The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
A couple of years ago, I dragged the AH to get marriage counceling, what a joke that was. The huge elephant in the room was that he was an AH. I danced all around it without ever coming out and saying it . Didn't want to offend him LOL!! After a few sessions, she decided what our plan of action should be......I needed to start having a few drinks with him in the afternoons, we just needed to start having sex again, and talk and share our feelings LOL!!! She said I was just needy. So he came away with the idea, there's nothing wrong with a "few" beers in the afternoon and there's nothing wrong with me, it's you, you're needy.
Thankfully I went to another therapist last year, by myself. she was great. I really should go back. She told me to do exactly what you all have learned here, to start to break away from the AH. She told me to get out, get new interests, and make new friends. To not let him keep me from doing anything that makes me happy. She said I was really depressed when I went to see her at first. I have been on an uphill climb ever since. I see myself getting out of this crap. I have started to think about me, what do I want. He really resents anything I do for myself. Has always had a big problem with me going places and having friends. Too bad.
Oh, my gosh!!!!!!!!! This is exactly the reason those of us in recovery work need therapists who do recovery work themselves. I'd like to bet that most people trailing into a therapist's office has been affected by this disease and don't know where to turn before Al-Anon. If it hadn't been for my asking a gal in my home group following a meeting where she went for counseling, I'd still be wasting my time and money with therapists who drink themselves to excess or don't have a clue about alcoholism and codependency issues.
So glad you found somebody who's healthy for you! I'm a wee bit concerned that she didn't suggest Al-Anon recovery work for you. Maybe she did and you didn't post it? I am glad you see yourself moving through this disease of power and control. Good you are thinking about yourself and what you want and letting his resentment be his problem - unless he abuses you physically. I see some things in your share that concern me as a survivor of domestic abuse. His resenting you doing anything for yourself and his having a big problem with you going places and having friends.
I do hope you get into the fellowship of the rooms of Al-Anon for support in addition to a therapist. They (therapists) can only go on what you tell them in a brief amount of time. Al-Anon fellowship can provide you with help for the rest of your experiences beyond the hour meeting.
Much encouragement and support for you as you continue your recovery plan, sister. Keep coming back.
I too have gone to a therapist and I learned a lot of the same things al-anon has continued to teach me. To get healthy hobbies and break out of my isolation and make a happy life for myself with frie4nds who make me laugh. It took time and effort, but I finally felt worth it and in my al-anon face to face meetings I found my priceless wise old sponsor who helped me see myself more clearly. Keep coming back, it works when you work it!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Hi I feel alanon is the best place for me personally I was seeing a therapist and left when she plain out told me my ah would never get sober and I should divorce. She maybe right and her intentions may have been good but that's a decision I need to make on my own I attend meetings 5 times a week and have a great sponsor. I don't know what will happen in the future but no one else does either. Alanon has taught me if I'm not sure i don't have to rush to make a choice but the biggest thing is I have choices that I didn't know I had before the program. One day at a time is the best advice I've ever gotten
By in large a therapist will not share their personal stories with you and therefore you will not get real Experience, Strength, and Hope. Actually when I worked in the profession it was unprofessional to share personally with my clients. We were to keep our personal lives to ourselves whereas in Al-Anon much of the healing comes from shared experiences so that the member feels included and not alone and is understood and can understand similar feedback. Al-Anon is also much more loving and no bill is sent to your address or insurance coverage. Hey!! maybe we should bill the 7th tradition...hmmmm? It would be tons cheaper and more readily available. You think? No we'd have to maybe alter the 7th tradition...Forget it...I'm not awake yet. ((((hugs))))
OMG...glad u dropped that shrink......I had ONE good shrink.....she passed on, but I loved her....her seeds are still growing within me....she lives within my thoughts...her old teachings and suggestions I follow to this day and SHE was one who urged me to get into acoa, alanon,coda.......RIP, Linda, I am working my program good thanks to you
If I were you, I would jump into alanon, go to face to face meetings, get a sponsor to help you with the steps and also read the literature, practice the slogans....there is a post on the slogans on this board.....a lady named Breakingfree posted it...I would print it out and add it to my library of "things I gotta do to help me" along w/the steps.......I like your 2nd therapists suggestions......my gut instinct told me which to listen to, which to run away ffrom.......and trust me I did get ONE REAL bad therapist who did more damage to me then good.....I felt like reporting her to the board of whatever these people belong to.....she wrote a book...it was horrible....I read it and wrote a scathing review on it on amazon.com.....warning people NOT to read this book....to get into 12 steps , instead where they will find HP's love and acceptance...not this judgement crap.....oh yea, bad therapists need to be exposed...and I did with this one....I don't want her hurting another soul, desperate for help.....
U did good....moving on and doing stuff for you.......welcome to program....to me?? this is the BEST therapy I cold find for me.......even better than my Linda who left me with a LOT of good stuff to fall back on.......we had a very warm , loving relationship that still kept boundaries...I was patient, she was therapist, but Oh I loved her.....I thank her ea. day for sending me to 12 steps....
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
My therapist has been really good- she was introduced to me through a woman's support group and focuses on abusive relationships solely through the group. So I don't just have her, I have the rest of the group and soon I'll be going to al anon face to face, but there's only one group a week and it's later at night than i can be gone away from my kids. So i'm trying to work that out....
