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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> bewildered
Post Info TOPIC: bewildered
Debilyn


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bewildered
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befuddled by too many contridicting factors, confused. Needing to get back to simple.

many of you know I am not landlady material. I always get hurt and burnt.

This is the worst. court to get them out is this friday. The dep sheriff said this is the worst he has ever encountered.

I called my place Potter's Eden. It was beautiful. These creeps have not paid rent since november,will not get out. I finally got money together to file and get them out.

I have a little rental next to this big house I rented that I used to live in.

The squatters had over fifteen four wheelers tearing up the whole five acres. Doing their best to put in ruts. Killed me. there is nothing i can do. the dep sheriff came out two times to talk to me and was nice enough to hang out awhile. I was in the little rental trying to clean it up from that squatter who got into it too and tore it up.

My AH before he got so sick bought this five acres of heaven with me. He built me my beautiful barn all himself, just for me. His brother excavated the property just for me.

The squatters broke every window in my barn every slider. Two windows were super expensive beautiful ones that my AH got for me. They were this neat forest green metal windows. They are broken and twisted. Then I saw the almost new shed is gone.

they are up on the septic tank and surely tore up the plumbing to that.

evil demons. they said horrible things to me, yelling at me as I was trying to clean up their mess.

Before I got there I talked to HP. asked if he could send angels to help me keep my integrity. Help me to remember I am our fathers daughter a witness of him.I mean I represent his people.

It was so different. I felt safe, surrounded, I KNOW vengense will be worse from the creator than anything I could do.It felt good leaving it in his hands. The land can be excavated and replanted. HP can do anything.

ok bewildered. It was the fact the my AH did sooo much there. My bil was such an angel and did lots too. I kept wanting them both there. I wanted to call mother and cry and hear her talk to me calmly and lovingly like she always did.

Wished my son cared. Needed to feel loved and for someone to know the depths of my love for this place. And how much it hurts.

I had two ponds. I used to lay in bed and the frogs were so loud I could hear nothing else. Elk, deer, cougar, rattle snakes, skunks, raccoons, so many birds used to have a home with me. Its all a five acre mudhole. the grasss A planted is gone, the wild lillies are gone.

I am sure they tore up bones and bodies of our dear animals who died.

The imperfect part of me kept having all these things I could do. Thank goodness I am one of our Fathers people, becuz those squatters do not know who they are dealing with. That person is not me anymore. They would have had nothing anymore and would not have known what hit them.

But thankfully vengence is not mine and I am completely sure HP will take care of it all.

I kept thinking about Mnt St Helens that erupted. How beautiful it is up there now. It can all come back. My friend and I were on our way to go camping up there when it erupted!!! no cell phones back then, I just happend to call my kids to check on them and was told goooo back!!!

Its bewildering becuz of all the thoughts. no family comes up, ex ah and bil do. Its my house but I cannot do anything to protect it.a ll I can do is go to court and get them out.

My old neighbors begging me to come back.Then I call one good friend neighbor. Find out she has cancer and has been doing chemo for several months. Its so stressful so stressful

I don't understand or relate to demon people. they cussing and smoking  tearing up this beautiful home, laughing and making fun of me> i am just a grama being a lady,not doing anything to them. This evil is beyond my comprehension.

I guess its the fact they had NO reason to be mean to me. This was not hte squatters but all the creeps who were there.

NO animal I had on that property came close to the damage that is there. I got some talking to do to our father. As I came home and thought, if I had to save them or dogs, I would save the dogs. I mean that. that has to be wrong.

Have a lump in my throat from the deep hate I feel inside for their behavior.

if you read this vent thank you. Its the am. Need someone to physically be here with me and don't know how to do that.

Iwant to go to the hospital and say, can I just sleep here tonight?

feel a need for someone to say ok deb you need to do this or ok mom get in my car and come stay with me for hte night. I guess what it is, is I need to shut down.

I don't know how you guys do it,living and working in this world.

I don't feel good. I want my husband back insanity

 



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likemyheart


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Sometimes Deb all we can offer is a hug, and I can't really do that because we are in cyber space - I'm sorry though, wish I could come help.

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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
Iris lover of dogs


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Oh Debilyn, I am so sorry.  What a horrible thing to go through.  I understand how sick and tired you feel - I get the same way when I see people that hurt animals and destory beautiful things.  And ANGER!!!  Sometimes I have felt that I could blow up the whole world with the amount of anger in me.  Here is something that I try to do (not always successfully) - I think how horrible it would be to be those people.  To not be able to see or appreciate beauty and love, the horror of living inside those heads.  No matter what they do to your house, your land, or you, you have beauty inside of you that they cannot reach.  And the beauty inside of you will come out and heal that place.  You have so much love inside of you, you give it to your animals, and those you love, it will pour out and heal that place - that is a power you have.  It will take time, but it is there.  Please go and snuggle the fuzzy buddies - that is what I do when I am really down.  Cry right into my Monty's fur, and he looks at me and I have to smile, because he reconnects me with the love inside of me, that I sometimes forget is there.  Keep venting if you need to - I too with that I could be there to give you a real hug. 



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Iris lover of dogs
Tracey C


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Oh I'm so sorry you are going through this Debilyn.  

We had terrible tennants in our rental house last year.  It was horrible.  Things went well for the first year or so.  Then the ex-abusive husband turned up, scared the woman to hell, she took off to her daughter's in a different state.  My God what a mess.  Other people slowly went in. Ex hubby acted as if he lived there.  Horrible, horrible, horrible.  Lucky for us, we were handling the books ourselves.  We gave them a date to remove their gear, which of course they didn't.  By this stage no-one was living there, stuff everywhere.  We went in early in the morn, while hubby was sleeping of a hangover, packed everything up and took it to the dump.  They were not impressed.  Police were called.  Nothing happened as he was so horrible.  He practically had the little town held to ransom.  The locals were happy we stood up to them.

Boy it was a terrible time, very stressful.  We have only just rented our house out again, one year later.

Be gentle with yourself.

Tracey



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Breakingfree


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Debilyn you are such a sweet and kind hearted lady! Some people are sick and lost and you do not deserve their misplaced anger! I wish I could be there with you, but I am sending you a huge (((hug))), love and support! Whenever I feel really angry and feel out of control, I try to picture how much love God (HP) has and wants to pour out on me and it helps relieve some of my anxiety and helps me remember how much love I have inside of me. So sorry people can be destructive, careless and hurtful. You know we are not all like that and I love how you already know all things can be made new again! Sending you lots of love!

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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666

" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Lindaoakford


~*Service Worker*~

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giving you a massive big hug

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Linda - a work in progress
Pushka


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Hugs Deb,

I am so sorry you are dealing with all of this, how painful to see memories torn down and up and having no power to stop these things.

Sending lots of love and hugs, P :)

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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Jackie11


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This is heartbreaking. I am so sorry that they have destroyed so much. Sending hugs and prayers!!!



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Michelle814


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sorry youre feeling so down, debilyn. this too shall pass. these people sound like they are taking advantage of your sweet soul... and for that shame on them...don't let them bring you down.

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Michelle!

No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
pineapple


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(((Deb))),
This is so awful, I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. I do like Iris LOD's share about ¨I think how horrible it would be to be those people. To not be able to see or appreciate beauty and love, the horror of living inside those heads. No matter what they do to your house, your land, or you, you have beauty inside of you that they cannot reach. ¨
I wish you could come spend a few days with me in my little corner of paradise. Please take care of yourself and your precious critters. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Sending BIG hugs.

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orchidlover


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Debilyn:  I know you of all people have great compassion for others.  I also understand that when people trample all over us it hurts. 

Those people have no boundaries to speak of and can only destroy.  I know it seems tremendously personal and an absolute attack on you but of course it is all about them exorcsing their demons and seemingly getting away with it.

I also know that I'm spent years cleaning up the rampage of another person and how tedious, heart breaking and challenging it will be.  I know also that it seems like every corner we turn that we run into what might have been.

I no longer thing about what might have been with the ex A.  He is never going to be the person he once was.  At the same time I am daily confronted with the damage, havoc and sheer destruction that an addict/alcoholic out of control wreaks on those around them.  To some extent we all, no matter what have that going on. 

I know you of all people will rebound from this with a conviction that you can and will get back up and start over.  I also know you are loved, cherished and adored by far more than your menagerie.  I hope that love, support and cherishing can get you through this hard time.

maresie.



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orchid lover
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