Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

Green Eyes · Green Eyes

My AD has broken off all communication from our family (except with her older sister) since my AH's memorial service this past January. Her twin sister, who is getting married in October, tried one last desperate attempt to make contact with her this past weekend. She and her fiancee visited the bar a...

Lyne · Lyne

I was thinking today (have alot of time to reflect while on vacation and don't have to think about work!) that if I had had never been involved with addicted spouses, and went on this message board, I would think all of you (and reading my own posts) were a bunch of cult, crazy people who need to get a life. ...

Pushka · Pushka

PP reminded me of what I keep saying to myself and needed the reminder .. I believe what I see not what I hear. The actions and words don't match there will be no follow through. Over the weekend had a very weird experience well a couple .. STBAX's mental health is completely off the charts bad. The situ...

Deborah_ · Deborah_

My darling husband just celebrated his one year birthday sober. I sort of felt that we caught his alcoholism early, because though he had been drinking heavily for about 4 years, it had only bothered me or him for a short time. It hadn't really damaged our relationship much (we have been a couple for 12 y...

islandtime · islandtime

In the very short time I have been on here, a dam has opened and a lot of crap has been flowing out, with it have come some insites that for some reason I never saw. First I never noticed that I am affected by A in 4 different directions... 1 my AH... 2 my mentally ill A son,...3 my AD,... and finally mommy...

rehprof · rehprof

well, school starts tomorrow...I start teaching next week. I have to teach an extra class (that makes 4 in all) to make ends meet...which means I'll be working 60 hours a week between classes, office hours, committee work, and grading... my dishwasher is broken...so now I have to find the time to do th...

Ms co-dependent · Ms co-dependent

I'm not understanding what my purpose here is. I know I'm sick but sick from what the alcoholic or the control manipulating ways or sick of putting up with the poor attitude and negativity that I am getting from my A ? One week I get gifts the next week the cops are at my house and I'm not even home the neighbo...

giraffe13 · giraffe13

Tonight I am asking for those who pray and don't mind an extra prayer, to keep me and my ex Abf in there. His name is T. We broke up in July due to his drinking and unpredictable behavior. In the last 2 months, his emotions have gone from desperation and suicidal sadness to anger and just complete exhaustio...

ParisMemories · ParisMemories

I came to this board and to alanon thinking there was just one A in my life that needed fixing, my husband. Lol. I had a lot to learn. My first face to face meeting turned out to be an adult child group. When I started to lose some of the panic in my daily life, I started listening to others share about their e...

Debilyn · Debilyn

Augie my pet farm pig has decided he has to get in my lap....He leans on me, slides down and pins me by my feet! geez Prudi my potted pig always sleeps with me now, under the covers of course. Be nice in winter. She is so soft and warm. Glory loves Prudie, if she things pru is in danger she starts freaking, runn...

hotrod · hotrod

http://stepwork.activeboard.com/t54781117/step-11-alanon/

Sweet Stanley · Sweet Stanley

I wanted all summer to have a camping trip with my whole family... I finally managed to get them all together for Saturday sleeplover night at a campground. It was only for one night, but I will take what I can get. I was so excited. I love when my kids and grand kids can all be together!!! I love them all SO...

Debilyn · Debilyn

You can guess who I sent that voices one to. send him the pic of Glory horses butt and said hey here is a picture of you. Taylor was in with me helping me make everyone popcorn. Neat bull snake and alligator lizard mac caught. my old potted pig Dickens not sure what else. forgot already.....

slogan_jim · slogan_jim

Hi everyone, Recently I've had an instance where one of al-anon's 20 questions for adult-children can apply. "Do you mis-trust your own feelings and the feelings expressed by others?" I play recreationally in a sports league. I joined this league a few months ago, met some guys and they a...

Tiff5484 · Tiff5484

So I went to a f2f meeting and my sister shows up, she said she wanted to come but never had a schedule for it. But tonight she showed up with a open mind to alanon. She is a recovering drug addict and she always attended NA. I am so happy she went, she got something out of it as well as I did too and for me I am not a b...

sweeetr · sweeetr

I dont get how someone can go from "fine" to "messed up" in .3 seconds... and claiming AH didnt do anything, just got tired and fell asleep. I know the difference between tired and messed up, also know the difference between fell asleep and passing in and out. I'm like .... OK,.j...

deacon · deacon

I used to believe in God, I attended church for a large part of my life and then I took a look at the world. At all the cruelty done in the name of religion. At all the ignorance and bigotry in my own church while they talked 'the talk'. And I have prayed and prayed so long and hard for the last several years to no...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

Today is a good day but I seem to want to go into the past too much. Not working the one day at a time slogan very well. I have a lot of old emails I sent to my parents before they died. Until today, I didn't know how to sort them. I am just trying to make some sense out of life. These days my mom is not the only one on m...

Lyne · Lyne

Hi all- A spouse and I are away. She is having difficulty walking. Of course I've been telling her for years that she is going to loose her mobility but of course she never listened and of course I should have been minding my own business! (Her weight is a huge problem and she admits the drinking she did...

Jerry F · Jerry F

I've read and re-read that thread and it, the responses are confidence builders. Some of the responses are so very near what and how I learned in program and others are changes in perception while I'm looking at the same picture...different angle. My wise elder Sponsor use to work that one with m...

tortuga · tortuga

I met my ex ABF this week. I didn't consider it to be a bad move, because I trusted myself. Now please don't tell me, you should have, you shouldn't have, you are playing the victim, you are this , you are that. i am working my program. I am trying to take care of myself. I do mistakes, and I know better after th...

sadsusie · sadsusie

I just started my recovery. I *engaged* in my first alanon meeting as well as a Coda meeting a few days ago. I thought I had been doing ok..I left 2 months ago. I realize now that my AH getting sober (thank god for him) is NOT the solution to my problems. I am my solution to my problems...er, well I should say m...

tortuga · tortuga

Today I woke up with this motivation. Got tired of waiting, passively, depending on other people's moods or actions.I reclaim my life, I am the director, and I also decide how I feel. Today I want to move on, away from that chaotic past, close and far,searching for truer answers. It's a bit scary , but I...

Ms co-dependent · Ms co-dependent

Hi every one , I'm not having a good 1/2 right now .. Today was good I went to get my hair cut and color I needed.. Well I made the wrong choice! The color is my blond but my cut is chic and sassy , I had no choice but to have it cut short my ends were dead frizzie , looked bad , mistake number 2 comming home looking li...

InspiredPhotography · InspiredPhotography

Hi everyone :) I wanted to share some enlightenment. I have been reading "stop walking on eggshells" It is an amazing book. It draws so much of what I have been going through with my SO. Not only that is also allows me to be honest with myself (dealing with past traumatic events). It has draw...

slogan_jim · slogan_jim

Hi Everyone, My name is slogan_jim and I am a grateful member of al-anon. Over the last couple of days, since hearing of my dad's second dui, I have a whole mix of emotions. Anger, resentment, relief....but a new one has emerged, anxiety. Anxiety over the prospect of having to potentially (key word), e...

islandtime · islandtime

been married to a AH for over 40 years. why ??don't ask me. I feel like he has sucked the sole out of me. He brings the worst out of me. I am completely alone, I have no one. A husband is supposed to be your friend, and have your back. He is supposed to be your companion. I get nothing from him.I have needs , non...

islandtime · islandtime

A couple of years ago, I dragged the AH to get marriage counceling, what a joke that was. The huge elephant in the room was that he was an AH. I danced all around it without ever coming out and saying it . Didn't want to offend him LOL!! After a few sessions, she decided what our plan of action should be........

InspiredPhotography · InspiredPhotography

It is amazing when the writing is on the wall. I came to the site exactly a year ago close to this time. Infact I posted close to my birthday. Guess what? The same things keep happening. It is almost like repeat seeing things. My SO are now living in different cities, different places and things haven...

cagirl · cagirl

I'm new on this board. A little background ... I have been attending Al Anon meetings for 18 months and I have a sponsor. Four months ago my RAH served me separation papers - we have been married for 17 years and have a 14 yr old daughter. At first he wanted a financial separation but for the past 3 month...

Sam813 · Sam813

I haven't been on here in awhile and am glad to be back :) My brother is an addict (for years now...hes 24) and I've been able to detach with love and pray for him with the help of alanon. He's been in and out of rehabs and homeless for awhile as well. He is currently sober 2 months, completed inpatient and...

Cathyinaz · Cathyinaz

I'm so sad I just can't stand this anymore. My son asked me if he could wash some clothes....I said OK. As I was helping him put them in the washer a bottle of water fell out. I told him I would put it in the refrig. He left, I was thirsty, went to refrigerator got the bottle of water, opened it and took a big...

RandomPerson · RandomPerson

I've been reading this board for about three months now, not really sure how to 'step in' to any conversations. I'd like to start in by saying that I read a lot of posts on here and think "OMG! MY AH DOES THAT!!". It's been nice to know that I'm not the only one who is going through this. - not nice t...

Bettina · Bettina

Everyone born in this world has a unique role that only he or she can fulfill. Were this not the case, we would not be here. The Universe never acts without cause, everything invariably has a reason for being. Even the weeds people love to loathe serve a purpose. -- Edited by Bettina on Sunday 25th of...

Jerry F · Jerry F

was the topic at my face to face "Wednesday Night Turning Point AFG" meeting. One of our elders was looking for the feedback as she could not find anything in the index on "Hopeless" so she did what we all should do...brought it to a meeting and asked the fellowship. It turned o...

Lyne · Lyne

Hi-A spouse and I are away. I've put my guard down 1/100th since she has joined recovery and admitted to me she has a drinking problem and will not be drinking. This was a miracle and great news to me (and for her). So we are driving to our destination and pass a winery. She said, let's go-that would be f...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

The visit went better this time. My mom is still a little bit the same but she is coming down. It is crazy though that I can't bring anything into the hospital just basically myself. I brought her 3 cards so far. Another crazy thing: I can't read to her because I can't bring my reading glasses into the hospi...

grateful2be · grateful2be

I just went outside again to the peace of the natural that exists beyond my garage door. I noticed a hummingbird flying close to a red, shiny butterfly birdfeeder that hangs empty on a shepherd's hook. It is the second time I've noticed one there. I realized they or it is attracted to the red color tha...

qwerty49 · qwerty49

well, just kind, supportive & loving, wanting nothing in return. Just wanted to say thank you. & it's given me new hope

Bettina · Bettina

I wanted to share this little amusing story. Since the A passed lots of memories are surfacing, sad ones, funny ones. Today I was sharing and made a comment how A's can be clever and wanted to share a laugh, some may think its funny, some may not, but I find that being with the alcoholic all those years, I co...

hisimage · hisimage

My older DD dislikes her AD my AH so very much. Of course it is due to the drinking, or who he is when he drinks. I've talked often to both of my daughters about this, so much so that they can not stand anything that creates a person to be under the influence. Although I don't know much about Al anon, I know en...

missy1234 · missy1234

My mother is Alcholic and blames me for her problems i moved 12 hours away and she is still making my life miserable i recently went for a visit and found out she is telling lies to friends and family about me and ruined my vaction with my husband and 3 small kids I have not done anything or asked her for any...

Melly1248 · Melly1248

There's been so much posted in the last few days about anger, resentment, detachment, all so totally relevant to me right now. And just checking in, reading through the posts a couple of times a day has helped me stay in control, even though I've been feeling low, angry and kinda all over the place. I do...

sadsusie · sadsusie

I am grateful for the other posts on detachment. At a meeting last night someone pointed out that I was not detaching in love. I left home and my AH about 2 months ago. He just got out of Rehab yesterday after about 20days. He seems committed and I am proud of his progress. But I am coming to realize over and o...

Cathyinaz · Cathyinaz

Hi All It's been such a busy week. Absolutely crazy at work but I got the job done and feel good about it. I'm thinking next week will just the same so I will be up to the challenge. Haven't had much time to think about my son and how he might be doing but a little while ago I started thinking about him. Is he...

Pushka · Pushka

STBAX is out of the psych ward and I am concerned at this point. There are a lot of little things that have come into play, what my part is and isn't .. well I'm not creating a crisis however I'm not being passive either. The charges are there and he's going to have to deal with them. I have given all inform...

islandtime · islandtime

I'm just new on here today, and have a lot to say.... SORRY everybody, I haven't had anybody to talk to, and also reading a lot of your posts, a few thoughts have been sparked. One thing I really need to do, is stop being mad and bitter. I have gotten to the place that I will seldom even look at my AH, I talk as l...

Ms co-dependent · Ms co-dependent

ok i am very confused again ,last week the police were at my house because of the screaming my ah sober did.lost his temper thank god i was not here i was at a meeting when the police called me. . this current week a big change for me. good and wondering whats behind the good. past 2 days my husband has been q...

sad_dog_mommy · sad_dog_mommy

Why does my rational brain get jumbled up my boyfriend's irrational ranting? Why do I get sucked in by his lies? When will I stop 2nd guessing myself when he tries to manipulate me? I guess after years of this kind of emotional abuse I cannot trust my own judgment. When I do not engage with him about hi...

jlynn77854 · jlynn77854

I don't feel like a normal person anymore. I am consumed with monitoring my AH and I can't stop. I want him to leave but the thought of him leaving causes me panic attacks. We have been together 15 years. At times he has been violent, verbally abusive and he has had times of sobriety and than the lyi...

Katytexasmom · Katytexasmom

My son offered to help my mom with jobs around the house. He'd been clean about a week. After helping her he forgot to put the ladder back in the garage. I had moved the ladder and out of site out of mind. My mom offered to pay him. He said he didn't want money, he just wanted to help her. Later when she realized...

Rose50 · Rose50

My son has stayed sober and is attending AA meetings as far as I know. I spoke with him today and he's really depressed as he hasn't been able to find a job and he's broke. I have been helping him with his rent and food. I know he doesn't really want to take my money but under the circumstances he needs the hel...

canadianguy · canadianguy

What a great post...(thanks BreakingFree), and thought I would continue on with the discussion on a new thread.... When I first joined Al-Anon, I was quite full of myself.... Yes, I was desperate, due to the situation in my home, but I also was arrogant enough to believe that I knew what others needed t...

Melly1248 · Melly1248

I thought my "detachment" was working pretty well for a while there while AB was reacting to it and trying to get my attention. And then, he managed to push my buttons, I got angry and upset and suddenly- he's a calm and happy AB, aloof and rude and quite smug, accusing me of things like "h...

Debilyn · Debilyn

If it were not for hp, our creator, and my son I would not be here. I really put myself out there, gave my all. Learned to believe in someone, trust, depend. He was great, still is. Never, ever thought this would happen, neither did he. He has to raise his grandkids. Parents are not coming back. Plus his own...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

I can actually see the other side w/o projecting too much. I am not making a lot of sense sometimes but I do know where I am coming from. I actually have a little serenity. I only hope that I can continue to go to meetings & find that there but also find some on my own. My mom is not getting better fast enoug...

wornoutmrsfixit · wornoutmrsfixit

Just wanted to give a quick update of things since the AH went to court for his reckless driving charge. His last hospital stay for detox was in early June and although he had kept up with his AA meetings and therapy/outpatient group meetings he was starting to slip again although he was not too out of con...

hisimage · hisimage

Or wait, was I manipulating? I'm not sure now. As I've said many times blah blah blah.. I am pretty new to this all. (the support detach part, not the AH) So I''m sorta trying to figure out how this all works. When my AH is drinking, I am very cool, aloof to him but not rude. I just pull away from any attention...

afglin · afglin

I bought the book Breathing Under water for my Kindle. I am almost finished with it But one part surprised me....sort of disappointed me. I'd love your take on it since you did an online course on it. In the chapter on step 11- "no wonder we largely descended into mere civil religion and cultural Ca...

Breakingfree · Breakingfree

Advice giving can be so hurtful when you think you know the answers for someone else's life and problems. We all come to al-anon in some sort of disarray, because our lives have become unmanageable. I came in on my knees, such a hot mess that I was miserable and did not know which way was up. I was sick and n...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	AD Continues to Isolate detachment (Preview) My AD has broken off all communication from our family (except with her older sister) since my AH's memorial service this past January. Her twin sister, who is getting married in October, tried one last desperate attempt to make contact with her this past weekend. She and her fiancee visited the bar a...	Green Eyes	8	2615	Aug 28, 2013 by grateful2be
	bunch of looney people (Preview) I was thinking today (have alot of time to reflect while on vacation and don't have to think about work!) that if I had had never been involved with addicted spouses, and went on this message board, I would think all of you (and reading my own posts) were a bunch of cult, crazy people who need to get a life. ...	Lyne	8	1779	Aug 28, 2013 by hotrod
	What the disease says .. (Preview) PP reminded me of what I keep saying to myself and needed the reminder .. I believe what I see not what I hear. The actions and words don't match there will be no follow through. Over the weekend had a very weird experience well a couple .. STBAX's mental health is completely off the charts bad. The situ...	Pushka	2	281	Aug 28, 2013 by grateful2be
	Worried about my AA's health (Preview) My darling husband just celebrated his one year birthday sober. I sort of felt that we caught his alcoholism early, because though he had been drinking heavily for about 4 years, it had only bothered me or him for a short time. It hadn't really damaged our relationship much (we have been a couple for 12 y...	Deborah_	4	373	Aug 27, 2013 by neshema2
	dealing with my mother (Preview) In the very short time I have been on here, a dam has opened and a lot of crap has been flowing out, with it have come some insites that for some reason I never saw. First I never noticed that I am affected by A in 4 different directions... 1 my AH... 2 my mentally ill A son,...3 my AD,... and finally mommy...	islandtime	4	346	Aug 27, 2013 by WorkingThroughIt
	feeling overwhelmed (Preview) well, school starts tomorrow...I start teaching next week. I have to teach an extra class (that makes 4 in all) to make ends meet...which means I'll be working 60 hours a week between classes, office hours, committee work, and grading... my dishwasher is broken...so now I have to find the time to do th...	rehprof	8	503	Aug 27, 2013 by WorkingThroughIt
	Please explain to me quality time!? (Preview) I'm not understanding what my purpose here is. I know I'm sick but sick from what the alcoholic or the control manipulating ways or sick of putting up with the poor attitude and negativity that I am getting from my A ? One week I get gifts the next week the cops are at my house and I'm not even home the neighbo...	Ms co-dependent	7	445	Aug 27, 2013 by WorkingThroughIt
	Prayers requested (Preview) Tonight I am asking for those who pray and don't mind an extra prayer, to keep me and my ex Abf in there. His name is T. We broke up in July due to his drinking and unpredictable behavior. In the last 2 months, his emotions have gone from desperation and suicidal sadness to anger and just complete exhaustio...	giraffe13	10	347	Aug 27, 2013 by neshema2
	Family Tree (Preview) I came to this board and to alanon thinking there was just one A in my life that needed fixing, my husband. Lol. I had a lot to learn. My first face to face meeting turned out to be an adult child group. When I started to lose some of the panic in my daily life, I started listening to others share about their e...	ParisMemories	6	355	Aug 27, 2013 by 1911A1
	more pics. (Preview) Augie my pet farm pig has decided he has to get in my lap....He leans on me, slides down and pins me by my feet! geez Prudi my potted pig always sleeps with me now, under the covers of course. Be nice in winter. She is so soft and warm. Glory loves Prudie, if she things pru is in danger she starts freaking, runn...	Debilyn	4	419	Aug 27, 2013 by Sweet Stanley
	11th STEP (Preview) http://stepwork.activeboard.com/t54781117/step-11-alanon/	hotrod	0	375	Aug 27, 2013 by hotrod
	GGGGGRRRRRR! (Preview) I wanted all summer to have a camping trip with my whole family... I finally managed to get them all together for Saturday sleeplover night at a campground. It was only for one night, but I will take what I can get. I was so excited. I love when my kids and grand kids can all be together!!! I love them all SO...	Sweet Stanley	10	482	Aug 27, 2013 by neshema2
	eden pictures (Preview) You can guess who I sent that voices one to. send him the pic of Glory horses butt and said hey here is a picture of you. Taylor was in with me helping me make everyone popcorn. Neat bull snake and alligator lizard mac caught. my old potted pig Dickens not sure what else. forgot already.....	Debilyn	2	398	Aug 27, 2013 by neshema2
	Trouble trusting my own feelings! (Preview) Hi everyone, Recently I've had an instance where one of al-anon's 20 questions for adult-children can apply. "Do you mis-trust your own feelings and the feelings expressed by others?" I play recreationally in a sports league. I joined this league a few months ago, met some guys and they a...	slogan_jim	4	521	Aug 27, 2013 by DavidG
	Great experience tonight (Preview) So I went to a f2f meeting and my sister shows up, she said she wanted to come but never had a schedule for it. But tonight she showed up with a open mind to alanon. She is a recovering drug addict and she always attended NA. I am so happy she went, she got something out of it as well as I did too and for me I am not a b...	Tiff5484	6	179	Aug 27, 2013 by hotrod
	.3 sec (Preview) I dont get how someone can go from "fine" to "messed up" in .3 seconds... and claiming AH didnt do anything, just got tired and fell asleep. I know the difference between tired and messed up, also know the difference between fell asleep and passing in and out. I'm like .... OK,.j...	sweeetr	4	187	Aug 27, 2013 by grateful2be
	What do you do it you don't believe in a HP? (Preview) I used to believe in God, I attended church for a large part of my life and then I took a look at the world. At all the cruelty done in the name of religion. At all the ignorance and bigotry in my own church while they talked 'the talk'. And I have prayed and prayed so long and hard for the last several years to no...	deacon	11	584	Aug 27, 2013 by slogan_jim
	a day of reflection... (Preview) Today is a good day but I seem to want to go into the past too much. Not working the one day at a time slogan very well. I have a lot of old emails I sent to my parents before they died. Until today, I didn't know how to sort them. I am just trying to make some sense out of life. These days my mom is not the only one on m...	Hoot Nanny	1	258	Aug 26, 2013 by el-cee
	notice self-improvement (Preview) Hi all- A spouse and I are away. She is having difficulty walking. Of course I've been telling her for years that she is going to loose her mobility but of course she never listened and of course I should have been minding my own business! (Her weight is a huge problem and she admits the drinking she did...	Lyne	6	249	Aug 26, 2013 by el-cee
	Continuation of Powerless and Hopeless (Preview) I've read and re-read that thread and it, the responses are confidence builders. Some of the responses are so very near what and how I learned in program and others are changes in perception while I'm looking at the same picture...different angle. My wise elder Sponsor use to work that one with m...	Jerry F	4	448	Aug 26, 2013 by Tasha
	how did I end up here? (Preview) I met my ex ABF this week. I didn't consider it to be a bad move, because I trusted myself. Now please don't tell me, you should have, you shouldn't have, you are playing the victim, you are this , you are that. i am working my program. I am trying to take care of myself. I do mistakes, and I know better after th...	tortuga	13	460	Aug 26, 2013 by norasq
	My feelings are taking over my logic... medication (Preview) I just started my recovery. I engaged in my first alanon meeting as well as a Coda meeting a few days ago. I thought I had been doing ok..I left 2 months ago. I realize now that my AH getting sober (thank god for him) is NOT the solution to my problems. I am my solution to my problems...er, well I should say m...	sadsusie	8	424	Aug 26, 2013 by grateful2be
	action versus re-action (Preview) Today I woke up with this motivation. Got tired of waiting, passively, depending on other people's moods or actions.I reclaim my life, I am the director, and I also decide how I feel. Today I want to move on, away from that chaotic past, close and far,searching for truer answers. It's a bit scary , but I...	tortuga	3	326	Aug 26, 2013 by ryanhearted
	Know matter what I do (Preview) Hi every one , I'm not having a good 1/2 right now .. Today was good I went to get my hair cut and color I needed.. Well I made the wrong choice! The color is my blond but my cut is chic and sassy , I had no choice but to have it cut short my ends were dead frizzie , looked bad , mistake number 2 comming home looking li...	Ms co-dependent	20	510	Aug 26, 2013 by PP
	POWERFUL ENLIGHTMENT! (Preview) Hi everyone :) I wanted to share some enlightenment. I have been reading "stop walking on eggshells" It is an amazing book. It draws so much of what I have been going through with my SO. Not only that is also allows me to be honest with myself (dealing with past traumatic events). It has draw...	InspiredPhotography	2	368	Aug 26, 2013 by Bettina
	Anxiety about my dad/me. (Preview) Hi Everyone, My name is slogan_jim and I am a grateful member of al-anon. Over the last couple of days, since hearing of my dad's second dui, I have a whole mix of emotions. Anger, resentment, relief....but a new one has emerged, anxiety. Anxiety over the prospect of having to potentially (key word), e...	slogan_jim	7	358	Aug 26, 2013 by PP
	first time on here (Preview) been married to a AH for over 40 years. why ??don't ask me. I feel like he has sucked the sole out of me. He brings the worst out of me. I am completely alone, I have no one. A husband is supposed to be your friend, and have your back. He is supposed to be your companion. I get nothing from him.I have needs , non...	islandtime	15	403	Aug 26, 2013 by grateful2be
	going to a therapist (Preview) A couple of years ago, I dragged the AH to get marriage counceling, what a joke that was. The huge elephant in the room was that he was an AH. I danced all around it without ever coming out and saying it . Didn't want to offend him LOL!! After a few sessions, she decided what our plan of action should be........	islandtime	6	440	Aug 26, 2013 by RandomPerson
	A Year Later (Preview) It is amazing when the writing is on the wall. I came to the site exactly a year ago close to this time. Infact I posted close to my birthday. Guess what? The same things keep happening. It is almost like repeat seeing things. My SO are now living in different cities, different places and things haven...	InspiredPhotography	6	291	Aug 26, 2013 by InspiredPhotography
	RAH moving forward with divorce, I'm having a hard time letting go (Preview) I'm new on this board. A little background ... I have been attending Al Anon meetings for 18 months and I have a sponsor. Four months ago my RAH served me separation papers - we have been married for 17 years and have a 14 yr old daughter. At first he wanted a financial separation but for the past 3 month...	cagirl	6	518	Aug 26, 2013 by Bettina
	What about mental illness (Preview) I haven't been on here in awhile and am glad to be back :) My brother is an addict (for years now...hes 24) and I've been able to detach with love and pray for him with the help of alanon. He's been in and out of rehabs and homeless for awhile as well. He is currently sober 2 months, completed inpatient and...	Sam813	6	884	Aug 26, 2013 by islandtime
	Just let me go (Preview) I'm so sad I just can't stand this anymore. My son asked me if he could wash some clothes....I said OK. As I was helping him put them in the washer a bottle of water fell out. I told him I would put it in the refrig. He left, I was thirsty, went to refrigerator got the bottle of water, opened it and took a big...	Cathyinaz	27	602	Aug 26, 2013 by sweeetr
	New here, need advice and an ear. (Preview) I've been reading this board for about three months now, not really sure how to 'step in' to any conversations. I'd like to start in by saying that I read a lot of posts on here and think "OMG! MY AH DOES THAT!!". It's been nice to know that I'm not the only one who is going through this. - not nice t...	RandomPerson	18	3333	Aug 25, 2013 by grateful2be
	Wisdom for the Modern World (Preview) Everyone born in this world has a unique role that only he or she can fulfill. Were this not the case, we would not be here. The Universe never acts without cause, everything invariably has a reason for being. Even the weeds people love to loathe serve a purpose. -- Edited by Bettina on Sunday 25th of...	Bettina	3	307	Aug 25, 2013 by hotrod
	Powerless vs Hopeless... (Preview) was the topic at my face to face "Wednesday Night Turning Point AFG" meeting. One of our elders was looking for the feedback as she could not find anything in the index on "Hopeless" so she did what we all should do...brought it to a meeting and asked the fellowship. It turned o...	Jerry F	15	1204	Aug 25, 2013 by Cathyinaz
	slap upside the head (Preview) Hi-A spouse and I are away. I've put my guard down 1/100th since she has joined recovery and admitted to me she has a drinking problem and will not be drinking. This was a miracle and great news to me (and for her). So we are driving to our destination and pass a winery. She said, let's go-that would be f...	Lyne	7	454	Aug 25, 2013 by Cathyinaz
	visit went better (Preview) The visit went better this time. My mom is still a little bit the same but she is coming down. It is crazy though that I can't bring anything into the hospital just basically myself. I brought her 3 cards so far. Another crazy thing: I can't read to her because I can't bring my reading glasses into the hospi...	Hoot Nanny	3	153	Aug 25, 2013 by Cathyinaz
	Drinking from the well (Preview) I just went outside again to the peace of the natural that exists beyond my garage door. I noticed a hummingbird flying close to a red, shiny butterfly birdfeeder that hangs empty on a shepherd's hook. It is the second time I've noticed one there. I realized they or it is attracted to the red color tha...	grateful2be	9	500	Aug 25, 2013 by Cathyinaz
	Touched by the amazing loving people on here... I didn't know there were people still left in the world that were...... (Preview) well, just kind, supportive & loving, wanting nothing in return. Just wanted to say thank you. & it's given me new hope	qwerty49	9	412	Aug 25, 2013 by Breakingfree
	On the lighter side (Preview) I wanted to share this little amusing story. Since the A passed lots of memories are surfacing, sad ones, funny ones. Today I was sharing and made a comment how A's can be clever and wanted to share a laugh, some may think its funny, some may not, but I find that being with the alcoholic all those years, I co...	Bettina	6	298	Aug 25, 2013 by Cathyinaz
	My daughter just let me have it (Preview) My older DD dislikes her AD my AH so very much. Of course it is due to the drinking, or who he is when he drinks. I've talked often to both of my daughters about this, so much so that they can not stand anything that creates a person to be under the influence. Although I don't know much about Al anon, I know en...	hisimage	5	400	Aug 25, 2013 by el-cee
	new on here (Preview) My mother is Alcholic and blames me for her problems i moved 12 hours away and she is still making my life miserable i recently went for a visit and found out she is telling lies to friends and family about me and ruined my vaction with my husband and 3 small kids I have not done anything or asked her for any...	missy1234	7	333	Aug 25, 2013 by MeTwo2
	Anger. (Preview) There's been so much posted in the last few days about anger, resentment, detachment, all so totally relevant to me right now. And just checking in, reading through the posts a couple of times a day has helped me stay in control, even though I've been feeling low, angry and kinda all over the place. I do...	Melly1248	4	394	Aug 25, 2013 by John
	Detaching with...well, with fear (Preview) I am grateful for the other posts on detachment. At a meeting last night someone pointed out that I was not detaching in love. I left home and my AH about 2 months ago. He just got out of Rehab yesterday after about 20days. He seems committed and I am proud of his progress. But I am coming to realize over and o...	sadsusie	11	540	Aug 24, 2013 by John
	This might be crazy but I believe (Preview) Hi All It's been such a busy week. Absolutely crazy at work but I got the job done and feel good about it. I'm thinking next week will just the same so I will be up to the challenge. Haven't had much time to think about my son and how he might be doing but a little while ago I started thinking about him. Is he...	Cathyinaz	5	242	Aug 24, 2013 by Rose50
	Update many little things (Preview) STBAX is out of the psych ward and I am concerned at this point. There are a lot of little things that have come into play, what my part is and isn't .. well I'm not creating a crisis however I'm not being passive either. The charges are there and he's going to have to deal with them. I have given all inform...	Pushka	7	354	Aug 24, 2013 by Jill
	getting rid of anger (Preview) I'm just new on here today, and have a lot to say.... SORRY everybody, I haven't had anybody to talk to, and also reading a lot of your posts, a few thoughts have been sparked. One thing I really need to do, is stop being mad and bitter. I have gotten to the place that I will seldom even look at my AH, I talk as l...	islandtime	5	421	Aug 24, 2013 by Melly1248
	why the big change!!!!! (Preview) ok i am very confused again ,last week the police were at my house because of the screaming my ah sober did.lost his temper thank god i was not here i was at a meeting when the police called me. . this current week a big change for me. good and wondering whats behind the good. past 2 days my husband has been q...	Ms co-dependent	5	590	Aug 24, 2013 by Ms co-dependent
	When will I feel ok in my own skin again? (Preview) Why does my rational brain get jumbled up my boyfriend's irrational ranting? Why do I get sucked in by his lies? When will I stop 2nd guessing myself when he tries to manipulate me? I guess after years of this kind of emotional abuse I cannot trust my own judgment. When I do not engage with him about hi...	sad_dog_mommy	9	427	Aug 24, 2013 by grateful2be
	New here Lost and Confused. (Preview) I don't feel like a normal person anymore. I am consumed with monitoring my AH and I can't stop. I want him to leave but the thought of him leaving causes me panic attacks. We have been together 15 years. At times he has been violent, verbally abusive and he has had times of sobriety and than the lyi...	jlynn77854	4	395	Aug 24, 2013 by Green Eyes
	Angry (Preview) My son offered to help my mom with jobs around the house. He'd been clean about a week. After helping her he forgot to put the ladder back in the garage. I had moved the ladder and out of site out of mind. My mom offered to pay him. He said he didn't want money, he just wanted to help her. Later when she realized...	Katytexasmom	6	381	Aug 24, 2013 by grateful2be
	Anxiety about my son (Preview) My son has stayed sober and is attending AA meetings as far as I know. I spoke with him today and he's really depressed as he hasn't been able to find a job and he's broke. I have been helping him with his rent and food. I know he doesn't really want to take my money but under the circumstances he needs the hel...	Rose50	12	520	Aug 24, 2013 by Addy
	Don't Should on me - continued (Preview) What a great post...(thanks BreakingFree), and thought I would continue on with the discussion on a new thread.... When I first joined Al-Anon, I was quite full of myself.... Yes, I was desperate, due to the situation in my home, but I also was arrogant enough to believe that I knew what others needed t...	canadianguy	7	512	Aug 24, 2013 by grateful2be
	Detaching with vengeance? Oops. (Preview) I thought my "detachment" was working pretty well for a while there while AB was reacting to it and trying to get my attention. And then, he managed to push my buttons, I got angry and upset and suddenly- he's a calm and happy AB, aloof and rude and quite smug, accusing me of things like "h...	Melly1248	7	526	Aug 24, 2013 by hisimage
	Lost all hope (Preview) If it were not for hp, our creator, and my son I would not be here. I really put myself out there, gave my all. Learned to believe in someone, trust, depend. He was great, still is. Never, ever thought this would happen, neither did he. He has to raise his grandkids. Parents are not coming back. Plus his own...	Debilyn	19	814	Aug 23, 2013 by Jerry F
	struggling but there is hope (Preview) I can actually see the other side w/o projecting too much. I am not making a lot of sense sometimes but I do know where I am coming from. I actually have a little serenity. I only hope that I can continue to go to meetings & find that there but also find some on my own. My mom is not getting better fast enoug...	Hoot Nanny	2	376	Aug 24, 2013 by hotrod
	The Long Arm of the Law Got Him Under Control for Now (Preview) Just wanted to give a quick update of things since the AH went to court for his reckless driving charge. His last hospital stay for detox was in early June and although he had kept up with his AA meetings and therapy/outpatient group meetings he was starting to slip again although he was not too out of con...	wornoutmrsfixit	2	437	Aug 23, 2013 by Debilyn
	Am I manipulating? (Preview) Or wait, was I manipulating? I'm not sure now. As I've said many times blah blah blah.. I am pretty new to this all. (the support detach part, not the AH) So I''m sorta trying to figure out how this all works. When my AH is drinking, I am very cool, aloof to him but not rude. I just pull away from any attention...	hisimage	9	487	Aug 23, 2013 by hisimage
	Paula? Breathing Underwater? (Preview) I bought the book Breathing Under water for my Kindle. I am almost finished with it But one part surprised me....sort of disappointed me. I'd love your take on it since you did an online course on it. In the chapter on step 11- "no wonder we largely descended into mere civil religion and cultural Ca...	afglin	12	559	Aug 23, 2013 by afglin
	Don't should on me! (Preview) Advice giving can be so hurtful when you think you know the answers for someone else's life and problems. We all come to al-anon in some sort of disarray, because our lives have become unmanageable. I came in on my knees, such a hot mess that I was miserable and did not know which way was up. I was sick and n...	Breakingfree	17	620	Aug 23, 2013 by Jackie11
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.