Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

danni · danni

There was a great reading in One Day at a Time in Al Anon today that really address how we react to hangovers. For those of you who know me, you know that the hangovers REALLY bother me, so I was glad to read this morning's passage. Just wanted to pass it along!

Pushka · Pushka

It was a rough weekend, .. I'm glad I had the kids. They kept me busy and we had a good time. I don't know why .. no, ... I do know why it was so hard. I just felt really emotionally raw. It was one simple text, nothing bad, nothing mean, just him reaching out. I am so angry at myself for it meaning so much to...

Ariel · Ariel

Can anyone recommend books other than "Getting Them Sober"? I already have vol 1&2. I am looking for something in the Kindle Store. The nearest bookstore is 35 mins away, but I'd be happy to drive to get some good ones. I also can't find any FTF meetings on Saturday afternoons or Sunda...

Rora · Rora

On a popular social networking site I had a friend making a remark that a well known singer who died after a long struggle with addiction should have seen that coming. It seemed cold to me. Normally I'd ignore it, but given my own experiences with deeply loving somone who suffers from Addiction and wa...

chicartista · chicartista

I have been married to my AH for nearly 10 years.

He has been in and out of recovery too many times for me to count.I knew he was an addict from the beginning.I had a profound love for him from the moment we met.When we were first going out, I caught him in my bathroom smoking crack.I could have dumped...

Very Very Tired · Very Very Tired

I know this is an Al-Anon and not AA board. But, I just need to put this somewhere because it is rattling my head and I'm not quite sure where to put it. I came into this program through Al-Anon. My AH is very active in his disease. My life has improved in ways I never imagined by going to F2F meetings, gettin...

nyc018 · nyc018

This isn't about an ultimatum to my AH but rather one my own family seems to be giving me. Long story short - AH's alcoholism hit a crisis point last summer. We got separated and he lost his job which is obviously bad news. After a 2 week stint in patient rehab and working an AA program and a good sponsor...

John · John

Just a quick reminder... see pic below...

Ariel · Ariel

I am in need of some friendly advice. I am doing all of the things it says in "Keeping Them Sober." I am detaching, not arguing, walking away, not letting him hook me in, taking more, doing nice things for myself, and *trying* not to get preoccupied with my ABF. It's really difficult. I told...

shimo · shimo

I am unable to honor my commitment to chair the Monday Al-Anon Meeting (Feb 13) as I am out of town for an appointment at that time. Hoping someone will be able to step up and chair the meeting in my absence. Thanks

Jerry F · Jerry F

One day at a time. I first arrived very oppositional and defiant and my attitude and behavior were unacceptable (but not unusual) for a newbie. I ranted and raved like I knew everything about anything expecially what was wrong with my alcoholic/addict wife and blah blah blah. I went to open AA me...

likemyheart · likemyheart

Tonight I had a relaxed, friends dinner, me and my bus boss - had a bus to pick-up from the shop after a busy day - he mentioned maybe stopping for something to eat and it sounded good, being out at night, gasp, ooooh the wild life (ok so it was 6:30 pm, not exactly wild life at that time of evening). During din...

Michelle814 · Michelle814

Two things #1 I AM A CO-DEPENDENT Feels good to say it out loud. I allow other peoples' emotions, moods, opinions effect me. I worry about what everyone else thinks of me. I work to please others far too much, sacrificing my own sanity and serenity in the process. Ri...

Debilyn · Debilyn

I have a friend I have had for over thirty years. We have been in each others lives since our kids were very little. My husband was the only one she would allow to watch her son. Her and I always have fun, always support each other. Something happened this evening that blew me away. Out of nowher...

stephaniej · stephaniej

I know many of us here with A spouses have been stuck in the cycle of trying to "prove" ourselves and our worth to our A spouses. As I read those sections of Getting Them Sober (and I re-read them a lot, because I find this is a BIG trouble area for me), it put my constant over-achieving in a new li...

Breakingfree · Breakingfree

Since I haven't lived with him for almost 2 years and my divorce was final in July I have gone over and hung out with my exAH a few times and I admonish myself each time and my sponsor never tells me not to do it, but asks what I get from it. I have been looking at it like this. I think i would be dating already i...

mimihtx · mimihtx

I am just at a loss. I've been debating joining this group for years, but always decided that my personal problems needed to stay behind closed doors. I don't know where to turn anymore... My boyfriend (we have lived together for 4 years- I have 2 children and he also has 2 children. We lost a baby of our ow...

Breakingfree · Breakingfree

Boundaries seem to be a big theme in my life as of late. We have a new lady in one of my woman's groups and well she just rubs me wrong. She asks persoanl questions and is just too nosy for me. What I am learning from her, is instead to give up any information I am not comfortable with and left feeling violated...

lightblue2 · lightblue2

After separating from my Ah a couple of months ago with quite alot of blame towards him. I am beginning to see that I have not been a happy or content person for quite some time. The home life was confusing for sometime, and I think that is the thing I will bear in mind when I try to make sense of where I am in m...

emmyboo2 · emmyboo2

I am feeling really strong right now because I have created a boundary and plan to stick with it. A little background: AH got arrested DUI, moved to parents house, went to rehab and did really well and we had made a recovery and reconciliation plan, got out of rehab and his parents have been enabling him s...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

Today is a pretty good day! I am not having as much trouble typing this as I was before. My arms & shoulders still hurt but I am getting along better. Thanks to all who prayed for me. I am going for a follow-up next Thurs. I hope it is only the medicine I have been taking that I stopped last Tues. I am actual...

daisy31 · daisy31

I recently heard this quote and it turned my world upside down for about a week. I have been able to go back to it time and time again and I realize just how much all of my "defending" has really only hurt me in my life. I still catch myself a lot in defense mode but the awareness is getting bette...

All I can be · All I can be

When to retreat? What can I do when I find myself up against someone that is: Angry, Drunk, High, Abusive, or requires conflict in their lives? Maybe it is best to just retreat. I can not negotiate with a terrorist or these mindsets. Serenity in these cases can be proportionate to the distance I am remov...

Jackie11 · Jackie11

Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.Theodore Roosevelt

orchidlover · orchidlover

I know after dealing with a certain amount of stress exhaustion sets in. Its been over five years for me and I am still living hand to mouth after leaving the ex A. One of the reasons I feared leaving him was I knew it was going to be so hard. I didn't know it would carry on for so long. Even with working two j...

Michelle814 · Michelle814

QtipQtipQtipQtip! I had to let go of my power today. I keep grabbing hold. I don't think I have any power or control over my AH any longer. I feel pretty detached (with love) but where I am having trouble is at work with people. I keep getting invited to arguments, invited into gossip, and invited into s...

daisy31 · daisy31

Lately I have been really focusing on letting go of all of my pre conceived ideas about a HP that I was raised with and it has been so freeing (it is still a work in progress for sure). I am trying to just let go and not analyze too much of anything...and I tell you it feels absolutely amazing! I have been enj...

Nanauq · Nanauq

I guess one of the worse parts of my disease is that I get my feelings hurt too easily. I have always been like this, ever since a child - long before I ever realized I was an al-anon. This morning he told a stupid joke. "Stuff your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car and lock them in for a while. W...

Carly79 · Carly79

Hi all, I just spent an hour going through old posts and learning more about "detachment". It sounds like detachment is the way I've been dealing with my mother's drinking all along. I was feeling guilty for being able to walk away from it and leave her to it, while worrying about her safe...

amyefoy · amyefoy

My name is Amy and I have been in Al Anon before but not for a long time. I chose bad relationships....what I mean is I'm co-dependent. My father was an alcoholic and my last four relationships have been a disaster. My family hasnt spoken to me in two years this May....my mother, my sisters, and my 2 daugh...

sunnysmile · sunnysmile

Hi, everyone! I'm new to the board - a first time poster, but I've been silently visiting and reading the board daily for the past week or so. I've also been reading older posts you've all left as well (I think I've traveled back 'in time' with you all through your posts to at least November. If someone 'bu...

TLD · TLD

Well now I'm just angry, this just topped my levels of frustration. I get our television bill and there is 100.00 of pay per view. Hm, really hard to figure out what that is. He can't pitch in for any extra bill yet orders this!!! So, I left the bill on the counter with a total I need to be paid as it comes ou...

GailMichelle · GailMichelle

Thought some of you might appreciate this:

DadtoCandE · DadtoCandE

My wife has moved back in. We were talking the other night and she mentioned how she had felt deserted during her second stint at rehab which was preceded by an intervention. I now realize that interventions are really for the family and friends, you can't really force anyone into recovery. Back t...

pineapple · pineapple

My A had an accident two weeks ago while drinking. I told two people about his fall/injury. A third friend knew about it because she was here at the time. She helped me get A to the clinic and stayed with me while he was being treated. Yesterday I decided I deserved/NEEDED an outing. I went into town for a n...

surfgirl123 · surfgirl123

Is it a no-no to post on the AA message board site. I am curious sometimes to ask those on the other side of the coin things but don't know if that is appropriate? Anyone here do this or know if this is allowed or frowned upon?

Pushka · Pushka

Ok .. lol .. here is my little codependent self .. someone decides they are moving out. How long do I have to keep their stuff? Anything that is his I've stuck in trash bags. I've kept dirty clothes and clean clothes separate. It's not so simple that I can put it in a shed or put it in a garage. We have mic...

ilovedogs · ilovedogs

So, on Saturday night AH has plans to attend a party with a bunch of buddies. They're his new tennis drinking buddies and it's an organized party downtown, about 20 miles south of our house. Anyway, I was actually hoping that he would do something stupid that night and that maybe he would see how his bi...

wantinganswers · wantinganswers

I am struggling with finding the strength to feel compassion for my AH...we are seperated and going through a divorce,,which he has decided to fight because well, yeah..he wants a divorce because im the cause of all his misery but he doesnt want to have to pay support..thats just crazy..he cant affor...

Pushka · Pushka

Well reality has set in and acceptance, panic and fear are starting to set in. I never thought of myself recently as someone who needed to be in a relationship and now I'm thinking OMGosh .. I think I am which scares the life out of me. My mom, .. God love her .. was in a relationship at all costs and I just ca...

daisy31 · daisy31

I was at the gym today and a lady I know came up to me and started talking about Jesus and how he is so wonderful. I was caught off guard because I am really in a place right now where I am not focusing on any religion. In fact, I am trying to shed all of the past trauma that happened to me as a child to do with the rel...

Carly79 · Carly79

Hi, I'm glad I found this board and I'm hoping someone will be able to relate to my problem. I am the child of alcoholic parents. Was going to go into my whole life story, but really, it's irrelevant and won't help me deal with my problem NOW, which is my mother. She's always been a drinker, and I got pregn...

Annalise13 · Annalise13

I am a newcomer to Al-Anon; my fiance is a recovering alcoholic who is 3 months sober. The man and I have been together for four years, living together 2+ years and his drinking has been destructive and problematic, for some degree for the whole relationship, but seriously a problem for the last 1-2 yea...

stefani74 · stefani74

Anyone's A's have problems with meds they've been put on while trying to quit drinking? When my ABF went into rehab they put him on three different meds to help with the trembling and anxiety and depression. So after he gets home he goes to see his regular physican and he keeps him on them. Well after a w...

Lindaoakford · Lindaoakford

I am not sure if this is Al Anon related. I posted it on the ACA site but I have realised that many of you guys here have also done the ACA steps so thought you may have some ESH for me as you may not be on the ACA board. I have not been coping as well with the last psych session as I did the previous. It is only today...

Green Eyes · Green Eyes

I had my annual physical last week and just got my lab results back. You know, it's one thing to think you are getting better, but it's even more when you KNOW you are getting better. My blood pressure, cholesterol, blood glucose, triglycerides and weight are all the best levels they have been in the las...

Iris lover of dogs · Iris lover of dogs

Hello all, I've read this word - deflection - a number of times on a bunch of different posts in the last few days, and I want to know more about people's experiences with it! You see, for years, I think I haven't recognized it. I think I have been a sponge that automatically soaks up guilt. In my rela...

alanonicScotland · alanonicScotland

Ok, this could be a lightening rod of a subject, but I am genuinely curious... Do most people assume that the Higher Power is Christian? I see and hear a LOT of allusions to this in meetings, and just take what I like and leave the rest. I do that on here as well... I am sharing on step 7 tomorrow and it is a toug...

Ariel · Ariel

I welcome any words of wisdom. I've been living with an AB for 4 years. We have a son together who is almost 3. It's a long story. When we met, I was going through a divorce from a very nice man- I just wasn't in love and thought I could find a fairy tale. I found a nightmare. I was single for a year before I met my A...

pineapple · pineapple

This has been a tough day for me. I've been here at least half a dozen times today. As well as reading my literature and saying the serenity prayer. My A has been drunk for the last three days. Constantly. Around the clock. He admitted to me today that he knows he is drinking himself to death and doesn't car...

1 day at a time · 1 day at a time

find myself questioning balance.with the hours i work i can get to about meeting about once a week.last night i didnt want to go to meeting i just wanted to spend time with my recovering ah.between us working,kids and meetings i feel myself being so lonely for the just us time. i didnt go to meeting and ne...

Chantel · Chantel

I am not real sure my husband can be catagorized as an alcholic. Right now he seems very funtional. That is why I need to know what to expect. He started drinking a lot of wine. He is now drinking a 5 liter box within 3 days. I figure he averages about 2 liters a day. When I approached him about maybe hav...

Vesu · Vesu

He's still living in our house but I moved to an apartment months ago. He wants me to come see him tonight, says he has things he needs to talk to me about. Really dreading this. We haven't seen each other in a while and when we spoke on the phone last week he just tore into me. Went on and on about how I aban...

TLD · TLD

Seems some choices are so hard to make. I'm trying to decide if I want to stay in this relationship with my AH or not. I know I don't have to make a decision right now, but the living situation has gotten fairly uncomfortable. He is bingge drinking and using drugs. In the last two weeks, we have not spoke...

amills4294 · amills4294

My partner lashes out when he is hurt - usually with not nice words instead of expressing what he feels. I used to cower under to try to soothe him or attack back. Today I was confronted with his unhappiness with me by him saying in a very nasty tone "I guess this is what I have to live with"... ...

Tracey C · Tracey C

Hi, I was just listening to an ACA workshop. In it, the fellow mentioned that when he was in aa, he learned about the concept of one day at a time, to keep his compulsion away. He said with aca though he needs to take it one feeling at a time. There was no way he could do it one day at a time. Wow!!! I never th...

yanksfan51 · yanksfan51

Hi All: a few days ago I felt so peaceful and serene, knowing I had let my AH know that while I understood I could not expect him to stop drinking, embrace recovery, etc there were certain things I knew I couldn't live with any more we agreed to give our marriage another try for 6 months, as we have now serio...

GreenerGrass · GreenerGrass

This is quite funny to me actually, I mean kind of funny. I tried to order dilemma of the alcoholic marriage on amazon, but the credit card is maxed out, so are all the other ones. Thanks AH.this is a dilemma. The house of cards is finally falling down. We can't afford our bills any more and we are going to go...

Iris lover of dogs · Iris lover of dogs

Next weekend is my AH husband's move out of the house date. It has been 2 months since I made the decision not to continue our 7 year marriage and 17 year relationship, and I haven't doubted that decision until now. We agreed that 2 months would give him time to figure out what he wanted to do, and there ha...

surfgirl123 · surfgirl123

Need to vent to the only people in the world who will understand. Came home last night and within minutes my AH went on a rampage. The worst I have ever seen. Screaming, punching in walls, throwing the gun he keeps in the house around, and then he discharged a bullet into the wall not knowing there was a rou...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Hangover Helper (Preview) There was a great reading in One Day at a Time in Al Anon today that really address how we react to hangovers. For those of you who know me, you know that the hangovers REALLY bother me, so I was glad to read this morning's passage. Just wanted to pass it along!	danni	2	273	Feb 14, 2012 by danni
	My own worst enemy .. (Preview) It was a rough weekend, .. I'm glad I had the kids. They kept me busy and we had a good time. I don't know why .. no, ... I do know why it was so hard. I just felt really emotionally raw. It was one simple text, nothing bad, nothing mean, just him reaching out. I am so angry at myself for it meaning so much to...	Pushka	3	524	Feb 13, 2012 by danni
	Books & FTF Meetings (Preview) Can anyone recommend books other than "Getting Them Sober"? I already have vol 1&2. I am looking for something in the Kindle Store. The nearest bookstore is 35 mins away, but I'd be happy to drive to get some good ones. I also can't find any FTF meetings on Saturday afternoons or Sunda...	Ariel	7	794	Feb 13, 2012 by danni
	Addiction and the Media (Preview) On a popular social networking site I had a friend making a remark that a well known singer who died after a long struggle with addiction should have seen that coming. It seemed cold to me. Normally I'd ignore it, but given my own experiences with deeply loving somone who suffers from Addiction and wa...	Rora	8	661	Feb 13, 2012 by Jackie11
	Reestablishing Sexual Intimacy in Recovery sexual intimacy recovery sobriety alcoholic Al-Anon (Preview) I have been married to my AH for nearly 10 years. He has been in and out of recovery too many times for me to count.I knew he was an addict from the beginning.I had a profound love for him from the moment we met.When we were first going out, I caught him in my bathroom smoking crack.I could have dumped...	chicartista	7	8538	Feb 13, 2012 by All I can be
	Inventorying my own drinking (Preview) I know this is an Al-Anon and not AA board. But, I just need to put this somewhere because it is rattling my head and I'm not quite sure where to put it. I came into this program through Al-Anon. My AH is very active in his disease. My life has improved in ways I never imagined by going to F2F meetings, gettin...	Very Very Tired	23	604	Feb 13, 2012 by Michelle814
	Ultimatums (Preview) This isn't about an ultimatum to my AH but rather one my own family seems to be giving me. Long story short - AH's alcoholism hit a crisis point last summer. We got separated and he lost his job which is obviously bad news. After a 2 week stint in patient rehab and working an AA program and a good sponsor...	nyc018	7	508	Feb 13, 2012 by danni
	Remember.... (Preview) Just a quick reminder... see pic below...	John	5	394	Feb 13, 2012 by Pushka
	Solutions? (Preview) I am in need of some friendly advice. I am doing all of the things it says in "Keeping Them Sober." I am detaching, not arguing, walking away, not letting him hook me in, taking more, doing nice things for myself, and trying not to get preoccupied with my ABF. It's really difficult. I told...	Ariel	15	811	Feb 13, 2012 by Ariel
	MONDAY AL-ANON MEETING (Preview) I am unable to honor my commitment to chair the Monday Al-Anon Meeting (Feb 13) as I am out of town for an appointment at that time. Hoping someone will be able to step up and chair the meeting in my absence. Thanks	shimo	0	216	Feb 13, 2012 by shimo
	No matter how long's its been you can only do it (Preview) One day at a time. I first arrived very oppositional and defiant and my attitude and behavior were unacceptable (but not unusual) for a newbie. I ranted and raved like I knew everything about anything expecially what was wrong with my alcoholic/addict wife and blah blah blah. I went to open AA me...	Jerry F	10	478	Feb 13, 2012 by Jozie
	The Board (Preview) Tonight I had a relaxed, friends dinner, me and my bus boss - had a bus to pick-up from the shop after a busy day - he mentioned maybe stopping for something to eat and it sounded good, being out at night, gasp, ooooh the wild life (ok so it was 6:30 pm, not exactly wild life at that time of evening). During din...	likemyheart	14	629	Feb 12, 2012 by Michelle814
	Two Things (Preview) Two things #1 I AM A CO-DEPENDENT Feels good to say it out loud. I allow other peoples' emotions, moods, opinions effect me. I worry about what everyone else thinks of me. I work to please others far too much, sacrificing my own sanity and serenity in the process. Ri...	Michelle814	18	686	Feb 12, 2012 by peacewithin
	Just take a hammer and drive a freaken nail into my heart! (Preview) I have a friend I have had for over thirty years. We have been in each others lives since our kids were very little. My husband was the only one she would allow to watch her son. Her and I always have fun, always support each other. Something happened this evening that blew me away. Out of nowher...	Debilyn	16	667	Feb 12, 2012 by John
	Valentine's Day (Preview) I know many of us here with A spouses have been stuck in the cycle of trying to "prove" ourselves and our worth to our A spouses. As I read those sections of Getting Them Sober (and I re-read them a lot, because I find this is a BIG trouble area for me), it put my constant over-achieving in a new li...	stephaniej	10	582	Feb 12, 2012 by Cc9214
	Vulnerable post here (Preview) Since I haven't lived with him for almost 2 years and my divorce was final in July I have gone over and hung out with my exAH a few times and I admonish myself each time and my sponsor never tells me not to do it, but asks what I get from it. I have been looking at it like this. I think i would be dating already i...	Breakingfree	8	603	Feb 12, 2012 by Ariel
	He decided to get sober, and now he doesn't want to be with me?! (Preview) I am just at a loss. I've been debating joining this group for years, but always decided that my personal problems needed to stay behind closed doors. I don't know where to turn anymore... My boyfriend (we have lived together for 4 years- I have 2 children and he also has 2 children. We lost a baby of our ow...	mimihtx	26	7248	Feb 11, 2012 by orchidlover
	Good ol boundaries (Preview) Boundaries seem to be a big theme in my life as of late. We have a new lady in one of my woman's groups and well she just rubs me wrong. She asks persoanl questions and is just too nosy for me. What I am learning from her, is instead to give up any information I am not comfortable with and left feeling violated...	Breakingfree	7	446	Feb 11, 2012 by orchidlover
	changes (Preview) After separating from my Ah a couple of months ago with quite alot of blame towards him. I am beginning to see that I have not been a happy or content person for quite some time. The home life was confusing for sometime, and I think that is the thing I will bear in mind when I try to make sense of where I am in m...	lightblue2	5	367	Feb 11, 2012 by Green Eyes
	Feeling good about my boundary! (Preview) I am feeling really strong right now because I have created a boundary and plan to stick with it. A little background: AH got arrested DUI, moved to parents house, went to rehab and did really well and we had made a recovery and reconciliation plan, got out of rehab and his parents have been enabling him s...	emmyboo2	7	370	Feb 11, 2012 by sunnysmile
	slowly but surely; I feel better! (Preview) Today is a pretty good day! I am not having as much trouble typing this as I was before. My arms & shoulders still hurt but I am getting along better. Thanks to all who prayed for me. I am going for a follow-up next Thurs. I hope it is only the medicine I have been taking that I stopped last Tues. I am actual...	Hoot Nanny	2	334	Feb 11, 2012 by Pushka
	A quote I love (Preview) I recently heard this quote and it turned my world upside down for about a week. I have been able to go back to it time and time again and I realize just how much all of my "defending" has really only hurt me in my life. I still catch myself a lot in defense mode but the awareness is getting bette...	daisy31	4	365	Feb 11, 2012 by Breakingfree
	When to retreat? (Preview) When to retreat? What can I do when I find myself up against someone that is: Angry, Drunk, High, Abusive, or requires conflict in their lives? Maybe it is best to just retreat. I can not negotiate with a terrorist or these mindsets. Serenity in these cases can be proportionate to the distance I am remov...	All I can be	8	532	Feb 11, 2012 by maryjane
	Quote in Reading from C2C 2/10/12 (Preview) Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.Theodore Roosevelt	Jackie11	13	412	Feb 11, 2012 by Green Eyes
	update (Preview) I know after dealing with a certain amount of stress exhaustion sets in. Its been over five years for me and I am still living hand to mouth after leaving the ex A. One of the reasons I feared leaving him was I knew it was going to be so hard. I didn't know it would carry on for so long. Even with working two j...	orchidlover	7	529	Feb 10, 2012 by Pushka
	QTIP, man (Preview) QtipQtipQtipQtip! I had to let go of my power today. I keep grabbing hold. I don't think I have any power or control over my AH any longer. I feel pretty detached (with love) but where I am having trouble is at work with people. I keep getting invited to arguments, invited into gossip, and invited into s...	Michelle814	5	839	Feb 10, 2012 by daisy31
	learning to dance with my HP (Preview) Lately I have been really focusing on letting go of all of my pre conceived ideas about a HP that I was raised with and it has been so freeing (it is still a work in progress for sure). I am trying to just let go and not analyze too much of anything...and I tell you it feels absolutely amazing! I have been enj...	daisy31	8	778	Feb 10, 2012 by sunnysmile
	Hurt feelings (Preview) I guess one of the worse parts of my disease is that I get my feelings hurt too easily. I have always been like this, ever since a child - long before I ever realized I was an al-anon. This morning he told a stupid joke. "Stuff your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car and lock them in for a while. W...	Nanauq	12	2860	Feb 10, 2012 by Nanauq
	So have I been doing it right all along? (Preview) Hi all, I just spent an hour going through old posts and learning more about "detachment". It sounds like detachment is the way I've been dealing with my mother's drinking all along. I was feeling guilty for being able to walk away from it and leave her to it, while worrying about her safe...	Carly79	1	268	Feb 10, 2012 by hotrod
	New here and I'm ready to begin to put my life back together (Preview) My name is Amy and I have been in Al Anon before but not for a long time. I chose bad relationships....what I mean is I'm co-dependent. My father was an alcoholic and my last four relationships have been a disaster. My family hasnt spoken to me in two years this May....my mother, my sisters, and my 2 daugh...	amyefoy	7	353	Feb 10, 2012 by Michelle814
	Hi - and thank you - from a newbie to the board! (Preview) Hi, everyone! I'm new to the board - a first time poster, but I've been silently visiting and reading the board daily for the past week or so. I've also been reading older posts you've all left as well (I think I've traveled back 'in time' with you all through your posts to at least November. If someone 'bu...	sunnysmile	11	516	Feb 10, 2012 by sunnysmile
	Just plain angry (Preview) Well now I'm just angry, this just topped my levels of frustration. I get our television bill and there is 100.00 of pay per view. Hm, really hard to figure out what that is. He can't pitch in for any extra bill yet orders this!!! So, I left the bill on the counter with a total I need to be paid as it comes ou...	TLD	12	684	Feb 10, 2012 by Pushka
	Awesome Message (Preview) Thought some of you might appreciate this:	GailMichelle	1	338	Feb 10, 2012 by Breakingfree
	It's not that I want to be the hero (anymore) (Preview) My wife has moved back in. We were talking the other night and she mentioned how she had felt deserted during her second stint at rehab which was preceded by an intervention. I now realize that interventions are really for the family and friends, you can't really force anyone into recovery. Back t...	DadtoCandE	6	324	Feb 10, 2012 by Michelle814
	hurtful words (Preview) My A had an accident two weeks ago while drinking. I told two people about his fall/injury. A third friend knew about it because she was here at the time. She helped me get A to the clinic and stayed with me while he was being treated. Yesterday I decided I deserved/NEEDED an outing. I went into town for a n...	pineapple	14	1129	Feb 10, 2012 by Nanauq
	Posting on AA Site (Preview) Is it a no-no to post on the AA message board site. I am curious sometimes to ask those on the other side of the coin things but don't know if that is appropriate? Anyone here do this or know if this is allowed or frowned upon?	surfgirl123	4	415	Feb 10, 2012 by pinkchip
	Fair? (Preview) Ok .. lol .. here is my little codependent self .. someone decides they are moving out. How long do I have to keep their stuff? Anything that is his I've stuck in trash bags. I've kept dirty clothes and clean clothes separate. It's not so simple that I can put it in a shed or put it in a garage. We have mic...	Pushka	9	517	Feb 10, 2012 by danni
	Darn (Preview) So, on Saturday night AH has plans to attend a party with a bunch of buddies. They're his new tennis drinking buddies and it's an organized party downtown, about 20 miles south of our house. Anyway, I was actually hoping that he would do something stupid that night and that maybe he would see how his bi...	ilovedogs	5	491	Feb 10, 2012 by danni
	compassion....really??? do I have to????? (Preview) I am struggling with finding the strength to feel compassion for my AH...we are seperated and going through a divorce,,which he has decided to fight because well, yeah..he wants a divorce because im the cause of all his misery but he doesnt want to have to pay support..thats just crazy..he cant affor...	wantinganswers	13	606	Feb 10, 2012 by Lindaoakford
	Ouch (Preview) Well reality has set in and acceptance, panic and fear are starting to set in. I never thought of myself recently as someone who needed to be in a relationship and now I'm thinking OMGosh .. I think I am which scares the life out of me. My mom, .. God love her .. was in a relationship at all costs and I just ca...	Pushka	17	616	Feb 9, 2012 by Jackie11
	a lady who is pushing her beliefs (Preview) I was at the gym today and a lady I know came up to me and started talking about Jesus and how he is so wonderful. I was caught off guard because I am really in a place right now where I am not focusing on any religion. In fact, I am trying to shed all of the past trauma that happened to me as a child to do with the rel...	daisy31	12	634	Feb 9, 2012 by Pushka
	New and need to know how to deal with alcoholic mom (Preview) Hi, I'm glad I found this board and I'm hoping someone will be able to relate to my problem. I am the child of alcoholic parents. Was going to go into my whole life story, but really, it's irrelevant and won't help me deal with my problem NOW, which is my mother. She's always been a drinker, and I got pregn...	Carly79	6	457	Feb 9, 2012 by Breakingfree
	Can't find an Al-Anon meeting that I click with (Preview) I am a newcomer to Al-Anon; my fiance is a recovering alcoholic who is 3 months sober. The man and I have been together for four years, living together 2+ years and his drinking has been destructive and problematic, for some degree for the whole relationship, but seriously a problem for the last 1-2 yea...	Annalise13	7	386	Feb 9, 2012 by ythannah
	Problems with meds (Preview) Anyone's A's have problems with meds they've been put on while trying to quit drinking? When my ABF went into rehab they put him on three different meds to help with the trembling and anxiety and depression. So after he gets home he goes to see his regular physican and he keeps him on them. Well after a w...	stefani74	6	330	Feb 9, 2012 by Michelle814
	A letter to a little girl (me) (Preview) I am not sure if this is Al Anon related. I posted it on the ACA site but I have realised that many of you guys here have also done the ACA steps so thought you may have some ESH for me as you may not be on the ACA board. I have not been coping as well with the last psych session as I did the previous. It is only today...	Lindaoakford	6	774	Feb 9, 2012 by Michelle814
	Knowing that I am Getting Better (Preview) I had my annual physical last week and just got my lab results back. You know, it's one thing to think you are getting better, but it's even more when you KNOW you are getting better. My blood pressure, cholesterol, blood glucose, triglycerides and weight are all the best levels they have been in the las...	Green Eyes	4	368	Feb 9, 2012 by Michelle814
	deflection (Preview) Hello all, I've read this word - deflection - a number of times on a bunch of different posts in the last few days, and I want to know more about people's experiences with it! You see, for years, I think I haven't recognized it. I think I have been a sponge that automatically soaks up guilt. In my rela...	Iris lover of dogs	11	6513	Feb 9, 2012 by Pushka
	AlAnon is not allied with any sect, religion... (Preview) Ok, this could be a lightening rod of a subject, but I am genuinely curious... Do most people assume that the Higher Power is Christian? I see and hear a LOT of allusions to this in meetings, and just take what I like and leave the rest. I do that on here as well... I am sharing on step 7 tomorrow and it is a toug...	alanonicScotland	14	3089	Feb 9, 2012 by margob
	New Here (Preview) I welcome any words of wisdom. I've been living with an AB for 4 years. We have a son together who is almost 3. It's a long story. When we met, I was going through a divorce from a very nice man- I just wasn't in love and thought I could find a fairy tale. I found a nightmare. I was single for a year before I met my A...	Ariel	11	509	Feb 9, 2012 by Lindaoakford
	too, too sad (Preview) This has been a tough day for me. I've been here at least half a dozen times today. As well as reading my literature and saying the serenity prayer. My A has been drunk for the last three days. Constantly. Around the clock. He admitted to me today that he knows he is drinking himself to death and doesn't car...	pineapple	14	611	Feb 9, 2012 by hotrod
	balance?need to hear ideas or someone who understands (Preview) find myself questioning balance.with the hours i work i can get to about meeting about once a week.last night i didnt want to go to meeting i just wanted to spend time with my recovering ah.between us working,kids and meetings i feel myself being so lonely for the just us time. i didnt go to meeting and ne...	1 day at a time	6	383	Feb 9, 2012 by Lindaoakford
	New here and need lots of information please. (Preview) I am not real sure my husband can be catagorized as an alcholic. Right now he seems very funtional. That is why I need to know what to expect. He started drinking a lot of wine. He is now drinking a 5 liter box within 3 days. I figure he averages about 2 liters a day. When I approached him about maybe hav...	Chantel	7	325	Feb 9, 2012 by nyc018
	AH just called (Preview) He's still living in our house but I moved to an apartment months ago. He wants me to come see him tonight, says he has things he needs to talk to me about. Really dreading this. We haven't seen each other in a while and when we spoke on the phone last week he just tore into me. Went on and on about how I aban...	Vesu	8	677	Feb 8, 2012 by Michelle814
	Choices (Preview) Seems some choices are so hard to make. I'm trying to decide if I want to stay in this relationship with my AH or not. I know I don't have to make a decision right now, but the living situation has gotten fairly uncomfortable. He is bingge drinking and using drugs. In the last two weeks, we have not spoke...	TLD	10	477	Feb 8, 2012 by danni
	Practicing trying not to react.... (Preview) My partner lashes out when he is hurt - usually with not nice words instead of expressing what he feels. I used to cower under to try to soothe him or attack back. Today I was confronted with his unhappiness with me by him saying in a very nasty tone "I guess this is what I have to live with"... ...	amills4294	9	580	Feb 8, 2012 by 1 day at a time
	Adult Child - Feelings (Preview) Hi, I was just listening to an ACA workshop. In it, the fellow mentioned that when he was in aa, he learned about the concept of one day at a time, to keep his compulsion away. He said with aca though he needs to take it one feeling at a time. There was no way he could do it one day at a time. Wow!!! I never th...	Tracey C	4	317	Feb 8, 2012 by Tracey C
	any thoughts appreciated (Preview) Hi All: a few days ago I felt so peaceful and serene, knowing I had let my AH know that while I understood I could not expect him to stop drinking, embrace recovery, etc there were certain things I knew I couldn't live with any more we agreed to give our marriage another try for 6 months, as we have now serio...	yanksfan51	5	331	Feb 8, 2012 by Pushka
	Here's a dilemma for you (Preview) This is quite funny to me actually, I mean kind of funny. I tried to order dilemma of the alcoholic marriage on amazon, but the credit card is maxed out, so are all the other ones. Thanks AH.this is a dilemma. The house of cards is finally falling down. We can't afford our bills any more and we are going to go...	GreenerGrass	5	307	Feb 8, 2012 by yanksfan51
	trying to prepare myself (Preview) Next weekend is my AH husband's move out of the house date. It has been 2 months since I made the decision not to continue our 7 year marriage and 17 year relationship, and I haven't doubted that decision until now. We agreed that 2 months would give him time to figure out what he wanted to do, and there ha...	Iris lover of dogs	11	366	Feb 8, 2012 by yanksfan51
	The Shot Heard Round The World (Preview) Need to vent to the only people in the world who will understand. Came home last night and within minutes my AH went on a rampage. The worst I have ever seen. Screaming, punching in walls, throwing the gun he keeps in the house around, and then he discharged a bullet into the wall not knowing there was a rou...	surfgirl123	21	581	Feb 8, 2012 by Lindaoakford
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.