The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I wanted to share some enlightenment. I have been reading "stop walking on eggshells" It is an amazing book. It draws so much of what I have been going through with my SO. Not only that is also allows me to be honest with myself (dealing with past traumatic events). It has drawn the line right back to the source of the cycle (my mother). Even though the cycle has stopped with my children I still have residue of the effects from the past and present (relationship with SO). I am determined to get healthy, deal with my issues and reclaim my life.
I have been seeing a counselor she is quite excited I have already done so much work. I feel the best is yet to come. I took a new step by spending money on myself (within reason) which I have never done. I am doing awesome and managing fine with my children (financially wise). Even though my SO and I are separated (living in different cities/he has really not tried to work on our relationship) I am not going to feed that monster (negativity about him). I am going to take back that control and stop trying to push that fantasy that he will change and things will be awesome because of it. It is only going to be detrimental to my own emotions and health.
I have been marking the pages up and down as I am reading this. I am thinking wow did someone just write my entire life. Yes I do believe that I have some of the traits (either because I have been subjected for so long, scarred or maybe I have some of the disorder). I know that I have to face those facts and get real with myself. I have to stop rescuing people (which is a huge thing for me because that was my role as a child for so long). I am so excited. I love the tools they desecribed in this book! Some of the Al Anon is coincided with it.
Cs and three Gs:
I didn't cause it.
I can't control it.
I can't cure it.
Get off BP's back.
Get out of the BP's way.
Get on with your own life.
This is all talking about Boardline Personality Disorder.
This book is DEF a wake up call. The other book I read was The Naked Experience (finding love fully clothed and sober). It is more for those who want to find love but it has some amazing insight!!! Amazing which lead me to do a lot of self assessments & really looking myself at the mirror. Only person that I can change is myself. I have to let go of those dreams. I need ot grieve over them and let go and find happiness in my own life.
I am learning so much! I am able to finally set healthy boundaries, fulfill myself and enjoy living! Not only that I am teaching my children the same! It is funny because yesterday because I took the stand which I did as the book said he lashed how and told me he didn't love me anymore. Then the very next day told me he was broke and wanted to see me. I finally made a clean cut and I know that I have to stop rescuing & start living. Cheers to your health! It gets better! Trust me!
-- Edited by InspiredPhotography on Sunday 25th of August 2013 08:54:51 PM
__________________
"It's impossible said pride. Its risky said experience. Its pointless said reason. Give it a try whispered the heart - Anonymous (via Tad)
Thank you for your photo of your lovely family. Glad you found some tools to help you deal with abuse issues and BPD in another person. Al-Anon is in place to help us recover from the effects of the disease of alcoholism and that brings to light other issues that some of us have, too. Good to see you are reaching out and finding what you can to support yourself in recovering rather than being held down by things that have affected you adversely and painfully.
Thank you for your share and also showing that Alanon is a great philosophy and works for many issues,
just not alcoholism, all things abusive and what affects us negatively. Isn't it all about reaching serenity and learning how to keep it.
The naked experience book sounds interesting , I'm always on the look out for a good book.
My best to you and your family and in your recovery.
