a lady who is pushing her beliefs - Al-Anon Family Group

Jackie11 · ~*Service Worker*~

a lady who is pushing her beliefs

glad lee · ~*Service Worker*~

I admit, I used to enjoy a bit of drama, I used to think my views were the "right" ones and I was willing to argue about it. It's actually what was taught by my childhood religion, lol. I also used to be a people-pleaser, letting people gobble up my time, or agreeing with them, just to keep the peace. Not anymore, al-anon has pulled me out of that deep, dark hole.

When I experience this kind of thing today, I first ask myself, "Does she have anything that I want??" LOL! that makes the decision quite easy. Al-anon is a program of ATTRACTION, not PROMOTION. That works well in my personal life too.....

My sister always wants me to sign up for some motivational weekend she now helps organize... honestly, I do not like how it changed my sister, she has become argumentative and aggressive. She FEELS more in control of her life, but it has pushed me away. Her facebook page is a hotbed of controversy, always pushing her political views... there is nothing there, that I want to be part of.

As you may know, "Al anon is not allied with any sect, denomination, political entity, organization, or institution; does not engage in any controversy; neither endorses nor opposes any cause." Imagine if we all just lived like this. "You be you. And I'll be me." No judgement.

I have no problem with organized religion if someone is getting what they need from it. But when they start clubbing me over the head with their views, I got a problem. Thankfully, today I have tools, Al-anon taught me how to set boundaries for myself and I have a lot of choices on how to do that. I don't have to engage, I don't have to respond, I don't have to stand there, lots and lots of choices... Life is good on my end! The old me would have thought we needed to come to some agreement, find some common ground..... nope! I don't need to give "importance" to others, or what they believe. I don't have to get hooked by their fear, or lack of love.

-- Edited by glad lee on Monday 6th of February 2012 03:19:14 PM

daisy31 · Veteran Member

I was at the gym today and a lady I know came up to me and started talking about Jesus and how he is so wonderful. I was caught off guard because I am really in a place right now where I am not focusing on any religion. In fact, I am trying to shed all of the past trauma that happened to me as a child to do with the religion thing. I was honest with her and told her that I just don't understand how a god could just wipe out people and little children in the old testimet. This lady said it was because the people did not believe and were straying. I told her that I feel like god is wrathful and I feel such shame with a god like that. I then told her that I know of people in the AA program who have found their HP and they are peaceful,sober, content.....her response was "well they will only be that way for a little while". she said god brings disease and sickness on the unbeliver. But I have a friend who is in the AA program who is in his 80s and pretty healthy and is very happy and spiritual. He is also my alcoholics husbands sponsor and has saved his life and our marriage. I just don't understand why people like this lady tells me that AA people are deceived. I just don't think I can believe that because as far as I can see AA and alanon are from god. I have spent years and years trying to read my bible and I always feel ashamed and not good enough. I hope this post is appropriate here....I am just on my journey and I feel very vurnerable to being pushed by people in the church.....I have always went along with them but in my heart I never really connected to the bible and always felt not good enough. I also have a friend who is mormon and wants me to read that book. I just want peace and to find my faith but I do have a small worry that they may be right anf I will go to hell. Thanks for listening. I am glad you are all here and for the great support and acceptance in here and in the rooms of alanon.

Michelle814 · ~*Service Worker*~

I am VERY passionate about this topic!!! I found my own, personal HP through the art of letting go of trying to find IT! this sounds like a vortex, I know.. but it honestly worked for me. I, just like you, had many people try to push their beliefs on me and I, just like you, was angry about it and then in the depths of my heart felt like.. but what if they are right and I end up in hell. Then I said.... "to hell with it" and I let go of of that fact that I had NO faith. It was the most uplifting and free-ing thing I ever did.. and in the process what I found.. was faith.

Now I believe that my HP wants me free and happy. I truly, from the bottom of my heart know this is true for me, I can feel it. I was not free and happy constantly worrying about what I was doing wrong or what was going to happen to me when I died. NO WAY. I was fearful and worried and anxious. That's no way to live, Ive learned. Maybe it works for this woman to push her own beliefs and stress about what poor souls are going to hell.. live and let live. If that is what she believes and that brings her some kind of peace and happiness.. then so be it. For me, I don't find any sort of peace or happiness judging others or thinking about who is getting to hell or heaven.. guess what Ive learned in al-anon, despite previously opinions of mine.. I AM NOT GOD!!!

You are inquisitive, you are learning, you are searching, you are feeling. you are raw and human. Keep being you! what that lady thinks of you, thats her own business.

I believe in an all loving HP, who i can rely on at any time. I believe in symmetry and syncronicity. I believe in coincidence and the power of love. I believe there is more good to the world and more good to each human than bad.. and that is what made in God's image means to me. To be able to love and care and show compassion just as God does for all his children.

You are on your own path and faith has to be discovered in one's own way.. this is why it is called FINDING faith.. not FORCING faith or SCARING ONE INTO faith. Keep sharing your journey with us.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Daisy

Religion and Politics are two subjects that I absolutely refuse to discuss with strangers and often friends

Both topic are fraught with mis information and fanatics who cause much doubt because of the mis information they preach as fact and the down right distortion.of reality

In my opinion people do not understand religion and do not know that they know not. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and when someone condemns AA and the spirituality found there it is out of ignorance and lack of spiritual depth.

The Bible states that God makes the sun shines on the just and the unjust. That we are all sinners and cannot merit heaven

Please discard any information that person has dumped on you and continue your search . You are indeed closer to HP than this person is.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi it's no wonder you were put off!

I am a Jehovah's witness, my whole believe and experience is to offer what I have learned, then it is up to the person if they are curious enough to ask more and or look for themselves.

We are not judges. I can very easily say to you, if our Creator brought bad things to unbelievers than why are babies born with disease? retardation etc. They have not had the right to choose yet!

Disease and all that was brought on from the beginning when Adam and Eve chose to follow satan.We all lost perfection, the world was no longer perfect! Jesus died for "ALL" of us not just believers.

If I were you I would have said,"thank you, but I choose not to discuss this with you." Then turn around and leave. You could also let the people who own the gym or managers that you were harrassed by her.

I used to feel pain from not understanding what I saw going on in the world too. To be enjoying your life, for someone to come into your bubble like that was rude.

For me when the JW's came to my house, I am very stubborn, ask a million questions. I was shown things and asked tell me what you think of that? They listened to ME. I have NEVER been sorry I learned to love and understand the Bible with the creators guidance, no human.

We all have our own experiences. I own my own. I am my beliefs so it is going to come out. But hopefully totally from the love. And yes AA has taken soooo much from the Bible. Its wonderful. One day at a time, don't be anxious, so many things.

hugs and please KNOW your wanting to know the truth and not believing bolony shows you are on the right track!~

love,debilyn

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

I find the most useful thing is not to engage on subjects like this. The woman who approached you isn't seeking to open her mind to how others see the world. So it's just going to be an I-say you-say kind of conversation, not reaching an understanding or a point of agreement. Kind of like arguing with an alcoholic, actually.

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

That is too bad that she doesn't understand the A.A. or Al-anon program and spoke out of turn on this subject. As a self proclaimed Christian myself I can see how these programs go hand in hand, but everyone has their own relationship with their HP and the program and have to figure it out themselves. Some people no matter what they believe or program they are trying to force onto you, do more damage then good sometimes. Sorry this happened to you!

DreamXL · Senior Member

One persons opinion is not a fact, personally I wouldnt get into conversations about that :)

daisy31 · Veteran Member

Thank you all for sharing your experience with me. The support here is the most amazing feeling. I look forward to paying it forward on these boards. As for now I am just shedding all of my past history of religion and becoming willing to let my HP reveal itself to me. I am so glad to be here and I am so excited to be on this journey in finding my HP!

likemyheart · ~*Service Worker*~

It amazes me how many "religious" people there are who just assume because you don't go to their church and they do not know anything about you, that you have no religion and need to be "saved". I have yet to come up with the perfect response to them - the ideal me would be sort of Ghandi-esque, (Mr Mayagi-ish?) shrugging my shoulders and saying something wise like, it is good to live in a country where our beliefs are free.

I steer clear of religion talk with strangers, smile and shrug and change the subject with a laugh and maybe a "sorry, I don't talk about religion with people I don't know". Just last night one of the ones who assume I need saving and I were talking about taxes, he joked, just don't declare all your income which lead us into a discussion about honesty, integrity, and standing before God to explain. He's always suggesting I go to church with him but never asking why I choose not to. He's a good friend and I respect his right to practice religion his way, he isn't super-pushy and accepts that I don't go his way, but I don't feel he respects MY right to believe the way I do.

daisy31 · Veteran Member

Update: So I was at the gym today and the lady I was telling you about came up to me and said "did I upset you the other day? I have been wondering if I went too far?" and so I replyed "Yes, I did feel like you were pushy with me and that is the exact reason I am feeling leary of the religion topic". I then proceeded to tell her that we are all on our own journey and that no one should push their beliefs on others. She then apologized and gave me about 3 hugs.

Being straight forward with people is somewhat new for me and it felt really good to tell her how I felt. I did it in a very kind gentle way which is very much my nature regardless of being raised with Alcoholics. I am just very proud of myself for stating my own feelings on the situation and not just "erasing" myself in the process like I have done my whole life due to the dysfunction I lived in. I am thankful for this experience and for the alanon program and this board with you people. I am thankful I am learning to focus on myself and what I can do about a situation instead of plaing the victim role. I still have so long to go I know but it is progress not perfection right.

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Awww .. hugs daisy good for you!!!

Hugs P :)

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