The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just spent an hour going through old posts and learning more about "detachment". It sounds like detachment is the way I've been dealing with my mother's drinking all along. I was feeling guilty for being able to walk away from it and leave her to it, while worrying about her safety, also knowing that there's nothing I can do or say to make her quit. I felt selfish for ignoring the problem (I don't have to live with it or see it). I felt like I was being self-centred and putting my needs before hers. I still worry that I don't seem to have much emotion about it. But from what I'm reading, that it's OKAY to put me and my own family first and not worry every second of the day that she's over there drinking her face off and putting herself at risk?
Not sure if I'm putting up a wall but I honestly feel like I don't care what she's doing over there. I don't want her to keep falling down and injuring herself, obviously, but this is HER journey...RIGHT?? I'm so confused about what I should feel!
I've spent the last 26 years since I moved out of her house not having to deal with her drinking, and I don't want to deal with it now. When/if she decides to get serious about recovery, I'll do what I can to help, but in the meantime, I'm just going about my business and enjoying my own life.
Yes detachment is the key I understand being shutdown and being afraid that our feelings are not responding in a healthy manner to a dire situation. Please know that alanon gave me the tools to not only "detach" but to Detach with Love" There is a difference and I believe that after attending alanon meetings using some of the basic tools like the slogans, meetings, alanon calls you will find the "love" part of detachment and know that with prayer you can turn your mom over to your HP and you are taking the most loving action
I always thought that if I worried and nagged someone that I was showing love. Alanon gave me different tools to show my love and showed me how truly destructive my other tools were
