The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Tonight I am asking for those who pray and don't mind an extra prayer, to keep me and my ex Abf in there. His name is T. We broke up in July due to his drinking and unpredictable behavior. In the last 2 months, his emotions have gone from desperation and suicidal sadness to anger and just complete exhaustion with himself. I want him back, but he is holding out b/c he wants me to accept the drinking and drop the complaints, so he is stoic in his behavior even though I know he misses me terribly and is miserable binging. He texted me exhausted and sick yesterday, " I am a s*** Mess." he is hurting from how I bolt the second he does something wrong, and then shut him out for a week, calls texts all of it. I know he feels deeply hurt by that, and I do respect that. I do want to be able to deal with things without yo-yo-ing someone I love. its manipulative to some extent and I did an honest look at that today. I wont say it to him, b/c right now he will use anything to get me to accept his drinking. And I do want him back. badly. sober or not. sadly. but i am maintaining my dignity and accepting his text that we should go our separate ways right now as much as I am hurting and realizing what he is trying to accomplish.
I kept him in my prayers every day and night during that time, and would love any prayers here we can get. I pray for God to heal him in mind body and soul as this disease affects all three. I pray for personal strength and guidance. I am depressed and although moving a day at a time realized I am really missing my friend and lover in my life and want him back but more importantly sober.
Thankyou for listening.
-- Edited by giraffe13 on Tuesday 27th of August 2013 01:03:51 AM
-- Edited by giraffe13 on Tuesday 27th of August 2013 01:05:09 AM
-- Edited by hotrod on Tuesday 27th of August 2013 06:40:32 AM
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Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.
Giraffe...you both have the prayers. You also have the suggestion to find the hotline number for Al-Anon in the white pages of your local telephone book and to call it to find out where and when we meet in your area. Honestly you are sounding as addicted as you describe him and that is in reality how addicted we get also. It is our addiction to the alcoholics and addicts that get us a room in G wards or dead...hopefully you will get to the groups first. Prayers coming. (((((hugs)))))
Hugs, sending lots of love and support. I'm watching my stbax spin in a frightening way at the moment. I have had to completely let go of contact at this point. His disease is screaming is putting it mildly. I hope you will do as jerry has suggested and find support for you. Hugs p ;)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
The pull when someone is at their sickest and you still care is to want to rescue. But the reality is he is not healthy for you in a relationship and needs to get better on his own. Practice letting go and letting God. I have found it is very hard to not bear the problems of folks I care about but this is HIS journey. Pray and let go. You can do this Giraffe. Don't get too sucked in. Just cuz you love him and care doesn't mean he's good for you right now. He's hurting, messed up and low functioning. Is that what you want and deserve in a partner? (it's your decision to make though obviously).
thanks guys. well that is why i broke up with him in the first place. And al anon is the reason i wont compromise those things now as much as i want him back. just wont accept what he wants me to accept because my brain is understanding it now. trying to hold out because I know that grass isnt greener anyway until he is sober.
I have friends in al anon from f2f meetings. And someone I see regularly for counseling. It has all helped. I just also though need to be honest about where i am at in the present moment and not be mad at myself for it and just accept it, not have to write a strong post and I just want to admit that I do want him in my life right now. And that I just can't help it. It's hard. I don't feel like rescuing him even though it is hard to see him flounder around. I was a bit hasty in my move to leave, and am trying to make the best of it now and deal as he is just sticking it to me b/c he is resentful, and also b/c this week he feels that way. I hope God steps in and helps us both as I am doing everything on my end that I can right now.
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Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.
My son's GF broke up with him after 2 years trying and trying to do something for him. She loved him dearly but he was destroying her and taking her down. It was sad. My son for the 1st. 4 months cried, begged, called and text every single day. After a while it quit. His girlfriend truly loves my son but is staying strong with him. She has to keep her distance and not talk to him much because is makes her feel bad and desire to take him back. I pray this doesn't happen unless my son go's into recovery and stays sober for longer than 6 months...but that is her decision. I lover her too but do understand her feelings. I can only pray someday they might get back together...
Take care of you and remember you are not alone.
(((( hugs ))))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
G: Why let him stick it to you? His resentments are not your problem unless you allow them to be your problem. Why watch him flounder around?
Please recognize that your disease keeps you locked into a relationship that is toxic for both of you. Letting go of him is healthy. You don't want him. If you wanted him you'd be okay with his drinking. You aren't okay with his drinking or his alcoholic behaviors. A bit hasty in leaving? Honey, you haven't truly left yet. You are simply carrying out this life-draining relationship from a different location. No judgment here. I get this. I also see that you are hanging onto misery - that is your choice - but there is life beyond him that could be so much more healthier and happier for you than what you are choosing for yourself now.
I agree with Jerry F....Reading your post, you sound addicted to him......
what is there to love about this mess????? the sickness???? the always on egg shells way of life???? OR how about the total lack of hope for a fulfilling, healthy and happy and SAFE feeling relationship in this present state???????
Yes, I will pray for you to be able to LET THIS GO......and knuckle down in your alanon program to work the meetings...1 every day for 3 months minimum...work the steps...I will pray you find a good sponsor to guide you through the steps...I will pray for you to DETACH....Let this ticking Bomb GO and take care of you....I will pray for you to love yourself enough to decide to take care of you..work your program and come to the conclusion that you can do NOTHING for him, he has to do it....alanon is about US...not the addict.....so I will pray, yes, for HP to teach him in a way to get him into getting help, but my prayers are mostly for YOU to save YOU......
I would also, in addition to working alanon, get into some CODA literature....Medodie Beattie is NOT conference approved literature, but her writings and practicing what she writes......12 steps to codependecy, and codependency no more, helped me break the vicious cycle of being addicted to another......I work on it ea. day, but my coda is arrested thanks to program.....
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
G: Why let him stick it to you? His resentments are not your problem unless you allow them to be your problem. Why watch him flounder around? Please recognize that your disease keeps you locked into a relationship that is toxic for both of you. Letting go of him is healthy. You don't want him. If you wanted him you'd be okay with his drinking. You aren't okay with his drinking or his alcoholic behaviors. A bit hasty in leaving? Honey, you haven't truly left yet. You are simply carrying out this life-draining relationship from a different location. No judgment here. I get this. I also see that you are hanging onto misery - that is your choice - but there is life beyond him that could be so much more healthier and happier for you than what you are choosing for yourself now.
This is SUCH a Great post....I would really re-read this and pray for HP for the strength to help you get OUT of this unhealthy, toxic relationship that can only take you down.......Grateful said this so perfect....Untreated he has one for sure outcome....HE WILL GET WORSE...and this is NOT anything you can change....PLEASE get into the meetings, work the steps w/a sponsor and read the slogans and Practice them....read the literature.....
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
I have found it is very hard to not bear the problems of folks I care about but this is HIS journey. Pray and let go. You can do this Giraffe. Don't get too sucked in. Just cuz you love him and care doesn't mean he's good for you right now. He's hurting, messed up and low functioning. Is that what you want and deserve in a partner? (it's your decision to make though obviously).
I lost one brother and I am facing losing my other two to untreated drug and alcohol abuse....NEITHER is in NA or AA....I saw this and thought "omg..I still have a tough time detaching from them and their sickness" but thank God I have program to level me out and remind me I am powerless over another , I can only help me...and helping me I am......
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
