The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Is ther no easy way?? I woke up this morning and feel I cant do this, I want to call my bf and say come back I didnt mean it, come home and stay. All his clothes are here I miss him so much. Why didnt I tel him how much I wanted him, why didnt I make him stay with me. I know I done the right thing but it hurts and I'm not feeling brave I'm hurting and I'm sick of doing the right thing I want it my way........ I'm even upset at everything and everyone today its all so unfair. God give me strenghth to see this for what it is. I cant face the fact that we've probably split up, that I will have to pack up his things when I know that by keeping his things here it's my way of having to see him again. I'm not ready to cut all links yet I know I've got to stop making his recovery my buisness, I know what I've got to do but right now dont want to. Thanks for letting me share, all I've got to do know is try and stop crying and get my sorry self into work.
Ugh! Detachment takes time, and no, there is no easy way. You can do this. By doing what you have done, by detaching and giving each of you the space to heal, you really are aiding his recovery and giving your relationship a chance. You are not missing the "him" that he became, but the "him" he was or could be, and the way you want things to be. Remember, he is not, and it wasn't.
In my situation, I also felt like I was abandoning my AH and he needed me to take care of him, even though he wanted no part of me. Having to rectify what is and what is right, with what you want, well, it is all so crazy, but it does get better. It took me over a year before I emptied out the rest of my AH's stuff from the closet and gave it to him. It was horribly painful when I did, but in my heart I know, without a doubt, that it was one heck of a lot easier than continuing to live with him and the hurt and chaos that it involved.
You deserve peace. It is time to take care of you. Give your hurt and your fears to God. You can do this. Stay strong, Carol.
Blessings, Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
I can relate to life being unfair at this point. Doing the right thing is hard and life is hard. But you do know that you did the right thing and realizing that I think is very important. At hard times like these I keep telling myself that my hp is with me and even though things get so hard, we will get tru it somehow.
I think it's natural to want things our way. I want things my way regarding the custody battle and just want my daughter to see the truth regarding her dad. She worships him and there is nothing I can do to change that. Seems like all I can do is my best and stay strong, how to do that I have no clue.
It was hard for me not to make my bf's recovery my business. I think I still do that at times. How can we not make it our business naturally? They hurt us, we want them to get better, especially when we are in a relationship. Detaching is very hard, and I'm still struggling with it, but it's worth it. It doesn't happen overnight.
Take care of yourself. Things happen whether we interfere with it or not. I'm sorry you are having a hard time.
Well of course it is unfair. I don't know if you watch the series on Intervention on A & E. I think its a good recommendation for the codependent. Our expectations of everything are almost magical.
The gift for you is to be in recovery. You may well feel its "all him". I know for a fact like Carolina Girl that there is something up with my predilection to people my life with alcoholics and dysfunctionals. I'm working on that - that is a gift not something that belongs with the alcoholic. Maresie.
