The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I came to this board and to alanon thinking there was just one A in my life that needed fixing, my husband. Lol. I had a lot to learn.
My first face to face meeting turned out to be an adult child group. When I started to lose some of the panic in my daily life, I started listening to others share about their experiences as adult children and I realized how my own childhood of living with a an alcoholic father and codependent mother shaped me into the woman I am today. And influenced my choice for a husband.
Then I looked back further and realized that my uncles and great uncles all had alcohol problems. My maternal grandfather and great grandfather were both alcoholics as well as sexual and domestic abusers. The disease has deep deep roots in my family tree.
Now that I can finally see the disease for what it is, and how it has influenced generations of choices and decisions in my family along the way, I can start to let go of some of the shame I have unknowingly been carrying for so long. I sure as heck didn't cause this, I can't control it, and I can't cure it. But I can cure me and my sickness. And I realize my parents did only their best with the skills they had. I don't have children, but I have a lovely nephew. My sister and I both have alanon. I'm hopeful that she and I can finally break this destructive and vicious family cycle.
Hi Paris, you sound so good. Your acceptance and awareness are clear. Its such a relief to finally be able to look at the past with the knowledge that we can forgive others and ourselves. We don't have to continue the patterns and keep hold of the damage. We can look at it in an unemotional, factual way and that allows us to work things out, and let them go.x
I too have found out a lot about me with Al-anon. I was raised mostly by my grandparents and at that time didn't realize that my grandfather was a Alcoholic. Looking back and remember the abuse I got from him was a real eye opener. My sister and her husband are also alcoholics but never thought anything about it. I was never around it much. Now I see it. I visit them now and can't be around them very long. I lost my mom at the age of 8 and my dad had a tough time taking care of us girls so that's why my grandparents were there.
I mostly forgot my childhood but now I remember things every single day......
You are doing so well and I'm happy for you....keep up the good work
(((( hugs ))))
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Thank you el-cee and Cathy. Today is a good day. It is so good to have you and all my MIP friends here. Your support and encouragement are so important. Hugs!
Isn't healing in Al-Anon an eye-opening thing? So glad you have learned what you have about your family, use the information to make changes, and shared it all with us. Thank you, Paris.
(((((Paris))))) you sound soooo strong...Its working cause you've been working it. Thanks for bringing the hope building consequences back to the board. Love it. Hugs.
IMHO, this is one of the benefits of the program that doesn't get enough attention: the fact that we have the opportunity to break the chain of this family disease and give future generations a better chance at a healthy life.
My first marriage was to a fellow AC (surprise!) and, thankfully, we had no children that would have had this disease inflicted upon them from both sides, since I didn't get into recovery until after that marriage had ended. Now that I've been in recovery, and married a much more healthy person, I have had the opportunity to build healthy relationships with my stepchildren, and better still, give my four grandchildren the nurturing and unconditional positive regard that was so lacking from my own childhood. In a sense, by loving and nurturing those little ones, I am learning to re-parent myself.
