The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
well, school starts tomorrow...I start teaching next week.
I have to teach an extra class (that makes 4 in all) to make ends meet...which means I'll be working 60 hours a week between classes, office hours, committee work, and grading...
my dishwasher is broken...so now I have to find the time to do the dishes by hand too...
Talked to the exA yesterday to feel him out..see if he ever plans on supporting his kids in any way...he was pissed because I told him my son wouldn't be able to go on a class trip to Costa Rica after all...I said...how am I supposed to come up with $1700 for him to go?
All I got from him is poor me poor me poor me. BARF. I know I will never get any help from him...but I do feel the need to ask occasionally...not in a mean way...
I'm scared heading back into the grind...can I keep up? will I ever have time to take care of me? I'm overwhelmed just thinking about it..It's tough being a single mom and owning a money pit of a house...something is always broken...last week I spent 2 days digging a trench trying to find a leak in the water line...I'm such a princess... PS can't sell the house...upside down in the mortgage...OY.
I hear you and am sending positive energy and thoughts to you. Remember you have been working hard with your new alanon tools and have them to call on when the going gets tough Prayer, MIP, staying in the day helps a great deal. We also have on line meetings here that could help if you just pop in from time to time.
I short sold my upside down money pit. Well worth it to be done with it. I thought the "dream" was to own a home. Not really. I'd rather rent. In my experience, I get depressed when I feel trapped and without options. In your case - I hear trapped in the house, trapped financially, trapped with deadbeat dad ex-A. Not sure what else to say other than know that these situations are temporary and/or get creative and find ways to live in the solution. Feeling trapped or letting yourself be trapped is going to feed resentments, make you feel helpless, and depressed. Short sell or bankruptcy might be a better option than killing yourself and dying on the inside to keep the house when it's totally robbing your serenity.
Staying in the day and considering a short-sale and renting instead all sound to me like stress relievers for you. Teaching alone carries with it tremendous stressors. Being a single parent, tough, too. I had to get the courts involved with forcing my x to pay support. His wages were garnished. Talking with him about it was like asking a stone to do what was right by my kids. I did sell our house. Rented so that I didn't have the upkeep or surprise costs to worry about. Gave me more energy to deal with being a Mom and an employee and more time, too, for friends and volunteer service. Much support and encouragement one day at a time for you. I wasn't a teacher and I had all those stressors, too. Didn't lose my mind but thought I'd come close once in awhile. Helped to sell and move and pursue legal action against deadbeat dad. Early morning prayer, writing and solitude before my kids got up helped, too. Saying "no" when we couldn't afford something was hard, but it was reality. (((rp))) You'll make it one day at a time.
Oh, that is a hard place to be in. A few years ago we had rental properties that were draining us financially, emotionally, physically, spiritually and any other ways I don't know of. I had someone put it to me this way...if you had gangrene on your foot, wouldn't it make sense to cut it off to save your life? We made a hard decision to enter into chapter 13 bankruptcy, and it was a huge relief. I had to go through a lot of stuff, beliefs, attitudes, shame, humiliation, on and on, but I did the hard excavation and it was one of the best decisions we made. We did not cause the economic downturn, we could not control the value, awful renters, and we could not cure the situation even though we tried and tried. We had to let go. I wish you the best....this is very hard.
We don't know the details of your financial situation so you need to do what's best for you -- of course selling and moving are also stressful.
I'm glad you have the option of a fourth class, but 60 hours a week is too much. I know "It's not that simple," but do cut down on everything. As one guru says, "Now is the time to shortchange your students." :) Sometimes we're trained to be perfectionists, but survival comes first. I'm speaking as someone who's in the same profession as you. Grade with a rubric, assign less writing, give multiple-choice tests, show films, have the students give presentations. And I don't remember how old your kids are, but perhaps they're old enough to do the dishes? I've explained to my son that we all need to pull our weight and that it takes a lot to run the household. He does all the laundry. (He's ten.)
It is extremely frustrating when the A's don't pitch in. But a $1700 trip to Costa Rica is no small deal -- there must be a lot of parents tearing their hair out over that one. I suppose you've asked the courts to garnish his wages and all that. It can be infuriating. I guess one small consolation is that we're able to stand on our own two feet. I hope you also have some fun things in life to tide you over -- and as much support as you can get. Take good care of yourself.
Yes, selling and moving is stressful and when you have kids that need to readjust makes it even harder. You sound like someone who pays attention to your interior with your journaling, etc. You know that we are here to support you through this tough time. Mattie makes a good point about perfectionism, too....something to consider for me, too.
owning a money pit of a house...something is always broken...last week I spent 2 days digging a trench trying to find a leak in the water line...I'm such a princess... PS can't sell the house...upside down in the mortgage...OY.
needing ESH
RP
I can relate in a different way...work is slow...the fight to find more, well, if I dind't have this program i would be digging a hole for me, grabbing that shovel and pulling the dirt over me.....had a bunch of bad luck re: plumbing and truck...and , this week bathtub was leaking, and I had to caulk the bee jeebers out of the over flow in the bathtub to stop it...I know what ya mean...its rough being alone...My kids are grown, so I don't have to worry about them, but I hear ya on the struggling alone, noone to help me but me and money is tighter than a frog's behind......and you know a frog's behind has to be water tight....
that is when I get into the Meetings....work the steps....focus on me, and stay in the now....even if the now sucks, i stay in it don't fight it and empower the negativity, but I stay in the now, feel my feelings and work my program....work the slogans....go to meetings....call a recovery mate....when I feel overwhelmed which has been a lot lately, but I use the tools program gave me, and I just keep giving it over.....giving it over.....SEEING myself w/more income to take care of me, coming my way......giving thanks for the good things......program program program and ALL its entirety keeps me sane.......sending you positive energy........
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
i know sometimes when I'm overwhelmed I have to be grateful. How blessed you are to have children, a job, and a dishwasher.
also sometimes when I am overwhelmed I look for someone to blame. I call my parents and ask for something because I know they can't give it. Them when I get the response I KNOW Im going to get, I can have a real good resentment to chew on and someone to blame for the sad state of the nation.
PS can't sell the house...upside down in the mortgage...OY.