((((((((((((Trinia)))))))))))))
No one here, in this family, is qualified to tell you what you should do. All any of us can do is tell you that only you know what you feel able to do.

I give thanks that the hotel manager did find him in time at the weekend, and I give thanks for the medical and paramedic staff, for their compassion and vocation and skill. However it does not detract from the awful dilemma that you find yourself in at this moment in time.

The best I can do is remind you that: "You did not cause it, you cannot control it, and you cannot cure it."

The one thing you need to do though, is look to yourself. Work your own programme, detach, let go, let god, say the Serenity Prayer, and know that this family will be here for you whatever the situation.

My heart goes out to you, for I know that this is not an easy thing to handle. It is not something any one of us has wanted to deal with. It is not something a mother wants for her son. However, the fact is, he is a grown man at 21, and is old enough to make his own choices and he has to live with the consequences of his choices...unfortunately, it is the family, the loved ones, who are also hurt when the A is oblivious to what they are doing to themselves.

Even if you did tell his probation officer and he did go to jail, there is no guarantee that he would come through. He has to want to change himself and until he has got to that point, no other person's action would make the slightest bit of difference. However, if he did go to jail, he would be forced into a drying out and a programme during his incarceration, which might or might not, be the beginning of a change in his life style, but it can only happen if he chooses to stick to that life style change once out of jail. This is what you have to weigh. No matter what action you take, it does not GUARANTEE his recovery.

You are what matters here, you and how you handle this and what you do to enable you to stay stronger and healthy. And this is where this programme is a life saver. Hold on to each hand that is offered and keep on coming back. Many others will offer wisdom and personal experience here and I hope you find comfort in knowing that you are not alone in this dreadful situation.

Suzannah

-- Edited by Suzannah at 19:28, 2009-01-20

-- Edited by Suzannah at 19:30, 2009-01-20

Hi trinia,

I agree with the prior posts on this. The only thing I can add is that I have called the cops when I was in danger and came close to calling them again when he threatened to drive my car while drunk. Not to induce a "bottom" or consequence for AH, but to protect myself and others. I did not consider what that might mean for AH (possible jail time for 3rd DUI).

Not sure if that helps?

When it comes to my child I would take any and all "tools" given me. If I were to have an A child and lucky enough to have that child already in the court system, I would take full advantage. I would call the PO, I would shout it with a megaphone in front of the sherrif's office.

Let go and let God works BUT not if WE don't do the foot work. The way I see it, God helped your son to be caught and put on probation. Now, you have that resource to help your child.

When it comes to my own child, my motives are pure.

I say use every single "tool" you are given.

I think one of the sure signs of alcoholism and drug addiction is that someone carries on despite the circumstances.  For me personally I tend to get out of the way of the circumstances.  I let it run its course.  I detach daily from alcoholics around me. I know what is coming for them, jail institution, insanity.  That is the natural course. 

For me personally I have to go to others to ask them what I can and can't do.

Boundaries are a mystery to some of us.
Maresie.