Just plain angry - Al-Anon Family Group

TLD · Veteran Member

Just plain angry

rehprof · ~*Service Worker*~

one of the best things for me having AH out of my life is that i no longer have any of these financial "surprises!"

that was always hard for me...I would build the household budget and have a plan...and he would always blow it somehow...with me left to cover his ...uh ...expenditures (paintball, comics, guns)

it is such a blessing to KNOW what bills are arriving, and that I can pay them. This month, I will actually be able to an $1000 emergency fund for the first time in years (I have no credit cards and have been living paycheck to paycheck.) This way if the car needs repair or my washing machine breaks, I will have a way to pay for these things.

Whether you stay in this situation or not, the financial stresses of being with an A are immense...and though we are not supposed to advise...protect yourself financially from his disease as much as you can. I didn't do this...and ended up filing bankruptcy.

To the extent that you can, separate your finances...detach financially as well as emotionally.

SEnding you strength....

Vesu · Member

Arg! I can so relate to you both! I had to declare bankruptcy which practically killed me, I worked so hard to have nearly perfect credit my whole life. To have the person I love the most ruin my finances like that so quickly and skillfully behind my back... It really stings... :( Lots of love to you.

TLD · Veteran Member

Thank you both for your support.
I would despise going bankrupt. it's so hard to deal with their lack of responsibility. The do not see the outcome of their actions. And of course they put everything back on us.

We don't share a bank account and I have a small savings that he is unaware of.

They are very sly people and seem to be able to pull it off which is fairly bothersome.

thanks again!

likemyheart · ~*Service Worker*~

well, first thing I would do is talk to the cable company and if the bill is in your name only, make it impossible to buy pay per view. I got a surprise when mr ex went to a tire store and charged $1000 worth of tires for his truck when he was living away - I too hate financial surprises because they aren't ever the good kind, like winning the sweepstakes, always the negative kind.

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

UGH ... now I have to own the damage I did financially. That being said I have worked my butt off to make sure that doesn't happen anymore. There are still the financial surprises though that now that I"m cleaning up my act his act is now showing. It's hard and I"m hoping that things continue to move in a positive direction.

Hugs P :)

TLD · Veteran Member

I have gone into the account online and limited the options on pay per view and video on demand. That probably won't be taken well. I imagine it will irritate him, however the child doesn't need to stumble across this either.

Finances are hard and even harder right after Christmas and when the annual bills are due. I try to make sure I have some safeguard but I do this mainly because in the past I have not been all that great at not spending. I'm practicing now the question "do I need this?" before purchasing.

I know he's going to be irritated as I have clearly indicated on the bill the amount he needs to pay me. I can visualize how this will play out but I'm not going to cower and pay it in order to placate him. If I do that then I have set precedent for the future.

Sometimes it is hard to be the responsible one. Parenting duties, work duties, bills, household duties. Would be nice for it to be shared. I remember one time last summer when he was mad at me and stated "it is an equal opportunity household" well, no it's not. hmph. I'm going to be good and not put this one back to him.

Thanks!!

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders.

Hey another option is he can get a debit card thru walmart and just have the cable company take it out of that.

don't tell him I said that though..haha, hugs,deb

TLD · Veteran Member

Well here goes into the unknown. I just woke up to a note that arrangements to sell the house must be started. Amazingly enough, I'm fine with that.

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs!!

Sending love and tons of support!!

Hugs P :)

danni · Senior Member

wow. Sending you a tremendous amount of continued support!!

TLD · Veteran Member

Thanks!!! Just found out that due tot he short time we've been in the house, it will hae a huge interest penalty if we sell. This means we will not come out on top but will end up owing money still. I'm going to see if he is willing to walk and let me take over the mortgage by myself. Here goes........
I can't talk to him when he's been drinking though and that might have to wait til tomorrow.
Have a great night!!!

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs TLD,

Please keep us posted, thinking of you!!!

hugs P :)

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