The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Went to my son's grandmother's tonight for dinner. It is a Tues night ritual, though I skipped last week due to the A being there. Anyway, he was there tonight. He made chili. We had friendly conversation. I was a little nervous around him, but not too bad, kept reminding myself to let go- let go of his actions, reactions, expectations,etc. When my son and I were leaving a girl pulled up in a car to get him. I heard him talking to a girl on the phone he actually sat on the couch talking to her and I could hear. Anyway, it sounded like it might involve some kinda deal- but that could just be me reading into it. When she pulled up I did look over to see what she looks like, but the old me would have spent the night obsessing and found out who she was, etc. Even though I am posting it on this site to you guys, I really feel liberated in the thought that he wants what he wants and that is not me. In that respect, I do not want to be with someone who wants people other than me. By the way, he is living with his mom now. Told me he was trying to do the right thing....
My ex A used to spend most of his time with other people. I was always very envious and upset. Gradually over time and learning the program I've seen that those other people meant the "drug" to him. He associated with them in connection with his disease. I no longer think it was "them" or me, it was always the drug. The drug won of course.
I'd really urge you to read "Getting them Sober" Toby Rice Drew is really clear on they are not having fun at all.
