to have misse...

db55 · db55

Recovery is a beautiful thing! I am new here, but I have been in counseling a long time. My alcoholic hubby has been in and out of AA for over 20 years. He is back in right now. So, maybe, since we know the disease of A is progressive, when he goes back to AA he picks back up in the recovery process quickly a...

shellyj123 · shellyj123

Spent a lot of time last week struggling with feelings over EXABF and not wanting to hate him or resent him, etc....Prayed long and hard for knowledge only of His will for me and the power to carry that out....Well He had been giving me the answer all week-I just didn't like it-lol......Walked into a F2...

sweeetr · sweeetr

Ive always been the person telling others.. if you dont like your life change it.. I have been good at turning off emotions all my life... NOW?? my abf is living in my house we are renovating ... I am on the sam eproperty in out trailer with the kids while he starts(Monday, tommorrow) therapy with a couns...

Mandy123 · Mandy123

Hi all, Business meeting was to take place tonight. I am not feeling well and would like to reschedule until next week. Yours in recovery, Mandy

reef999 · reef999

oops...reposted by mistake. Maybe it's good that I write something....I just spent most of the day with my ex ABF. We decided that space and time is good or us right now. He said he understood that I couldn't trust him right now and that he wants to gain that back. He also said he knew that he had to focu...

mum2leahnjosh · mum2leahnjosh

He left a week ago and although I seem to be getting better I still have my ups and downs. I find it easier to concentrate on college work and I can keep the house cleaner there is less washing and ironing to be done but I do relly miss him. Thanks everyone for your kind words.

Jehnifer · Jehnifer

last night i had this split second flash of realizaion. that i dont have to deal with him (put up with him) if i dont want to. i can stay completely away from him if i want to. Woah...total departure from what ive been trying to do. It wasn't a concious thought but raher it just slipped into my head in th...

sweeetr · sweeetr

I have been in a relationship with an ABF for 2 years.. I keep postponing marriage until "things get and SATY better" he's now agreed to couciling.. not AA but a private counselor.. A runs in his family .. has effected him all his life... we have a 3 yr old .... Is this ever a FIXED situation?? s...

shellyj123 · shellyj123

I haven't posted much as of late, haven't really felt like I had much to offer to be honest. Today I find myself in need of the ESH of my MIP family once again......not for the last time I am certain. (funny how that is the ONE THING I am CERTAIN of these days) I have been praying a lot lately to...

Canary · Canary

I don't know...maybe because I am a nurse and see disease at its finest. Seeing people living their lives when all of a sudden, they don't feel good, go to a Doctor and get diagnosed with some disease, be it Diabetes, Cancer etc. I do know that I can have a few drinks.....and yet my husband can't. I can sto...

BlueCloud · BlueCloud

(((Family))),I wanted to share my ES&H. This fall I was diagnosed with an auto-immune disorder that is chronic and progressive, manageable but not curable. Clearly, it has parallels to A-ism and my experience living with my disorder has given me immense compassion for and understanding of A-...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

I failed to mention that my new boyfriend has an alcoholic father and this is the main reason that he has chosen to never drink. So I have been smoking lately and he'd like me to quit.... He made a few statements that really opened my eyes to what I did with the A. I hear it with new ears now of course and I kn...

maresie · maresie

One of my core issues is really not addressing my triggers. I do not do well on holidays or any significant dates My primary defects are that I tend to procrastinate doing something proactive or act in some other kind of self sabataging way about it. I know now there were lots of things I could have done...

newlife · newlife

Day 2 after my a is caught drinking while watching my 2 babies...He's sorry he screwed up my life, he doesn't know what's wrong with him, if i want him to go he'll leave, he will seek the help and go to meetings, he wants to continue watching the kids, he promises it will be different this time...blah, bla...

shellyj123 · shellyj123

I am today, still, struggling with letting go of anger and resentment towards EXABF. I know what he did was for the best for him, and even for me now, but I can't get past the anger right now. I still love him but can NOT imagine laying eyes on him at this point. Then I think about my program and...

Jehnifer · Jehnifer

my husband hasnt drank in 7 yrs but hes depressed "lost" "empty" and/or angry a lot of the time...and he turns it toward me. my sponsor says its not me its him and i need to go about living my life and finding happiness. but i feel so guilty and also angry that hes being this way. he...

Canary · Canary

My husband of 5 years, (been together for 13), has been out of the house for 27 days. He was sober for 8 years but started drinking December '07. Monthly....drink for days, out of the house. Would leave work, call me to tell me he was leaving to come home and would never show. Only to get a phone call hours la...

reef999 · reef999

Hi guys, So I moved out of my A BF apartment 2 weekends ago. I had nowhere to go and two cats but I couldn't stay and be treated the way I was being treated. He was in the middle of a 10 day binge and doesn't really remember anything he did or said...he just knows that it was pretty ugly. He says that it was hi b...

newlife · newlife

Hello, I'm new to this and so need an outlet other than family. I feel very stuck and sad. My husband hit rockbottom after my first child was born 31/2 years ago. He was removed from my home, went to rehab and seemed to be reborn. Everyone was so blown away by his 360. To good to true of course....i have a...

Codependent · Codependent

Well, tried dropping my child of at the A's mother's last night. But, she assured me the A wasn't there so I ended up staying for lasagna. Was getting ready to leave when in he walked- obviously messed up. My child ran to him Daddy Daddy, etc. He made a big deal about holding him, etc. I didn't even loo...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

I was just reading David's post and felt something inside what serendipity said about being afraid and never giving of yourself that much again. I was talking to my friend who lives on the other side of the US today, telling her about the new boyfriend and she said, be careful, just don't give him your w...

Robinks · Robinks

I had stepped away from the room but I did read your message, yes I like you, thank you for the encouraging words take care

nmike · nmike

Hi Alanoners, So glad you are here. I have had trouble getting on the Internet. But it forces me to take care of me when there is no one to "talk" to. I am realizing some of my character defects. I won't commit, I hedge when asked a direct question, I don't communicate clearly. Not sure why. I am a...

Rocky38 · Rocky38

Hi (((((((((((MIP family))))))))))), Yesterday was one year since my first "serious" post to this board. I had posted a few times three years ago, but it has been a year since I started working my program in earnest. I am very grateful for all the ESH you have all shared directly in repl...

Angela1975 · Angela1975

Hello everyone...my name is Angela and I am new to this group, or any group for that matter. I have been attending Al-Anon once a week in my town for about three months now and I have found what I've been needing for a long long time. I was not new to the program- I am an adult child of an alcoholic (my dad has...

glad · glad

Okay he says that one of the big problems of stopping drinking is that he can't sleep. so yesturday we went to the doctor and obtain some med that is supposed to help him sleep- trasadone and something called Naltrexone HCL supposed to decrease "cravings"- anyone have experience with this...

Priscilla83 · Priscilla83

So, I sent my AH an email telling him that I loved him sooooo much, but, that I was not moving back under his " I'll party once in a while" conditions and that I didn't want and couldn't learn how to handle him when his wasted. I guess that pissed him off, cause he hasn't called me. I know it was the r...

Maria123 · Maria123

As some of you know, one of my sons has moved away. It's been really hard to let him go yet knowing that this is his life and he has his own higher power and I am not it. It's fine when all is going good for him but when things get rough, I go right back to the "mother worry." He's fiercely independ...

Priscilla83 · Priscilla83

So, I sent my AH an email telling him that I loved him sooooo much, but, that I was not moving back under his " I'll party once in a while" conditions and that I didn't want and couldn't learn how to handle him when his wasted. I guess that pissed him off, cause he hasn't called me. I know it was the r...

Rora · Rora

In my meeting last night, the meeting leader spoke of the three obstacles to success, as they always do. As I have heard and read many times before. For the first time, when #2 Gossip was read, I heard: "We do not discuss members or others, and particularily not the alcoholic." Also, I thi...

Chetch · Chetch

Hi all, Wednesday night my AH fell, hit hihead, lost control of his bowels and couldn't get up. I called 911 and the paramedics took him to the ER. His blood alchohol ws .345! They admitted him and have been detoxing him, but may discharge him tomorrow. We met with the pstchiatrist this after noon and m...

Canary · Canary

Do I just put myself out there? DO I come right out and say I need a sponsor?? Because of my work schedule and childcare needs, it is hard for me to get to the same meeting on the same day and time. I work 12 hour shifts.

david62 · david62

Hi Family, I got on here to write about detachment and read Serendipity's post on the topic, so it seems it is my topic of the week. (My HP seems to pick those out for me and arranges all sorts of interesting things to prod me to study something specific!) Detachment came up at one of my meetings this week t...

CalamityJane · CalamityJane

Firstly, Hello to all and Happy New Year! I haven't posted on here for a long, long time but often read other posts so please forgive me if it seems that I am only writing on here now I need help! I am 28 years old and 2 years ago my long term relationship broke down (not through alcohol) and I moved back home to...

maresie · maresie

At long last I am beginning to be able to count on my own judgment rather than wondering whether it is always going to awol. I went for a part time job recently (money troubles will be with me for years). I did not like the way the company's attitude. I felt like I was getting the run around. I could not mak...

debilyn · debilyn

I would say it is driving me crazy, but I am there already. For weeks and weeks I dream about my first husband every single night. My doctor told me I am trying to connect with him. For awhile it was kinda nice, was the only time I was not alone. But now it is affecting me even when I wake up. It almost scares me...

maresie · maresie

I've just been reading a research paper about alcoholism that describes the alcoholic as 'impulsive". The paper also suggested that there were various "cues" that the alcoholic associated with drinking. On the same level I think when I was with the alcoholic and even today in my...

Suzannah · Suzannah

Okay family, I am at that place AGAIN, sigh, when it all comes back to that beautiful word...SERENITY. I thought that once I had found it, I would never let it go. Well, I have had to think again. You see, I have had glimpses of it and it has slipped from me...this time, I am not prepared to let it go so I thoug...

introduction new member · maryam

I am new here and am going insane with my b/f, he is a severe alcoholic and has been for most of his life. Has been in and out of treatment, more detox then i can remember, sad thing is i moved in here last year when all was ok again, believing as many of us do MAYBE THIS TIME! well it has continued since then and a...

maresie · maresie

Since new year I have been really working on getting out and doing as much as I can to improve my physical health. Every day I work on eating better, and trying to work on getting better on so many levels. I am fully aware living with an active alcoholic for 8 years took an enormous toll on me. Right now I am...

missing out · missing out

Well... Yet another day... Most of you that have read my thoughts know that my broter is an A... Well after reading all that I have "So far" and learning what I learned.. I still can not stand the fact that my brother is almost 30 yrs old...And is TOTALLY CLUELESS. Since my fathers passing a cou...

glad · glad

Well like an idot I was looking at a relationship building exercise online, that includes the "di-add" (sp?), where you look into your partners eyes for extended periods of time and share etc... exercises he OF COURSE- REJECTED at the moment i brought it up. Then this morning said &qu...

maryam · maryam

Just wanted to thank you all for your replys and for making me feel welcome, I am in such a state, This is day 15 of the drinking, I tried to get him to go for help today, but due to him now being charged for it he dicided to try to stop on his own by slowing it down, worked once before , but i don't think it will thi...

Rora · Rora

Being separated from my aH, I am still shaky on my feet in the newness of my life. We've been very on and off for the past year, each of us moving in our own directions. I feel as though, the reconciliations of the past have been a result of my being willing to "chase" him, make ammends, insanely...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Mahalo for the responses to HALT (Preview) I'm going to try the valenian and the lavender suggestions...they sound good and I like teas anyhow. Nothing wrong with resting how ever sleeping gets energy level back up to where I can work. I've gotten some "synthetic" long sleep over the past couple days and even felt like finishing s...	Jerry F	2	677	Feb 3, 2009 by glad lee
	Bereaved A-Father (Preview) Dear All, A-Father was bereaved in November, I had not had much contact with him for about five years until my A step mother got sick, but had a lot during her illness. My son stayed with him a lot over the last few months but when son pointed out father- A's unhealthy habit of drinking quite a lot of whisky,...	maire rua	2	508	Feb 3, 2009 by maresie
	Can you help me to be nice? Should I be nice? (Preview) I came to the conclusion today that I am not nice to my aH. And I haven't been for years. He brought this to light this morning (and many times before) but today I've been thinking a lot about this. He's absolutely right. Before our separation I could talk to him on the phone, think of him through the day and...	Rora	7	877	Feb 3, 2009 by maresie
	I'm so happy! (Preview) Just wanted to share that there is hope and there is life after all this pain that can be so sweet and wonderful. I am seeing the best guy I have ever been with in my life, he doesn't drink, smoke, do drugs and he looks at me like I'm an angel. I know when I first came here I was afraid I would never feel the way I...	carolinagirl	6	540	Feb 3, 2009 by Loupiness
	Detachment....Despair.....Hope (Preview) Hello everyone, my 32 year old son is a 2nd stage alcoholic. He lived at home with us (his Dad, and I) and his illness became our illness. His alcoholism seeped it's way slowly and insidiously, over the last 6 years, into the very fabric of our family until we were swamped......forever watching,...	Ness	5	1169	Feb 3, 2009 by Ness
	Sweet Dreams Tonight... (Preview) WOW... What a day..About two weeks ago, my older sister and I thought it would be nice if we could take my ABrother and his kids and ours skating... Well we never thought that my Abrother would go.. Only because every time, he gets right to the last second, and has an excuse why "we can take the kids&q...	missing out	2	478	Feb 2, 2009 by Maria123
	Living with the effects of Alcoholism (Preview) G'day my name is Andy and I am an Adult-child of an alcoholic and brother of an alcoholic and my family has a long history of alcoholism. I to am an Alcoholic in Recovery and a member of both Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-anon. Everyday like all members of Al-anon and those who can not be with us today live wi...	blu	4	805	Feb 2, 2009 by Maria123
	Standing with HP and feeling good (Preview) The more I rest in HP, the better life gets. I do not stand alone and I am not alone. Never have been! I am solid and more contained than I ever have been in my life. Its so funny, I do not seek approval so much and am not looking for strong physical contact, don't people please, retain good boundaries, live...	Jean4444	3	594	Feb 2, 2009 by Maria123
	Im so mad (Preview) Oh my god I cant believe how angry I am right now. That loser has been telling his family alsorts of rubbish. His grandma just rang me. Trying to make me have him back. She said I have to chose to have mark back or stop going to college as I cant expect him or his mum to look after josh on a monday and tuesday. Fin...	mum2leahnjosh	8	761	Feb 2, 2009 by Maria123
	fork in the path (Preview) sweetr's post on confusion is where my mind is lately too so hoping someone can help me get a grip as I see so definately how living with alcoholism depletes any knowledge of normal, confidence and courage. Once upon a time, I thought I had a brain but it is such a wimpy lump of mush sometimes as this disea...	ddub	4	701	Feb 2, 2009 by Maria123
	H A L T (Preview) After some reflection and inventory my memory comes back!! Hey this is what was covered in a couple of hundred meetings before hasn't it? So there has been lots of water under the bridge and much time in recovery and practice, practice, practice...did I miss this? Can this still apply? Is it as imp...	Jerry F	6	827	Feb 2, 2009 by Maria123
	Music therapy (Preview) I was just driving home tonight and decided to plug in my cd, George Winston's December. I've been playing it since Thanksgiving and I'm not ready to give it up yet. There are 2 songs that still bring me tremendous peace, even though I've listened to them countless times now. To me, Variations on the...	glad lee	4	585	Feb 2, 2009 by barisax
	update on b/f (Preview) hello again..posted here the other day about b/f and his drinking for 15 days, unwilling to get detox due to him having to pay!! the Va hospital here where they know him all to well, actually sent social workers to pick him up. I was so happy when they came to the door, an end to the insanity that has been go...	maryam	1	464	Feb 2, 2009 by maresie
	Plan B (Preview) calm acceptance that I can not live with active A, reality is he has cut back but it is his major coping skill when he was worse, the passing out & blacks out were consistant nightly & now I never know when it will be crazy the affect on teens at home is either depression for one and anger for the othe...	ddub	5	613	Feb 2, 2009 by maresie
	Act as if he is already dead. (Preview) I went to my new therapist today. I told her about my overwhelming fear of the A's death. She responded that with his IV drug use, it should not be a fear that he is going to die, but that I need to now say He IS going to die. Factual. I need to go ahead and see him as dead or dying and create my world as if he is n...	Codependent	8	745	Feb 2, 2009 by carolinagirl
	Visual Impaired & Message Board Fonts (Preview) Hi Everyone This board has always been a lifeline for me for the past 2 years its where much of my learnings came from, and am sure for many other also, but then suddenly most posts appear in the smallest, am not aware of any reason this maybe or if there has been such requests then ive sure to have misse...	belle1	2	505	Feb 2, 2009 by belle1
	Funny Thing Just Happened (Preview) Recovery is a beautiful thing! I am new here, but I have been in counseling a long time. My alcoholic hubby has been in and out of AA for over 20 years. He is back in right now. So, maybe, since we know the disease of A is progressive, when he goes back to AA he picks back up in the recovery process quickly a...	db55	4	671	Feb 2, 2009 by Jerry F
	More Higher Powered Every day:) (Preview) Spent a lot of time last week struggling with feelings over EXABF and not wanting to hate him or resent him, etc....Prayed long and hard for knowledge only of His will for me and the power to carry that out....Well He had been giving me the answer all week-I just didn't like it-lol......Walked into a F2...	shellyj123	2	695	Feb 1, 2009 by Jerry F
	thanx for always letting me vent (Preview) Ive always been the person telling others.. if you dont like your life change it.. I have been good at turning off emotions all my life... NOW?? my abf is living in my house we are renovating ... I am on the sam eproperty in out trailer with the kids while he starts(Monday, tommorrow) therapy with a couns...	sweeetr	3	628	Feb 1, 2009 by Jerry F
	Feb. Business Meeting (Preview) Hi all, Business meeting was to take place tonight. I am not feeling well and would like to reschedule until next week. Yours in recovery, Mandy	Mandy123	2	412	Feb 1, 2009 by wp
	So Confused....(part 2) (Preview) oops...reposted by mistake. Maybe it's good that I write something....I just spent most of the day with my ex ABF. We decided that space and time is good or us right now. He said he understood that I couldn't trust him right now and that he wants to gain that back. He also said he knew that he had to focu...	reef999	1	443	Feb 1, 2009 by abbyal
	One week gone (Preview) He left a week ago and although I seem to be getting better I still have my ups and downs. I find it easier to concentrate on college work and I can keep the house cleaner there is less washing and ironing to be done but I do relly miss him. Thanks everyone for your kind words.	mum2leahnjosh	6	593	Feb 1, 2009 by mum2leahnjosh
	Last night... (Preview) last night i had this split second flash of realizaion. that i dont have to deal with him (put up with him) if i dont want to. i can stay completely away from him if i want to. Woah...total departure from what ive been trying to do. It wasn't a concious thought but raher it just slipped into my head in th...	Jehnifer	2	522	Jan 31, 2009 by missing out
	should I walk away and cut my losses (Preview) I have been in a relationship with an ABF for 2 years.. I keep postponing marriage until "things get and SATY better" he's now agreed to couciling.. not AA but a private counselor.. A runs in his family .. has effected him all his life... we have a 3 yr old .... Is this ever a FIXED situation?? s...	sweeetr	9	1210	Jan 31, 2009 by serendipity
	Struggling with HIS will for me.... (Preview) I haven't posted much as of late, haven't really felt like I had much to offer to be honest. Today I find myself in need of the ESH of my MIP family once again......not for the last time I am certain. (funny how that is the ONE THING I am CERTAIN of these days) I have been praying a lot lately to...	shellyj123	3	674	Jan 31, 2009 by serendipity
	Anybody else have a problem accepting that this is a disease and not a choice or coping mechanism? (Preview) I don't know...maybe because I am a nurse and see disease at its finest. Seeing people living their lives when all of a sudden, they don't feel good, go to a Doctor and get diagnosed with some disease, be it Diabetes, Cancer etc. I do know that I can have a few drinks.....and yet my husband can't. I can sto...	Canary	12	806	Jan 31, 2009 by Brizzle Gal
	Chronic and Progressive (Preview) (((Family))),I wanted to share my ES&H. This fall I was diagnosed with an auto-immune disorder that is chronic and progressive, manageable but not curable. Clearly, it has parallels to A-ism and my experience living with my disorder has given me immense compassion for and understanding of A-...	BlueCloud	10	775	Jan 31, 2009 by db55
	so this is what it feels like... (Preview) I failed to mention that my new boyfriend has an alcoholic father and this is the main reason that he has chosen to never drink. So I have been smoking lately and he'd like me to quit.... He made a few statements that really opened my eyes to what I did with the A. I hear it with new ears now of course and I kn...	carolinagirl	4	666	Jan 31, 2009 by Christy
	Triggers (Preview) One of my core issues is really not addressing my triggers. I do not do well on holidays or any significant dates My primary defects are that I tend to procrastinate doing something proactive or act in some other kind of self sabataging way about it. I know now there were lots of things I could have done...	maresie	1	549	Jan 30, 2009 by nmike
	same old promises (Preview) Day 2 after my a is caught drinking while watching my 2 babies...He's sorry he screwed up my life, he doesn't know what's wrong with him, if i want him to go he'll leave, he will seek the help and go to meetings, he wants to continue watching the kids, he promises it will be different this time...blah, bla...	newlife	2	614	Jan 30, 2009 by Jerry F
	is there something wrong with my program???? (Preview) I am today, still, struggling with letting go of anger and resentment towards EXABF. I know what he did was for the best for him, and even for me now, but I can't get past the anger right now. I still love him but can NOT imagine laying eyes on him at this point. Then I think about my program and...	shellyj123	2	816	Jan 30, 2009 by Jerry F
	im new... HELLO!! Want to share a bit here (Preview) my husband hasnt drank in 7 yrs but hes depressed "lost" "empty" and/or angry a lot of the time...and he turns it toward me. my sponsor says its not me its him and i need to go about living my life and finding happiness. but i feel so guilty and also angry that hes being this way. he...	Jehnifer	11	721	Jan 30, 2009 by Quiltgurl
	Need to connect with others who have left the A in their lives. (Preview) My husband of 5 years, (been together for 13), has been out of the house for 27 days. He was sober for 8 years but started drinking December '07. Monthly....drink for days, out of the house. Would leave work, call me to tell me he was leaving to come home and would never show. Only to get a phone call hours la...	Canary	12	704	Jan 30, 2009 by sweeetr
	So Confused.... (Preview) Hi guys, So I moved out of my A BF apartment 2 weekends ago. I had nowhere to go and two cats but I couldn't stay and be treated the way I was being treated. He was in the middle of a 10 day binge and doesn't really remember anything he did or said...he just knows that it was pretty ugly. He says that it was hi b...	reef999	5	754	Jan 30, 2009 by shellyj123
	feeling stuck (Preview) Hello, I'm new to this and so need an outlet other than family. I feel very stuck and sad. My husband hit rockbottom after my first child was born 31/2 years ago. He was removed from my home, went to rehab and seemed to be reborn. Everyone was so blown away by his 360. To good to true of course....i have a...	newlife	6	887	Jan 30, 2009 by maresie
	Just when I thought I was making progress... (Preview) Well, tried dropping my child of at the A's mother's last night. But, she assured me the A wasn't there so I ended up staying for lasagna. Was getting ready to leave when in he walked- obviously messed up. My child ran to him Daddy Daddy, etc. He made a big deal about holding him, etc. I didn't even loo...	Codependent	6	624	Jan 30, 2009 by maresie
	Heartbreak (Preview) I was just reading David's post and felt something inside what serendipity said about being afraid and never giving of yourself that much again. I was talking to my friend who lives on the other side of the US today, telling her about the new boyfriend and she said, be careful, just don't give him your w...	carolinagirl	4	498	Jan 30, 2009 by maresie
	Evil Burt (Preview) I had stepped away from the room but I did read your message, yes I like you, thank you for the encouraging words take care	Robinks	0	458	Jan 30, 2009 by Robinks
	Realizing... (Preview) Hi Alanoners, So glad you are here. I have had trouble getting on the Internet. But it forces me to take care of me when there is no one to "talk" to. I am realizing some of my character defects. I won't commit, I hedge when asked a direct question, I don't communicate clearly. Not sure why. I am a...	nmike	7	635	Jan 29, 2009 by Suzannah
	One Year Anniversary with MIP (Preview) Hi (((((((((((MIP family))))))))))), Yesterday was one year since my first "serious" post to this board. I had posted a few times three years ago, but it has been a year since I started working my program in earnest. I am very grateful for all the ESH you have all shared directly in repl...	Rocky38	2	604	Jan 29, 2009 by nmike
	my introduction (Preview) Hello everyone...my name is Angela and I am new to this group, or any group for that matter. I have been attending Al-Anon once a week in my town for about three months now and I have found what I've been needing for a long long time. I was not new to the program- I am an adult child of an alcoholic (my dad has...	Angela1975	15	917	Jan 29, 2009 by Canary
	Seriously??? Is he kidding? (Preview) Okay he says that one of the big problems of stopping drinking is that he can't sleep. so yesturday we went to the doctor and obtain some med that is supposed to help him sleep- trasadone and something called Naltrexone HCL supposed to decrease "cravings"- anyone have experience with this...	glad	10	770	Jan 29, 2009 by Karilynn
	Sent him an email (Preview) So, I sent my AH an email telling him that I loved him sooooo much, but, that I was not moving back under his " I'll party once in a while" conditions and that I didn't want and couldn't learn how to handle him when his wasted. I guess that pissed him off, cause he hasn't called me. I know it was the r...	Priscilla83	1	649	Jan 29, 2009 by abbyal
	An intimate peek into a part of me (Preview) As some of you know, one of my sons has moved away. It's been really hard to let him go yet knowing that this is his life and he has his own higher power and I am not it. It's fine when all is going good for him but when things get rough, I go right back to the "mother worry." He's fiercely independ...	Maria123	8	687	Jan 29, 2009 by DD
	Sent him an email (Preview) So, I sent my AH an email telling him that I loved him sooooo much, but, that I was not moving back under his " I'll party once in a while" conditions and that I didn't want and couldn't learn how to handle him when his wasted. I guess that pissed him off, cause he hasn't called me. I know it was the r...	Priscilla83	2	611	Jan 29, 2009 by missing out
	Obstacles to success in Alanon... (Preview) In my meeting last night, the meeting leader spoke of the three obstacles to success, as they always do. As I have heard and read many times before. For the first time, when #2 Gossip was read, I heard: "We do not discuss members or others, and particularily not the alcoholic." Also, I thi...	Rora	6	3700	Jan 29, 2009 by Canary
	My AH is in the hospital being detoxed (Preview) Hi all, Wednesday night my AH fell, hit hihead, lost control of his bowels and couldn't get up. I called 911 and the paramedics took him to the ER. His blood alchohol ws .345! They admitted him and have been detoxing him, but may discharge him tomorrow. We met with the pstchiatrist this after noon and m...	Chetch	6	1022	Jan 29, 2009 by abbyal
	Another question. How do I go about finding a sponsor at a f2f meeting? (Preview) Do I just put myself out there? DO I come right out and say I need a sponsor?? Because of my work schedule and childcare needs, it is hard for me to get to the same meeting on the same day and time. I work 12 hour shifts.	Canary	5	576	Jan 28, 2009 by tommyecat
	Detaching with love (part 2) - Thanks Serendipity (Preview) Hi Family, I got on here to write about detachment and read Serendipity's post on the topic, so it seems it is my topic of the week. (My HP seems to pick those out for me and arranges all sorts of interesting things to prod me to study something specific!) Detachment came up at one of my meetings this week t...	david62	7	3933	Jan 28, 2009 by Maria123
	Help! I'm at the end of my patience!!! (Preview) Firstly, Hello to all and Happy New Year! I haven't posted on here for a long, long time but often read other posts so please forgive me if it seems that I am only writing on here now I need help! I am 28 years old and 2 years ago my long term relationship broke down (not through alcohol) and I moved back home to...	CalamityJane	6	751	Jan 28, 2009 by Maria123
	Being a resource for myself. (Preview) At long last I am beginning to be able to count on my own judgment rather than wondering whether it is always going to awol. I went for a part time job recently (money troubles will be with me for years). I did not like the way the company's attitude. I felt like I was getting the run around. I could not mak...	maresie	6	625	Jan 28, 2009 by Maria123
	still dreaming of him/sharing (Preview) I would say it is driving me crazy, but I am there already. For weeks and weeks I dream about my first husband every single night. My doctor told me I am trying to connect with him. For awhile it was kinda nice, was the only time I was not alone. But now it is affecting me even when I wake up. It almost scares me...	debilyn	9	796	Jan 28, 2009 by debilyn
	Impulsive (Preview) I've just been reading a research paper about alcoholism that describes the alcoholic as 'impulsive". The paper also suggested that there were various "cues" that the alcoholic associated with drinking. On the same level I think when I was with the alcoholic and even today in my...	maresie	5	831	Jan 28, 2009 by blender_girl
	SERENITY...that's what I need and that's what I WANT...ALWAYS. (Preview) Okay family, I am at that place AGAIN, sigh, when it all comes back to that beautiful word...SERENITY. I thought that once I had found it, I would never let it go. Well, I have had to think again. You see, I have had glimpses of it and it has slipped from me...this time, I am not prepared to let it go so I thoug...	Suzannah	5	864	Jan 28, 2009 by Maria123
	introduction new member (Preview) I am new here and am going insane with my b/f, he is a severe alcoholic and has been for most of his life. Has been in and out of treatment, more detox then i can remember, sad thing is i moved in here last year when all was ok again, believing as many of us do MAYBE THIS TIME! well it has continued since then and a...	maryam	8	596	Jan 28, 2009 by Maria123
	Am I doing enugh ? (Preview) Since new year I have been really working on getting out and doing as much as I can to improve my physical health. Every day I work on eating better, and trying to work on getting better on so many levels. I am fully aware living with an active alcoholic for 8 years took an enormous toll on me. Right now I am...	maresie	2	525	Jan 28, 2009 by Maria123
	What and when will he 'get it'.... (Preview) Well... Yet another day... Most of you that have read my thoughts know that my broter is an A... Well after reading all that I have "So far" and learning what I learned.. I still can not stand the fact that my brother is almost 30 yrs old...And is TOTALLY CLUELESS. Since my fathers passing a cou...	missing out	7	979	Jan 28, 2009 by shellyj123
	old rant- new experience brought it to mind (Preview) Well like an idot I was looking at a relationship building exercise online, that includes the "di-add" (sp?), where you look into your partners eyes for extended periods of time and share etc... exercises he OF COURSE- REJECTED at the moment i brought it up. Then this morning said &qu...	glad	3	664	Jan 28, 2009 by Jerry F
	RE........... (Preview) Just wanted to thank you all for your replys and for making me feel welcome, I am in such a state, This is day 15 of the drinking, I tried to get him to go for help today, but due to him now being charged for it he dicided to try to stop on his own by slowing it down, worked once before , but i don't think it will thi...	maryam	3	627	Jan 28, 2009 by missing out
	no more forcing outcomes (Preview) Being separated from my aH, I am still shaky on my feet in the newness of my life. We've been very on and off for the past year, each of us moving in our own directions. I feel as though, the reconciliations of the past have been a result of my being willing to "chase" him, make ammends, insanely...	Rora	5	852	Jan 27, 2009 by aunitedway
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.